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DECEMBER 2016 TV DISCUSSION

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So, "Baskets" is the best thing ever, right? First season just came up on HULU , and it's amazing. Louie Anderson in particular is fucking hilarious. 

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On ‎12‎/‎14‎/‎2016 at 3:55 PM, RIPPA said:

 

I think I will be watching this instead:

Yep, that's my man Corey Hawkins aka Dr. Dre from Straight Outta Compton and late of Kong:  Skull Island as your new time lapse hero.

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I'm visiting my parents for the holidays and that means I have access to Antenna TV which means I get to watch old Johny Carson reruns which means I get to revel the obscurity of his monologues, which when heard today consist of a special kind of reference material that would have been common knowledge back then but is so obscure that nearly no one on earth will get the references today.

So it's time for some EARLY 80s HISTORY!!!

The great thing about these is that some of them would have been obscure even then, but most would have been referring to things in the news at the time, things that seemed hugely important and that everyone expected would be of historical relevance but, like most things, ended up being tiny footnotes in the world and entertainment trivia of the moment.

Tonight's moment was December 17, 1982 and four names/things stood out to me as fitting the bill.

- A reference to Claude Pepper.  The joke: At Christmas in Burbank no one believes in Santa Claus but they do believe in Claude Pepper.  This one went right past the audience in 1982 and Johnny was annoyed and told them to look up Claude Pepper.  This seems to be a reference to the fact that around 1982 Pepper would have been an important figure in the ongoing debate over medicare...so maybe it's a joke about old people in Burbank which makes little sense and would have worked better if it was about, like Tampa or Miami or something.  Maybe it was a joke about Left coast liberals hating Reagan since Pepper was a pretty powerful adversary throughout his two terms.
m-4299.jpg
FUCK YOUR CAR KARAOKE. THIS IS WHAT A MONOLOGUE JOKE REFERENCE LOOKED LIKE IN 1982!

- A reference to Raymond Massey.  The joke: something about Johnny getting a Christmas card from the president and being honored that Raymond Massey thought of him.  This is maybe a very subtle dig at Reagan since Raymond Massey was most famous for having played a president (Lincoln) on Broadway, and in multiple films...
ASG5300Z.jpg

so maybe a joke about how the actual president is just an actor playing president....but Jesus, Johnny, that was in the 19fucking40s...When Johnny told this joke Raymond Massey was 86 years old and non one under the age of 60 knew who he was.  You go, Johnny! Anyone under the age of 60 should not be up at 10:37 central time!

And now some really specific-to-the-moment things

- A reference to "the brinks truck robbers" which references a 1981 heist of an armored truck by members of the Black Liberation Army which led to a series of gunfights resulting in I think four deaths and numerous civilian injuries. While the main robbers were caught, a year later the FBI was still pursuing other members of the group and there was still something like 1 million dollars missing from the robbery.
635531563160536693-Judith-Clark.jpgThree of the Brinks Robbers in custody. In 1981 news photos were still in black and white and didn't yet gif.
 
The story was a point of new controversy not long ago when one of the robbers was freed on parole and hired at Columbia University to teach about the prison system. Now, in 1982 this would have been a huge story that everyone knew about but now is an infinitesimal bit of historical dust.

- Plus there were two great references to Reagan-era military ideas.  He talked about Nancy Reagan decorating the "Window of  Vulnerability" a genuinely terrible joke that was a reference to a common Reagan talking point at the time that a Soviet nuclear buildup in the 1970s had left us vulnerable to a first nuclear strike that we could not answer in time in order to maintain mutually assured destruction.  Thus if we did not elect him and spend billions re-arming we would be dead within months.  Sound familiar?


