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2016 NFL: WEEK NINE


Dolfan in NYC

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So Trent Williams of the Skins was suspended for 4 games for substance abuse.  The weird thing is that he was suspended a few years ago for 4 games for failing a test for pot.  So shouldn't this current suspension actually be longer?  Or does being busted for pot count differently than other drugs?  Or do substance abuse suspensions get cleared off the books after a period of time?

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Yes. But they have in the last day or two days he didn't have a concussion, that he did but was cleared, that he's not cleared, that he passed the protocol during the game, but he's now I'm the return protocol, and.... Yeah.

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In honor of the Pats bye week, I give you the Defensive Coordinator's flowchart on stopping the Patriots offense

 

1) Did we cover Gronk? (N) Great, he just caught a pass and carried half our defense 25 yards downfield. (Y) Goto 2

2) Did We cover Edelman? (N) We just let Tom Brady nickle and dime us all the way down the field. GG no rematch (Y) Goto 3

3) Did we cover the RB coming out of the backfield? (N) What, do they cover these guys in chicken grease or something, they break like 17 tackles and get a first down. (Y) Goto 4

4) Did Blount run the ball? (Y) Ow. Lots of bruises (on the defenders, not on Blount), but at least we stopped them. This play. (N) Goto 5

5) Did we Cover Bennett? (N) WHO LET THEM HAVE TWO GOOD TIGHT ENDS? SERIOUSLY?? DIDN'T WE GET THEM TO SIGN THE TIGHT END ANTI-PROLIFERATION TREATY? (Y) Goto 6

6) Wait, where's Amendola.. did they throw to him.. (Y) Ok, I'm convinced that Belichick has mastered quantum physics where Amendola disappears and reappears in another space. LOOK UP TIME CUBE! THIS IS REAL! I NEED MY TINFOIL HEADSET! (N) Goto 7

7) Chris.. Chris Hogan... whoever he is. We covered him right? RIGHT?? (N) TOM BRADY IS A CYBORG! NO 39 YEAR OLD QB SHOULD BE THROWING 60 yard bombs. He stole Peyton Manning's arm strength, ala Dorian Grey! We need to find the secret cyborging lab underneath Gillette Stadium! (N)Goto 8

8) After all that, did that SOB Brady just twinkletoe his way to running for a first down and not even absorb a hit? (Y) Why did I even become a defensive coordinator? My mother wanted me to be something reputable, like a door to door condom salesman. I hate everything. Fuck Bill Belichick. Fuck Tom Brady.Hail Satan. (N) Goto 9

9) Good news is you stopped the New England Patriots offense.

10) The bad news is, you got flagged for having 22 defensive players on the field.

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My boss hooked me up and is covering my Sunday, which means after 20+ years of being a fan, I'm FINALLY going to see a live Panthers game.  

Stoked does not cover how I'm feeling right now.

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Have they ever not been? I didn't particularly think too highly of their Super Bowl era ones, but the rest seem to be some variation of lets see if we can make our opponents vomit at the sight of us and win the game that way.

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Falcons avenge their only division loss this season. Got in that ass at the RayJay. #RiseUp.

Two months ago Matt Ryan was "the fourth best QB in the division." Now he's an MVP candidate.

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