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MOVIE COMMENT CATCH-ALL THREAD


jaedmc

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I was originally going to post some fun, wacky connections between the various people involved in the latest 80s B-movie to show up in the EPIX DRIVE-IN rotation...1987's BEACH BALLS...It seemed an easy one.  I mean, we don't even have to start the movie and we already have a clever pun that reminds us of that beach balls are both inflatable toys to play with at the ocean, and sweaty testicles to play with at the ocean.  Genius, right?

Two things we need to note right to start with.  This is a Roger Corman production.  And this movie does not have a Wiki page.  That is amazing.  I have never encountered this.  There is a Wiki-Wiki for EVERYTHING.  The IMDB page is also woefully under-informative.  

It is directed by Joe Ritter who is sadly not related to John Ritter because there is nothing better than the floundering career of someone famous' brother (I'm looking at you, Jim Hanks).  But Joe Ritter is Schlocky royalty, as he wrote the screenplay for the original TOXIC AVENGER and was a regular camera dude on a ton of actual movies.

But I had a hard time finding any cool people in this movie.  Other than one of the main dudes I think was the guy that Bill Murray was shocking at the beginning of GHOSTBUSTERS when he was hitting on Gwendoline Pierce (Jennifer Runyon). And one of the female leads went on to direct a Skinemax late-night series called LIFE ON TOP which is on every single night.

 

Not much to work with.

So forget this stupid movie.  Instead let's focus on one minor character...the gross, weird mother of a mute insane hooligan named Mollusk.  Mollusk's mother is played by an actress whose IMDB page led me to the following two photos side-by-side:

 

Posted ImagePosted Image

 

Now, this is more my speed.  Intriguing, no?  Who is this haunting creature? 

 

Her name is Linda Lutz.  And she is fantastic.

 

Her IMDB page indicates someone who lived on the margins of Hollywood, occasionally her amazing face getting her a small quirky role in a big project.  She played real-life mob maven Victoria Moresco (who infamously ran over 200 brothels in Chicago in the 1910s and 20s and who may have murdered her husband, mob boss Big Jim Colosimo, who was the guy they killed in the pilot episode of BOARDWALK EMPIRE) on an episode of THE YOUNG INDIANA JONES CHRONICLES.  

The Real Victoria Moresco and Linda Lutz as Victoria Moresco:

 

Posted ImagePosted Image

 

And she had small roles in FREINDS and SPACE JAM and a few other Big-time shows/movies.  This, however, is mostly sprinkled among the B-movie weirdness in which she usually played some form of screaming lady, or a mean woman that Al Bundy had to sell shoes to.  For ROCK & ROLL HIGH SCHOOL fans, she played the evil Mrs. Snotgras in the sequel ROCK & ROLL HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER.  But mostly it was small roles in things like the 1994 Dom DeLuise parody THE SILENCE OF THE HAMS...which both 1) somehow exists and 2) somehow stars Billy Zane, Martin Balsam, Shelley Winters, Joe Dante, John Carpenter, John Astin, Rip Taylor, Eddie Deezen, and Mel Brookes.

I hope you are realizing the magnitude of THE SILENCE OF THE HAMS because it is freaking me out how great that cast is.

For you real deep schlock fans, she was the evil queen in something called STORMQUEST, a 1987 sword and underwear epic about a race of amazons who have enslaved men for breeding purposes...

 

Posted Image

Operatic and Joffrey-esque, no?  Although it looks like they filmed it by sneaking onto the set of the video for DON'T COME AROUND HERE NO MORE.

 

So meet and love Linda Lutz, former Guinness Book of World Records record-holder for the longest continuous laugh (8 hours and 34 minutes).  That laughing thing is what got her her first role, in the canonic USA-UP-ALLNIGHT masterpiece STEWARDESS SCHOOL.  That alone is enough to make her an awesome Hollywood character.  But, if that's not enough for you to love her, know that she was the big, weird crazy lady among the creepy tourists in David Lee Roth's video for CALIFORNIA GIRLS.  That's some serious history shit right there.

 

Posted Image

 

Her story takes a rough turn.  In 1996 she suffered a stroke apparenlty as a side effect of some cold medication that has since been outlawed???? (This is not the kind of thing that is supposed to happen, no?).  After a long recovery, she continues to act despite having no use of her left arm.  But in the process has also become an advocate for actors with disabilities.  If you're not in love with this woman, check out her attitude about her health issues and tell me she is not awesome:

"It was a different world before and after the stroke. But, I knew what I could do. With my daughter's help, I started submitting myself on the computer through L.A. Casting, NOW Casting, and Actors Access. I started auditions again and work on student films. I see students as my future employers as they are willing to cast me in roles that I always played. Now, I'm just a character on wheels!"

