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DECEMBER 2016 MOVIE DISCUSSION

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This month is basically my "cramming for Greatest of All-Time" month

Oh yeah - hint hint

 

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I'd like to say the same thing, but I'm sure by midway through the month I'll be on movie 1 of my need to watch for GOAT list and movie 6 of my Joey Lawrence/Melissa Joan Hart I really don't know how I get sucked into these awful Christmas movies list. 

I really need to at least force myself to finally watch the Godfather movies.

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This past week I watched

Santa's Little Helper: Featuring not one but threww pro wrestlers (Miz, Paige and Maryse in a dialogueless cameo)!  Despite that, Annalynne McCord manages to underact both in the lead role. It was dumb, it was pretty bad but...

Christmas Bounty: ...this was one hundred times worse! Starring Francia Raisa (Not bothering to check that spelling because she doesn't deserve it) and The Miz (!) in this dreadful Christmas movie about a girl who has to return to her Jersey bounty-hunting roots in order to capture a bad guy (Who does a terrible Italian accent which is a shocking step-down from his terrible Russian accent in 'The Christmas Consultant') while not letting her fiancee find out she's a bounty hunter.  Somehow it is from 2013 yet someone thought this Jersey Shore/Dog the Bounty Hunter mash-up would still be timely and hilarious.  It is neither.  There's a lot of shooting, but nobody dies.  There's a lot of comedy, but nobody laughs.  And it culminates in Miz, Raisa and a couple others dancing to a song with the lyrics "I do my fist pump pump pump pump".

A Hologram For the King: This starts off reasonably promising with Tom Hanks as a middle-aged businessman tasked with bringing a hologram-driven IT program to the king of Saudi Arabia.  It almost plays like a middle-aged Saudi version of 'Lost in Translation' and, being directed by Tom Tykwer, has a lot of neat visual flourishes like Hanks dreaming of himself doing a psedo-music video for Talking Heads, and photos carrying on conversations with him and the like.  Of course there's a likable Saudi guide who appears to have learned his English from American TV and leads him on adventures.  But then about 2/3rds of the way through the movie, the film drops its script/premise and meanders into a by-the-numbers love story and limps to a pretty lame conclusion.  Disappointing.

Popstar: Never Stop Stopping: I thought the first hour of this was hilarious with Andy Samberg playing a Justin Bieberish pop star hitting his first bumps in the road and trying to salavage his popularity.  There's lots of great stupid silly stuff including a great cameo by Seal.  And then in the last half hour, it's like Samberg and his Lonely Island cohorts forgot it was a parody and do their damndest to have Connor-For-Real learn the importance of friendship and give him a totally pointless redemption arc when him continuing to be an asshole and struggle along would have been ten times funnier.  Also disappointing.

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My wife watched one of the Miz Hallmark movies - I don't remember which one - and said it wasn't too bad - if you accept going in that you are watching a Hallmark movie

I think it was the Non-Paige one

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14 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

Friday Foster is on right now and boy is it fucking stupid. You get three of the best actors on the planet at that time, and maybe the most beautiful woman in film history (Yaphet Kotto, Eartha Kitt, and Pam Grier) and feed them this shit. They do their best but damn. They could've been starring in Barry Lyndon or Rocky Horror that year and the movies still would've still been as good, but instead, they were working here. 

EDIT: It is cool to see the Creeper from Dolemite shaved and working though

EDIT II: AND SURE ENOUGH IT WAS FUCKING CARL WEATHERS THAT GOT GUNNED DOWN ON THE ROOFTOP, I KNEW IT!

I am planning on watching Friday Foster in the near future. I was watching Fort Apache, The Bronx a couple weeks ago, and it's like Pam Grier and Paul Newman are in different films. I am still not sure what the point of Pam's character was besides cutting up tricks with a cheap razorblade in her mouth. That's a neat trick, I guess.

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For some reason, my wife is wondering what the (probable) plot twist is in Shut In, the Naomi Watts thriller from a few months ago.  Now I'm wondering too, and I can't find a full plot summary of the movie via Google.  Wikipedia is usually good for that sort of thing.  We're not horror movie fans, so actually watching the movie isn't an option we're considering, lol.

The trailers make it seem like Watts' character is either being terrorized by the little kid she took in who wandered off and presumably died in the wilderness, or she's gone mental and is imagining things.  My money is on a "shocking" twist ending where it turns out the stalker is

Spoiler

the brain-dead son of Watts' character.  I'm speculating the kid has actually recovered and is ticked with her for some reason, so he gets up and walks around the house when she isn't around while he plots revenge or whatever.

Anyone know how the movie ends, or where I can read a plot summary that gives away the ending?

