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The 24 Christmas Movies of Christmas 2014!

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Every year I try to watch a Christmas movie for every day of the month but end up getting overwhelmed and missing some days shopping and whatnot.  So this year I'm staring almost two weeks early in an effort do finally do it!

 

Feel free to chime in with your own movies, comments, recommendations and the like.

 
 
The Running List
01. Too Cool For Christmas
02. The 12 Disasters of Christmas
03. How The Grinch Stole Christmas
04. Merry Friggin' Christmas
05. Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever
06. Happy Christmas
07. The Muppet Christmas Carol
08. A Holiday Affair
09. Bad Santa
10. Black Christmas
11. Ernest Saves Christmas
12. Scrooged
13. It's A Wonderful Life
14. Jingle All the Way
15. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
16. Surviving Christmas
17. Elf
18. A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas
19. The Polar Express
20. A Christmas Story
21. Santa Claus (Mystery Science Theater 3000 version)

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For the first movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of Christmas 2014 my true love gave to me...one terrible movie!

 

Too Cool For Christmas is about a vapid teenage girl who just wants to hang with her friends for Christmas but her two gay dads won't let her (That's a 'Clone High' reference for anyone who gets it!) and she's, like, super bummed about it. So, for some reason, she befriends the mall Santa and gives him a makeover so he looks like George Hamilton (Which is hardly an upgrade if you've seen George Hamilton lately) and then he teaches her the true meaning of Christmas. Also there's a weird subplot with an insane security guard who wants to ban her from the mall. It's odd because Santa is talking about how all people are good, but he gets really vindictive when a store clerk snubs him and also condones some bullying. This might be the worst Christmas movie I've ever seen, actually, which covers some ground. Bonus points for terrible effects! Also, apparently the gay dads were still controversial,somehow, so there's an alternate version of the movie with a heterosexual couple called 'A Very Cool Christmas' which I have linked here because Youtube actually has no clips of either version of the movie for you to enjoy (Save for a creepy one that compiles all the scenes featuring the 10-year-old girl...). So enjoy! (But please don't watch it...it's too bad)

 

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Christmas Bounty, simply for the shock value of a pro wrestler actually being the best actor in the movie.

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I await the A Christmas Story review for the 25th.  The quotability of this movie never gets old

 

 

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I await the A Christmas Story review for the 25th.  The quotability of this movie never gets old

 

I don't think it will be the 25th, but it will definitely be on the list.  A couple years ago I watched it with my parents, then went shopping with them to pick up their Christmas groceries and they were out of my dad's cinnamon buns that he loves and he went "Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!" (he even got the half-crack in his voice right!) right in the middle of the store amidst much staring from the other shoppers just to make me and my mom laugh.  We bring this up every couple months.  It's like a top ten family moment, I think.

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For the first movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of Christmas 2014 my true love gave to me...one terrible movie!
 
Too Cool For Christmas is about a vapid teenage girl who just wants to hang with her friends for Christmas but her two gay dads won't let her (That's a 'Clone High' reference for anyone who gets it!) and she's, like, super bummed about it. So, for some reason, she befriends the mall Santa and gives him a makeover so he looks like George Hamilton (Which is hardly an upgrade if you've seen George Hamilton lately) and then he teaches her the true meaning of Christmas. Also there's a weird subplot with an insane security guard who wants to ban her from the mall. It's odd because Santa is talking about how all people are good, but he gets really vindictive when a store clerk snubs him and also condones some bullying. This might be the worst Christmas movie I've ever seen, actually, which covers some ground. Bonus points for terrible effects! Also, apparently the gay dads were still controversial,somehow, so there's an alternate version of the movie with a heterosexual couple called 'A Very Cool Christmas' which I have linked here because Youtube actually has no clips of either version of the movie for you to enjoy (Save for a creepy one that compiles all the scenes featuring the 10-year-old girl...). So enjoy! (But please don't watch it...it's too bad)
 
 

WTF.  They not only made this terrible movie once, they made it again?  Are the two versions pretty much exactly the same other than the parents?

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Santa Claus the mexican one where he fights mr. Pitch (as seen on mst3k)

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I enjoy the "Not So Christmas" Christmas  movies.  I plan on screening Die Hard, and Die Hard 2,  Gremlins, Harold & Kumar Save Christmas, and Life of Brian at some points during the holiday season

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Jingle All The Way is my favorite Christmas movie and I try to watch it every year. So much good stuff.

