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  • 3 weeks later...

8/18/17 -- G1 CLIMAX BEGINS NOW~! A BLOCK~!

ZACH SABRE JR./TANAHASHI: Interesting stylistic matchup. I know most of you have seen all this shit but it's fresh to me. Tana of course has the bad bicep so, of course, ZSJ is gonna go right after it. Starts with some really cool chain wrestling and Barnett is great describing it, I'm sure he's gonna have a blast with all the Sabre matches. You gotta love Tana posing and going for the elbow drop then falling right into the armbar. Pride always goeth before the fall... literally, in this case. Zach dragon-screws the arm with his legs? Good lord. If I was Tana I wouldn't want to match up with this kid in his condition for sure; he seems to have as many ways to twist you up as Volk Han. 

This had a great, slow pace with no highspots, no rope running, few strikes, great psychology. Such a different New Japan match, it feels like a breath of fresh air. Sabre taps Tana with the most disgusting possible armlock. At this point all I think he needs is to learn from Suzuki and create some -- any -- kind of facial reactions proper for his sadistic wrestling. 

NAITO/IBUSHI: Speaking of guys with blank facial expressions that ended up with the best ones as a heel! This is gonna be great. We start out with a brief burst before TRANQUILO. Naito decides to go after the neck and Ibushi is more than willing, as always, to die for your pleasure. Naito has all kinds of neat ways to torture Ibushi's neck, just like Sabre with Tana's arm. At the same time, for a guy with a seemingly unbreakable neck, it might be better to go for his legs... which he of course utilizes to counter. Warmaster: "RISKY will be the next member of los Ingobernables" haha. JR calls the transition to offense from Ibushi properly seamless with the snap German out of the attempted Dragon, and Ibushi decides to kick Naito bugeyed (!) while Red Shoes actually does his job and tries to stop it. So we've got all five people on their toes in this one! Ibushi is of course not afraid to fall on his head and neck in multiple disgusting ways. I think if Naito just did a simple vertical suplex he'd tuck his head and shift his weight. Of course I write that and surprisingly they do a Poisoned Frankensteiner where there is actually some space between his head and the mat. Naito gets lawn-darted into the corner immediately after so I guess they felt like they had to make up for it? Wouldn't be surprised. 

(I'm so pissed that I'll be out of town and will miss Suzuki/Omega. This Marduk/Incantation show better be worth it)

IBUSHI DEADLIFTS NAITO INTO A GERMAN OFF THE SECOND ROPE OUTSIDE/INSIDE. FUCK. And Warmaster is smart enough to bring up the G1 schedule to underline this stuff. Piledriver off the top... good lord. Omega is watching this in the back saying "okay, Mr. Sexy, I can beat that", I'm sure. Thankfully there's a pair of Destinos with reversals and we're done. Woof. It's good that they kept this short. JR: "This is night one." Say no more. 

Y'all with NJPW World are lucky. 

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I missed last week but thankfully the replay is later on. It'll be reviewed if I'm not too plastered by then. 

TANAHASHI/FALE: Tana's arm is completely covered now (maybe it was last match too, I don't remember the thing going all the way to the wrist though). Can you imagine Fale playing rugby? If I saw him coming I'd run. He treats Tana's arm like Suzuki would and then Vaders him in the corner. Tana stupidly Germans Fale and keeps trying to slam him and flip him which only gets him crushed. He hits an enormous High Fly Flow off the top, then manages to Swing Blade Fale into the apron as they're trying to get back in the ring, Red Shoes keeps counting... and Fale is counted out! Nice way to end it. Tana always works well as underdog to big guys (see Bernard, Giant) and this was no different. Short and sweet. 

