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The "This is How Not to Cut a Fucking Promo" Thread - New Board Edition


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10 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

I don't think there was anything wrong with that promo except the assholes hecklers. I bet it felt awesome for Aries to be in the ring and unload all that off his chest. 

Yeah, fuck fans sometimes.  Those drunk assholes that wouldn't shut up hopefully took a nice long drive home afterwards.

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"WWE can't control what I say anymore" promos are almost always cringeworthy, but this particular one didn't go off the rails until about seven and a half minutes in. Aries was clearly gotten to by the hecklers (You're at ECW Arena and heckling throws you off that much? Seriously?), and the interminable length put it over the top.

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On 12/22/2017 at 5:00 PM, Nice Guy Eddie said:

That's what I was trying to avoid asking, if he is doing a gimmick or not.

Look in those eyes.  Ain't no gimmick in Jimmy Jack Briscoe's head, there.

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On 12/18/2017 at 12:59 AM, Ace said:

 

Okay, I gave it a shot at unpacking this promo.  Here's what I got:

"Yeah I'm Dirty Player, everybody should know me in the locker room right now, in junior weights.  I am looking for getting (ready up there/ way up there?) for the title soon."

The Dirty Player, he of jailhouse tats, poor upper dental situation, and white bandana, is apparently on target for challenging for the junior heavyweight title of TWF.  The onscreen texts ponders his ability to make an impact on the "race" for the title.  This raises the question, was he challenging for the belt at Wrestleution?  Or was he making his way up the ladder of contention?

"And I am so mad right now and always get screwed, and ... I gonna come fire, flames, whatever."

Apparently, someone has been screwing over the Dirty Player on his path to the title.  So much so, that he has found renewed strength and vigor in fighting back his enemies, and he is ready to fight with fire, flames and, y'know, whatever.

"THIS MONTH, OH-SEVEN, HERE I COME. SOMEBODY GONNA GET HANDCUFFED IN THE RING.  I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS.  I AM COMIN'.  I COMIN' FOR THAT TITLE, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.  YOU LIKE ME OR NOT.  I'M GONNA BE MOST HATED PLAYER IN THE WORLD TWF!  AT REVOLUTIIIOOOON!"

Get ready, TWF junior weights, in this month - whatever month that may be - presumably 2007 (or "07" could be July, because he may be using that ass-backwards way of writing dates), he's got a fetish for handcuffing dudes to sate, and sated he shall be.  He doesn't care who it is.  And if you like him or not, you'll soon learn to hate him ... which then seems counterintuitive to his face/heel dynamic if he's "always being screwed". Am I, Joe Mark, supposed to cheer him because I like him and want to see him overcome the odds?  Or do I boo him, because he's losing legit but whining about his losses and claiming he's being screwed over?  Guess it doesn't matter, because he's now choosing to be the "most hated player", so does this constitute a heel turn?  Did he just go from Dirty Player to Dirtier Player?  Guess we won't find out until "Revolution" (except the show is called Wrestleution, sport).

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17 hours ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

fixed

I see you ...

19 hours ago, Keep Calm, Akira Hokuto On said:

It's like Boss Hogg and Elmer Fudd had a fetal alcohol syndrome baby and he grew up to be a pro wrestler.

... and raise you.

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