 

Also can't go wrong with Santa with Muscles, the Hulk Hogan thriller.

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For the first movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of Christmas 2014 my true love gave to me...one terrible movie!
 
Too Cool For Christmas is about a vapid teenage girl who just wants to hang with her friends for Christmas but her two gay dads won't let her (That's a 'Clone High' reference for anyone who gets it!) and she's, like, super bummed about it. So, for some reason, she befriends the mall Santa and gives him a makeover so he looks like George Hamilton (Which is hardly an upgrade if you've seen George Hamilton lately) and then he teaches her the true meaning of Christmas. Also there's a weird subplot with an insane security guard who wants to ban her from the mall. It's odd because Santa is talking about how all people are good, but he gets really vindictive when a store clerk snubs him and also condones some bullying. This might be the worst Christmas movie I've ever seen, actually, which covers some ground. Bonus points for terrible effects! Also, apparently the gay dads were still controversial,somehow, so there's an alternate version of the movie with a heterosexual couple called 'A Very Cool Christmas' which I have linked here because Youtube actually has no clips of either version of the movie for you to enjoy (Save for a creepy one that compiles all the scenes featuring the 10-year-old girl...). So enjoy! (But please don't watch it...it's too bad)
 
 

WTF.  They not only made this terrible movie once, they made it again?  Are the two versions pretty much exactly the same other than the parents?

 

From what I've read it's just the exact same movie, it's just the lines that the slightly younger dad says to the other are said by a woman.

 

Santa Claus the mexican one where he fights mr. Pitch (as seen on mst3k)

That's a really good pick...well the MST3K one...I don't think I could watch it without the riffing.

 

I enjoy the "Not So Christmas" Christmas  movies.  I plan on screening Die Hard, and Die Hard 2,  Gremlins, Harold & Kumar Save Christmas, and Life of Brian at some points during the holiday season

I watched 'Gremlins' for Halloween, but am planning on watching 'Die Hard' this year.  I've never seen H&K Christmas...might see if I can track it down this year.

 

Jingle All The Way is my favorite Christmas movie and I try to watch it every year. So much good stuff.

 

Also can't go wrong with Santa with Muscles, the Hulk Hogan thriller.

Never seen the latter, but the former is a tradition with my brother.  I'm still baffled that THIS made it through the final cut.

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I got a few movies to update here.

 

For the second movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of Christmas 2014 my true love gave to me...sledgehammer-subtle symbolism!

 

"The 12 Disasters of Christmas": I'm notoriously bad at spotting symbolism in movies.  I'll often go "Oh I GET IT" long after the movie is over while people look at me in disbelief and say "You're just getting that now?"  I almost never catch subtlety or symbolism or metaphors.  So for me, and people like me, we have 'The 12 Disasters of Christmas'.  I was onto it from the word 'Go'.  So Jacey (Pronounced J.C.) is told by her grandmother that she's the chosen one to save the world from 12 deadly disasters that will precede the end of the world, her grandmother is then skewered by a giant icicle falling from the sky.  The family is shockingly blase about this death, go on about their business, but Jacey witnesses another tragedy and realises she must save the day.  So, Jacey and her father Joseph (Sigh...) go out in search of (SIGH...) five golden rings that will save the world (You see, the '12 Days of Christmas' song is coded instructions from the Mayans on how to save the world in the end of days).  Evil Kane who is trying to bring Wal-Mart, er, Real Deals to their idyllic little hamlet, decides that Jacey must die to save their town and goes after them.  Jacey's mother Mary (Sigh...) and her brother try to...I dunno...outrun disasters or something, aided by family friend Jude.  If you don't know already that Jude will turn on them, you haven't been paying close enough attention.  Anyways, there's a variety of silly disasters (A giant energy dome that blocks them off from the outside world, poisonous steam (?) and a tidal wave of ice).  For some reason, all of these disasters seem to make people shatter or disintegrate.  Oh yeah, this movie is terrible.

 

 

Note: Probably not in the Top 5 dumbest deaths in the movie....you've been warned.

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For the third movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014 my true love gave to me...Jim Carrey in green!

"How the Grinch Stole Christmas": The Jim Carrey one. You know, I had never seen this before this year. It's good. Of course, all I could think about the entire time is how when the film came out they released a toy line and there was one with a Grinch modeled after Jim Carrey that had a heart that would light up when you hugged him. For some reason, though, they put the button to activate his light-up heart really low on his body, so you basically had to squeeze the Grinch's Grunch to get his heart to light up (I know that's a good way to make my heart light up!) and I remember laughing hysterically as they talked to angry parents on TV. I think we bought one and put it away, and I just checked ebay to see if it was worth millions of dollars, but, alas, it's selling for about $25 so I guess Christmas is not coming early to me.


