Grand Theft Auto V Talk.

[odessasteps]

I had great fun that one night playing Oracle to JT and Dan's Batman and Robin, watching the Weasel TV feed of they guys that were hunting down and relaying locations.

[The Man Known as Dan]

Sorry I couldn't play with you guys yesterday: I found out at 5:30 that I worked at 6, so literally had to run to get to work on time.

[jstout]

Rebooting didn't seem to help the timeout errors at all. I tried forwarding all my ports, blah blah blah, but one port's not showing as forwarded. I do supposedly have upnp on, so it shouldn't matter. As a lot of people say online, GTA 5 is the first Xbox game I've played online where port forwarding becomes an issue.

 

Oh, and JT, if you wanna help prospective cheaters out but not help them, tell them to hang out in the game's general chat. There's often players on there wiling to dupe cars for people. Some dude offered me $6 million the other day, and tempted as I was, I told him "no thanks." I did tell him I was firefighting with someone, he asked who and then put a $9,000 bounty on them and called mercenaries on them. That was sweet of him.

 

Really, you guys should check out the game's chat. It's the Wild Wild West. Someone on there last night was trying to imitate a 7-year-old kid, but wound up sounding like Eric Cartman doing Hennifer Lopez's "Taco-Flavored Kisses" voice. His "father" then got on there (didn't bother to check if it was the same dude as the world's worst Phil Hendrie) and chided us 'cause his "son" told him someone in the room called him a pussy. It was oddly amusing for about 30 seconds, then it was unplug-the-headphone time.

 

Then there's the rappers. Are there ever rappers.

 

I am tempted to get one guy I met on the general chat to dupe me Trevor's car from the game with the teddy bear in the grill. That looks tremendous.

[J.T.]

If I am not in party with you guys I jump into the general game chat especially if I am golfing with a female.

 

Being in general chat is also fun whenever Melraz drags me into a gunfight.   The pure rage...

[melraz09]

IT'S ME IT'S ME...IT'S THE NATE D.O.double G. AKA THE m@D mOnKeY (or better know as melraz 09 that's my wife's account and she got the online so I play on hers cause I'm to cheap to buy my own especially know cause I don't wanna start back over at level 1). My man Rukered finally walked this dumb hick through all of this. Signin up...logging on...and how to post. Love bustin heads on line with you guys. Me and the kidd sixx started off the night teachin people how to fight. It was bust a cap bust a cap bust a cap again....If you keep comin we'll kill you some more my friend. He had to run and I though ohhh nooo what to do now. So I loaded up my AR mag and I smacked it twice on my cowboy hat then I decided to go piss off the rest of the map. And then all of a sudden to this rednecks surprise rukered logged on and it lit the fire in my eye. Not long after an invite we got. It was Robert and roast and we came in hot. Lookin to shoot some clowns that ended up bein apes wearin their lil hood. And we killed em and killed em cause WE'RE JUST THAT DALM GOOD.  You mess with one you mess with us all and if you don't like it ya lil ape schit. I've got 2 words for ya _ _ _ _ X _ _!!!!

[misanthrope304]

it's all good jstout, my buddy purplehaz3ninja....i think that's his gt....backed out too while I was dicking around trying to pick up that chick for a 4th for whatever mission we were trying to do on my way to ammunation to get the weapon mods for my level up.  I wasn't even aware that you guys were in a mission until I took a break from killing whatever his fucking name was...I can't remember that either.

 

Two assholes were shooting at me while I was just cruising along in my Adder not bothering anyone. So I sped off....to get another car and go all jihad (hello nsa) on their ass.  Come to find out, they had about 5 or 6 people wanting to kill them, because once I got the sticky bomb on the car I jacked and got back to them, there was a crowd of high end sports cars around them...I ended up blowing up someones Infernus or Cheetah, whatever.  They took it personally, I was just trying to get in the midst of them and kill everyone in that clusterfuck.   So he started griefing me, and I broke out the sniper rifle. I'm starting to get better at using it, although nowhere near as good as I was in San Andreas...he died a lot.  then I went home, and stopped at another ammunation to refill, and some asshole named Mr. Orange something started griefing me.  I didn't even get out of my car and got pistoled.  Thats ok, he was on a motorcycle, I climbed to the top of ammunation, busted out the ak, fucked him up real quick, and when he spawned back down the street I smoked him again with the sniper rifle...then the little bitch started lobbing grenades up on the roof.  Cops took care of his ass after that, and I drove home.  I just shut down since jstout and ninja went offline

 

Once I'm able to hide my radar blip...

