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Fat Spanish Waiter

RAW AUGUST 5TH 2013

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I love DBD as much as the next net nerd ProWres fan, but if he's 5'8" I'll eat my sneakers.

 

i stood next to him at an indy show and he might be 5'8 in boots. Without boots, no shot. 

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The one thing I have to say about the 'Vince hates Daniel Bryan' angle is that Hunter and Steph are thoroughly superfluous to it. What part of "Scrappy Underdog vs Megalomaniacal Corporate Tyrant" is improved by adding the MCT's weepy daughter and her backstage power broker ex-champ husband into the mix?

 

Amusingly enough, talking about auditoriums and armories, the first place I saw AmDrag live, a typically crappy rec center in Vallejo, CA, was also the same place I first saw Cena.

 

Layla and AJ as happy-go-lucky-and-kinda-crazy heels is great. I'm thinking Lay-J for the team name.

 

For a feud where I like both people in it, I'm amazed at how little I care about the world title. I'm not sure I could be less interested without Miz somehow being involved.

 

And while I like Sandow as well, he doesn't exactly seem like the answer either.

 

I was also thinking Ed Leslie when Vince teased a barber, though I also thought that was maybe a bit unlikely. I was, however, massively confused when it was Barrett who came out.

 

Over/under on when we see Giant Bernard back in New Japan?

 

Punk/Lesnar/Heyman(/Axel...ish) smacks of an angle that WWE's creative team has barely touched. It's probably why it's working so well.

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When Vince said the words "We need....a barber..."  How many people here jumped to their feet in anticipation:

 

 

Posted Image

 

Because I did...

 

 

Hell, Ed Leslie probably did too.

 

JBL actually did mention Brutus.

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That Punk/Axel match was a lot of fun and the brawl after was pretty much insane.  Best segment.  "Paul, say something stupid!" is right up there with "I don't like people, John."  Lesnar is something else,  He looks like he is one slip up away from losing it on the mic, and then he will surprise you with something brilliant.

 

Good build up for the top of the card.  Cena's promo was better than Bryans, but I did really like the ponytail for some reason! Vince's dance/strut and everything after really clicked in the opening segment, but they took too long to get there.  It definitely wasn't one of Vince's best performances.

 

It's totally not going to happen, but Wyatt/Kane in an Inferno match just writes itself.  Harper and the other guy walking through fire to help Bray is such a money moment.

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This is not an original thought or anything, but fuck me, does Summer Rae have good legs.

Also enjoyed Fandango's Spinning Wheel Ass.

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Punk and Brock is gonna be spectacular. I wonder if it main events the show.

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Punk and Brock is gonna be spectacular. I wonder if it main events the show.

 

I think it's going to be John Cena vs. Daniel Bryan for the WWE Championship. Really looking forward to both.

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Brock has main evented every non-WM PPV he's been on since his return though.

I wasn't gonna order the PPV, but now that I know it's hosted by Miz....

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This show had a weird pacing to it that just didn't seem right. The Corporate makeover came off way better then I feared it would. Bryan with the pulled back hair is a good look. If only they had the idea to do the same for his beard. Pull it tight and maybe braid it or something. It would have looked so rediculous that it would have worked. It's really a shame that Vince can't wrestle anymore. The way it's been building, I want to see Vince and Bryan go at it. Just imagine Bryan doing the kicks to the chest to Vince.

 

It's times like this I miss Big Johnny. He's kind of corporate asshole who would push for a makeover and you'd just love to see him get his ass kicked.

 

I loved Triple H's "shoot" later in the show when he went off on Vince for making Stephanie cry. Now since I was flipping through the channels, did they actually show Vince yelling at her or did she just say he did? Maybe they are speeding things up and we'll see a resolution to the McMahon power struggle sooner rather than at Wrestlemania 30.