(Wait...what?)
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For the fourth movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014, my true love gave to me...Robin Williams' second last movie!

 

"Merry Friggin' Christmas":  This was actually...not bad.  Joel McHale plays a guy who is completely obsessed with making sure his children have a great Christmas.  Unfortunately, this year his brother (Clark Duke, whom I usually loathe but actually found myself liking in this one) is holding baptism on Christmas Eve which means McHale and his family (Including wife Lauren Graham) have spend Christmas with his family including his mother (Candice Bergen) and his father with whom he has a fractious relationship (Robin Williams in one of his last roles).  Shortly after arriving, he realizes he left one of his kid's presents back home, seven hours away in Chicago and, after his car dies, has to ride with his father all the way back.  There's some pretty good moments, but apparently the film was re-cut after Williams' death (likely to feature him more prevalently) so there's a number of subplots that seem to die off without resolution, and the pretty solid supporting cast (Graham, Bergen, Oliver Platt, Wendi McLendon-Covey and Tim Heidecker) aren't really given much to do.  But, there's moments of genuine humor, some warmth, and fun plot points.  It's not going ever going to be a 4-star classic, but it's something I could see going back at future Christmases, not every year.  The title is actually the worst thing about it, because it conveys an attitude that's not really prevalent in the main character, it's mostly for shock value.

 

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For the fifth movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014, my true love gave to me...an internet meme voice by Aubrey Plaza!

"Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever": It's not...good.  Aubrey Plaza voices the internet-famous Grumpy Cat in a story that's more about a teenage (or pre-teen) girl who has no friends.  After a chance meeting with Santa Claus (Russell Peters) she wishes for friends and suddenly finds herself able to communicate with Grumpy Cat.  Anyways, the girl and Grumpy end up having  to stop two idiots and their idiot mastermind from stealing a million-dollar-dog (Don't ask) and holding it for ransom.    There's lots of breaking the fourth wall which is sometimes funny and other times just genuinely true (Like when the movie repeatedly asks why you're still watching).  Also the plot is so flimsy it wouldn't probably fill a half hour sitcom, much less a two hour movie, so they throw in a fair number of fantasy sequences and recaps.  There are a handful of funny moments, and I'd listen to Aubrey Plaza read the phonebook, so, you know.  I can't in good conscience recommend it, though.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOpMwTzuJbM

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I'm just looking at tv listings, and one channel has 3 dog-themed Christmas films on in a row. A Bulldog for Christmas, Santa's Dog and K9 Christmas. I plan on watching none of them, they'll likely be on 5 more times before Christmas anyway.

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For the fifth movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014, my true love gave to me...an internet meme voice by Aubrey Plaza!

"Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever": It's not...good.  Aubrey Plaza voices the internet-famous Grumpy Cat in a story that's more about a teenage (or pre-teen) girl who has no friends.  After a chance meeting with Santa Claus (Russell Peters) she wishes for friends and suddenly finds herself able to communicate with Grumpy Cat.  Anyways, the girl and Grumpy end up having  to stop two idiots and their idiot mastermind from stealing a million-dollar-dog (Don't ask) and holding it for ransom.    There's lots of breaking the fourth wall which is sometimes funny and other times just genuinely true (Like when the movie repeatedly asks why you're still watching).  Also the plot is so flimsy it wouldn't probably fill a half hour sitcom, much less a two hour movie, so they throw in a fair number of fantasy sequences and recaps.  There are a handful of funny moments, and I'd listen to Aubrey Plaza read the phonebook, so, you know.  I can't in good conscience recommend it, though.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOpMwTzuJbM

 

 

I'll recommend this film.

The movie was fun.

No messages about the "true meaning of Christmas" crap that's usually trotted out on Lifetime.

Plus Aubrey Plaza, Grumpy Cat, and Daniel Roebuck as a heel.

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Scrooge (1951) with Alastair Sim is my favorite cinematic telling of A Christmas Carol.

 

The live action version is great, but there is an animated version of A Christmas Carol (also starring Alastair Sim) which is equally king sized. 

 

You can watch it on YouTubes but it is chopped into a bajillion pieces.

