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The Natural

RAW 03/30/15

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Guys, where is Brock Lesnar right now?  Think about that!

 

Fact: While you read this post Brock is creeping up behind you and preparing to kill you in revenge for not getting his re-match.

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This is the perfect time for New Day to turn and join forces with Sheamus.

 

Crowd shows no respect for their positivity.

 

Also, Cole had that one coming. 

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RIP Michael Cole.

 

You were crap. Then kind of good. Then kind of crap again. Then OKish for a while. Then crap again.

 

Forever in our hearts.

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Right now, Brock has abducted a Japanese family that was in attendance for Mania and Raw. He's dragging them back to North Dakota by their hair.

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Lesnar missed a great chance, though.  Should have picked up Cole's shoe as a souvenir of his kill and taxidermed it for his growing collection.

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We should send ENRAGED BROCK~! after ISIS.

 

They wouldn't stand a chance.

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I think all bad commentators should be written off of TV like Cole was tonight. Granted, Cole will be back and within 3 weeks of his return he will be cracking lame jokes like it all never happened. For the last 5 minutes or so I have been thinking of creative ways to write Lawler off of all WWE programming going forward.

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I think all bad commentators should be written off of TV like Cole was tonight. Granted, Cole will be back and within 3 weeks of his return he will be cracking lame jokes like it all never happened. For the last 5 minutes or so I have been thinking of creative ways to write Lawler off of all WWE programming going forward.

Simple solution. Have Brock eliminate Jerry Lawler for being pervy towards Sable back in 1998. Then, Brock can torture Lawler some more for all the negative comments toward Paul Heyman over the years.

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For a guy who was never was around and rarely defended his belt, Brock was sure as shit angry tonight.

I kinda want to see someone try to shoot Brock with a tranquilizer gun only for Brock to impale him with his gun ala Vlad Dracula.

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Watching Heyman trying to calm down Brock was hilarious.  It's like expecting a leash to control a rottweiler that hasn't eaten in three days.

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I think all bad commentators should be written off of TV like Cole was tonight.

 

But then there would be no commentators.

 

Just silence on every show.

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Robert Durst is jealous of how many people Brock is killing.

 

Damn I used all my likes! Be back tomorrow to like this one!

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Watching Heyman trying to calm down Brock was hilarious.  It's like expecting a leash to control a rottweiler that hasn't eaten in three days.

 

Heyman could totally be a terrific babyface. I felt a tremendous amount of sympathy for him as he attempted to control this crazed madman.

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I think all bad commentators should be written off of TV like Cole was tonight.

 

But then there would be no commentators.

 

Just silence on every show.

 

Perhaps you did not notice how much better the broadcasterless segment of tonight's show sounded.

 

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Brock to murder the commentators every week then.

 

He'll be over like Austin in 1998 in no time.

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That announce table weighs infinity pounds.  It crushed two men.  The one man who could tip it back in place was thrown out of the building.  So it remained tipped over.  I assume they'll have to get a crane in there to move it out of the building.  Or it might just be a permanent fixture in that arena from now on. 

 

How awkward did Lawler and Saxton have to feel just standing behind a table tipped at 45 degrees? 

Awkward nothing, Lawler's 70 and wrestled almost all his life, and you're going to put his hips knees and ankles through all that standing up?

 

Not an "lol old man" joke, I stand for several hours at a time at work and my joints hurt afterwards.

 

 

I'm pretty sure they were seated most of the night. Caught a glimpse when you had the wacky camera angles following the wave. I know if I had paid hundreds (thousands?) for a front row seat behind them and they stood the whole time I'd be mighty pissed.

 

Too soon mentioning fake cervical fractures after what happened a week and a half ago?

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I caught that too, Peck.  But this is Vince McMahon we're talking about.  Linda could tragically pass away and I'm 90% sure he'd write an angle with someone's wife dying from the same ailment if he thinks it's funny.  It's what he does.

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Sheamus looks like he got off tour with his Dropkick Murphys coverband the Brogue Kick O'Shaunessys.

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So, I like and care about five wrestlers, but Lesnar is gone and Bryan is stuck carrying Sheamus's overrated ass for the next couple of months. Meanwhile, Rusev is directionless and Ambrose just had a not-good match with Cena of all people and now hasn't had a good singles match since the Shield broke up. 

 

Oh yeah, and Sting is painful to watch in this company.

 

I'm going to try again when Lesnar is back for Summerslam. I bet (hope) things pick up then. 

 

I am going to miss my boys Neville and Kallisto, though. I'll have to console myself by knowing that at least they're getting paid more on the main roster, which is more important than me enjoying them in well-booked matches and angles. 

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considering the usual accuracy of details for breaking news, they can change the Cole injury to something less touchy. Broken ribs, a jaw injury, something.

 

10 years ago, they "diagnose" Cole with a concussion and don't think twice about it. But that is not a good idea in 2015.

 

Anyways, cycle though face PBP guys (maybe have 3 a night and see who sticks). Saxton on his own fucking sucked, frankly. If they couldn't put the table down.. move the fucking commentators to another spot and improvise. They had 2 fucking tables and kept the TV guys at the bad table. It's unfair to Saxton, but his solo job seemed like having a radio station where all the DJs are late and the intern is on air.

 

Also, maybe give Booker or JBL a few weeks off to "cope" and give a few heels/under-used guys chances to be guest commentators when relevant. Guys like Barrett, Stardust, Christian, and Big Show. I think Big Show could have a future in commentary. Or just give Big Show an interview segment so he doesn't wrestle. And give him tights or a shirt saying "WINNER OF THE 2015 ANDRE THE GIANT BATTLE ROYAL" on it.

 

So.. Use the opportunity to test some guys to make sure they have guys for when they need guys.

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Give Graves, Young, and Regal the booth. And shut off the part that lets Vince talk to them.

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Seriously now, after the last six months or so... Are we sure that Ambrose doesn't just kind of suck?

Maybe he'd be better as a heel? Or in a group where he can talk for guys that can't?

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Seriously, fuck that crowd.

 

Honestly, they don't even deserve to be fucked.

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i'd suggest moving the commentary table to the stage and protecting it with plexiglass, but Brock would just throw the table off the stage.

 

Instead of having Brock tear up the office again or a Vince cameo, what's the most definitive way for him to beat an indefinite suspension? having him just arrive and tear stuff up in random spots? He can't just F5 Stephanie because obvious reasons. Maybe sending dead animals to Stephanie is PG.

 

who's gonna offer up the t-shirt idea of "FREE BROCK LESNAR" so that Paul Heyman/Heyman Hustle can steal the concept?

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