[Fat Spanish Waiter]

Melraz owns

[RUkered]

Hahaha I see Mel introduced himself with a Road Dogg promo.

[Reggie20x6]

Just won a 2-on-2 Deathmatch to 20 where my team started off down 10-0.

 

It was originally 3-on-2, but thankfully the loser who died four-straight on my team, without a kill, quit.

 

 

Edit: And then I lost a 2-on-2 Deathmatch by a score of 18-13. But, to be fair, my partner had one kill and 12 deaths.

 

 

Edited again: Playing with the 100-level people is great. Especially when you shoot them in the head twice and they sell it like Goldberg shrugging off a jab.

[RIPPA]

Well sorry about your damn luck Bugstar guy who I tried not to kill but your unconscious body was behind the van when I reversed it.

Whoops!

[jstout]

Good ol' JR: "By Gawd, King, we're starting off tonight's show with a visit from some of the members of the DVDVR crew, apparently. Here comes Melraz, RUkered, Misanthrope and jstout. One of them's got a mic, let's hear what they have to say."

 

Lawler: PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES PUPPIES!

 

jstout: I'd like to take a brief second to call out the rest of the DVDVR crew. J.T., get down here, I know you're in the back, quit chasin' Juggalettes for a second and get down here. Metatext, Rippa, Big Fresh, Novacain, everybody, we've got something to say. (ring fills up)

 

What we'd like to say is ... NOW! (the four of us jump everyone as foreign objects, blood and puppies fly).

 

Good ol' JR: "Can you believe this? They've turned their back on their crew! (Insert righteous anger here)"

 

The four of us rip off our DVDVR crew shirts to reveal new colors - we're now working for Bane's Secret Service, an elite fighting unit designed to wreak havoc in Gotham City, I mean, Los Santos.

 

That actually could've happened. Count Von Count nearly made us an offer we couldn't refuse tonight, but we did, somehow. The fight continues~! 

 

EDIT: Darn it, I was hoping to at least get a "huh?" before telling the story. We pop into Freemode last night, size up the room and there's a level 700-plus guy there. Target acquired. A firefight breaks out, some players drop and and drop out, and eventually it's us against him. He kills me 10-1 total and generally holds his own with everyone else. He then makes his escape to his apartment.

 

As we're cussing him in an Xbox chat room, we get an invite to his apartment. Can't pass this up. So we go and notice his mouth is moving and the talk icon's on. So we switch over to the game chat and the dude won't quit doing this screwed-up voice.

 

He's talking about how we're all fine players, and asks if we're in a crew, and which one. I tell him "Death Valley Driver," this puzzles him, I explain it's a wrestling move. He then invites us to be a part of his Secret Service and help him rid the town of our enemies.

 

RUkered, a worldly man, explains that he's doing an imitation of Bane from the Batman movie I never saw. Oh. He also says dude was doing a pretty good Mark Hamill's Joker from the Batman cartoon at one point. I'll have to take his word for that, but at one point I thought he sounded like Count Von Count and then just your regular "I want to bite your neck" vampire cliche.

 

It was funny for about 10 minutes, then got old, and I told him "dude, seriously, what's your deal? Drop the act and talk to us. Where are you from, how old are you?" But he absolutely wouldn't quit talking in those voices. He was completely committed to kayfabe and wouldn't shoot with us.

 

He dares us to fistfight him out in the street and he generally kicks our ass 'cause he's level 700-plus. He was punching Misanthrope from 300 yards away and killing him. Mis was getting a little pissed, but I'm like "dude, he's 700 something and you're 30 something. What do you expect?"

 

It was probably the most bizarre thing I've been a part of on the game, and damn, does that cover some ground. I'm just glad other people were there to back up my story. 

