Raw 12-1-14

[MGFanJay]

Show started with an Authority-filled recap video before Cena and Seth talked for 15 minutes and a wacky brawl broke out to make TLC PPV matches. This felt like a go-home segment, but dragged on for ages. Random tag team turmoil featured some random teams and was just a vehicle for The New Day, who is doomed, and lost after getting just one win in this big multi-team clusterfuck. Usos won after some bullshit with the Bunny and Rose. Vince appeared from his limo with a bright red phone cover and a red, white, and blue tie.

 

Rowan's backstory as a genius wine maker is unexpected, and boy did his match with Show not get over. You couldn't even hear each fan - NO ONE MADE ANY NOISE. Then Show hit him with steps to maybe set up a Stairs match at the PPV or something. THE NEW AND IMPROVED FANDAGO shockingly didn't help matters. They've simplified Rosa's part to her just being on her knees and not moving. Well, might as well stick to her strengths. He won via forfeit over Swagger due to Zeb being hurt.

 

Rusev said he did it and Lana praised Russia to the tune of the Pledge of Allegiance, then he brawled with Swagger for a bit. This again. Loved the big slap from Jimmy Uso to Miz for talking to his wife and OFFERING TO ADVANCE HER CAREER. What a dickhead. Bray faced Truth again. Beat him, and Dean BROKE THE SACRED ROCKING CHAIR!  AJ won a nothing tag match. MICK AND NOELLE FOLEY HAD A FUN SEGMENT AS SANTA AND AN ELF! Heyman cut a fantastic promo about Brock being special and THE REIGNING, UNDISPUTED WWE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! Six man tag was just 30 minutes of boredom. After a century of stuff, Dolph won with a sunset flip and then the match means nothing because a brawl breaks out to set up WWE'S DEMOLITION DERBY KNOWN AS TLC! Parade of finishers to Show, ending with Cena, who needed help to lift Kane, doing the AA on his own. A 4-on-1 beating allowed Rowan to beat up Show. So all the babyfaces stood tall here - why buy the PPV?

 

http://jayreviewsthings.blogspot.com/2014/12/wwe-raw-12-1-14-3-hour-pre-show-for.html

 

Screens - 

I'M A CM PUNK GUY!

 

 

 

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/rq8gu7nmnujw072f8svwhk5hcy8lm5cd

[piranesi]

Oh Fuck "Big REd" is the most Vince cocaine fart thing I've ever heard:

"I Like the SOund of that, Son!  HERE COMES>>>BIIIIIG RRRRRRRREDDDD!!!! YEAH..WHADYA THINK KID, OHMAHGAWEDBIIIIIGRRRREEEEEEDDDDD WITH THE BODDDDY SLAAAAAAMMMM!!!!

I think this is your ticket, kid.  close the door on your way out."

[Patrick B.]

Big Red reminds me of when they tried to call Taker Booger Red.

[cool arrow]

I always love it when a bunch of babyfaces gang up on the heel.  What role models!

[CastleVania Rey]

Wyatt was more hurt than I ever saw him before when Ambrose broke his rocking chair. But he can forgive Ambrose maybe because they're cast from the same mold and whatnot?

 

After all, Shield leaders and world eaters have many likes alike.

[Patrick B.]

Rowan's "arrived".  Cole said so.

[piranesi]

My mood from the first mention of Big Red:

 

JBL: Blahblah BigREd

[huh..JBL whatever]

Cole: I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT

[uh oh]

Cole: BIG RED!!!!

[nonononono]

JBL: BIG RED!!!  That's what I'm saying.  Look at Big Red!

[fuck]

Cole: BIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGRED

[sniff...I'll remember you, you will be there in my heart.  I'll remember you...that is all that I can do....

 

I'll

 

 

RemembBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDvBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDBIGREDvv

[nate]

So, gratuitous asses have been replaced by gratuitous capitalization?

Just joshin'...

[CastleVania Rey]

I loved the "We know it's Hornswoggle" sign.

 

YIKES on that big bump on Rowan's head!

 

Also, Paul Heyman is amazing. AMAZING. He makes me SO want to see Brock kill most of the locker room in that proposed handicap gauntlet match.

[w. josh]

I never want to hear the term "demolition derby" again.