NAITO/YOSHI-HASHI: Really love Naito's maroon suit. The vest is so swanky. Barnett says Yoshi might have butterflies and he sure looks like it when he comes out. (BTW, one of the Juice Robinson banners looks like something a fifth-grader made in art class) Poor Yoshi takes a 17 count from a simple rail ride while Naito lays in the ring. The psychology is to work on Yoshi's neck and Tetsuya tortures him to Yoshi's resounding verbal "FUCK"s. I guess he's been hanging around the gaijin wrestlers or the bookerman, haha. How do you say 'fuck' in Japanese, anyway? Yoshi busts out a freakin' shoulderbreaker which means he was probably hanging out with Scott Norton. They're both going after each other's necks now; Yoshi's Headcrusher is a neat little flapjack move to use as a reversal. He invites Naito into a strike exchange and ends up kicking him right in the fucking mouth which looked like an accident. Naito then sits in the Butterfly Lock for a ridiculous amount of time and Yoshi hits a HUGE running lariat which was actually quite shocking. Naito counters Karma then hits Destino for the three? Man, give it to Yoshi at least, he worked within himself and they came up with a pretty good, albeit deliberately paced match. Korakuen is 100% pro-Ingobernables but at least gives Yoshi a smattering of applause as he's led out. I really want one of those Ingobernables hats...

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HEY HEY! I'm still around after witnessing part of a Biohazard video on MTV Classic, so if I can withstand that, I can withstand anything. 

JUICE/KOJIMA is clipped. This... this kinda pisses me off. Of all matches that interest me in the Climax, this is actually one of the most interesting ones, just based on the opponents and the old vs. new story. Poor Juice might be icing his nuts the rest of the tour but wins with his Pulp Friction/Killswitch which looks suitable to finish Kojima. Happy to have a Juice win but sad to have a Kojima loss. 

SANADA/EVIL: What the fuck Halloween mask is Sanada wearing? I already have issues with EVIL's (and neither names will be capitalized here on out) fake scythe. As much as I love Ingobernables and cheap horror stuff, that shit needs to go unless it's October. Red Shoes, of course, doesn't care about being beaten with a chair and illegal weapons being used.  I do appreciate Sanada's weird limb-wrap thing he does though where he makes a ball out of Evil. Boy, that cutter off the top isn't Mutoh/Tenryu, though they try and portray it as such despite a horrible slow-mo replay... ugh. This is just rash. They eventually stop heeling on each other and just go into movez, most of which don't look good at all (I'm looking at you, Sanada). Yeah, these two aren't ready for prime time. Sorry to the peanut gallery that feel otherwise, but it didn't do shit for me. 

SUZUKI/OMEGA: Goddamn, Suzuki looks like he's going to kill Omega. Just outright break his neck. And Omega looks SCARED. He doesn't even want to look at him... then you have two guys that like to mug mugging. Omega gets his leg wrapped in the rail and Warmaster gets to do his second Carl Panzram reference of the G1 before they fight out into the crowd and back in with an injured leg on Omega. Red Shoes gets nuked by the V-Trigger and here comes the bullshit. Who the fuck is Chase Owens?! Why does Omega need to do a completely unnecessary crowd dive on a bad leg? What is the purpose of any of this? They almost lose me completely until Suzuki decides to try and remove Omega's legs and throw them into the front row. Then... we get... the strike exchange. Of course. At least it ends with Suzuki kicking Kenny's leg out from under his leg and him spitting right in Suzuki's face. Match really starts to turn around here and stops pissing me off. It feels like what they should have been going for all along, but didn't have what they thought should have been the middle. BIG botch with the attempted Poisoned Frankensteiner (can we just get rid of that fucking move already?) but Kenny ends up winning. That was a dog's breakfast of a match for sure, as well of an episode. And a review.

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EVIL really needs to upgrade his entrance garb and accoutrements. How expensive can an actual steel scythe (dulled/gimmicked, I would hope) be? Shooting lasers "out of his" hand comes off super low rent. I want EVERYTHING to be EVIIIIIIIIL, but that shit ain't evil, capitals or not. His mask could look less Fisher Price, too. 