[RIPPA]

Finally did the Jewelry heist today.

Last time I listen to Lester "Oh you are doing the smart way. You don't need to worry about your gunman!"

 

Poor poor dead guy in a bloody heap with his motorcycle somewhere on the interstate

[misanthrope304]

I finally just said fuckit and broke out the shotgun on that ass hat.  I got him twice in a row during the fist fight, but to be honest, he'd already mowed through Mel and Rukered, and I thought we were running a 4 Horsemen gimmick so I wasn't going to fight fair.  I was doing run-ins when I had the chance. It also didn't help that I forgot how to punch.

 

 

On my screen though, I was taking damage from his punches from like half a block away.

 

I literaly shot him 4 times with a combat pistol and bashed him with it 5 times as his back was turned to me and he no-sold it, turned around and punched me twice killing me while I had full health.  He was obviously cheating, but not to the point that he was blinking/constantly rolling to where he was like superman and shotgun shells had no effect on him.  Fuck him, I killed Bane/TheJoker, but he killed me a lot more. 

 

I told him if that's all creative had for him, he should just walk out.  He needed a new gimmick, but in his defense he was living it.

[Cristobal]

So, I joined this group doing races and deathmatches that had four German guys in one crew, and one other person. After awhile, the 5th guy drops off, and the Germans all pick an LTS, one that's in Grapeseed farmland. I see they set team balancing off when we start. It sets it to me and one other vs three, and immediately the one on my team joins the other team. Not having that, I join that other team too, and one of them says "Pussy!". So fine, I go to the other team, and let's have a 4v1 then.

I pick a spot behind a container and wait for them to approach. One gets in my sight, and I snipe him. Now the others are more cautious. One seems to be in what looks to be some bushes at the edge of my visual range, but I can't see him, and meanwhile was that a bullet I just heard ping off the container? I duck back behind it, move to the other side, where other stuff blocks the sniper's path. Meanwhile, all three of them split up. The one in the bushes stays back to watch from afar, another starts moving through the horse stalls for cover, while the other grabs a vehicle, possibly seeking to run me over, or at least get some recon. The guy in the pickup drives by quickly, then heads off behind me a ways, but not quite out of Combat MG range, so he dies trying to get out of the truck. Meanwhile, the guy in the horse stalls is closer now, but his cover's thinning out. I get a lock on him with the AR and take him out. While this was all happening, the sniper has moved up behind a van. Unfortunately for him, I can see him now, and I snipe his feet twice. He moves a bit, and I've got time to aim an RPG and take out the van.

After that: "What was that you were saying about pussies?"

[misanthrope304]

Also,you left out the part where we broke into the army base by hopping the fence(~!! I have witnesses) and stole the jets.  Only to park them on a hill (which was a beautiful hill to die on :-P) and took turns running down and hopping off the back to get caught by the afterburners and thrown hundreds of feet away.

 

That fun ended when someone parked a dirtbike under the jet and effectively killed both the bike and the jet, yet without explosions.  Pics on social club.

[misanthrope304]

I will second his cover of The Joker by Skywalker...If I'd have been as high as that guy that joined around the time I got kicked and couldn't join back, I may have been talked into believing that was actually Luke Skywalker himself...the Joker voice>Bane voice

 

*goddamn I can't type for shit today

Edited February 8, 2014 by misanthrope304

[misanthrope304]

[RIPPA]

God dammit Wade - stay in the God Damn Truck

[jstout]

My GTA "buddy" (some random player I made friends with online and now have as an Xbox Live friend) busted into our chat at one point last night and was probably a little too high for his own good.

 

I mentioned him earlier - he says he knows how to dupe cars from the game into online, and I watched a tutorial on it last night from YouTube and I'm not sure if it'll work or not. He's the guy I mentioned who has a copy of Trevor's truck with the violated Teddy Bear. I decided I wanted a good off-roading vehicle, and figured I'd kill two birds with one stone and get a copy of Trevor's truck 'cause it looks so cool.

 

Dude: "Hey, does anybody want any of the cars from the game? I can bring any of them online no problem at all, it's easy."

