AxB Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Speaking of which, is there an official opposite version of standing for something? I always thought it was If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for nothing, but I've heard lots of other versions about standing, sitting or falling for anything, everything and nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Saying "you will fall for nothing" could be read as "you will not fall for anything," even when it's intended to mean "you will fall for what is effectively nothing, i.e., duped by the dumbest shit possible". I've always heard it as "you'll fall for anything", which I think is far less ambiguous about suggesting gullibility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Magnificent 7 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 44 minutes ago, J.T. said: I love you like family, Mag, but one thing I have learned over the years is that you are EXTREMELY passionate about your cinema and to respectfully agree to disagree if we are knotted up on some point of debate about a movie we've both seen . I respect how you feel because if you don't stand for something, you'll accept anything. Ha yeah, I hold my hand up on that one. I hope I continue to mellow out as time goes by. Every disagreement doesn’t need to be one about principles and a battle to the last man. I want to remain passionate about beliefs and standards, but understanding and accepting things that shouldn’t take up real estate in your head is something to work on every day until I can make it a habit. “We can choose to have no opinion about a thing, and not be troubled by it; for things themselves have no power of their own to affect our judgments.” - Marcus Aurelius Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.T. Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 Well, I hope you do not mellow out too much. I enjoy our more lively debates as they test my belief in my own opinions and viewpoints. You need people in your life who will respectfully yet firmly tell you that your arguments are straw man or that your logic is either steeped in the hypothetical or is just plain circular. Only in America could a society come up with the idea of "alternate facts," which allows both sides to be "right" without necessarily being "correct" or even accurate for that matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest The Magnificent 7 Posted February 6, 2019 Share Posted February 6, 2019 I wouldn’t worry too much about that as the list of things I am still “No true Scotsman” about is probably fairly extensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brian Fowler Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 My nephew is back in the hospital, diagnosis changed from bipolar to Borderline Personality Disorder with Suicidal Ideation. He's going to be transferred to a residential facility for at least the rest of the school year. (Anyone I'm friends with on Facebook, please don't bring that up there. My family has had a lot of trauma of late and my sister has decided not to tell our grandmother because, frankly, she's 87, her nephew just died a few months ago, and now her brother just had a stroke, so the last thing she needs is to know her grandson is struggling this badly right now while two time zones away) The good news is he chose to go the hospital, and the facility without his parents needing a court order (in Colorado you can control your own health decisions at 15) so he's clearly not ready to give up and try to kill himself again, but that's about the extent of the good news. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Sorry to read your news, @Brian Fowler. Thinking of y'all xxx. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eivion Posted February 7, 2019 Share Posted February 7, 2019 Sorry to hear all of that Folwer. Hopefully, he finds what he needs at this facility. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike Campbell Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 Sorry to hear that Brian. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OSJ Posted February 8, 2019 Share Posted February 8, 2019 16 hours ago, Brian Fowler said: My nephew is back in the hospital, diagnosis changed from bipolar to Borderline Personality Disorder with Suicidal Ideation. He's going to be transferred to a residential facility for at least the rest of the school year. (Anyone I'm friends with on Facebook, please don't bring that up there. My family has had a lot of trauma of late and my sister has decided not to tell our grandmother because, frankly, she's 87, her nephew just died a few months ago, and now her brother just had a stroke, so the last thing she needs is to know her grandson is struggling this badly right now while two time zones away) The good news is he chose to go the hospital, and the facility without his parents needing a court order (in Colorado you can control your own health decisions at 15) so he's clearly not ready to give up and try to kill himself again, but that's about the extent of the good news. The good news that you mention is fucking HUGE! That he knows he needs help and WANTS it is 90% of the battle. Stay strong, my friend, he's gonna need ya. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cliff Hanger Posted February 9, 2019 Share Posted February 9, 2019 On 2/7/2019 at 3:00 AM, Brian Fowler said: My nephew is back in the hospital, diagnosis changed from bipolar to Borderline Personality Disorder with Suicidal Ideation. He's going to be transferred to a residential facility for at least the rest of the school year. (Anyone I'm friends with on Facebook, please don't bring that up there. My family has had a lot of trauma of late and my sister has decided not to tell our grandmother because, frankly, she's 87, her nephew just died a few months ago, and now her brother just had a stroke, so the last thing she needs is to know her grandson is struggling this badly right now while two time zones away) The good news is he chose to go the hospital, and the facility without his parents needing a court order (in Colorado you can control your own health decisions at 15) so he's clearly not ready to give up and try to kill himself again, but that's about the extent of the good news. I have multiple proplr in my life diagnosed with Borderline and amateur suspicions about two more. Your nephew and the people who love him are in for rough days, but as others said his choice to seek out help on his own is a huge good sign. That level of self awareness is rare and a sign that he has the will to leash it (and treatment of BPD is very successful if he sticks to Dialectic Behavioral Therapy). Best of luck to all of you. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted February 14, 2019 Share Posted February 14, 2019 Depression sucks as does the wait to be seen about it. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cliff Hanger Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 The longest relationship of my life appears to be over. Some of you remember my absolute goddamn meltdown on the old board, as after not dating at all between the end of high school and my late 30s, I ended up in a really mismatched relationship with someone significantly younger than me and broke it off in the worst possible way. This is different. We'd been together for nearly 3 and a half years, and I think since Labor Day last year (Dragon Con) we had both kind of realized we were in a decaying orbit. Our mental health issues (her: formally diagnosed borderline disorder and bipolar 2; me: formally diagnosed double depression) were interacting in toxic ways. But we kept trying to work it out until Wednesday, when she abruptly told me she didn't want to be my girlfriend, because she didn't want "the expectations that come with that label" but she didn't want to cancel the trip we'd planned for my bday next month and she still needed to know what nights I was available for our monthly RPG night with other couples. I told my closest local friend that she seemed to have a different definition of breaking up to mine. I told a few of my closest local friends and my closest long-dist friends what was up, but haven't really had a chance to process a lot of stuff. Yesterday she sent me a "Good morning (sun emoji)" text, then apologized and asked if she should communicate with me differently. Then today, she emailed me to say how much I'd hurt her and asked what I wanted to do to repair our relationship or not. She's a mess. I'm a mess. I don't think this is going to work going forward but I really really don't want to be the monster in a breakup again and so I'm desperately trying to navigate avoiding just saying "we need to set up a time for you to collect the stuff you left here". 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.T. Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 (edited) On 2/23/2019 at 12:02 AM, Cliff Hanger said: She's a mess. I'm a mess. I don't think this is going to work going forward but I really really don't want to be the monster in a breakup again and so I'm desperately trying to navigate avoiding just saying "we need to set up a time for you to collect the stuff you left here". As a divorced dude, I can honestly and unfortunately say that you will both spend equal time as monster and victim. The abnormal feelings you both have are perfectly normal, if that makes any sense at all. You are not a monster or a mutant for feeling the way you feel. You become a monster when your negative feelings cause you to engage in destructive or damaging behavior. The key is doing your utmost to work through these negative emotions as best you can. Things are horrible right now. Do not complicate them by lashing out in anger or dragging unpleasant encounters out longer than it should. Sadly, the best advice I can give here is to avoid avoidance. Do not navigate around saying plainly what you said above. This is going to hurt no matter what and your effort to cushion the blow is just going to feed her denial and the last thing you can afford to do right now is be an enabler. You need to tell her that she needs to come and get her belongings. Whether or not you think its a good idea that you be around when she comes to collect her property is another matter, but you both need closure. And do not confuse compartmentalization with closure. You two don't need space or time to think. You two are toxic together by your own admission and the only way to solve that is to get apart and maybe even stay apart if your combined mental health issues are so serious that they hamper reconciliation. Oh, and "I don't think it's going to work" is code that it's not going to work and you're not going to allow it to work, my friend. Don't enable her denial and also don't enable your own denial. She doesn't want to be a girlfriend and you don't want her to be a friend that happens to be a girl. It happens. Both of you need to own your feelings and accept how