Bless you, Linda Lutz.

A tribute:

STORMQUEST: Her big scene is about :55 in.  It's worth it.  She walks across a "carpet" of men, crushing their balls...something for which the foley artists decided to use "a hammer smashing graham crackers wrapped in tinfoil."  It's pretty great:



Professor Lee Roth's CALIFORNIA GIRLS (you'll recognize her instantly)







 
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Yeah so I see a kitten suffocated in a plastic bag in a movie the other night and last night I watched my friend's cat die. And then I took it bagged up in the back of my truck for disposal. Life is fucked up. 

 

Also fucked up is something else I watched last night, namely House of Whipcord. I haven't seen a lot of Pete Walker stuff, only Frightmare when I was a kid, and I remembered this from the video box at some store ages ago. It's about a naive young French girl in Britain who gets lured to a former county jail that has been taken over by psychos who use it to imprison, whip and eventually murder women for ridiculous reasons -- the girl in question is thrown in for being caught in the nude in a photo shoot. I was really expecting something more lurid, some Ilsa type shit, but this is tame. However it is incredibly creepy. Walker really knows how to put together a crazy horror film with emphasis on the crazy. The actors in this really weirded me out: the two jailer underlings respectively looked like the FBI handler gal from The Sopranos and the guy who played the nutbar Mormon son in Big Love and is now the main federale in Magic City. Yes, she looked just like that guy. There's some mean twists in here and though it's a little long in the tooth, really worth a watch.

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Yeah so I see a kitten suffocated in a plastic bag in a movie the other night and last night I watched my friend's cat die. And then I took it bagged up in the back of my truck for disposal. Life is fucked up.

Watched The Seventh Seal Saturday night, and not even 30 seconds after the end credits my wife got a text that her uncle died. The next day she went to church and she said tue sermon was about where we go after we die.
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Oh I didn't mean to be a big downer about it. I didn't know him and they've been prepping for it for a while. He was 84 I think. I just thought it was a similarly bizarre cinematic coincidence and your story gave me a reason to share. 

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THE CONJURING was really good, so thanks to those who recommended it. I thought it had an excellent cast (Ron Livingston!) and just the right mix of tension building and jump-scares.

Also, I like how haunted house movies now skip the whole "there must be a rational explanation!" bit and just goes right to "shit, this house is haunted!"

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Random movies I watched recently

 

Super - On Netflix instant.  I really thought this was going to be a send up of the superhero genre, with a regular guy with good intentions getting his ass kicked while trying to do good.  It turns much, much darker than that.  I can't really say I liked it.

 

I also ventured out to the theatre to see The To Do List mainly because I love Aubrey Plaza (and Safety Not Guaranteed). It was a funny teen sex romp, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see it in a theatre.  It's also an unexpected 90's nostalgia movie.  I think it weren't filled with so many likable people, namely Bill Hader, it wouldn't have worked. 

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THE CONJURING was really good, so thanks to those who recommended it. I thought it had an excellent cast (Ron Livingston!) and just the right mix of tension building and jump-scares.Also, I like how haunted house movies now skip the whole "there must be a rational explanation!" bit and just goes right to "shit, this house is haunted!"

 

I do my best not to lead good people to bad horror movies.

 

Popular opinions about the "true story" aside, I think the thing that works for me in this movie is that the Perrons went to someone they knew would believe their story.  I think it helps that the Warrens's experience with the supernatural have given them a healthy respect for the unknown and a belief in actual evil.

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Random movies I watched recently

 

Super - On Netflix instant.  I really thought this was going to be a send up of the superhero genre, with a regular guy with good intentions getting his ass kicked while trying to do good.  It turns much, much darker than that.  I can't really say I liked it.

 

I also ventured out to the theatre to see The To Do List mainly because I love Aubrey Plaza (and Safety Not Guaranteed). It was a funny teen sex romp, but I wouldn't go out of my way to see it in a theatre.  It's also an unexpected 90's nostalgia movie.  I think it weren't filled with so many likable people, namely Bill Hader, it wouldn't have worked. 

 

 

I love Aubrey Plaza to the point where I'm one address away from possibly hiding outside her house.  I'm a fan.  But man, did I think this movie was bad.  I can appreciate a silly sex romp comedy, and dumb comedy in general, but it just felt so thrown together and was just ugh.  But I couldn't pull myself away from Aubrey. 

 

Safety Not Guaranteed, however, I highly recommend. 

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Watched The Evil Dead remake again. I was pretty trashed when I saw it the first time so it was good to get a clearer viewing. Movie is just nuts, the gore is totally off the chain and there are a lot of Raimi-isms in the camerawork, though it's more subtle than you might think. Once it kicks in it's just non-stop. 