Me: "Yeah, been thinking I'd like a copy of Trevor's truck, if you don't mind."

Dude: "That one's hard, pick another. What about Franklin's Buffalo?"

Me: (rolls eyes)

 

GTA 5 Online is about half game, half social experiment. It has also brought me to the conclusion that Young America probably needs to back away from the bong just a bit. 

 

USUAL EDIT: Up way too late last night kicking ass and playing darts with Melraz. Rare really good night for me, in terms of Freemode battling. I can't remember if Melraz once shot one guy in the back of the head from point-blank range or melee killed him because the guy was SO focused on trying to get a sniper shot off on me he didn't see Mel coming behind him.

 

The capper: We had to go to a AmmuNation after one battle to pick up some supplies. We go in with a wanted level and the dude at the counter just roasts us. OK. So we go back in, buy our crap, and kill him. We're in the AmmuNation just fucking around shooting stuff when another player walks in. I, being the nice guy I am, didn't immediately shoot him, so he pulls out the broken bottle and kills me. Not smart.

 

We proceed to kill him about 15 times before I check the roster of people in the room. "Dude, this guy's a Level 5! Can you believe that shit?"

"Oh, man, I feel kinda bad."

"Screw that. HE DREW FIRST BLOOD, NOT ME!"

"You got a point, gotta teach him a valuable lesson."

 

He'd go into passive mode, we'd run him over with cars. He'd go in passive mode and get in a car, we'd blow his car up. Finally, someone else came down there and distracted us and he managed to run away. I wanted to finish him, but alas.

 

As soon as I get out the Xbox chat with Mel, another friend wants to chat. So I join his room, and that was quite the show:

 

1. Apparently, there's friction in the big late-night crew. I tried looking for their name online but couldn't find it. A splinter group has formed and they're Levelin' Up, preparin' for WAR~!, according to a guy in the original crew. They were gonna rumble today. Boy, was this being taken seriously. Good stuff. 

 

2. A guy in the room was bragging about how he had the "world's largest crew of Juggalos, whoop whoop." God, I've never had to try so hard not to laugh in my life. He had to have been white (ever met a black Juggalo? They might exist, but I think it's a safe bet ... ) and he was saying the dreaded "N word" every 15 seconds. I kept expecting someone else in the room to say something to him, but they never did. I think they had no clue what a Juggalo is and was too busy preparing for the rumble.

[RUkered]

That Bane/Joker dude went from hilarious to annoying as hell in about 10 minutes. Stout was trying hard to get him to drop the act for 3 seconds to tell us who he was, but dude was relentless. I'm pretty sure when Stout asked him "So what's your deal dude?," I said, "A chemical imbalance." I was trying to see if he'd get pissed and drop the act, but that didn't work either. Although it was worth it just to hear Mis tell him to go back to creative because the gimmick was busted.

 

Stout - skip to about 1:33 in this and you can see what he was trying to do:

 

 

I don't know exactly how he was cheating, but he was punching so fast it was like he had the Super NES turbo pad for Street Fighter 2.

 

I'm gonna have to start switching to the main chat channel is this is the kind of stuff you run into on a regular basis. I have yet to encounter a Juggalo in the wild - it's about time.

[misanthrope304]

I've ran into a lot of people running modded controllers during my time playing Call of Duty (fully automatic sniper rifles are bitch weapons).  Same principle as the turbo pad for SF2. That's what it looked like to me.  Not that hard of a process from what I've read, and I actually modded my original xbox and controller to have an off button on the controller (solder this to that, run a wire from the power button on the box to the board, solder a wire on the memory card thing that you could insert into the controller blah blah), but not to proactively cheat.  I never had a system connected to the net until MW3 on the 360.

 

But yeah, that's why I broke out the shotgun on that fucker.  Cheaters that actively cheat (i.e. hack the game in some way) against other players can eat a bag of dicks, and a round of 00 buck from my shotgun. 

 

Now if you're taking advantage of shitty coding for in-game monetary game, that's a whole other can of worms.

[misanthrope304]

Another thing, after RUkered mentioned the chemical imbalance, I did make the comment that if that sumbitch wasn't already on drugs, he definitely needed to be.