- Then there was a joke about "dense packed snowmen" a reference to another bizarre idea that caused controversy, and a Congressional vote that Reagan lost, in the early 1980s, a nonsenisical plan called "Dense pack" by Reagan's pentagon to cluster together missile silos in a certain pattern that would allegedly be shielded by debris from a Russian strike clouding the skies and protecting the other silos in the line.  If that sounds like an insane thing for people to be debating in Congress in 1982, that was the Cold War, fellas...and you might want to get used to it again.  From Wiki:

Quote

The U.S. commitments under the Anti-Ballistic Missile (ABM) Treaty prevented the development and staging of adequate ABM installations around its nuclear missile silos. Therefore, it was decided that new and unconventional strategies for protecting these military assets from a sneak-attack had to be developed: "Dense Pack" was one strategy. Other ICBM basing strategies considered during this time were scatterpack, deep basing, rail-mobile, alert ground dispersal, and reverse-inclination basing.

According to the Dense Pack strategy, a series of ten to twelve hardened silos would be grouped closely together in a line. This line of silos would generally run north-to-south, as the primary flight path for Soviet inbound nuclear missiles would be expected to come from the north over the North Pole. The rationale for this thinking went like this: As the first inbound warhead detonates over its target silo, it would throw a large cloud of debris over the entire missile field. Every other warhead targeted on that missile field would have to travel through that debris cloud to reach its target, and it was theorized that the act of traveling through that debris cloud would "trash" the warhead before it could detonate. Every successful explosion over the missile field would throw more debris up into the air, increasing the chances that each successive warhead would be destroyed before it could trigger.

 

1982!!!!!

So yeah.  We would all be dead any moment...but hey, here's Sally Field to promote KISS ME GOODBYE with James Caan and TRON-era Jeff Bridges.

 

And finally, the obscure final slot guest of the night:

Thalassa Cruso who had a horticulture show on vaunted PBS affiliate WBGH in Boston called "Making Things Grow." 

Yes, it sounds like the title of a Monty Python sketch and, honestly, she looks like a Monty Python character

 

This series of Existential threats were all packed into one goddamn Carson episode! They just don't do that anymore.

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I think the Dense Pack strategy first came from the game Missile Command.

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Thank Television for The Day After. We might not be sitting here reminiscing if not. 

If only there was any way to make that film translatable into a person with a 140-character count mindset.

Note: I didn't put "..." at the end of that sentence, because not even this could do it

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I think what I love about Carson most is that he knew those jokes would bomb and just gave him a chance to be self-depricating and mug for the camera. Not every joke had to hit and Johnny could just play it off, make fun of himself and keep going. I don't think any late night host can pull that off and not be utterly annoying today.

James

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Tonight Antenna TV showed the Carson show from December 20, 1991, a year that seems so much closer to us than 1982, but you might be surprised at how many of these references, like just yesterday to those among you who are old enough to have had to have any kind of camera shoved up your ass, are like something out of the 1920s to anyone not old enough that the first thing they grab every morning is their knee.

So, for the benefit of those reading this who are young enough that they don't time out their day by the color pill that is keeping them alive for the next few hours, I give you YOUR NIGHTLY HISTORY-LESSON-VIA-CARSON-MONOLOGUE

 

Tonight we got:


- A reference to high winds. December 20, 1991 saw winds in Southern California over 70 mph making national headlines: From the L.A. Times
 

Quote

"The gale force winds, gusting at more than 70 m.p.h. in some areas, downed power lines, fanned brush fires, shattered windows, overturned an airplane, ripped the facing from two high-rise buildings in Century City and felled scores of trees, one of which damaged a school bus in Ojai, injuring the bus driver."


A joke about the winds allowing "Pan Am to fly again"
    Pan American World Airways ceased operations on December 4, 1991.  Some analysts at the time blamed high gas prices following The first Gulf War along with a sharp decline in trans-atlantic tourism that year for driving the company to sell of many of its routes in 1990-91 and leading to a cascade of misfortune.  Others blamed internal mismanagement and a lack of government protection for an industry that was generally suffering in the late 80s and early 90s. In 2011-12, in typical old network fashion, ABC tried to jump into the MADMEN hippness by creating its own 1960s mod-chic tribute that centered on the airline in its heyday.
    