 

Punk/Axel was a good match. But Brock coming down as Paul's new version of 911 was great. I'm really looking forward to the brawl he and Punk are going to have at Summerslam. Funniest part of it though was Brock getting flustered at the chair when it was thrown at him. He didn't know if he should throw it down, throw it back, toss it, what ever. WHAT BROCK DO WITH THIS???

 

Brock/Punk and Cena/Bryan are going to be awesome back to back. I really hope they don't kill the crowd by sticking a diva's match in between them.

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I really have no idea why they don't let Brock do his own promos. He's not as polished a speaker as Heyman, but he has this totally authentic vibe that is completely wasted by having the super-manufactured and gimmicked-up (though admittedly well-spoken) Heyman talk for him all the time. The way Lesnar always sounds like he's kinda joking around but really may snap and kill someone at any moment is some of the best subtle character work in WWE. Oh, and Brock just catching the chair that Punk swung at his face and throwing it off to the side was badass.

 

Also, The Shield really has no direction anymore. I thought they were supposed to be feuding with Henry. I would've liked Henry issuing a 6-man challenge for Summer Slam with mystery partners and using that to bring back Kofi and Show. Kofi could even take the fall and maybe set up a heel turn, because when changing tights is the most interesting thing you've done in 3+ years, you've got problems.

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Was Danielson's speech meant to be the 2013 version of Punk's promo?

Also, THE BEARD IS HERE ↑

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Loved Danielson's point about going back to the indies if this gig ends, but I did kind of wonder why all those people were applauding that and 95% of them probably wouldn't go to an indie show if you paid them. There's just not enough pyro.

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THIS IS FOR YOU DANK

 

I reviewed RAW with pics/gifs and quotes:

 

Posted Image

Posted Image

 

"Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." - H. G. Wells (1866-1946)

 

"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever." - Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

 

"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)

 

"Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake." - Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)

 

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great." - Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

 

"His ignorance is encyclopedic" - Abba Eban (1915-2002)

 

"If a man does his best, what else is there?" - General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

 

"Political correctness is tyranny with manners." - Charlton Heston (1924-2008)

 

"You can avoid reality, but you cannot avoid the consequences of avoiding reality." - Ayn Rand (1905-1982)

 

"When one person suffers from a delusion it is called insanity; when many people suffer from a delusion it is called religion." - Robert Pirsig (1948-)
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I just wanted to hear brother bruti's theme :(

 

Soon as he said Barber I thought for sure we would hear that awesome bass line. Vince busting a move to that would have been the moment of the year.

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Not entirely sure what the point of Dolph losing to Big E was.  Or the two of them wrestling on "free" tv, for that matter.

 

And there was no logical reason to have The Shield standing over the two people in the title match.

Pretty clearly a tainted loss to build up to Dolph/Kaitlyn-AJ/Big E, and a way to build The Shield back up after they've been an afterthought over the last couple of months. What would have been a more appropriate ending? Cena in the ring while Bryan poses on the ramp saying "YES" and an unnaturally long staredown?

 

Is Ricardo going to disappear (future endeavored?), join someone else, become an active wrestler (the cheaper, Mexican equivalent of A-Ry?), or go crawling back to ADR?

I'd bet on Ricardo crawling back and them slow-burning the Virgil turn. I feel like a Ricardo/Santino team would be gold, but I have no idea where Santino is at this point.

 

My thoughts:

 

Stephanie McMahon is the least sympathetic person that has ever appeared on WWE television.

 

FINALLY getting the people Heyman manages together as some sort of functioning unit was long overdue, and that promo was gold, Jerry. Axel looks 500% more credible standing there with Brock, and considering how ham-handedly they've been trying to get him over all summer, it would have been much easier to do that from the start.

 

I felt like Tons of Funk got way too much offense in on the Wyatt Family, especially considering the length of the match.

