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Jurassic World - 2015


Fat Spanish Waiter

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Goddamn it you guys.   Your pre-ruining this for me before it gets a chance suck on its own.

 

Can we grant [Grant, heh!] FSW a one-day pass back on the board so he can save this? We can call it a coupon day or...something.

 

 

in anticipation:

 

*you're

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Yeah, looks more like that.

 

Why do I feel that this is any Giant Croc versus giant whatever monster movie that I can see on Syfy except this one has a $100 million budget.

 

Are we sure Universal isn't pranking us? I am not ruling this out.

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I mean, I will surely see the film.  I like all the actors.  Some of the shots look really cool, but it does come off like a B-movie plot and the visuals do not look as inspiring as the older films.

 

And again...were any of the Jurassic Park sequels good movies?  I mean if you liked them, to each his own...but both sequels are classified as Rotten films on RT.  Kids will go see this because dinosaurs and stuff.  I'm not going to crow about that, but it's like people just want to believe a JP sequel can be good.

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I believe in this movie and I can break it down scientifically:

 

 

(1. Director. Colin Trevorrow only did one other Real Movie, but it was Safety Not Guaranteed, which was absolutely gorgeous and a fantastic flick. He made that movie for $750K. All of it was on screen. I trust the guy.

 

(2. Star. Chris Pratt is awesome. He was awesome in Guardians, he's awesome on Parks, he's gonna be awesome in this.

 

(3. Big dumb action movies can be great. They can suck too, but Pacific Rim was way more moronic than this will be, and that flick totally rocked.

 

(4. There is only the original Jurassic Park. The timeline is JP -> JW. I retconned Lost World out of my personal Jurassic Park canon. I never even bothered to watch 3. This is the correct way to approach Jurassic Park as a franchise.

 

 

Ok, this has been Why You Should Be Open To Jurassic World Not Sucking. I'm Vince Greene.

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The first Jurassic Park movie was the first real case of book-movie translation disappointment I experienced.  The effects were groundbreaking at the time, but there have been so many syfy giant monster of the week movies since then it's not that big a deal anymore.  The sequel wasn't very good and I've never made it more than 30 or so minutes into the third, so I'm pretty indifferent to this movie.

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FSW HAS SPOKEN:  After some initial skepticism, he has ajudged:

 

 

 

Bryan Mills ‏@djdobbo 4h4 hours ago

Wait maybe one day I could have a group of Velociraptor buddies...Fuck it I'm in!

 

There is, of course, a logical counter to this argument:

 

This isn't some poster that was obliterated by ignore buttons.  The Waiter had his shot.  Rippa selected him for extinction.

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The first Jurassic Park movie was the first real case of book-movie translation disappointment I experienced.  

Funny, I remember thinking at the time that the JP book->movie translation was really accurate.  Lots of the same dialogue and it followed very closely.  The only big change that I remember was swapping the gender of the two kids and making the younger one (a girl in the book, a boy in the movie) a LOT less annoying in the movie.

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JP3 would have been fine if it hadn't just....stopped.  It built to this big PPV main with the raptors but then just gave us the go-home staredown tease.   When the Deus ex machina showed up, it was like, "Wait...we're, like, one big action sequence short of a movie here...right?" [credits roll] "Fuck."

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They have to do something different if they are doing a new movie.  Back then the cool factor was seeing CGI dinosaurs and learning new stuff with a plot that you forgot about because dinosaurs and Jeff Goldblum.

 

But since then we have TV shows on what is was like during different dinosaur periods, learned tons of new stuff, the return of kaiju, and SyFy doing crazy stuff like Sharknado so I guess they felt the need to up the game. 

 

But this different, meh.  I will skip this one.

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