  

panam2015_01.jpg
    

- A reference to The Clapper.  You know this.  

But in case you forgot or are young enough that you've never uttered the phrase "cordless phone," or "We're out of Metamucil again!"...This commercial debuted in 1986 and by 1991 had become something of a Christmas tradition as cheap gadget company Joseph Enterprises hoped millions of hip smug assholes would buy them ironically for their hip smug asshole friends. There were numerous versions of Clapper commercials but they always ended with the same old lady spazzing out and then sinking into blissful sleep in her modern AI utopia next to her 13 inch black and white rabbit ears t.v. that was undoubtedly showing an episode of THE ROCKFORD FILES mere moments earlier.

- the following punchline: "Reagan did pretty good too after leaving G.E."
    A double reference to Carson's retirement and Reagan's infamous firing.  This was Carson's final season hosting the Tonight Show before his famous retirement that led to the backstage feud between Leno and Letterman over who would succeed him.  Thus he was leaving G.E. the parent company of NBC and leaving us with Leno.


    Meanwhile, from 1954 to 1962 Ronald Reagan had been the host of GENERAL ELECTRIC THEATER, an anthology drama series.  
  

It was an important little historical zigzag because Reagan somehow became part owner of the show as part of his contract and much of his wealth and "I trust that fella' dagnab it!" fame that somehow caused everyone's grandpa to vote for this guy came from this gig rather than from his lukewarm movie career. In 1962 Reagan publicly criticized the Tennessee Valley Authority, a highly popular symbol of the New Deal. G.E. fired Reagan and he subsequently used the public debate to enhance his position as a newly minted conservative, continuing to attack the TVA in speeches on behalf of Barry Goldwater's disastrous 1964 presidential run.  Two years later Reagan would successfully run for governor of California, defeating the father of current California governor Jerry Brown.

Star Search. I know you know what this is but someday soon a generation will not know the absurd beauty of Ed McMahon's syndicated pre-American Idol weekly talent show. A lot of people who are young enough that they don't search their body for "weird new moles" at least twice a year will also not know how many famous people got their start competing on it.

Dave Chapell, Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake, Beyone, Alliyah, Martin Lawrence, the Backstreet Boys, Usher, Jessica Simpson, Leeann Rimes, Alannis Morisette, Sharon Stone (in the infamous "spokesmodel" division), Dana Gould, Jackie Martling, and probably a shit ton more.

It was an amazing thing to see every Saturday evening. A nice comedown from the overwhelming hormonal stimulation of SOLID GOLD and the Solid Gold dancers...

bev_pam1.jpg Puberty, Piranesi.  Piranesi, puberty.

Annyway...It was close to the absolute height of late 80s cheese, particularly the aforementioned "spokesmodel division".

 

- A pretty tasteless joke about eggnog at a Christmas party leading to a "nationally televised trial". Most certainly a reference to the trial of William Kennedy Smith for rape in 1991.  On March 29, 1991 Smith, nephew of J.F.K, met a woman at a bar. He took her to the beach where, she claimed, he raped her.  Three other women came out in the press accusing Smith of having assaulted them at his home.  His trial was one of the first to be nationally televised.  He was acquitted of all charges on December 12, 1991.

hqdefault.jpg

Certainly a face you can trust and not a smug rich douche, right?

    
    - A reference to Charles Keating,
    
   Charles-Keating-Jr.1.jpg

Certainly a face you can trust and not a smug rich douche, right?
    
    a financier and director of Lincoln Savings and Loan.  It's failure in 1989 stemmed from an investigation into Keating and Michael Milken having sold worthless junk bonds to tens of thousands of investors while simultaneously betting on the bond market to collapse. In the process of the investigation he used his influence, and possibly bags full of filthy fucking money, to convince five senators, who would forever become known as "the Keating Five" to use their office to help him avoid regulations or end aspects of the investigation. In December, 1991, Keating was convicted of fraud and sentenced to 10 years in prison.  After serving four years his conviction was overturned.  A new trial was ordered and in 1999 he pled guilty in exchange for a sentence of "time served."