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Yeah he's LIJ there's this whole undercurrent of sincere insincerity going on. Plus I'm just hipster scum and don't know too much about metal but I saw that Atilla guy from Mayhem scream his head off at a SUNN O))) concert wearing a battle helmet made outta  a corona of spiked-out mirrors and those finger lasers were part of the getup and that was pretty metal, maybe, I think?

Like an hour in 

 

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I agree to an extent, so I'm thinking it ought to be an over the top, anime looking one like it is but just less "I rushed out and this was the only thing the dollar store had". I love his character and for one hope he doesn't just drop the evil and daaaaarkness (Joe!) now that he's ascending to the top. 

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SANADA/SUZUKI: JIP, dammit. They finish with a tricky Sleeper - Skull End - Sleeper - Gotch piledriver reversal series which was nice. That's all there is to this since it's cut so short.

OMEGA/TAMA TONGA: Warmaster says a word for the passing of Daryl at the start, haha. Tama jumps Kenny, rips off his Elite shirt and says "fuck the Elite". After he flapjacks Omega on the apron he even grabs the mic and bitches about the Elite. So we clearly know where the angle and the future of Kenny as a heel is headed. Tama's taking all of this so far. Omega finally gets a bit of offense in and threatens to dive on Tama and the BC midcarders try and stop him... why don't they just pull Tonga out of the way instead of getting dove on? Fale, meanwhile, is staying out of it. Tama tries to fight back but Omega goes into Hyper Mode and kills him. I must say that Tama's agility is off the charts and Omega sold a ton before his comeback. He lightly, mockingly boots Tama a couple times in the back of the head while he's recovering then asks for a group Too Sweet; Tama reluctantly joins them. This whole match was just an angle advancement but it was well-wrestled. 

OKADA/ELGIN: Big Mike's plastic robe with the barbell buttons is so cheesy that it's actually kinda awesome in a way... a bad way. Okada plays wary to start. JR complains about Mike leaving his feet and there is what they call your foreshadowing. Dig Okada trying to armdrag him and he just pins in a standing position. Sorry, too strong! Okada then tries to jump over the rail on him and gets caught and slammed once, then twice, then a third on the apron. And then a fourth in the ring. And then he does a springboard... and splats. What did I tell you? There's another nice catch into a German, then he does a little Three Amigos action with a trio of them. Everything Okada's trying gets countered by Elgin's power; seemingly the only thing he can get in is strikes and a few select counters. He also eats a huge chop and a LOUD, knockout forearm before finally dumping him on the outside and starting to build up. But then he eats a powerbomb from midair and it's back to the meat chopping. RAINMAKER REVERSAL! Why has nobody ever done that before (at least that I've seen)? Okada looks out on his feet. Of course, Elgin goes up top and gets dropkicked. Okada just keeps eating shit and kicking out. The whole end is a ton of reversals into big moves and guess who wins? This one felt kinda late-'90s AJPW where you want to do the math as to how many different big moves will end the match in which order. Honestly Elgin should have won. It would have made him, but they don't have plans for that. Sorry Mike. Great stuff here. Even Okada says "didn't he know this a regular match and not a title match?"

Heh, Elgin has 0 points in the B Block. Go figure. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Damn, I haven't done one of these since the 8th? Alright then. 

GOTO/FALE: is JIP. Both have 8 points and the loser is eliminated. Goto flubs an attempt at... something. He loses to the Grenade. Why couldn't they have just shown the last couple minutes of Nagata/ZSJ instead? 

NAITO/MAKABE: Well, I can guess the outcome of this one. Naito's look with the vest has actually inspired me to do something similar for a wedding I'm going to in a week, except the vest will be a lighter violet with black pants/shirt/shoes/suit jacket. There's no way it will be as cool as his getup of course. Makabe immediately goes after Naito and whips him incredibly hard into the rail and he eats it right in the gut. Lesser men would puke. BTW, Makabe is already disqualified from the Climax and obviously doesn't give a shit because they start brawling into the crowd. Makabe eats two rail rides himself after that and it's funny seeing him just pin and lean on the rail after he hits. Say what you want about him, the man will crowbar you (unless he's punching, though his actually look okay here in the corner). Naito eats an enormous couple strikes, a powerbomb, gets his head smashed into the rail, and Spider Germaned, but he still wins via Destino. Pretty uninteresting match. How has Makabe not learned how to sell properly in all his years in this fucking business? 