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Wiki didn't give anything away but it did say that the film has the rare 0% on Rotten Tomatoes based on 24 reviews. Whoa. A friend of mine said he got suckered into watching it with his mom and all it did was give him a bunch of in-jokes for Thanksgiving dinner. 

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There's a reddit thread on it here.  It sounds like your guess is right.

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It's a new month, so we have new premiers this weekend on cable.

Keanu (Key & Peele) comes on tonight @ 8Pm EST on HBO and The Hateful Eight comes on Showtime at the same time.

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Jimmy Kimmel will host the 2017 Oscars

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My mom rented it for me once when I was home sick from school.  It's a standard sports movie, nothing to write home about.

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I've seen it a bunch of times.  Growing up, we got Showtime really early on and, back then, movie channels were a novelty.  Also, we grew up in a strict religious household, and Showtime's late night programming was basically manna from heaven for me and my brothers.  So anything that ran late at night or early in the AM got lots of viewing in our house.  

Really, the movie is pretty tame, but, for the time, the idea of women wrestling was a bit exciting.  I watched the movie on DVD several years ago.  The first two thirds are really average, with Peter Falk being the only noteworthy element.  I did think the last third of the film was better than what had gone before.

And, lol, it just dawned on me that almost everything from that era was actually really tame compared to... now.  Porky's is a lot less interesting once you surf Brazzers.com.

 

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Does anyone have any Christmas movie recommendations and also I'm wondering if you had a top 5 or top 10 Christmas movie list?

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As per the meme I mentioned to one of my local librarians today:

There are two types of people in this world. Those who know Die Hard is a Christmas movie and those who are wrong.

Spoiler

http://www.memes.com/img/806650

(Hmm, tried to attach image from URL. Didn't work. So yeah, that there's a bonus meme link.

 

 

 

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On 12/1/2016 at 5:44 PM, Elsalvajeloco said:

I am planning on watching Friday Foster in the near future. I was watching Fort Apache, The Bronx a couple weeks ago, and it's like Pam Grier and Paul Newman are in different films. I am still not sure what the point of Pam's character was besides cutting up tricks with a cheap razorblade in her mouth. That's a neat trick, I guess.

Friday Foster is 90% about scarves.

http://deathvalleydriver.com/forum/index.php?/topic/70-movie-comment-catch-all-thread/&do=findComment&comment=91386

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2 hours ago, Niners Fan in CT said:

Does anyone have any Christmas movie recommendations and also I'm wondering if you had a top 5 or top 10 Christmas movie list?

I do, and it's wierd.

 

1. White Christman

2. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

3. Die Hard

4. Love Actually

5. Scrooged

6. Lethal Weapon (its at Christmas)

7. Gremlins

8. A Christmas Story

9. Christmas Carol (George C. Scott version)

 

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13 minutes ago, Raziel403 said:

 

 

1. White Christman

 

 

You're missing the comma.  It's White Christ, man! as in "White Christ, man, you're not serious are you?"

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10 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

http://dailygrindhouse.com/thewire/screening-new-york-marbles-1981/

I had no idea this existed. Anybody ever seen it? 

OF COURSE I HAVE SEEN THIS~!

I mark every time Peter Falk says, "You guys need to practice your Sunset Flips."

Like everyone else has said, Falk carries this movie on his shoulders. It is a pretty by the book wrestling movie that has the good taste to go with kayfabe and promote the illusion that wrestling matches are actually contested events.

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My favorite Christmas movies.

1. Die Hard

There is not enough love for the beginning of this movie when Argyle is driving John to Nakatomi Plaza and puts on the radio.

"What the hell is that?"

"It's Christmas music, man!"

2. A Christmas Story

The dialogue from the narrator that accompanies the scene where Ralphie's dad is working on the furnace is a national treasure.

3. Gremlins

Every time I watch this, I appreciate more and more just how king sized Hoyt Axton was as the inventor / father, Randall Peltzer. 

4. Scrooge (1951)

ALASTAIR MOTHER FUCKING SIM~!

5, The animated adaptation of A Christmas Carol (1971) with ALASTAIR MOTHER FUCKING SIM~! as the voice of Scrooge. 

It started as a television special and people thought it was so good that ABC set up a theatrical run where it won an Oscar for Best Animated Short..

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When Pam's onscreen, I ain't looking at her scarf. 

My only traditional, yearly-revisited Xmas movies are Christmas Vacation (already watched it with the folks) and Silent Night Deadly Night (just for the sheer misanthropy of it). 

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My top 5:

1) Elf 

2) A Christmas Story 

3) Die Hard 

Big drop... 

4) Home Alone 

5) Year Without a Santa Claus

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Santa Claus: The Movie is kind of a guilty pleasure of mine. I watched it a lot growing up. I know a lot of folks don't like it.

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