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The importance of being able to talk out your feelings is so important, especially when you find yourself in a situation where you're feeling suicidal or like you're going to self-harm. Just knowing you can talk it out and feel like you're not being judged is super, super important. I'm glad you two feel that this is a safe spot to get your feelings out, @Nice Guy Eddie and @The Natural. It's important for you to have the avenue to address your feelings as you need to. The world's better with you in it.

My thighs are covered with my cutting scars from when I tried to bottle things up in relation to my depression and anxiety instead of talking them out and taking steps to ease them, so I speak from experience.

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Let me just say this to everyone that has posted in this particular conversation: This world is a much cooler place with y'all in it than it would be without you, always remember that you touch the lives of dozens maybe hundreds  or even thousands of people in a positive way. Yeah, y'all are like superheroes whether you know it or not. 😉

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Posted (edited)
On 6/26/2019 at 7:35 AM, The Natural said:

I haven't posted this before because I don't want to trigger anyone and you thinking less of me. For those reasons you might want to skip this. I'm still wavering whether to...

Five years today, I lost my Mum. I had depression beforehand and more since then including self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I won't do the latter, it's just crappy having them. June 2019 has been worse than usual and that's really saying something.

I noted June 2019 was worse than usual. I know the anniversary of my Mum's passing takes place. What was unexpected however was my Dad's fall badly breaking his arm requiring major surgery and the doctor who I've seen every month even before I lost my Mum is leaving the practice. Something else happened putting me in a position I should not be. Fucking shit month.

Edited by The Natural
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Posted (edited)

Repost.

Edited by The Natural

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29 minutes ago, The Natural said:

I noted June 2019 was worse than usual. I know the anniversary of my Mum's passing takes place. What was unexpected however was my Dad's fall badly breaking his arm requiring major surgery and the doctor who I've seen every month even before I lost my Mum is leaving the practice. Something else happened putting me in a position I should not be. Fucking shit month.

We're all here for you and pulling for things to improve.

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Just now, Nice Guy Eddie said:

We're all here for you and pulling for things to improve.

Cheers, @Nice Guy Eddie. Appreciated.

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2 hours ago, The Natural said:

I noted June 2019 was worse than usual. I know the anniversary of my Mum's passing takes place. What was unexpected however was my Dad's fall badly breaking his arm requiring major surgery and the doctor who I've seen every month even before I lost my Mum is leaving the practice. Something else happened putting me in a position I should not be. Fucking shit month.

Sorry to hear this. Really hope July proves a better month for you and our family.

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14 hours ago, Eivion said:

Sorry to hear this. Really hope July proves a better month for you and our family.

Thank you, @Eivion. Appreciate it.

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5 hours ago, The Natural said:

Thank you, @Eivion. Appreciate it.

Remember one thing, my young friend... This too shall pass.

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Posted (edited)

In general, DVDVR is a pretty good safe haven for most of us. Maybe it's different in an age of twitter and social media and what not, I don't know. I've been here for nineteen or twenty years. I'm 38 in September so that's more than half my life. There are a few of you who I've gone to baseball games or wrestling shows with or shared meals with. There's a few of you that I talk to or have talked to in real time on a daily or weekly basis. In general though, you are a bunch of people I know but that aren't a part of my daily life. It meant that when bad shit, really bad shit, the sort you can't talk to about with anyone, goes down, I know I can reach out to one of you because there's pure benefit and no cost. I feel like I could reach out to just about anyone in this thread in dark times. I'd have a digital open door policy for any of you, even the ones I disagree with heavily about our hobbies. This place is unique in that regard. It's established and has a lot of history, but you only have to wade knee deep. That gives you a lot of freedom to hit the deep end now and again when you have to. 

Edited by Matt D
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1 minute ago, Matt D said:

In general, DVDVR is a pretty good safe haven for most of us. Maybe it's different in an age of twitter and social media and what not, I don't know. I've been here for nineteen or twenty years. I'm 38 in September so that's more than half my life. There are a few of you who I've gone to baseball games or wrestling shows with or shared meals with. There's a few of you that I talk to or have talked to in real time on a daily or weekly basis. In general though, you are a bunch of guys I know but that aren't a part of my daily life. It meant that when bad shit, really bad shit, the sort you can't talk to about with anyone, goes down, I know I can reach out to one of you because there's pure benefit and no cost. I feel like I could reach out to just about anyone in this thread in dark times. I'd have a digital open door policy for any of you, even the ones I disagree with heavily about our hobbies. This place is unique in that regard. It's established and has a lot of history, but you only have to wade knee deep. That gives you a lot of freedom to hit the deep end now and again when you have to. 

Well said, Matt

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19 hours ago, OSJ said:

Remember one thing, my young friend... This too shall pass.

Thank you, @OSJ. Appreciate it.