TANAHASHI/ISHII: OH YEAH BABY, THIS IS WHAT WE WATCH FOR. Stone Pitbull versus an injured Ace. The psychology of the last match -- they're coming to the climax of the Climax (heh) and both chosen guys in the A Block are gonna get the shit kicked out of them by their opponent -- is the same but it's underlined further here because of Tana's arm and... hey... it's Ishii. Which Tana finds out within moments. JR: "It might not be the most ideal time to work on one's air guitar" haha. He makes the mistake of trying to do Ishii's match and gets whooped up on, until he switches up and goes to Ishii's knee. He eats a pretty nasty dragon screw off the top rope and I'm digging tweener Tana heeling up and then having the hubris to go strike vs. strike and failing. They then do some Fighting Spirit crap (BOOOO). Tana wins me back with some really REALLY mean dragon screws after a cool rollup. Ishii managing to break the Cloverleaf (which has won Tana a match before, natch) is good and dramatic. Then he hits his OWN Dragon Screw! As Warmaster says, "turnabout is fair play" He then tries to take Tana's leg and rip it completely off like a chicken wing in a fashion I've never seen before. Warmaster can't even really figure it out. After that he goes whole-hog Choshu and busts out the fucking Scorpion Deathlock! HELL YES. Both guys are just dying here. Goddammit, more Fighting Spirit exchanges? Then two high fly flows and we're out. At least both guys are completely dead on the mat laying against each other with Ishii begging for water to be dumped on him. Tana actually just gets laid down in the back for the interview segment with his belt draped over him while he agonizes. 

My complaint, aside from the Fighting Spirit shit: They worked the legs and then just take it home too damn fast without those even being a factor. But they at least sold them after. Otherwise this was pretty great. Not everything can be an epic I suppose (and shouldn't be), but is it too much to ask for a finish to match up with the meat of the match? 

 

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I really loved that Sabre/Tanahashi match, thought it was concise, to the point, focused, and the targeted work made sense from both sides. I thought it was really great. So I was excited for Ishii/Tanahashi and...I totally agree with Curt's thoughts, except probably more negative. Once this fed slightly brings me in, it completely pushes me away. 

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This is gonna be scattered.

I walked in from work late to catch the end of Okada/Suzuki, and it looked pretty nasty, from the sweat on Suzuki alone. I hope there wasn't any Suzuki-gun BS that filled out the middle portion like their last match (which JR erred in calling "a classic"). Warmaster was stoked the whole way through. Red Shoes needs to pull out a fucking ten count sometime though, but we can't really ask him to referee like a real referee, right? That's just not his character after all. MiSu throwing the rail at some random dude afterwards was some classic heel crowd abuse.

So I'm watching the replay of August 5th right now with Juice vs. Omega. And...

Spoiler

JUICE FUCKING WON!!!

You have no idea how hard I just geeked out for that. BTW, he has the best armdrag in wrestling ever. It looks so beautiful. The match was very US Pro-Style with long knee psychology before they go into Puro finisher attempts, very neat stuff that I would actually nominate for one of the best matches of G1. Maybe it's just because I like Juice a lot. You don't get too many pure babyfaces that seem to have that much natural talent these days. 

Okada vs. EVIL has a flapjack and a side slam, they must've been watching Harlem Heat matches. I like them giving EVIL the win after getting a fuckin stinger but... yeah... maybe not have him shoot headbutt Okada. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hey hey, I was expecting a full hour of you know what, but instead we start out with...

