nate Posted December 4, 2018 Share Posted December 4, 2018 I'm healing up from my knee surgery, and after watching some of the movies I got for Black Friday, I took a break to stream a few films. First up was my Christmas Chaos film; I liked it, but the pain medicine I'm now weaning myself from has kept me from really sitting down and writing a fair analysis. Then, after a few episodes of the American "Street Fighter" animated series, followed by a few episodes of the Japanese Supaidaman show, I took in a viewing of "Doctor Vampire" (Jiang shi yi sheng, 1990), on Asian Crush. Clocking in at what is, for this film, an absolutely obscene 98 minutes (though the requisite "commercial breaks" made it feel like 1000), "Doctor Vampire" is a popcorn ride. Nothing too offensive, mostly typical for what I've come to expect of early '90s Chinese comedy. I had seen "Kung Fu Zombie" a few nights ago, pre-op, and I suspected that this film was nestled in the "Mr. Vampire" oeuvre, but this is not the case. No hopping vampires, unless you count the brief moment where Dr. Chiang begins to suspect he's becoming a vampire and begins to test his hopping prowess. The skinny so far: Dr. Chiang meets a hooker on a business trip and does "it" with her, and when I phrase it that way, that's a reflection of the way they phrase it in the film. As a consequence of doing "it" with a hooker, instead of VD he gets turned into a vampire. He goes back home, and the film follows him as he begins to change to a vampire while also keeping his hooker pounding ways from his girlfriend (who never did "it" with him). However, the hooker's pimp - fuckin' Dracula - gets a taste of the doctor's blood and finds it to be just the fuckin tits, so he sends the hooker to find the doctor and bring him back. This movie is fun, sure, but it's a fucking slog at times. The comedy is the broadest of broad strokes, mostly involving the doctor and his pals who are pretty much the Inbetweeners, if the Inbetweeners tried to cure sinusitis via circumcision. After watching a few films from the "hopping vampire" subgenre, it's weird to watch this hybrid of Western vampire lore and Asian horror comedy tropes. This reads far too academic for my tastes, but, in for a penny I guess. There's a dick joke in the middle that I was way too amused by, but I have pain meds to blame. Fucking meniscus. I should have put this much effort into my review of my Christmas choice. Sonuvabitch, why is there a St. Jude's commercial smack in the middle of my Asian vampire titty and dick joke movie? That bummed me out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJL Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 Despite being called a "low-budget Italian Mad Max rip-off with golf carts in place of cars," Warriors of the Wasteland is a touching yet troubling rape-revenge film on par with The Virgin Spring! Truly a must for lovers of quality cinema! The best film to ever feature gratuitous gore caused by exploding arrows! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KJL Posted December 8, 2018 Share Posted December 8, 2018 PSA: if you see the "dollar" DVD of Fulci's 7 Doors of Death, it is really just The Beyond with altered credits; 7 Doors was a drastically recut version made for the US -- it's allegedly terrible but in demand due to scarcity and curiosity. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobholly138 Posted December 15, 2018 Share Posted December 15, 2018 Looks like b movie tv is showing Terror at Tenkiller right now. Never seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piranesi Posted December 16, 2018 Author Share Posted December 16, 2018 5 hours ago, bobholly138 said: Looks like b movie tv is showing Terror at Tenkiller right now. Never seen it. JESUS NO!!!!! The Rifftrax version was on Amazon prime awhile ago. If it still is watch that. Otherwise you will. Not. make. it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 I'm gonna put this here. Maximum Overdrive is an awesome pinnacle of '80s cinema. A complete masterpiece. Fuck everyone who don't like it. That is all. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobholly138 Posted December 16, 2018 Share Posted December 16, 2018 4 hours ago, piranesi said: JESUS NO!!!!! The Rifftrax version was on Amazon prime awhile ago. If it still is watch that. Otherwise you will. Not. make. it. I only got to see 20 minutes before I had to leave. Midnight movie was The Big Bust out. And Guncrazy with Drew Barrymore just started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FluffSnackwell Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 Count me amongst those who wants to see the 7 Doors of Death version. I've seen posts on other forums that claim the gore is still intact. I even saw some madman claim that because they saw the 7 Doors of Death version first, they somehow ended up preferring it. The kills are supposedly all still there. It's just that the shots don't linger. I can actually believe that working on some of the eye trauma. (I remember seeing the 80-minute version of Scarecrows that Impact On Demand periodically adds to its content before and having a hard time telling that any of the kills in it were altered at all.) However the headshot in The Beyond occurs in a glorious half-a-second. That's either in there or it isn't. Maybe most of the stuff that was edited were those pesky library-dwelling tarantulas and horror's most unpredictable seeing eye dog. Grindhouse's recent 3 Disc release of Pieces had the 86-minute Spanish version as an extra. The U.S. Cut is only 83 minutes. I went ahead and bought it last week from Diabolik for a sane price because I noticed the price had jumped up to astronomical prices starting at $65 on Amazon. I'll report back once I watch the original director's cut. Anyhow whatever rights issues they have to slog through, whenever they do another restoration of the The Beyond, why the hell not just go ahead and have 7 Doors of Death as an extra on one of the bonus discs? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted December 18, 2018 Share Posted December 18, 2018 I had (it is long lost) a $5 copy of Seven Doors of Death but it seemed identical to my VHS bootleg of The Beyond besides the actual title card being a freeze-frame of the background fire with "Seven Doors of Death" over it in cheesy video font. This was the cover: Is it the same one thou speakest of? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nate Posted December 19, 2018 Share Posted December 19, 2018 I used to have that one! I bought it at Dollar General (weird that I remember that). Nostalgia boner! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piranesi Posted December 22, 2018 Author Share Posted December 22, 2018 If you have Shudder, Joe Bob Briggs Xmas-thon about to begin in 8 minutes! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FluffSnackwell Posted December 23, 2018 Share Posted December 23, 2018 Yeah, Joe Bob pulled a by showing the Phantasm series instead of Silent Night, Deadly Night. Not content with that bit of chicanery though (well for people who are passionate about watching a Silent Night, Deadly Night marathon for some godforsaken reason which there were apparently quite a few of) Phantasm II got skipped over. To me, the first two Phantasm movies are the only good ones in the franchise. Like the Dinners of Death segments with Michael Berryman, the best part of the marathon was Reggie Bannister hanging out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobholly138 Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 Sunday at 8pm caught a great sleaze flick on B Movies Tv. They showed the mid 80s Roberts Findlay film Tenement aka Game of Survival. A gang has moved into the basement of a run down apartment building. The cops are called. But the gang gets released on a technicality. They come back and proceed to take over the building.Seems this movie got a X rating cause of all the Gore and violence. Imagine a lower budget Death Wish III. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted February 19, 2019 Share Posted February 19, 2019 That's looks awesome. Here's the (NSFW) trailer and the whole thing below 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobholly138 Posted February 23, 2019 Share Posted February 23, 2019 It's out on Blu and Dvd. Got added to my wishlist. Might get lucky and my in laws grab it for my birthday. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nate Posted February 24, 2019 Share Posted February 24, 2019 18 hours ago, bobholly138 said: It's out on Blu and Dvd. Got added to my wishlist. Might get lucky and my in laws grab it for my birthday. The *only* good thing about doing this move I'm currently in the middle of, is packing up my movie collection. I was surprised to find that I had a copy of this already. Once this move is done and over with, it's on the list. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piranesi Posted March 17, 2019 Author Share Posted March 17, 2019 (edited) Spoiler Quick recommendation of something that caught me off guard. It's called THERE'S NOTHING OUT THERE. It was made by a guy named Rolfe Kanefsky in 1991 when he was 20 years old. It is shot on 16MM and it is fantastically clever. It apparently has a decent following as Fangoria recently tweeted about its anniversary: It won a bunch of festival stuff and got a very limited release in 1992 where everyone who saw it loved it but never got a wide release and never made any money. But it is out there on DVD and Blu Ray through Vinegar Syndrome and it is well worth your time. It is basically SCREAM about five years before SCREAM and 15 before THE CABIN IN THE WOODS but a bit more obvious about it and about 50% more (somewhat dated) 80s comedy than actual horror. For a 20 year old throwing together literally his first movie it is very well directed with EVIL DEAD style steady cam shots and nice transitions and jump scares. It opens with an amazing scene where a video store clerk is stalked by a masked killer. As he chases her through the store we see a panoply of 80s horror VHS covers on the shelves with close cuts to some as the action mimics the cover art. The covers include GRIZZLY, THE MUTILATOR, THE DUNGEONMASTER, EVIL DEAD, HELL NIGHT, and others. Seeing them on the shelf in an actual stalker/slasher scare scene is oddly satisfying and sets the tone for the whole movie. There is a Randy character who spends the entire movie trying to get the crew to not go to the cabin. When they first drive past the grizzly crime scene of a murdered teen on their way to the cabin he declares "That is called a warning phase! Are we actually going to drive righ through a warning phase!!!!" He gets annoying because he is 100% focused on calling out horror tropes and his growing panic becomes the center of the movie. However it plays ok because the other characters are also annoyed by him and ironically their eventual mistakes are driven by their desire to prove him wrong. This is basically the visual equivalent to every line delivery he does so be prepared. He has some genuinely funny moments such as trying to "pre-barricade" the door to his bedroom only to find out that it's not nearly as easy or effective to pile up furniture in front of a door as it is in the movies. He also tries to turn himself into a dollar-general version of S-Mart Ash. Also a funny dig at the "cat jumps out of nowhere" scare. There is also a great bunch of "punkers" that look like a Kids in the Hall sketch. The monster is adorable in a Ghoulies kind of way and the limited gore effects are well used. The movie also parodies 80s style emphasis on nudity and underwear but makes it a bit more equal in terms of ....male//femaleness of the butts and stuff. The characters are likable in a goofy way and the sexed-up jock guy looks weirdly like Michael Madsen who the director would later work with in a movie called RED LINE and one of the girls looks a lot like Adrienne King from FRIDAY THE 13th. The Hair and clothes are still very 80s and that's a plus for the gimmick. The movie holds your attention even in the padding scenes in part because Kanefsky knows how to move the camera and cut from couple to couple to monster, etc. and has enough going on at any one moment to generate a sense of momentum. If you've always wished there was a version of SCREAM that actually took place in the 80s and looked like an 80s movie because everything in the world after 1993 or so is not to your taste, then this may be the best movie youve ever seen. If you are a fan of this thread than it is a must see and I am baffled and ashamed that I just now heard of it. I mean they try to do a gross out shot with a rat but it is so obviously someone's cute pet mouse. There is also a moment where the boom mic falls into the shot and then a character grabs it and uses it to swing to safety while the INDIANA JONES theme plays. I love every minute of this movie. I give it A FULL FOUR very anxious alien slime monsters waiting for the microwave Bagel Bytes to be done out of a possible four Edited March 17, 2019 by piranesi 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piranesi Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) ANother Grindhouse Report for YOU!!! Spoiler Another quick mini-recommendation. THE REVENGE OF THE TEENAGE VIXENS FROM OUTER SPACE (1985): It sounds like it would be a campy 80s spoof with a bunch of cameos from long-forgotten comedians. It's not. It looks like it might be a shitty Skinemax softcore movie: It's not. It's a super earnest coming of age comedy shot on 16MM by a first-time film-maker with hints of sci-fi spoof and touches of sci-fi horror thrown in occasionally. It's very cheap but the characters are extremely real...in a midwestern town in the mid 80s kind of way. The high school kids look like high school kids. They are awkward and dorky and dress like dorks trying to look cool as best they can. If you remember