The U.S. government was eventually on the hook for $3.4 billion to cover the losses after they seized the company. It was supposedly a wakeup call that would lead to stronger regulation of shady investment and asset bundling practices. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!   

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Ah, Keating, also famous anti-porn advocate (AKA wannabe censor) along with fraudulent crook... wait, he died two years ago? I thought he was just made Secretary of Commerce?

I made a Clapper joke today about not being able to turn on some lights where I work and it fell on deaf ears. 

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I know when we talk Fresh Prince around here it's because of that scene and it's a great scene, but man is Geoffrey underrated. I just love his random snappy comments.

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It was a really good show. But, yeah, that scene over shadows everything else. 

Hell it's probably the best scene from a sitcom ever

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1 minute ago, Brian Fowler said:

It was a really good show. But, yeah, that scene over shadows everything else. 

Hell it's probably the best scene from a sitcom ever

"It was a baby, you son of a bitch."

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I am so irrationally excited for THE YOUNG POPE.  It's either going to be the best show or a breathtaking disaster.  I can't imagine there's any middle ground to be had.

Whichever way, I'm IN.

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Tonight was maybe the greatest A-Team ever.  I wish it was a 3-parter or a whole miniseries.  The premise is so amazing.

Nevermind that the opening line is spoken by Morgan Woodward.

You know Morgan Woodward if you've ever seen COOL HAND LUKE.

Spoiler

morgan-woodward-cool-hand-luke.jpg

 

Ooof! That face.

As the grizzledest ole' cuss what ever did cuss
morg66.jpg

he also holds the record for "most appearances as different characters on GUNSMOKE" a record only slightly less prestigious than "Most appearances as different characters on Barney Miller."

You talk about a face.  
31vF0YVKkPL.jpg

It's like if you spliced Joe Biden with Leslie Nealson and then just had Sam Elliot nibble on it a little.

It's a face made for a show like DALLAS so of course

648.jpg

LOOK AT THAT DOPE ASS BOLO TIE THAT IS BASICALLY HIS DICK WORN ON HIS THROAT DARING YOU TO STEP TO IT!!!

Okay Okay Okay the premise is...get this...fake Undertaker A-Team.  There is a fake heel A-Team terrorizing a Wild West show (??????) and the real babyface A-team needs to stop them because like now all the inner city kids hate Mr. T.

ateamshowdown090610-01.jpg Fake A-Team!!!!!!!!!

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking "What kind of perfect writing mind devised this perfect premise?"

That name is Milt Rosen.  And he, too, is amazing.  His first writing credit was for the first episode of THE WALTER WINCHELL SHOWTHE WALTER FREAKING  WINCHELL SHOW!!!!!

If you're not in your mid hundred and 20s you won't know that Walter Winchell was a horrible and feared gossip columnist, in fact the first syndicated gossip columnist who terrorized and blackmailed celebrities for decades.  He made the transition to a radio gossip show, where he was that guy who opened his show with a morse code beeping and saying "Good evening Mr. and Mrs. North and South America and all the ships at sea..." if you've ever heard anyone reference that and you are less than a century and a half old now you know!  His career sank after he became an ardent McCarthy-ite just as the public was about to turn against McCarthy. Yeah.  What a charmer.

WWcigphonetypePortrait.jpgThat guy somehow had a VARIETY SHOW!!! How??? WHY??? HOW????

If you wonder what something like that looks like, here is an episode.

The only thing really endearing about Walter Winchell is that HIS first writing gig was in 1920 for a trade called THE VAUDEVILLE NEWS.  

Think about that! I feel like this could keep spinning back until we get to, like, Homer writing for the Spartan Gazette.

But I'm really drifting here.  Back to Milt Rosen. Do you know what Milt Rosen was most known for in the biz?  For writing the gags on the DEAN MARTIN CELEBRITY ROASTS!!!! He was a "quip master." an insult comice!!!! A one-liner-kind. He wrote jokes for Milton Berle!