JUICE ROBINSON/BIG MIKE! This should be fun. It's weird seeing Elgin do a cartwheel out of a wristlock then JOOSE doing a fucking Vader Attack in the corner. Total Bizarro World. Of course JR and Barnett are already complaining about Elgin going up top before he even gets there. Lots of counters here and they really lay in the elbows. Big Mike, of course, has some pretty sweet powerbombs including a single-arm one. However, Juice hits an incredibly sweet left to his jaw, goes for Pulp Friction, reversal into ANOTHER wicked left, and Pulp Friction for the win. Nice little match, nothing really special but solid. Clearly they (and we) see big things in Juice so thumbs up to his victory. 

Whew... brace yourselves, here we go... it's

OKADA/OMEGA III: JR quotes some Japanese fan poll that says Omega is top foreign wrestler second only to Stan Hansen... okay. Okada is in the top four natives I think he said in that poll, btw. They start out at a million miles an hour before Kenny gets kicked off the top and then over the rail. Okada's neck is injured so of course Omega is going to go for it; I like him using the old fashioned head crank. That always struck me as one of the simplest, meanest-looking moves that nobody really uses much. Off comes the protective tape and Kenny's going for the back as well as the neck. Makes sense; they are both connected by the spine after all. Okada tries a kip-up and fails and it almost turns into a Spinneroonie haha. Kenny looks like he's gonna do a DVD but instead does that fruity slam into a moonsault which makes him eat knees. Not very bright. Okada keeps telegraphing Kenny but ends up eating a NAS-TEE Poisoned Frankensteiner on the outside that we get to see full-on, bringing out the ref and all the docs, but Kenny says "fuck all y'all", picks him up, and Dragons him ON THE APRON. And then he kicks out of a cross-legged neckbreaker. *sigh* Well, we have to see some more Rainmaker attempts and dropkicks after all, right? Wouldn't want the people to not get their money's worth. Okada even eats a hellish Uranage that turns him bug-eyed and ends up immediately hitting a Rainmaker anyway. We finally get our magic combination of V-Triggers (the one out of the Rainmaker wristhold was wicked) and a goddamn Tiger Driver '91 and THEN the One-Winged Angel to win. 

In all honesty, this was kind of reigned-in for these two. At least there was the psychology of the neck injury and they didn't skimp on exploiting it, but just... damn. I forgot to mention there was a SECOND SECOND reverse 'Steiner in the ring that didn't end the match! It's like you have to take a machete to either of these guys to put them down even with an obvious injury and that sucks. But that's the style, and that's the way she goes, boys. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Missed last week but I'll make up for it tonight. 

I guess this is the end of the G1 and I wonder why they didn't do the tags first THEN the finals. Oh well. 

EVIL powerbombs the fuck out of Okada on a pile of chairs in the clipped FACTION WARZ tag. That didn't look too fun to take. Shibata comes out and I swear it's the first time I've ever seen him smile. He says "I'm still alive! That's all!" and leaves. In the back he talks to the press and says he passed out on the way to the back in the last match but tonight he made it all the way. You'll have to excuse me, it's a little dusty in here... I really need to Swiffer. 

YOUNG BUCKS/FUNKY FUTURE(TAGUCHI + RICOCHET): God, Funky Future have star-shaped shades and Taguchi has a fake parrot on his shoulder. It makes the Jacksons' tights look tasteful. Ricochet looks to tweak his knee on his first dive and they go right after it. He ends up kicking the ringpost full-on and they powerbomb Taguchi right into the apron corner, ouch. You can practically feel his spine compress. Taguchi ain't no spring chicken either. The Bucks say "let's work his ass" out loud after an atomic drop  but Ricochet saves. He gets worked over but Taguchi tags in and goes wild with hip attacks and dives, proving he might still be a bit of a spring chicken after all. We get stereo Scorpions and Ricochet is hurting; however, with some help from Taguchi he manages getting to the top and wins with a Shooting Star for the tag titles. I thought it was gonna be his regular finisher (720? I can't remember the number of rotations) but hey, nice. Good to see some psychology in what could have easily been a straight sprint, and they rounded it up in 15 minutes. In the back they get jumped by Suzuki-gun, I guess not to make them look too good as new champs. 