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I love Aubrey Plaza to the point where I'm one address away from possibly hiding outside her house.  I'm a fan.  But man, did I think this movie was bad.  I can appreciate a silly sex romp comedy, and dumb comedy in general, but it just felt so thrown together and was just ugh.  But I couldn't pull myself away from Aubrey. 

 

Safety Not Guaranteed, however, I highly recommend. 

 

 

Safety Not Guaranteed is a movie I can pretty much watch whenever and I'll enjoy it.  Like putting on your favorite shirt.  It's like The Big Lebowski and Forgetting Sarah Marshall like that to me.  Have a tough day?  I'll put on that movie and just feel better. 

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Monsters University is fascinating. I didn't realize it was about how Mike's entire young life revolved around becoming a scarer. With the first film in mind, we know that whatever he does in this movie he will ultimately fail at that goal. It's kind of sad and tragic, but it makes his eventual rise to Comedian Monsters even more poignant. It is enhanced by the plot of Monsters Inc, while at the same time enhancing the original's story. Pretty neat. The set pieces aren't nearly as creative as the original -  there's nothing as dramatic as the final door action sequence - but I find its entire concept and how it relates to the original really cool and worth checking out if you liked the original.

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I caught that on the news this afternoon on the way to work.  She'd been fighting cancer for a long time.  I've made it a point to avoid looking at any recent photos of her.  I prefer to remember her as she was.

 

RIP to the siren of cult horror.

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Pretty bummed about Karen Black, but man did she work with a ton of talented people. She may not be mainstream popular, but holy cow would I love to have a career in which I work with Altman, Hitchcock, Jack Nicholson, Dennis Hopper, Bob Rafelson, and a boat load of talented actors. 

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Airing on SyFy right now::Independence Day-sasterYes, in 2013, someone bothered to make a low budget rip-off of Independence Day. I can't wait until 2019 when they release JIm Carter, War General of Mars er, Pluto.

I would totally watch a movie about former president Jimmy Carter killing Plutonians to save his peanut farm.....and America.
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Mike Neveldine continues to stick to his guns that not only will there be a third installment of Crank, but he will somehow get Idris Elba to co-star with Jason Statham.

 

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RIP Karen Black

 

Also, watched Point Break last night and damn, it was a sure-sight better than I remembered it being. Incredible car and foot chases, the sky-diving stuff, a tense bank robbery, etc. Kathryn Bigelow is easily one of my favorite directors.

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Mike Neveldine continues to stick to his guns that not only will there be a third installment of Crank, but he will somehow get Idris Elba to co-star with Jason Statham.

 

Posted Image

Oh God yes, make it happen.

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THE MAN WITH THE IRON FISTS was so boring.  In two distinct ways:

 

1) Boring in the way that there are long dull stretches where nothing of value is happening and long ponderous speeches by people no one has any reason to care about or be invested in because their stories are bland and they just aren't very cool.

 

and

 

2) Boring in the way where when things are actually happening, they are so clumsy and disjointed and fragmented that you just can't parse it enough to be excited

 

I was hoping it would be a fast, lighthearted goofy homage like NINJA ASSASSIN which, while it wasn't great, was at least competent.  But instead I got something that wanted to be epic and deadpan while somehow also being ironic and "grindhousey." 

 

I get that RZA wanted to make a strong connection between old King Fu movies and the history of Blacksploitation theaters.   And that's a neat idea he had and I guess it justifies the horrendously dull middle section that focuses on the most boring character (him).  But he is unable to write or direct or act and that proved to be a problem.  He has a great eye for the big climactic moments but doesn't know how to get to them...so he just strings a bunch of them together, but none of them hit because none of them were set up very well.

 

Large stretches of this movie felt like an old Golan-Globus movie just in terms of static action and line deliveries and werdly clumsy directing.  This was not, I don't think, the homage he had in mind.  The old kung fu movies he was supposedly emulating had incredibly dynamic camera work and made visually interesting compositions out of shoestring budgets.  RZA here managed to make $20 million look worse than the average TVB or CCTV martial arts soap opera cranked out with 1/1000 the money.

 

Coery Yuen provided the absolute bare minimum of consciousness to slap together inchoherent fight scenes.  Trey parker's fight scene in ORGAZMO made more sense and had more impact.

 

Even the soundtrack was filled with dumb ideas...lots of homages to sounds that everyone agrees are cool but are deployed here as a substitute to any actual buildup...loud, redundant, distracting, pointless.  When he makes a callback to Sally Yeh's iconic song from John Woo's THE KILLER all it does is remind you that you could be watching a more more fun movie right now.

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