they affect the other person involved. I hate to be blunt, but her text about how much you hurt her really doesn't move me to sympathy. She chose to change her side of the dynamic of your relationship by not wanting to accept the expectations of exclusivity and intimacy that come with being a steady partner and you responded in kind, so she needs to accept the consequences of her decision. You are within your right to respond the way you did just as she was within her rights to respond in the manner that she did. You both did what was best for yourselves and that is perfectly fine. The issue is that what was best for you individually wasn't what was best for your ongoing relationship. Again, perfectly fine albeit tragic and sad. Now comes the difficult steps of moving on with your lives. Not easy, but doable and survivable and as I say to all of my breakup peeps, YOU WILL BE OKAY, DUDE~! Maybe not now, but eventually you will be okay. I went from being a sad sack to having a ten year relationship with a beautiful woman that occasionally drives me crazy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. If shit can work out for me, it can work out for anybody. I wish I could say that I just give awesome separation advice because I have a good soul, but I give awesome separation advice because I've already lived through the aftermath of the very same horrible decisions that you are faced with right now. Keep on living life. YOU WILL BE OKAY, DUDE~! On the subject of both of your mental health issues, if you are both are in treatment, keep getting help and if either of you don't have help, go get that shit. You already know that untreated mental health issues don't just go away and you can't just take a spoonful of Robitussin for them to make the symptoms go away Keep your therapy up and advise her that she should do the same. Edited March 6, 2019 by J.T. 9 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Technico Support Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 Best to you @Cliff Hanger. It really sounds like you're dealing with this more rationally than she is. Talking about the "expectations of labels" after over three years is a little flaky, doubly so for acting like it never happened shortly thereafter. But who am I to judge? Everybody has a private war they're fighting. Be strong, my dude. Also, TIL about "double depression." 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Contentious C Posted February 25, 2019 Share Posted February 25, 2019 I looked it up, too, but only because I felt obligated. But I'd already read what Cliff said and thought, "Oh. Right. Tuesday. I know about that." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Super Ape Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 Screw you, baldness. Took some overhead pictures yesterday and I am mortified at how much worse my scalp is showing than I thought it would. Someone talk me out of going full-on Mr. Clean. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Natural Posted March 1, 2019 Share Posted March 1, 2019 Not alone there, matey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AxB Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 Why would you object to having a masculine hairline? I haven't had a full head of feminine hair* since I was in my mid 20s. Held off doing the big shave until I was 30. Haven't grown it back out since, and won't. I wish it the follicles would die faster so I wouldn't have to shave as much of it. * All hair that grows out of the top, back and upper sides of the head is feminine hair. All hair that grows out of any other area of the head or body is masculine hair, even if it's growing out of a Woman. That's why so many of the ladies shave their legs and stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Stefanie Without Stefanie Posted March 4, 2019 Share Posted March 4, 2019 that's not why i shave my legs. i shave my legs because the friction hair causes by taking off things like leggings and tights is uncomfortable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grilledcheese Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 On 3/1/2019 at 7:31 AM, Super Ape said: Screw you, baldness. Took some overhead pictures yesterday and I am mortified at how much worse my scalp is showing than I thought it would. Someone talk me out of going full-on Mr. Clean. Shave it all off. Don't cling to a part of you that doesn't want to be there anymore. I starting losing my hair at 22, and went home on my lunch break and shaved my head the day I noticed. If my hair doesn't want to be with me, I don't want to be with them! No styling to deal with and you can use one soap from head to toe. It's pretty great. That being said, if your head is hella weirdly shaped, you may not get the same enjoyment out of baldness that I have thus far. I have a very Charlie Brown shaped head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimbra Posted March 5, 2019 Share Posted March 5, 2019 2 minutes ago, grilledcheese said: Shave it all off. Don't cling to a part of you that doesn't want to be there anymore. I starting losing my hair at 22, and went home on my lunch break and shaved my head the day I noticed. If my hair doesn't want to be with me, I don't want to be with them! No styling to deal with and you can use one soap from head to toe. It's pretty great. That being said, if your head is hella weirdly shaped, you may not get the same enjoyment out of baldness that I have thus far. I have a very Charlie