This is the kind of thing Milt Rosen did:

naodemelk-img600x450-1462801258bzhlz0171

MILT ROSEN!!!!!!

and he came up with the most amazing premise for an A-TEAM episode EVER!!!!

To keep up with the theme of "Dudes who can hold a damn powerful mustache" the Fake Hannibal is played by John Carter:

ehxibit B.
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And I mean this episode is just loaded.

Like, the least amazing person is K.C. Winkler who made her living playing 80s hookers.  She was a hooker in NIGHT SHIFT.  She was a hooker in THEY CALL ME BRUCE?.  She was a hooker on RIPTIDE.  She was a hooker in THE HAPPY HOOKER GOES TO WASHINGTON.  She was Wink Martindale's "assistant" on THE NEW HIGH ROLLERS.
 
and OMYGOD there's AN ANGELFIRE PAGE CALLED THE K.C. WINKLER SHRINE and it's BEEN PRESEVRED!!!!  From back when people understood that the internet was for things like shrines to models who were on gameshows and not their stupid political opinions. What an innocent time!

http://www.angelfire.com/stars5/kcwinkler/

It lists her CV thusly:

 

Quote

KC Winklers past appearances

    Fredericks of Hollywood Model
    Movie: Armed & Dangerous
    High Rollers Gameshow co-hostess


    
    It has the following links:    

Quote

Cool Sites

- KC Gallery One
- Free Web Building Help
- Angelfire HTML Library
- HTML Gear - free polls, guestbooks, and more!

HOLY SHIT YOU CAN SIGN THE GUEST BOOK!!!!! and email the site owner at earthlink.net Do you remember when they bought mindspring!?!? And everyone was like "I don't want to give up my mindspring acount!!!!! THIS CHANGES MY LIFE!!!!!"

I wonder what Earthlink is up to today?

Quote

In September 2014, the company partnered with Tech Data to provide a Desktop as a Service cloud offering.[32]

Of course they did. They sounds like the most "Earhlink in 2014" thing in the world to try to do.

I can't help but think I've gotten a little off topic here. So I'll leave you with an anecdote by some dude about Milt Rosen:

Screen_Shot_2016_12_23_at_9_46_21_PM.png

And here's the Amazon books summary of one of Milt's books:

Quote

"Collects jokes and riddles poking fun at ethnic groups, religions, sex, races, and handicapped people"

He also wrote the following line of dialog as a summary of the basic plot of the greatest A-TEAM episode ever:

Quote

What better cover for an international drug smuggling operation than a traveling wild west show?

MILT ROSEN!!!!!!

 

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The Medici show on Netflix was pretty good. . . .

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I'm disappointed that Carl Weathers did not appatently play the fake BA. 

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3 hours ago, odessasteps said:

I'm disappointed that Carl Weathers did not appatently play the fake BA. 

or at least a pre-Next Gen Michael Dorn or pre-Candyman Tony Todd

James

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21 minutes ago, J.H. said:

or at least a pre-Next Gen Michael Dorn or pre-Candyman Tony Todd

James

You guys...you guys...The guy who did play fake B.A. was stunt double to both Carl Weathers in ACTION JACKSON and Michael Dorn in INSURRECTION.

Insurrection_stunt_doubles.jpg

 

 

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Piranesi, on the topic of "A Team vs Evil A Team" storylines, you should check out the episode "Waiting For Insane Wayne".  The only character actor I can remember offhand is the guy who played the hardware store owner in "Roadhouse" but I'm sure you'll recognize plenty of others.

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Johnny Carson Monologue report for December 27, 1989: A dark series of jokes tonight on Johnnie Carson reminding us of just how many scandals and big trials were in the news in 1989.  The standout out pattern here is the sheer number of fraud cases signifying the collapse of the Go Go 80s and the beginning of the cynical 90s.