"Switchblade Is Coming". Sami Callahan, right? I don't think I've seen a match of his since Low Ki knocked him the fuck out so this should be interesting. 

WAR MACHINE/BULLET CLUB (CODY + HANGMAN PAGE): I guess the other match was for the Jr. belts and this is for the heavy belts. Funny enough Cody is also wearing green tights. He does a cartwheel and blows a kiss to the crowd which does not endear him to me in the least. Unless you are Carlos Colon (or Damien Sandow), you should never cartwheel in the ring. Hansen goes all Bull of the Woods (if you weel) and lariats both Club members in the corner a ton of times, JR says "I'd get my ass out of the corner" haha. Cody and Page are about as WWE Midcard Heel as it gets. Goddammit Cody and Hansen do a cartwheel-off in the ring. You know that was Cody's idea and I want to slap him. WHOA, Rowe picks up Page and just chucks him onto a kneeling Cody's back and Page lands on the back of his head! Nasty. 

(Another Lumberjack Death Match with Elgin and Suzuki from Destruction in Fukushima is next week so get ready for some chaos)

Hansen doing a handspring back elbow is pretty silly too. War Machine finally win after a cluster of high flying from both teams. For yet more foreshadowing, the Guerrillas of Destiny come in to challenge... and then Killer Elite Squad run in and beat everybody up. Oh boy, a three-way. I can't contain my excitement. Rowe tells KES "I'm gonna fucking kill you", "you're fucking dead" haha. I like War Machine as a team but this was right in the middle of all wrestling. 

Be back in a couple hours to take on last week's replay (unless the Sandman strikes, and I ain't talking about Hak. Though if he were here, I'd happily share my booze for the evening with him)

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God Fucking Dammit. So Naito/Omega is JIP (at least when I turn it on) right to the fucked-up piledriver on the table. The AXSTV Fights going over is good for not missing fresh stuff but it puts a wrench in the works of trying to catch the replays if you aren't flipping back every other couple minutes. 

I just don't have the patience for this at 3:30 in the morning. It's time to let Hak say goodnight with a proper Singapore cane to the head in the form of some food. Sorry Comrade Naito

EDIT: I came back from the kitchen in time to see the celebration. It was nice to have Chono give him the flag because of his G1 wins and being the original cool heel in NJPW.

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I am thankful for the drought of Yujiro Takahashi matches on AXS's New Japan cards..

Having Pieter escort the Tokyo Pimp to the ring every Friday would definitely result in more Saturday mornings of me waking up alone on the couch.

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11/10/17: DESTRUCTION IN FUKUSHIMA~!

War Machine/GOD/KES is JIP. I don't know why Davey Boy is wearing cuffed-up jeans and Docs, that looks pretty weird coming from anyone in New Japan. JR says it's a tribute to his dad when he came back to WWF but I barely remember that. Boy Rowe whiffs incredibly bad on a knee and the crowd goes mild. JR calls it a "prison street fight". Looks more like a series of high spots and suplexes to me. Prisons don't have streets anyway, Jim. War Machine retain with the slam + legdrop where Hansen's leg doesn't even touch Tanga. 

LOS INGOBERNABLES (EVIL/SANADA/BUSHI)/CHAOS (OKADA/ROCKY ROMERO/YANO): Maybe next year I'll dress as EVIL for Halloween when Teenage Martians plays. Have to take off the mask to sing though... maybe just some makeup instead. Ingobernables have the six-man titles here. Both teams immediately jump each other at the bell and CHAOS go right at EVIL. He breaks away and LIJ isolate Rocky, then we get our Okada/EVIL matchup. Yano and Sanada get in and Sanada busts out a fucking OKLAHOMA ROLL! THAT was unexpected. Yano misses a lariat and falls over for no reason after they pull each other's hair. Unfortunately Yano tags out and we get Rocky and BUSHI. God I hate the MX. Hilariously, Yano runs in to low-blow BUSHI and Sanada ties him up around the bottom rope. EVIL counters the Rainmaker, one more MX, and we're out. I'm not usually in the mood to say this, but it really needed more Yano. Everything else was pretty bland. 