19 hours ago, Matt D said:

In general, DVDVR is a pretty good safe haven for most of us. Maybe it's different in an age of twitter and social media and what not, I don't know. I've been here for nineteen or twenty years. I'm 38 in September so that's more than half my life. There are a few of you who I've gone to baseball games or wrestling shows with or shared meals with. There's a few of you that I talk to or have talked to in real time on a daily or weekly basis. In general though, you are a bunch of people I know but that aren't a part of my daily life. It meant that when bad shit, really bad shit, the sort you can't talk to about with anyone, goes down, I know I can reach out to one of you because there's pure benefit and no cost. I feel like I could reach out to just about anyone in this thread in dark times. I'd have a digital open door policy for any of you, even the ones I disagree with heavily about our hobbies. This place is unique in that regard. It's established and has a lot of history, but you only have to wade knee deep. That gives you a lot of freedom to hit the deep end now and again when you have to. 

Well expressed, @Matt D!

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And now for something completely different... It appears that we are going to add a 13th cat to the family. Let me back up, Bushi had a litter of four kittens, which I think I mentioned, sister-in-law Lynn is taking the big, fat yellow one; sister-in-law Delphine is taking the two tuxedo cats, so her slightly older kitten will have someone to play with when she and her husband are at work. That leaves the kind of funny-looking little guy with odd markings. (One white paw, an odd inverted orange crescent over one eye, on a basically black body). Yeah, the monthly tab for litter and food is about $200, but well worth it. Otherwise, I'd just blow the money on wrestling dvds and books that I don't really need.

This does give us a disproportionate number of male cats, but they're a good bunch. Only Varys has ever sprayed in the house, and he got the super-soaker as a stern warning to never do that shit again, and he never has. Cats are like toddlers, they know damn well what is acceptable and what isn't, but they will test you just to see what they can get away with. Sandor pissed on a blanket that was on the bed when we were both sitting here watching him. Three months of not being allowed on the bed seemed to get the message across.

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Posted (edited)

Well, it seems as though it is my turn to share now.

My partner and I have been on again and off again for the past ten years or so.  I met her just after she came back from Aruba to celebrate her 50th (yes, five oh) and we hit it off pretty well.

Flash forward about nine years later and I think we're calling it quits.  As some of you know, we all went down to Jamaica for a week to celebrate her sixtieth (yes, six oh and black don't crack, guys..) and all we did for the last few days of the trip was argue.   We've had some issues that have tested our relationship for the past few months and it all game to a head in paradise of all places.  

The shit really hit the fan almost as soon as we got home and now I think we're both done.  We'll probably be talking to a realtor pretty soon about selling the house.

Akiro, chronicler of Conan, was right.   Good times will test you just as surely as bad times will.

I am sad, but I think I am sadder about the time investment that is gone rather than the end of the relationship itself.    We've grown gradually more toxic as time has gone by and we really do need to be away from each other, but now I feel that parting needs to be permanent. 

She's gone as far as to try to get me into a shoving match with her, but I was raised right and I don't put my hands on women.  I don't give a fuck how mad they are at me or how mad I am at them.   That, and I am smart enough not to get goaded into a domestic violence allegation.  The only exception would be if it is Krav Maga class and we both know that we're sparring. 

Anyway, I am no stranger to picking up the pieces and I just thank God that I never married her so that I would have to suffer through another divorce.  

Don't worry too much about me though.  My spirits may be a bit low, but my chin is high.... figuratively because I always tuck my chin when I am brawling.

I love all of you folks like family even though I have only met one or two of you.   I'll survive this, learn from it, and keep it moving.   I'm still not sour on relationships, so maybe after I am done licking my wounds I'll brave the uncharted waters again.  For now, I just need to focus on putting this thing to bed as quickly as I can and at least parting company with my old lady in something of a temperament neutral manner.  Unlike my ex-wife, my former babe has something of a petty streak, so I expect a few slings and barbs to get hurled my way in the immediacy.

Let her do her worst.   I'm ready for it.

One good thing that has come of it is that I have had really good conversations with my kid lately.   She's been respectful of all of the relationship decisions I've made in this current love saga , even the dumb ones, so I gave my daughter the chance to give me a bit of the old I Told You So a couple of days ago.  She's a great kid and we're going to start doing more of the father / daughter things we kinda got away from for the sake of me trying to go next level with my ex-woman.

Gonna get back to work now.   Staying busy is somewhat therapeutic.

I just looked at my profile here on the board.  I guess I should change my location, right?

Edited by J.T.
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Posted (edited)

Sorry to read/hear your news, @J.T.. Sending my best wishes to you xxx.

Edited by The Natural
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Thanks, man.  Keep me in your prayers and just ask the cosmic powers to give me the wisdom not to do anything stupid.

I need to make clean breaks for my sake as well as my daughter's.

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@J.T.

Sorry to hear about your current situation. I really hate when people give me the silver lining lines, so I hope this doesn't come off that way, but I'm glad you'll have the chance to re-connect with your daughter. My apologies if that comes across wrong. I'll stop rambling, and wish you luck with whatever comes your way. 

 

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Posted (edited)
21 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

@J.T.