It was a turning point for humanity.  The end of an era (literally walls coming down and shit) and the beginning of a new decade that would see the introduction of the World Wide Web, the thing that we all learned a few weeks ago is eventually going to destroy us.  What a moment! So here is your GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY AS VIEWED THROUGH THE LENS OF A CARSON MONOLOG of the night.

    Lots of corruption.  that's the theme. I already mentioned Charles Keating in a previous post, and he got another mention tonight since 1989 was when the Lincoln Savings and Loan went belly up.


    But there were also references to the following:
    
        Jim Bakker. Sentenced to 45 years in August, 1989, for mail fraud, wire fraud, and conspiracy for shady accounting associated with his evangelical tv. network and theme park.  Much of the attention initially fell on him when it was revealed he had paid hush money to his secretary Jessica Hahn in order to keep quiet their sexual escapades. Hahn, for her part, got a big hair makeover, dated Sam Kinison, and became something of a staple of low-brow trash t.v. culture emerging in the late 1980s.

298full-jessica-hahn.jpg


        
        Leona Helmsley: Also in August, 1989, Leona Helmsely and her husband, real estate mogul Harry Helmsely were convicted of tax evasion. 

6ea5a9933af9436695b6d0abcd270889.jpg

Leona, who had developed a Trump-like obsession with media attention as "The meanest boss in the world" mistreating her employees and refusing to pay contractors, was sentenced to 16 years but only served about 2.  The case began when they were sued by contractors who did $8 million in renovations to the Helmsley mansion and the Helmsley's refused to pay.  During the lawsuit it was revealed they billed the renovations illegally to their hotels and an investigation revealed they had been hiding billions in revenue form the I.R.S.  If only they had thought to take a $20 billion loss, huh?
    
And if that wasn't enough prison talk, a reference to the Vatican Embassy having "an unwanted Christmas guest."

This refers to a bizarre scene that unfolded following the U.S. invasion of Panama in December, 1989, Former dictator Manuel Noriega, on the run from U.S. troops made a secret phone call from a Dairy Queen in Panama City to Monsignor Laboa who was the Vatican Ambassador to Panama requesting sanctuary at the Vatican Embassy.  He was granted asylum and holed up in the Embassy.
    U.S. troops could not "invade" the Vatican Embassy.  So instead they surrounded it and laid siege.  The siege included blasting huge lights into the building at night and blaring loud music into the windows in an effort to wear Noriega down.  
   loudspkr.jpg
    
    The Holy See complained to the United Nations and the U.S. ceased is "psychological operations."  Noriega eventually surrendered
  

He was sentenced to 30 years in a federal prison, but in 2010 was extradicted to France to face further charges there, and from France was extradicted to Panama where he remains in prison.

In lighter 1989 news

A reference to Vanna White teaching Marylin Quayle how to spell: I know if you are older than Moses your brain is jumping right to 1988 when then republican vice presidential candidate Dan Quayle infamously misspelled the word "potato" because it was wrong on the card he was handed:

Remember when that was enough to effectively end his future as a political force?  Remember that? Goddammit!

But this joke refers to an even more obscure piece of political trivia.  The next year, then Vice President Quayle's wife Marilyn sent out hand-written Christmas cards in which she hoped the "season will be a beakon of hope to everyone." It was particular fodder for late-night comics because the white house had just announced Barbara Bush's crusade for literacy.

A reference to It's a WOnderful Life being "everywhere".  Sure everyone knows that IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE has been a Christmas tradition like forever.  But you may not be old enough to remember how it got that way or what it was like when it was on 24/7 on multiple channels all month.  In 1974 It's a Wonderful Life went into public domain due to a paperwork error on the part of Republic Pictures.  From then until 1990 anyone could air it for free.  That was largely the reason that the movie had become such a holiday staple by the late 80s.  It really was everywhere, every cheap local and basic cable station ran it and after awhile everyone just expected to see this movie every December, which had been a critical and box-office failure and basically ceased to exist in the 1950s and 60s.