KUSHIDA/El Desperado for the Jr. belt is next week, FYI. 

SUZUKI/ELGIN (LUMBERJACK DEATH MATCH): Yep, Taguchi Japan are on the face side for Big Mike. We got Taguchi/Tana/Ricochet/KUSHIDA out for him so that's not a combo to sniff at. JR says his favorite band is the Eagles and that he doesn't exactly have a peaceful easy feeling... boy, he's not exactly batting 1000 tonight. At least there hasn't been a closed fist mention yet. Suzuki immediately starts twisting Elgin's arm at impossible angles before they start chopping each other and you know who wins that battle. Elgin goes over the top and both teams brawl while Suzuki takes him to the woodshed and abuses him with the railing. Said it before and I'll say it again: Suzuki has one murderous elbow. He wears Mike out with a chair to no avail. His selling of Mike's clotheslines is comical and ends it by getting a second wind; Suzuki-gun interferes but Mike bowls them over. Nice help there Taguchi Japan. They finally help on the second run-in with Tana busting out a double dragon screw. Taka wins his paycheck by getting pressed over the top and Ricochet busts out a sick dive that nails Desperado. Wait, WTF? KES run out to beat on Elgin, then War Machine come out to brawl with them? And now Iizuka's stupid ass wanders out to give Elgin the iron fingers so MiSu wins with the Gotch piledriver. JR busts out a "bowling shoe ugly" and that's about the sum of it. Suzuki calls Fukushima hillbillies and yokels with an accent he can't understand, hahaha. What a dick. Then he talks to his belt backstage, calling it a bad influence, dumps a beer on it, crushes the can on it and says "let's party" which made me laugh like an idiot. That was probably worth the whole watch. Speaking of accents, Elgin's accent is Manitoba by way of Kentucky. This match felt a lot longer than this review. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

And we got two back to back tonight for Black Fuckeday! 11/24/17 New Japan BEEEEEEEEEGIN

Spoiler

KES/GOD/WAR MACHINE: Well, I don't know what they were talking about when they said this is a series of three matches between the teams and the NEXT one is a tornado tag because that's exactly what this one is. Archer's pounce is quite impressive. There really isn't any way Marty can control this and he gets bumped anyway. Then all of the sudden they're tagging? Okay. Hansen hits a cartwheel then a handspring back elbow which is absurd but also impressive. There's just too much going on to call but anyway, War Machine hit their backdrop + legdrop called Fallout for the win. Even JR and the other Warmachine say the action is impossible to keep up with. Why the latter keeps calling a neckbreaker a cutter is beyond me. 

ZACK SABRE JR./TANAHASHI (INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE): Tana's cut his hair for that movie role and has some nice new gear... and still the torn bicep. Which is bad, bad news considering who he's up against. Really nice scramble to begin. Sabre has a very good use of leverage for someone so skinny and lanky, which they point out right after I write it haha. Tana gets almost subbed twice while doing the air guitar which was sweet. They work wristlocks until Zack finally twists Tana into a straightjacket handhold (forearms across the neck) that they reverse a couple times and it's rad as fuck. Zach bails, gets put in a reverse Indian deathlock but used that to finally transition into working on the injured arm. While he's grinding on it he even manages to imitate the air guitar and flip off the crowd. Whoa, Tana dives off the top into a Fujiwara ON THE FLOOR! Now THAT was unexpected. Of course Red Shoes lets it go on, then checks on Tana, then starts the count. Go figure. Jim calls ZSJ "a very aggressive pretzel-maker". Ooof, they botch a front suplex into the ropes and Zach's head meets mat at a nasty angle. Now Tana's going for the legs. There is an exchange I cannot describe after a series of rollups -- you just have to see it. The shit is so complicated it's absurd. Then they turn a flying triangle into a Texas cloverleaf and back again. Good lord. And Zach makes the craziest Octopus Hold ever to torture the arm, but his left knee is injured and Tana finally manages two Hi Fly Flows until Suzuki runs in to do what he does best. Elgin literally forearms him to the back with the crowd yelling "HEY" for each one haha. They go back and for some more but Tana finally hits three rolling neckbreakers and a Flow for the win. This was gnarly. ZSJ takes every big move of Tana's like he's being crippled and his submission work is Volk Han level, all he needs is better facial expressions. Tana is even better working injured. Highest recommendation. 

