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The Marvel Things That Aren't "Marvel" Things


RIPPA

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Even so, Fox did not want to tempt fate and have any future X-Men related projects bomb due to backlash from Last Stand, so they went back to the drawing board and the result was First Class; an out and out apology if ever there was one.

It got even moreso in the last scene at the mansion in Future Past, which was as clear a message of "fuck Part 3 and everything it stands for" as one could possibly get. Ironic that poor First Class and The Wolverine had to pay for Last Stand and Origins, drawing the lowest grosses of the franchise despite being worlds better than the films that preceded them.

Come to think of it, did they ever explain exactly how Xavier came back to life? It was VERY vaguely implied that he might've somehow sent his consciousness into the body of the comatose dude that Moira mentioned earlier... very vaguely. But I don't think they ever mentioned his death again, nor how Magneto could've gotten his powers back. They just show up at the end of The Wolverine all like "sup, Logan, time to get the franchise back on track!" without any explanation of how we got here.

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The real question is how Charles got his destroyed body back.

Remember the scene in the classroom when Dr. Moira is talking about the ethics of whether or not they could use the body of the brain-dead guy lying in the bed behind her? If you look REALLY insanely closely at that guy and squint really hard, you can kinda tell that it's Patrick Stewart. There's an after-credits sequence in her lab, where you hear Xavier's voice saying Moira's name. The implication is that Xavier somehow transported his mind into this comatose extra body. Now, as to the reason why the hell this random guy just so happens to look like an identical clone of the professor... christ, X-Men 3 fucking sucks.

And Wolverine Origins had a GREAT excuse: the lion's share of the final shooting script was written by Skip Woods, one of the single worst hacks in Hollywood. This is the same filthy cocksucker who wrote Die Hard 5. Look up his resume on IMDB, if you ever want to feel like what Belloq must've felt about one second before the Ark detonated his skull.

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Last Stand had it's fourth choice of director hired 9 months before the release date without a finished script.

He was literally directing two scenes at once at points, using a monitor and walkie talkie.

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I almost walked out of Origins. If it wasn't for the fact that I hadn't driven myself there, I'd have never watched any of it past that awful Sabertooth fight at that bar.

 

Also, here's a fun fact: I've never seen Last Stand. Was deciding on whether I'd go check it out a week after it came out and a friend of mine spoiled that both Cyke and Xavier get murdered and Logan kills Jean at the end. Made up my mind on the spot to never ever pollute my eyes by watching it.

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I think I hate X3 more because it fucks up a greater quantity of stuff. Origins only really does irreparable damage to Deadpool and kinda-sorta Sabertooth; everyone else gets out with their dignity and personalities more or less intact. X3 completely destroys the established characters of Xavier, Jean, Cyclops, Magneto, Mystique, Juggernaut, Callisto, Rogue... it's just a conga-line of retcons and derailment. They decided the best thing to do with Dark Phoneix is to have her mostly stand around and do absolutely nothing while the rest of the plot happened around her. They decided that Magneto is now powerful enough to move the entire Golden Gate Bridge by himself, but apparently too weak or too stupid to realize "hey, I should just rip the support beams out of Alcatraz to crash the whole place and kill everyone inside", leading to the final battle where 90% of the heel mutants never use a single superpower and are just mowed down like jobbers by the X-men. Shit, they even came to the inexplicable decision that the one thing Halle Berry really needed was much more screen time. There's not enough furry Kelsey Grammer in the world to make up for all that other retardation.

I bet Jingus is such a fun guy to hang around with. Good lord.

I've received complaints... but not many.
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I truly feel for Ian Mckellen when he struggles through that "sorry my dear, you're not one of us" line.

Here is a great actor, giving his absolute best to a terrible script, just utterly defeated. He had no clue how to deliver that line, what to do with it. And you can see it in his face that he was a beaten man.

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http://www.technobuffalo.com/2016/02/22/wolverine-3-to-follow-old-man-logan-storyline/

 

Rumors are re-surfacing again that Wolverine 3 is gonna be Old Man Logan. If that's the case:

 

1. Disregard what I said before about not needing Wolverine to be Rated R, Old Man Logan has to be.

2. I'd be very excited. I love Old Man Logan.

Yeah this feels like complete bullshit as way too much of that story is tied into the marvel universe outside of X-men.

 

It'd be easy enough to alter using the licenses Fox has. Instead of the 4 territories being controlled by Hulk, Kingpin, Doom and Red Skull change them to Doom, Magneto, Sabretooth and Juggernaut. Drop the whole "incest" thing they had going on with the Hulks entirely. Instead of Hawkeye bringing Logan back out into the world there are lots of choices they can replace him with (Deadpool if you want to add some comedy, Cable if you wanna any of the X-men or re-cast one of the Fantastic Four). It wouldn't follow the exact blueprint of the comic, but what movie adaptation of a specific comic does? It's gonna likely be X-men heavy anyway since Patrick Stewart is confirmed to be in it. 

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I'll take X3 over ORIGINS. X3 at least has a story, even if that story led to a bunch of franchise killing decisions. ORIGINS is a mess that has no idea what it's even about from scene to scene.

If they're passing out character mulligans for ORIGINS, then I kinda hope the next Wolverine movie gives Liev Schrieber another crack at Sabertooth. He was really good in the few scenes that allowed him to be more than Tyler Mane 2.0.

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I'll take X-Men: The Last Stand over X-Men Origins: Wolverine even though X-Men: The Last Stand disappointed me more because of what preceded it. Bryan Singer's return to the X-Men series with X-Men: Days of Future Past ending trying to fix the continuity best he could with those shitters.

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