Then in 1989 a copyright case arose involving the rights to the "original story" that REAR WINDOW (ironically another Steward movie) was based on.  Republic seized on this case realizing they had renewed the rights to the "original story" that IAWL was based on as well as the soundtrack, effectively allowing them exclusive rights to reproduce the entire work.  

Suddenly, after years of marathons on multiple channels it was announced that the movie would be shown only once in 1993, on NBC on Thanksgiving. Like, literally everybody freaked the fuck out and watched that broadcast like their damn dummy lives depended on it because there was no internet and we were all idiots.


And now back to darkness:

A reference to the flu epidemic of 1989. Damn, Johnny!  I believe the last official Influenza epidemic before the H1N1 pandemic of 2009.  From November 1989 to March 1990 flu deaths reached the epidemic threshold in 22 countries.  29,000 people died in the UK and as much as 60% of the population there contracted the illness.  That, of course, is nothing compared to the pandemic of 1918, which killed 20 million people.

A reference to the trial and summary execution of Nicholae Ceausescu and his wife in Romania.  
ceausescu-trial.png  DON'T WORRY, BABE, I GOT A PLAN!

Looking back it almost seems odd that this is the only reference to the events of Eastern Europe in 1989, which included the destruction of the Berlin wall and reunification of Germany, as well as revolutions or government collapses in Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Yugoslavia (this one didn't go so well), and Romania, not to mention the Tienanmen Square protests.
    It was a movement that prompted Francis Fukuyama to write a best-selling book called "The End Of History" which convinced a lot of people and pundits that the long 20th-century of political tensions was effectively over, that the contradictions of Post-enlightenment governance had been solved, and that the only remaining viable form of government was liberal capitalist democracy. HAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!! Remember that? HAHAHAAHAHAH! WE DON"T EVEN HACVE THAT IN NORTH CAROLINE ANYMRORES!!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!
    
        Ahhhh....shit.
        

So that's all pretty dark. So we'll end with one last court-based reference.

A reference to Doug Llewelyn. YEAAH! When was the last time you thought about that guy? The guy who interviewed all the dummies on THE PEOPLE'S COURT after their dummy cases were decided and they lost all their dummy money.

hqdefault.jpg

THIS WAS A JOB SOMEONE HAD. A CAREER!!!!

THE PEOPLE'S COURT was HUGE in the 80s.  It started in 1981 and was the first show to use binding arbitration to sucker dummies into airing their small-claims cases on t.v.

And I know it's stilla round with like Judge Marilyn or some dumb shit.  But no.  There was one PEOPLE'S COURT judge that mattered...From 1981 to 1993 Judge Wapner.
wapner_5.jpg

An old, white-haired, white guy in a bathrobe.  THAT"S COURT MOTHERFUCKERS!!!

Man, we watched that shit ERYDAY! In my house the later afternoon was:
Scooby Doo
Divorce Court
The People's Court
The Jeffersons
Barney Miller
The News
Unless the Cubs were on WGN.  Then Fuck Doug Llewelen, Andre Dawson is on!


Obscure final guest of the night
    Gladys Farek.  Who in 1989 made a 150 lb. fruit cake to win the title of "largest fruit cake in the world."
   clip_image0061.jpg

This is more of an actual respectable life achievement than being Doug Llewelyn
    
    Seriously, though, the only worthwhile thing that Doug Llewelyn contributed to the earth was this SNL sketch
  http:// http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/the-peoples-court/n9487?snl=1

 

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Most of the time I have no idea whatsoever what piranesi is talking about, but I'll be damned if I don't immensely enjoy his posts.

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I remember Jessica Hahn back in the day. I had a crush on her from her pictures alone. I was a kid do I didn't know any better

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50 minutes ago, John Austin said:

I remember Jessica Hahn back in the day. I had a crush on her from her pictures alone. I was a kid do I didn't know any better

I was more of a Fawn Hall guy myself, as scandal chicks went at least.

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I didn't write up last night's A-Team because there was only one good guy in it.  I mean he was the bad guy but he was a good guy to notice and be like AW SHIT IT"S THAT GUY!