dressing like this to go to a roller skating party and worrying about whether your collar should be up or down, you may have been 14 in the 80s. The longer it goes on the more likable the characters become. The lead looks like Martha Quinn And best of all, given that I'm not a teenager and am now an old old man, the one adult role, the high school biology teacher who you assume will be in one scene and then get eaten, ends up being both a really nice guy and central to the story, in fact you might think of the movie as primarily his story, which is a nice touch. Also he kind of looks like if you face-swapped Chekov with Spock. FInd and watch. It's a great, nice little 80s movie but it's not a horror movie, or a "cult" movie...it's like a Canadian DAZED AND CONFUSED that's somehow not Canadian. I give it three concerned-moms-upset-that-her-oversexed-teen-son-has-been-turned-into-a-pickle-by-a-USA-UP-ALL-NIGHTsex-alien out of a possible three: I LOVE MY DEAD PICKLED SON! I LOVE MY DEAD PICKLED SON! I LOVE MY DEAD PICKLED SON! Edited March 18, 2019 by piranesi 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nate Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 I seriously had to IMDB the Discount Martha Quinn to be certain that wasn't Jill Schoelen. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piranesi Posted March 18, 2019 Author Share Posted March 18, 2019 6 hours ago, nate said: I seriously had to IMDB the Discount Martha Quinn to be certain that wasn't Jill Schoelen. Can't believe I missed that. I even just watched POPCORN a couple of days ago. God I miss Tom Villard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nate Posted March 18, 2019 Share Posted March 18, 2019 (edited) 49 minutes ago, piranesi said: Can't believe I missed that. I even just watched POPCORN a couple of days ago. God I miss Tom Villard. I'm waiting on the "Halfway to Black Friday" Vinegar Syndrome sale so I can get a copy of "Cutting Class" at a decent price. Eta: Your use of the past tense made me curious about Tom Villard and WHY DID I GOOGLE HIM??!?!?! Edited March 18, 2019 by nate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 Dammit, why do I not own a copy of Popcorn?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piranesi Posted March 19, 2019 Author Share Posted March 19, 2019 1 hour ago, Curt McGirt said: Dammit, why do I not own a copy of Popcorn?! It may also be Bruce Glover’s finest performance. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curt McGirt Posted March 19, 2019 Share Posted March 19, 2019 (edited) Because I brought it up in the other thread, this absolutely has to be seen if you haven't yet. I grabbed it from Best Buy (when that was still a thing) on a fluke purchase and wound up thanking my lucky stars. Basically what you have here is yet another version of The Most Dangerous Game but as sleazy and wild as humanly possible. There are castrated fascist prison guards, explosion tipped arrows (and exploding human bodies), Olivia Hussey with an almost-nude scene, a GODDAMNED BEAST-MAN THAT EATS PEOPLE'S TOES!!! I'm not kidding with this one. Probably the most grindhouse film in a grindhouse thread I can possibly think of. EDIT: Oh shit, it also has the police chief from Mad Max as one of the main heavies if you need any further convincing. Edited March 19, 2019 by Curt McGirt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
piranesi Posted March 31, 2019 Author Share Posted March 31, 2019 (edited) Watched THE BEAST WITHIN tonight and man oh man First of all it is so great. Any movie with Dick Jones from Robocop and L.Q. Jones (AKA that guy who's in every Struther Martin movie and is not Sam Elliot somehow) is automatically awesome. And while it has slow moments, the up moments are so great and the collection of actors so fantastically southern gothic, ti's worth a watch. And while it looks funny to me now, there's something about 80s latex mask and bladder effects that are so effective that scared the shit out of me so much as a kid. When the main kid finally transforms there is this great moment when his head swells up totally before he settles into beast face...and if I had seen it when I was 10 or 12 on USA UP ALL NIGHT or something I wouldn't have slept for weeks because of it. Here, for your own quick view pleasure is little Billy in his moment of glory. Be warned. The kid-watching-late-night-cable-in-1987 in you will not be able to handle this and it: Spoiler I would not have recovered from this. I hope you can though. Edited March 31, 2019 by piranesi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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