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5 hours ago, Dewar said:

Someone who used to be very important to be died on December 31. She was having lots of issues (tried committing suicide twice in 2017), but was seemingly overcoming them. That being said, I'm pretty sure she committed suicide, although I think it might be worse if she was just in an accidental house fire, when she was seemingly turning things around.

My feelings for her had faded, but this still hurts way too much. I am glad we at least got in a civil conversation before she died. I feel terrible for her parents, and her two kids. Really scared for the kids, because they have different birth fathers, and I am worried they are going to be separated from one another now.

If this doesn't make much sense, I haven't slept much since getting the news Sunday afternoon. Brain is still going a mile a minute about this.

Sorry to hear this, @Dewar. My thoughts be with you.

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I hope everyone's holiday season wasn't too stressful.  My thoughts and prayers are still with the folks that are goin through stuff.

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Went home for lunch today and our fridge was room temperature.  The freezer is still plenty cold, and I can hear the fan going so I'm hoping it just needs to be defrosted.  

Not the best way to start the year.

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This is the worst time of year to lose a major appliance.  I hope it is just a minor issue, homie.

Speaking of which, the intake lines to my boo's daughter's water softener have frozen solid, so her, her hubby, and the grandkid will be crashing at our crib for the next few days until the Arctic Blast subsides.

 

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Luckily we knew the fridge was a POS and were already planning on replacing it when we put the condo on the market, so we have a little money put aside for it.  But it sure would have been nice to have this happen last month when I had time off work and all this shit was on sale.

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12 minutes ago, Zimbra said:

Luckily we knew the fridge was a POS and were already planning on replacing it when we put the condo on the market, so we have a little money put aside for it.  But it sure would have been nice to have this happen last month when I had time off work and all this shit was on sale.

Shit will be on sale just in time for the MLK holiday weekend just like clockwork. 

If your fridge can hold on for two more weeks, you're golden.

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The wife and I just had to have the second conversation in about 6 months with our 8 year old about a schoolmate of his that was murdered by their father. He didn't know the three girls from the first one, but the older of the two girls this time was the TA in his class last year, and the younger one was someone he knew of, but didn't have a relationship with.

Why in the fuck am I having to have these conversations? I want to shield him from how fucked up the world is, but how can you? I shouldn't ever have to tell my children that they don't have to worry about their parents killing them.

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18 hours ago, Dewar said:

Someone who used to be very important to be died on December 31. She was having lots of issues (tried committing suicide twice in 2017), but was seemingly overcoming them. That being said, I'm pretty sure she committed suicide, although I think it might be worse if she was just in an accidental house fire, when she was seemingly turning things around.

My feelings for her had faded, but this still hurts way too much. I am glad we at least got in a civil conversation before she died. I feel terrible for her parents, and her two kids. Really scared for the kids, because they have different birth fathers, and I am worried they are going to be separated from one another now.

If this doesn't make much sense, I haven't slept much since getting the news Sunday afternoon. Brain is still going a mile a minute about this.

We went out to see the house today. All of the damage was at the front, where the fire occurred. Neighbour said she was found in bed with her dog, both dead of smoke inhalation. The bedroom was at the back of the house. so I think I have changed my mind about this being suicide. Still a terrible loss of life, but I feel a bit better about it.

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14 hours ago, grilledcheese said:

I want to shield him from how fucked up the world is, but how can you?

The only thing you can do is continue to love your kid and protect him as best you can, man. 

Even though this shit is going down at a frighteningly early age, the talks about life's fragility are good because eventually your son will have to learn that not only will he have to protect himself someday, he'll also have to protect his own child as well as other children.

The sacred role of every father is to look out for the kids, man.  All of 'em.

14 hours ago, grilledcheese said:

Why in the fuck am I having to have these conversations?

Oh, I don't know.  Maybe because you are a good father that doesn't believe in bullshitting his child and a decent human being equipping his son with the tools he'll need to deal with life?

When it comes to my daughter, I have adopted the policy of relative transparency.  No matter what her age and maturity level may be, if my kid is perceptive enough to pick up on something, then it is my responsibility as a father and a parent to level with her.

I say "relative transparency" because a young child may be smart enough to notice things, but doesn't have the wisdom or temperance to process what's going on, so I will give her the information she wants as best she can handle it and then we may discuss it again later when she's older and a bit more capable of understanding things a little better.

Be honest with your son and you will earn his love and respect for as long as both of you live.  It is important that he knows that you are a trusted source of unfiltered information.

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On ‎1‎/‎3‎/‎2018 at 6:38 AM, J.T. said:

The only thing you can do is continue to love your kid and protect him as best you can, man. 