Ibushi comes out and Tana challenges him, he accepts. Pretty ridiculous, like they just said to each other in the back "hey if I win you come out and I'll ask you to fight me". The battle of the matching mom haircuts shall be pretty good though. 

Now, DESTRUCTION IN KOBE~!

KES/GOD/WAR MACHINE TRES (HEAVY TAG TITLES): I'll just call the big spots here (and this is JIP btw). Also, this is anything goes and first pin gets the belts, so I don't know why they had three matches aside from just making them do the rounds for the tour. At least Marty only has to call a pin for this one; he probably likes a three-way as much as I do by now. You know what? Fuck calling the "big spots". This is just big guys doing big moves and finishers in it. There's no psychology, it's just six slabs of human beef slamming into each other until someone takes a fall. 

God, my idea of Hell would having to watch all of the marathon of AXSTV musical Christmas specials they're pimping. Twisted Sister?! Doing Xmas songs?! 

Ouch, Davey Boy puts a hole in a table and has some slices on his back. So, there's that. Marty gets pulled out on the Fallout pin, poor dude. He just can't have an easy job with these three teams. KES finally hit a Killer Bomb on Rowe for the belts. This was a match. 

OMEGA/JOOSE! (UNITED STATES TITLE): Alright, this should be a blast. Juice beat Kenny with a rollup in the G1 so Kenny's putting up the US belt against him. You gotta love that worried look on Juice's face, he's so expressive, it's another reason I like the kid so much. He refuses to attack Kenny's surgeried knee but Kenny doesn't hesitate to yank his dreads. Nice character building. Omega's immediately selling the knee after he gets dropped over top the apron... and then immediately runs the ropes and turns back into his usual self. Ha, he even does a little jog around the ring. What a dick. He even fireman's carries him to the corner while fake running! He pays for that with a big big corner lariat and a cannonball. Barnett: "Juice looks at the ropes..." Ross: "They look back..." bwahahahaha. 

Whoa, three hours next Friday. Ishii/Naito and Okada/EVIL? Yep I'm in. 

Kenny's whooping ass, and mugging too much, until Juice hits a sick crescent kick. Of course that doesn't matter after a single V-Trigger. Finally Juice chopblocks the knee and he looks guilty as hell but goes right after it. Omega must be completely insane for competing TWO WEEKS after orthoscopic knee surgery in any fashion. Awww, we get the Bret Hart ringpost Figure Four and the crowd boos. Man, he's steamrolling now with a sweet string of offense, but then they go to the apron and we get a simple, beautiful vertical suplex to the floor on Juice. Kenny showing restraint on the apron must've been a demand. Juice gets back in by the skin of his teeth only to eat a "restaurant quality" (TM JR) Dragon and then another... just sickening. And a third. And three V-Triggers. Juice is practically sleepwalking. Four. Juice wakes up. FIVE. Juice is FULLY awake and goes for his finish but eats another knee and A FUCKING JAY-DRILLER AND KICKS OUT. Okay, I know we want to show how much heart Juice has but goddamn. He finally gets in the big left hand and a Tiger suplex and another left (woof) and another and Kenny eats the Pulp Friction but corpses out. This is getting to be a bit much. And then they top it by Juice trying Friction off top and eating the Angel off the top. This was good... but... hmmm. Robinson definitely showed that he could keep up, and wrestle Kenny's match, which is something. But Kenny's matches are getting (actually just are, I guess) fucking ridiculous. Juice plays dead admirably. 

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