[Curt McGirt]

You could hear the pause when Cole asked JBL why they should call Rowan "Big Red" and listened to what Vince was saying in the headset to answer. "BECAUSE I LIKE IT KEEP SAYING IT DAMMIT." Rowan has a massive IQ? He's a vintner? He hates bullies? Okay guys, whatever. Took a pretty hard shot that he was rubbing at the end there, wonder when that came. 

 

Someone finally broke the rocking chair. Bout time. 

 

That was a fairly good tag match until they brought out Cesaro and Kidd -- good team, but they should be kept apart -- and when Rose and the girls and the fucking bunny came out I went and took a shower. Then I got a call later on and just stared blankly at a good chunk of the show between that and net surfing, which about says it all.

[CastleVania Rey]

Watch when Big Show hits Rowan with the stairs at the end of their match. Show drops the stairs and they bounce back and hit Rowan in the head HARD.

 

Also, I like Rowan, so don't everybody get negative on him.

[Nice Guy Eddie]

I like Rowan being a genius, wine maker, guitar player. The Big Red nickname is awful. Everytime JBL says Big Red, someone should sneak up behind him and choke him with a string of Christmas lights. That would be festive.

[cool arrow]

What a great Raw debut for the New Day: losing to a thrown-together jobber team.

[Curt McGirt]

Yeah, that whole match was the "blankly staring" part while I was on the horn. I forgot about the classical guitar player bit, haha. Guess they forgot about that other nickname, the Big Red Machine. Or maybe Vince wanted to reuse it. Anyway, good on the guy, but it makes no sense to have a bayou psycho that never says more than three words have a 145 IQ. 

 

Big Day have great double team moves, they've got a clappable and chantable theme, and one of them is Kofi, so hopefully it'll come along for them in time. I thought Xavier yelling "I'LL JUST GET OUT OF THE RING THEN" was pretty funny. 

[CastleVania Rey]

I NEED MORE POSTS.

 

Did this Raw make anyone want some spicy gum? Cinnamon-flavored, maybe? Why is that?

 

I did a double-take when I heard Noelle's name. Wow. I haven't seen her since she watched her father have his brains bashed in by Rock back in 1998, causing him to believe he's Santa Claus forevermore.

 

I don't know about Tyson Kidd being a jobber anymore. Tyson seems to win on Raw a lot these days. Cesaro, on the other hand...

[Nice Guy Eddie]

Yeah, that whole match was the "blankly staring" part while I was on the horn. I forgot about the classical guitar player bit, haha. Guess they forgot about that other nickname, the Big Red Machine. Or maybe Vince wanted to reuse it. Anyway, good on the guy, but it makes no sense to have a bayou psycho that never says more than three words have a 145 IQ.

Rowan is an introvert. It's not uncommon for a genius to be an introvert.

[Curt McGirt]

Cesaro has become Austin's "mechanic on the card" and it makes me sad. If they slot him in with Kidd in a permanent team, I will be sadder. Nothing against Kidd, it's just... fuck. You ain't seeing them becoming the new Hollywood Blondes.

[cool arrow]

I NEED MORE POSTS.

 

Did this Raw make anyone want some spicy gum? Cinnamon-flavored, maybe? Why is that?

 

I did a double-take when I heard Noelle's name. Wow. I haven't seen her since she watched her father have his brains bashed in by Rock back in 1998, causing him to believe he's Santa Claus forevermore.

 

I don't know about Tyson Kidd being a jobber anymore. Tyson seems to win on Raw a lot these days. Cesaro, on the other hand...

 

Yeah, Kidd is pretty firmly entrenched in the midcard these days.

[Cobra Commander]

as someone once given the nickname "Big Red" by others in High School.. i'm sending my sympathies to Erik Rowan tonight

[Overly Critical Man]

I get the feeling that saying Eric Rowan "has arrived" may have been disingenuous and/or premature.

[Patrick B.]

It's like how torch-passing moments are diluted nowadays by one wrestler doing promos saying "I AM PASSING YOU THE TORCH" and the other wrestler doing promos saying "YOU ARE PASSING ME THE TORCH" and the commentators screaming "HE'S PASSING THE TORCH!"

[The Nature Boy]

Is "Big Red" really worse than "Booger Red?"

 

Lest we forget what Taker had to deal with.

[MGFanJay]

What a great Raw debut for the New Day: losing to a thrown-together jobber team.

Via distraction schoolboy.

[Cobra Commander]

I'm surprised that New Day isn't immediately feuding with Slater-Titus.