Even though this shit is going down at a frighteningly early age, the talks about life's fragility are good because eventually your son will have to learn that not only will he have to protect himself someday, he'll also have to protect his own child as well as other children.

The sacred role of every father is to look out for the kids, man.  All of 'em.

Oh, I don't know.  Maybe because you are a good father that doesn't believe in bullshitting his child and a decent human being equipping his son with the tools he'll need to deal with life?

When it comes to my daughter, I have adopted the policy of relative transparency.  No matter what her age and maturity level may be, if my kid is perceptive enough to pick up on something, then it is my responsibility as a father and a parent to level with her.

I say "relative transparency" because a young child may be smart enough to notice things, but doesn't have the wisdom or temperance to process what's going on, so I will give her the information she wants as best she can handle it and then we may discuss it again later when she's older and a bit more capable of understanding things a little better.

Be honest with your son and you will earn his love and respect for as long as both of you live.  It is important that he knows that you are a trusted source of unfiltered information.

Thank you for the kind words. Your approach to parenting sounds quite a bit like ours. We have never really put words to it, but if the young man, and at some point soon, his younger brother have the ability to pick up on something and question it, then we explain to them in a  way that is appropriate for their age level. Obviously, that hasn't really come up with the two year old yet. We decided a long time ago that the lies that get told to kids to "protect them" are largely just used to protect you from an uncomfortable conversation with your children.

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Like I mentioned before, my daughter started asking questions about the divorce when she was five. 

It is a very dumb parent that doesn't believe his small children are smart and perceptive.  The key is to arm them with the info they need, but still remember that they are kids.  You can't just force feed grown folks info to them as if they were little adults.

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The fridge lives again.  Luckily it just needed to be defrosted, the fan and sensor both seem to be fine.  And it gave me an excuse to clean and sanitize the inside which was, if I'm being honesty, pretty damn gross.

But our router and both humidifiers decided to shit the bed so between that and replacing all the food we lost it's been an expensive week.

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On ‎1‎/‎5‎/‎2018 at 2:58 PM, Zimbra said:

The fridge lives again.  Luckily it just needed to be defrosted, the fan and sensor both seem to be fine.  And it gave me an excuse to clean and sanitize the inside which was, if I'm being honesty, pretty damn gross.

But our router and both humidifiers decided to shit the bed so between that and replacing all the food we lost it's been an expensive week.

Glad to hear that your fridge is all good.  Sucks about the router and the humidifiers, though.

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Alzheimer's can eat a bag of dicks. 

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COPD flare-up. Constant fatigue, sore throat, occasional coughing. Luckily, minimal shortness of breath.

 

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4 hours ago, Ace said:

COPD flare-up. Constant fatigue, sore throat, occasional coughing. Luckily, minimal shortness of breath.

 

Something about this time of year. I've only been up for a couple of hours and haven't done anything more strenuous than signing a bunch of book pages, and I'm already tired. Phone is ringing and the wife is giving me the "Aren't you going to answer that?" look. Fact of the matter is, no; no, I am not. There is one of two things that can take place here, the phone can get answered or I can take a nap and re-boot the day in a couple of hours. The latter sounds far more appealing. Laterz.

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My grandfather died today.  It wasn't unexpected--he would have turned 96 in March, had been in sharp physical and cognitive decline for five years or so (after making it to 90 in probably better health than me aside from his hearing loss), and had fallen and hit his head on Christmas day.  He was a devout Catholic (one of the good ones, mostly) who had been a flight doctor in WWII and a country doctor for forty years after that, and had buried two wives and two of his nine kids, so once he had a reason to check out we all knew he'd take it.  It's still impossible to be ready for.  I find myself thinking about how little I'd talked to him since my mom died, all the good times when he took care of us when I was little and my parents went on trips abroad in the summer, and how the scary it'd be to spend two weeks dying when Parkinson's on top of injury means you can no longer really swallow anything.  T and I both kind of troughing in our own mental health situations around the same time isn't helping.  Whether he was right about the afterlife or not, he's better off now than he probably has been since he lost my step-grandmother, and reading stories from the past couple pages has made it clear how lucky he was to get this long a life.  Still sucks.