[J.T.]

Earlier today around lunchtime, I machine gunned some asshole that was trying to grief our boy, Jones7986, by running him over repeatedly with a car.

 

The bastard then put down a $2000 bounty on my head.  Jones's response.  Lock down the entire block with a fucking tank until I survived my bounty.

 

Jones is Fucking Crew and now he is a Crew Rep.

 

Our own, Odessasteps, has created quite the kick-ass boat race.  You reeeaalllly gotta weigh speed vs. maneuverability if you want to finish first.  I also earned my Bronze medal for my fifth successful kill via car bomb.  Poor unsuspecting bastards.

 

Hey, jstout?  Have you linked your account to R* Social Club yet?

[jstout]

Linked my Xbox 360 account to the Social Club? Yeah, it's linked.

 

Jones knows Melraz. All you need to know about Jones. I consider it an honor to fight alongside Jones. He loves himself a tank. I'm not as tank-happy, but to each their own, I'd fight by his side regardless.

 

We got a pretty good crew for that kind of thing and I think it's getting better. It's just a matter of time before there's a crapload of us in the same room and we execute a takeover. We're just getting ready for the inevitable crew-vs.-crew wars as foreshadowed by today's rumble. You really should've heard the dude talking about that, it was freakin' hilarious. 

 

I was actually in a private Xbox chat with the Juggalo, RUkered. A "GTA friend" of mine is a member of one of the crews that's going to war (he's so laid back it's beyond funny, I'm shocked he's even a party to this nonsense) and one of the eight or so other people in the room was the Juggalo. God, between everyone in the room, if I had a nickel for every, um, "n-word" being thrown around, I'd treat everyone to new Adders. Meanwhile me and the guy who invited me into the chat are just completely silent. I eventually sent him a message saying "see ya, man," 'cause I didn't even wanna speak up. "WHO WAS THAT? CREW WAR! IT'S ON!"

 

Nightly edit: Melraz showed me the absolutely most wonderfully stupid thing ever in this game. And it's (slightly) profitable, too. Go to the movie studio during the daytime when people are there. Find a place where there's a security guard and a random computer character (guy in alien suit, whoever, doesn't matter).

 

Make sure the security guard can see the both of you and goad the computer guy into a fight. Don't punch him. Just run into him and knock him down a couple of times until he gets pissed off and starts taking swings at you. Don't fight back. The security guard will shoot that fucker SO dead SO quick. The computer guy drops $20 or so. The security guard never gets mad at you for goading the computer player into a fight, but as soon as he swings at you, that's his ass. Hilarious.

 

It's the little things.

[AxB]

So, I got a bit bored of always wearing black, so I went with an all-red outfit to try and look like Elektra (Daredevil's girlfriend, not Carman Elektra. Or that woman from ECW that everyone's forgotten about). Look nothing like her. BUT THEN...

 

Paradise Alley (Team Deathmatch): WIN, 5 Kills, 0 Deaths (it was first team to 30, there were 16 people in there)

Vespucci Shoreline (Team Deathmatch): WIN, 26 Kills, 5 Deaths

Wrath (Team Deathmatch): WIN, 28 Kills, 5 Deaths

 

 So maybe dressing all in Red makes you more of a killer or something - to have a 5.0+ K/D ratio in three straight matches is unprecedented for me. Somewhere in there I unlocked the Army Tint for the AP Pistol, so I now have the full set of Gun Tints:

 

Black: Pistol

ARMY: AP Pistol

Green: Heavy Sniper

Orange: Assault Shotgun

LSPD: Advanced Rifle, Combat MG

Pink: Grenade Launcher, RPG

Gold: Minigun

Platinum: Sawn-Off Shotgun

 

Although the Assault Shotgun will soon be Blue too. I've got to be over 550 kills with it by now... I might be close to the 100 Grenade Launcher kills too. There's nothing more fun than doing a Team Deathmatch, and getting consecutive kills on the entire other team by yourself. Happened a couple of times last night. 

 

Cristobal was playing Skyrim last night. He knew I'd be asking him how many Darren Bent's there were*.

 

* There's only one Darren Bent.