 

What the *hell* is the point of what they are doing with Christian? He got a jobber intro and everything. The setup for RVD-Del Rio was done two weeks ago, and now they seem to be setting up a Triple Threat, a match they should be constantly avoiding at all costs. This way, it's set up so nobody believes either Christian or RVD will beat Del Rio, the buildup is clumsy and nonsensical, and the match gets to be even more heatless than every Del Rio match. Which is *very* heatless. Throwing every wrestler you can on the show does not make us care about them.

 

Still have yet to be given a single reason to cheer Cody Rhodes, and it's evident.

 

The Layla promo about her turn didn't make a lot of sense. "ALL the divas better watch out, because I want all the attention!" So she holds hands with the Divas champion, who gets the most attention and has the title...okay.

 

Would everyone shitting on the Dolph/Kaitlyn-AJ/Big E feud rather be watching more of the Dolph-Del RIo holding pattern feud? Isn't this what we've been calling for since Wrestlemania?

 

Kofi was coming off an injury, so it makes sense that he looks smaller, but imagine if he was still in the trunks. The long pants are a vast improvement, and the majority of the roster really needs new gear that isn't trunks. Really only the following active WWE wrestlers should keep the trunks: Orton, Bryan, Cesaro, Cody, Otunga, Titus, Big Zeke, and *maybe* Barrett. Everyone else switching it up to singlets/shorts/long pants would do a great deal to help the generic look of nearly everyone.

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I liked a lot of Raw last night.

 

I thought the Vince/Bryan/Steph stuff had its moments. Bryant's makeover was good stuff. The barber shop segment with Wade coming down was great foreshadowing -- notice that Randy has a nicely groomed beard as well?The political machinations stuff is going to go on for a while. I'm just settling in getting used to it. As long as it's backstage machinations and not the focus of the entire show (re: 30-minute HHH mic-spots at the start of Raw), I'm fine with it.

 

I loved Cena's mic spot a ton. I was watching on my laptop. Was he getting boring chants? As soon as that happened, he got the crowd right back into the mix. That dude can work a crowd like only a few others in history have been able to do so. I loved him breaking out his Marky Mark accent and his heel mic-drop. Great on how that built to Randy's interference and then The Shield coming down.The Punk/Axel match was really good. I love Punk's pure hatred for Heyman getting him in trouble. Punk has a great fighting spirit thing against Brock. Their stuff definitely feels like a high school fight between the smaller but completely fearless punk kid taking on the big bully football player jock. The jock wins (for now) but the kid in the Minor Threat shirts gets in a lot of blows along the way to everyone's shock.

 

I wish they gave the main event 30 minutes. They could have cut out some nonsense (re: Fandango) and given that match 20-minutes. Another classic Shield 6-man with that ending is super hot. Last night it felt super rushed.

 

Also, I'm super excited for some sort of Wyatt/Kane gimmick match. There hasn't been a supernatural thing in a while.

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Its like they thought Cody could keep his face momentum just off MITB alone.

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I dunno if Cena's just a good actor, but he looked a bit pissed when the crowd first declined to take up the "You can't wrestle" chant but DID hit him with a "boring" chant.

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Amused that the sports ticker under Raw was saying "Rodriguez: I am disappointed with the penalty" as Del Rio was killing Ricardo.

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Its like they thought Cody could keep his face momentum just off MITB alone.

What face momentum? He didn't do anything to turn at MITB. There is not a single reason that we have been given to cheer him. He even still has the stache.

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Pretty clearly a tainted loss to build up to Dolph/Kaitlyn-AJ/Big E, and a way to build The Shield back up after they've been an afterthought over the last couple of months. What would have been a more appropriate ending? Cena in the ring while Bryan poses on the ramp saying "YES" and an unnaturally long staredown?

Yes, because quite honestly Cena/Bryan is a match I give a fuck about right now and The Shield can fuck right off with their irrelevant titles and go fight a reunited Awesome Truth on the pre-show. Get those jokers I give no fucks about out of my main event at Summerslam build.
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