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5 hours ago, Cliff Hanger said:

My grandfather died today.  It wasn't unexpected--he would have turned 96 in March, had been in sharp physical and cognitive decline for five years or so (after making it to 90 in probably better health than me aside from his hearing loss), and had fallen and hit his head on Christmas day.  He was a devout Catholic (one of the good ones, mostly) who had been a flight doctor in WWII and a country doctor for forty years after that, and had buried two wives and two of his nine kids, so once he had a reason to check out we all knew he'd take it.  It's still impossible to be ready for.  I find myself thinking about how little I'd talked to him since my mom died, all the good times when he took care of us when I was little and my parents went on trips abroad in the summer, and how the scary it'd be to spend two weeks dying when Parkinson's on top of injury means you can no longer really swallow anything.  T and I both kind of troughing in our own mental health situations around the same time isn't helping.  Whether he was right about the afterlife or not, he's better off now than he probably has been since he lost my step-grandmother, and reading stories from the past couple pages has made it clear how lucky he was to get this long a life.  Still sucks.

My sympathies on your loss, @Cliff Hanger. My Grandad who was like a second Dad to me had Parkinson's the longest in our district, 27 long years. Miss him.

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19 hours ago, Cliff Hanger said:

My grandfather died today.  It wasn't unexpected--he would have turned 96 in March, had been in sharp physical and cognitive decline for five years or so (after making it to 90 in probably better health than me aside from his hearing loss), and had fallen and hit his head on Christmas day.  He was a devout Catholic (one of the good ones, mostly) who had been a flight doctor in WWII and a country doctor for forty years after that, and had buried two wives and two of his nine kids, so once he had a reason to check out we all knew he'd take it.  It's still impossible to be ready for.  I find myself thinking about how little I'd talked to him since my mom died, all the good times when he took care of us when I was little and my parents went on trips abroad in the summer, and how the scary it'd be to spend two weeks dying when Parkinson's on top of injury means you can no longer really swallow anything.  T and I both kind of troughing in our own mental health situations around the same time isn't helping.  Whether he was right about the afterlife or not, he's better off now than he probably has been since he lost my step-grandmother, and reading stories from the past couple pages has made it clear how lucky he was to get this long a life.  Still sucks.

I know the feeling you're going through. My grandmother passed away this past Saturday at 98. She was the only grandparent I knew, having both grandfathers die before I was born, and my paternal grandmother just one week after my birth. I had visited her at the nursing home on 12/31 and she seemed fine, but received a call on Saturday morning basically telling me to get out there as soon as I could. When I first saw her, I thought she was already gone. The home had her in bed, with some spiritual music playing on a small CD player.  A pastor came in for a visit and reassurance, and even though I'm not really that religious, it was so helpful to me. I'm relieved that her pain has ended, as she was on painkillers due to her hip. She also showed no signs of senility, but her vision and hearing were practically gone at the end.  The funeral was this morning. 

I'm comforted by the knowledge I had one final Christmas with her.

I'm spoilering the last part because it is really gallows humour and tasteless, but I swear it is true.

Spoiler

I opted to watch a couple Rifftrax videos just because I could have used a chuckle on Saturday, and one of the ones I opted for was Kiss of the Tarantula. I'd completely forgotten that much of the film takes place in a mortuary/funeral home. In one scene, some 30-something teenagers are breaking into the home, and Mike riffs "I wanna steal a classy coffin. Grandma deserves the best!". I practically laughed myself hoarse at the line, while simultaneously wondering what the hell was wrong with me.

 

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Condolences, guys. My Grandmother (and only remaining Grandparent) went into the hospital last Friday for a heart valve replacement and suffered a stroke during the procedure. She's fortunately regained the ability to speak rather quickly, but she's been physically weakened a great deal. She was a spry, independent, and relatively healthy 85 until now, but she sounds and looks about twenty years older essentially overnight. I'm hoping she's able to rehab and this isn't the beginning of a rapid physical decline. 

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Thanks to all for the kind words.  After much deliberation I made the very difficult choice to not attend the funeral.  The last few I've been to have brought out the worst in me, and when I'm already in a depression trough it feels like the best self-care I can do is to stay here, consume comfort food (both literal and figurative) and figure out how best to honor him from a distance.  It doesn't help that after my Mom died, most of her family (aside from G-dad and her twin sister who is local to me in Austin) made almost no effort to make us feel like part of the family.  (I get the feeling that my dad is not well liked, but the DeClerks as a whole have always been very tight-knit among the women and not done a great job at making the grandsons feel like part of the clan.)

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Sorry to hear your grandpa passed sir. A bit over 2 years ago my grandfather died. He was 101 1/2. Back when he was 93 his wife passed. So at 93 he had to learn how to cook and other stuff. Lived on his own,right next to my aunt from after Grannie died until about 5 months before he passed. Then it got to where we had two choices either hire a live in nurse or he had to goto a nursing home. Grandpa wasn't gonna let anyone live with him. So he went to the nursing home. About a month before he passed I went to visit him. I could tell he hated being there. And had a feeling it might be the last time I saw him.

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