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For the sixth movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014, my true love gave to me...an indie film that kind of snuck up on me!


06. Happy Christmas: A thirty-something couple with an infant take in the husband's wayward sister who just broke up with her boyfriend. Jenny (Anna Kendrick) is really selfish: goes out and gets black-out drunk her first night, which forces her brother from his bed to go pick her up. He's fairly non-plussed about the whole thing (He's used to it) but his wife Kelly (The always amazing Melanie Lynskey) is upset about the whole thing: worried that she can't be relied on to babysit or even just not leave the doors unlocked. Kelly has her own struggles being a novelist who's a new mother and has no time to write anymore. Gradually, though, Jenny sparks Kelly through a new project that revitalizes and re-excites her. Through the first 30ish minutes of this one, I was finding it a bit of a chore to get through, and, then, suddenly I found it all very affecting and enjoyable. It reminded me a lot of 'You Can Count On Me' where you just want to see her stop screwing up, knowing full well she's probably always going to keep screwing up. Also, I found myself quite liking Lena Dunham in it, which is something I've probably never said before. And I don't think I ever got the chance to hear Lynskey's real accent before and it is pretty much adorable. Lastly, they have a bunch of songs by Joel Alme and, right now, everything I'm hearing by him is incredible, so it also has that going for it.


 


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For the seventh movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014, my true love gave to me...a surprisingly faithful Dickens adaptation starring puppets...er Muppets.

 

07. The Muppet Christmas Carol: This was on TV last night so I decided to give it a whirl.  I was surprised at how faithful it was (Including the "There's more of gravy than of grave about you" quote although it is immediately mocked as a terrible pun by Statler and Waldorf) and also somehow do not remember Michael Caine as the lead (I'm also disappointed he didn't discuss it more in his autobiography...unless I read the wrong one).  But it's good, though I thought it was bizarre that they used Statler/Waldorf for the first ghost, but every one of the three ghosts are not know-Muppets but reasonably faithful to the book original creations.  I'm not sure the Bob Cratchit/Tiny Tim relationship was ever as well portrayed as it was in this one.

 

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Scrooge (1951) with Alastair Sim is my favorite cinematic telling of A Christmas Carol.

 

The live action version is great, but there is an animated version of A Christmas Carol (also starring Alastair Sim) which is equally king sized. 

 

You can watch it on YouTubes but it is chopped into a bajillion pieces.

 

 

large_scrooge_blu-ray6b.jpg

 

Forever the face of Christmas in my house.

 

I think I've watched it every single year since I was 6.

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For the eighth movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014, my true love gave to me...a really cute kid and Robert Mitchum.

 

08. A Holiday Affair: I LOVE this movie.  I'm not a big fan of cute kids, as a rule, they all look the same to me.  But this kid is ADORABLE.  It's a Christmas movie starring Robert Mitchum  (Wait...what?!) as Steve, a toy department salesman, who gets fired when he goes easy on comparison shopper/widow Connie (Janet Leigh).  As an apology, she goes out for lunch with him, and they end up meeting cute 2-3 times and he falls for her, but she already has a boyfriend, the stable-but-a-little-dull Carl.  Through a series of misadventures, she and Carl get engaged, Steve surprises Connie's son Timmy (Gordon Gebert), Steve gets arrested and they all end up together for Christmas dinner before there's another surprise.  But Timmy just STEALS every scene he's in with his gap-toothed smile and squeaky voice.  He's completely incredible and natural in every scene, and you wonder why he never really went on to do much of anything else.  Anyways, it's a Christmas romantic comedy that actually manages to eschew many of the rom-com cliches.  I love it.  You can usually catch this 6-7 times on TCM leading into Christmas and I heartily recommend it.

 

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For the ninth movie of the 24 Christmas Movies of 2014, my true love gave to me...a really, really bad Santa Claus.


 


09. Bad Santa: Bad Santa always reminds me of my sister, not because she's similar to Bad Santa or any of the characters therein, but because we decided to go see it as a family and she tried to opt out dues to "illness" and we guilted her until she relented and came along, then spent the bulk of the movie holding her side as we marveled at the sheer amount of terrible stuff in the movie for someone with a stomach-ache: vomit, blood, snot, etc. etc.  Anyways, it turned out she had appendicitis which makes the whole story funnier/sadder.  Anyways, you already know about this movie and love it or hate it accordingly.  I think it's hilarious, you might have differing opinions on it.


 


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