Name: Joseph Wiseman

ateambellsofstmarys091210-05.jpg

Here he is having paint dumped on him by George Peppard. Not so recognizable right there?  Maybe if I....Bond him up about 70% or so...

Spoiler

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AW SHIT IT"S DR> NO!!!! THEY GOT DR> NO TO PLAY A BAD GUY ON A_TEAM!!!!


So that was pretty sweet.  But otherwise it was pretty thin...Tonight. On the other hand. is. stacked.

Like the actual first image we see is Markie Post, this marking her SECOND A-TEAM appearance!!! Now I need you to prepare yourself for this.  Just take a breath and click on this spoiler and just deal with Markie Post at the height of 1984.

Spoiler

tumblr_n14kldaTdT1rrd8d6o1_400.gif  OFF. ON! OFF. ON! OFF. ON! OFF. ON!

 


Now, I know you didn't deal with that because THRE IS NO DEALING WITH THAT 1984 JUST SPRAYED AQUANET IN YO FACE BISH!!!!

This was right in the middle of her powerful stint as Teri Michaels on THE FALL GUY...the only show that came close the A-TEAM in terms of ramp-jumps-per-episode-minute:

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YES THIS HAPPENS 4.1 TIMES PER FALL GUY EPISODE!!!!

In addition to Markie "I am literally the physical embodiment of an actual decade" Post we also get her little kid in the show played by...a little kid...


who just happens to be....

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Brian Tanner from ALF!!!

Now none of the Alf family was particularly memorable apart form Max Wright who, of course went on to star in "anonymous video footage making out with some dude in a crack house." 

 

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Pretty awesome, really.

Almost as scandalous. Did you know there was an ALF video game for Sega Master System?
444942-reviewalfsms2wu9.jpg


It was terrible. I watched a drunk guy try to beat it on Periscope and he nearly died of rage. Here's some gameplay footage.


Make sure to watch to at least around 1:00 when the molester guy shows up.

This guy:
alf.jpg

Literally that guy is making the molester "sqooshy squooshy grabby grabby" hand gestures just walking up and down the streets of a city sidewalk and then he walks right into Alf's house and Alf is clearly like preparing to shield his genitals from this creepo.  IN WHAT YEAR IS THAT ACCEPTABLE SEGA?????

So okay.  Two pretty nice little weird people pop up.  But still no AW SHIT ITS DAT GUYYYYY!!!! That guy is usually the bad guy and tonight is no excpetion. Last night was Dr. No, which is not easy to top.  But....Tonight...

Spoiler

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AW SHIT ITS RICHARD FUjdING LYNCH!!!!!

 

RICHARD

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FUJGING

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LYNCH

Richard Lynch

What do you even pick as the best Richard Lynch movie?

INVASION U.S.A.?
THE SWORD AND THE SORCERER?
BAD DREAMS?
WEREWOLF (YES...THE MST3K ONE)
NECRONOMICON: BOOK OF THE DEAD?
PUPPET MASTER III: TOULON'S REVENGE?
ALLIGATOR II: THE MUTATION???
CYBORG III' THE RECYCLER????

I think I personally have to go with

Cut and Run...

http://deathvalleydriver.com/forum/index.php?/topic/4626-the-grindhouse-report/&do=findComment&comment=489966

A bizarre mixture of a 70s cannibal movie and a mid-80s U.S. jungle/action movie directed by Ruggero Deodato with RICHARD FUJCING LYNCH as the Colonel Kurtz type

 

 

Did you know Richard Lynch dropped acid with Don Calfa in 1967 and set himself on fire requiring reconstructive surgery and years of rehab?

calfa+look+3.jpgThis was the last face he saw before setting himself on fire.

Don Calfa died less than a month ago.  Richard Lynch died in 2012.

Dammit, A-Team made me sad now.

 

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I expected the Markie Post femullet. I didn't expect it to be a helmet 3x bigger than her head.

 

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