Brown shaped head. Yeah, this was me too. My hairline started to go at 18 so I buzzed it and, except for a couple of poorly-conceived experiments, have kept it that way ever since. I did kinda hit the bald guy lottery since I have very light colored hair and a normally-shaped skull. I don't mess with doing the full cueball, though. I use clippers with no guard and buzz it down to stubble once every week or two. Way easier than trying to blade shave your scalp and I like the look of a bit of stubble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nice Guy Eddie Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 (edited) I was at the hospital with my mother in the late afternoon/early evening because my grandmother's psychiatrist recommended bringing in her in. My grandmother, whom I call Yia Yia (I am Greek after all) is two days shy of her 91st birthday. She needs to be weaned off her anti-anxiety medication. She went through her most recent refill way too soon, and wouldn't be able to get a refill until March 15th. This isn't the first time she's gone through her medication way too fast. She likely has developed a high tolerance. She complains very often about heart palpitations, shivering, and having chills in her body. While we were sitting in the waiting room, a 3 year old boy and his foster mother came to us, and others in the waiting room and handed us an index card with messages on each side. The child's name is Cade and apparently he didn't feel safe around others because he feared leaving his foster mother, who ended up adopting him. God only knows what kind of abuse he endured from his biological mother. There's a special place in hell for anybody that abuses a child in any way. That little boy being away from his shitbag mother will be one of the best things to happen in his young life. Cade's foster mom told us they come to the hospital to do this to help him build confidence, come out of his shell, and make others happy. My mother, grandmother, and I each got a card. First, my mom's eyes start welling up, and I wasn't far behind. We're both highly sensitive, but I think I got it worse than she did, and it's only getting worse as I get older. Well, the combination of Cade's story, what he's doing for others, and my grandmother's situation made me weep uncontrollably. I cry more than most men; I'm not ashamed to admit that. I bawled my eyes out again in the shower before Smackdown, as the emotions just washed over me. This is the 1,000 Smile Challenge. My name is Cade. I want to make people's hearts happy. These are the things that I have learned and say all the time. They are something you can do or to make you happy. My mommy and I want to make 1,000 people smile and hope this makes you smile. I feel happy when I give people things because it makes them happy. Find more smiles from me at: www.cadesmiles.com I needed to get that out. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to bawl my eyes out again. Edited March 6, 2019 by Nice Guy Eddie 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Craig H Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 I feel for all of you. Regarding breaking up, it's tough and I feel that it's almost like an art form. Some people are excellent at it, can compartmentalize the feelings that come with it, and move on. I'm nothing like that and if I was, I would have asked for a divorce from my prior marriage before I was cheated on. I completely understand not wanting to be the monster that causes pain by breaking up. I completely understand not wanting to be the person that tells someone else no. It would be amazing if everything could just work itself out, but unfortunately few of us are that lucky. I think to piggyback off of what JT said, first and foremost you have to take care of yourself before you can really do much else. That is also easier said than done. If you pick up most self-help books or books about relationships they'll all delve into taking care of yourself. That itself is another one of those skills or art forms you're either good at or you need to work on. If you need to work on it, there's help out there in the form of therapists or life coaches. From the sounds of it, Cliff may already be seeing some sort of therapist, which is good. The other key is sticking to a good support system of loved ones, whether if they're friends or family, that will hear you out even if it's painful for you to express what's going on and they're also good for a laugh. Breaking up sucks, but the ending of one relationship is like another door opening up. You may not know where the door is at because in the thick of it everything is dark, cold, lonely, and confusing. You'll eventually find your way to whatever door that is though. On another note, I went to cadesmiles.com. That's a beautiful relationship those two have. It did put a smile on my face even if parts of it made me tear up. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nice Guy Eddie Posted March 6, 2019 Share Posted March 6, 2019 (edited) Today is going considerably better. My grandmother won $50,000 on a $25 scratch off ticket. For a woman who has endured so much shit in her life, Yia Yia certainly deserves it. I know money doesn't buy happiness, but it helps a little. My mother texted me at work, so I have to try and contain myself and remain professional. Edited March 12, 2019 by Nice Guy Eddie 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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