Sorry to hear about your current situation. I really hate when people give me the silver lining lines, so I hope this doesn't come off that way, but I'm glad you'll have the chance to re-connect with your daughter. My apologies if that comes across wrong. I'll stop rambling, and wish you luck with whatever comes your way. 

Thanks dude. 

Not to tell you your business, but I think that life would be better if you learned to like the silver lines stuff.   That way you are counting your blessings rather than your problems.  I've always believed it is better to go out of your way to look for the good since bad is so fucking easy to find.

I will miss my babe a lot, but I will miss the person she was and am better off not living with the person she's become.  Also, I now have time to reconnect with my daughter as well as shore up a few more relationships that I have sidelined while doing my best to make things work between me and my ex-boo.

And don't apologize for looking out for one of your homie's well being.  I appreciate everyone who is stepping forward to remind me that I will be okay; maybe not right now, but eventually.  It really means a lot.

Edited by J.T.

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@J.T. It really sucks to read what's going on but wishing you the best on that.  It seems like looking at the silver lining is working out so hopefully it'll lead to a quick recovery.

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Its a shame to hear about your breakup. Still its nice that you are still in a decent place and taking the chance to connect with your daughter more.

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5 hours ago, J.T. said:

I just looked at my profile here on the board.  I guess I should change my location, right?

You could also be the second person I've seen (besides me) to account for the "Location" setting's lack of correct spacing!  How does everyone miss that?  It's such an eyesore.

Your ex-gf sounds like an asshole if she'd try to goad you into doing something physical.  "Petty" sounds familiar given my last breakup, but edging things that direction is some top-grade "your stuff is on the porch now" bullshit.  The world needs that like it needs ass cancer.

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Posted (edited)
18 minutes ago, Contentious C said:

Your ex-gf sounds like an asshole if she'd try to goad you into doing something physical.  "Petty" sounds familiar given my last breakup, but edging things that direction is some top-grade "your stuff is on the porch now" bullshit.  The world needs that like it needs ass cancer.

She's hurting too, man.  Honestly, I think I am just paying the price of boyfriends and husband's past.  Her husband and the boyfriend before me both cheated on her and the boyfriend before the boyfriend before me was very controlling.  

I think somehow she's projecting all of that on me now.  I've brought my own particular bullshit to this relationship, but adultery ain't one of those issues.  

She expects me to be shitty like them, has already branded me as such, and has too much pride to contradict her own malfunctioning instincts.   She's been told she's wrong so much in the past that being "right" is of high importance to her... even if she's dead wrong now. 

She is comfortable with her misconception and there is not convincing her of what's actually true. 

Anyone who knows me realizes that I am loyal to the point of being stupid and I like video games far too much to go out and find myself a side piece.  That shit requires far too much effort to maintain as well as conceal.  The juice ain't worth the squeeze.

Edited by J.T.
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1 hour ago, J.T. said:

She's hurting too, man.  Honestly, I think I am just paying the price of boyfriends and husband's past.  Her husband and the boyfriend before me both cheated on her and the boyfriend before the boyfriend before me was very controlling.  

I think somehow she's projecting all of that on me now.  I've brought my own particular bullshit to this relationship, but adultery ain't one of those issues.  

She expects me to be shitty like them, has already branded me as such, and has too much pride to contradict her own malfunctioning instincts.   She's been told she's wrong so much in the past that being "right" is of high importance to her... even if she's dead wrong now. 

She is comfortable with her misconception and there is not convincing her of what's actually true. 

Anyone who knows me realizes that I am loyal to the point of being stupid and I like video games far too much to go out and find myself a side piece.  That shit requires far too much effort to maintain as well as conceal.  The juice ain't worth the squeeze.

We've talked more elsewhere, but I had to comment on what you posted here because I've lived it. As you know, Kat was married to a much older dude for seven years before she met me. Matter of fact,  they were still married when we  met, he was an adulterous  mofo that would try to jump on anything or anyone  that  would stand still  long enough, (including two of her sisters! I mean I know I'm stupidly loyal to a fault, but propositioning your sisters-in-law? Who the fuck does that shit?

There are two types of people  in the world, those that have to be right or those that choose to be kind. Both groups actions create their own realities., it isn't hard to figure out which one is more pleasant to dwell in. The sad thing is that the people in the first group are so obsessed with being right that they'll destroy everything around them and feel fully justified in doing so. 

FWIW: Folks don't always start out in Group One, but damn it, once they've crossed that line, they ain't coming back. Hate to say it, but the silver lining is that it was only going to get worse.

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I'm going to make this as broad as I can because the second I get into details I see red.

My sister is suicidal. She has been doing everything she can. What is not helping is that there has been an extremely horny dude that's been hounding her for months, taking every conversation and turning it into "you know maybe I could fly out and we can get dinner and a movie and just you know cuddle and stuff." After she went public with feeling suicidal, he has been trying to leverage that information into his attempts to fuck her.

I want his head.

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@J.T. - love you man. Sorry you're going through this mess and sucks it had to come to a head on vacation. I have no genius words of wisdom so I'll just say I'm pulling for you and your daughter. 

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