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Halloween


E.J.

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What are ya'll doing? Am I the only one who's going to take advantage of Chipotle's $3 burrito today?

 

Me and the lady are going with a friend of mine and his girl friend to the West Hollywood Halloween parade. I fully expect to leave by 9:30 though, wayyy too crowded.

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Handing out candy while drinking beer and then watching horror movies. I'm bummed because The Afghan Whigs are playing here tonight but there is no way in hell I'll go near the shitshow that is downtown Austin on Halloween, made worse by it also being F1 race weekend.

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I've been, like, "off sugar" for about five months now.  Not super militant "off sugar" but just not eating extra sugar from junk and trying to get most of it from fruits.  And, man, when I dumped all that candy into the plastic pumpkin for the trick or treaters, I had a huge flashback.

 

It's the smell, man.  That mix of good and cheap chocolate, musketeers, sweet tarts and smarties, weird sugary orbs and whatever else was in there.  It was overwhelming.  The smell of that pillowcase with all that candy in it back in the day, man.  Whew.  It all came rushing back.

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I haven't had any sweets for nearly two years(it'll be two years on Christmas Day this year. Jelly, cookie, tootsie roll, nothing. And Fall is pretty much the worst season as far as cravings go. Wife's cooking all these badass cookies and my son's going to get a stash of Reese cups that I would straight punch him in the face for. 

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Well, leaving aside that for me every day is Halloween... We're probably going to have the imp from next-door (our grand-niece) over when she gets done trick or treating. Might also have the kids from our ex-landlord over, they were here last year and passed out candy so we could watch horror movies without being unduly disturbed. However, I just heard thunder, not a good sign for the upcoming evening.

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You guys are missing a worked Maury Povitch scenario on Galavision where a guy claiming he is the real Condo Dracula is confronted by his wife and by another vampire lady he has been sleeping with.

 

He tries to storm off, but someone rips his tupe off and he starts screaming "YO SOY CONDO DRACULA! VA A PAGAR TODOS!!!!"

 

Now we're having a skeleton dance off.

 

GUYS, GALAVISION, NOW!!!!

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Damn! Last year we had close to a hundred trick or treaters and ran out of candy (fortunately I had a box of common baseball cards and some 50-ct bags and those were a smash hit). Made the kids happy and got rid of a bunch of crap that I wasn't about to sort through

 

 

This year the tide has already stopped and we probably still have $15 worth out of the $20 Mrs. OSJ spent on candy. Worse yet, she got a bunch of those miniature 3 Musketeers and Milky Way which I quite enjoy...

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Had my three yr old nephew over after he went to "trunk" or treat and the local mall. He was pretty wired, but still carved his jacko lantern with mom and dad.  Still pretty fun, especially since trick or treaters rarely come down our cul de sac. . . 

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We got the same snow, wind, cold and rain bullshit that jae got, but we pushed on. My daughter was Elsa, my girlfriend was Anna and I was Kristoff. My girlfriend and I made our costumes and honestly, they kicked ass. I'll post a picture later.

Anyway, trick or treating didn't last long, and it was also my birthday, so we headed back for pizza and cake. We came back to a shit load of candy that didn't get handed out. I bought about $30 worth of candy weeks ago and of course given the weather, we had no trick or treaters according to my mom, who stuck around to pass out candy. Ah well, now I can work on getting diabetes.

Rest of the birthday night, aside from Pizza Hut sucking, was awesome. I got a nice set of Vice Grips, the new Alien game for the PS4 and a sweet new griddle. After my daughter went to bed,my girlfriend and I had some good beers and watched Django Unchained. It was just a really good Halloween/birthday.

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In the spirit of not letting Halloween go and in the firm belief that the ancient Druids would in fact, burn shit up all weekend if Samhain fell on a Friggasday, I want to get this archived on the internet somewhere, in case I, like, die.

 

It's my greatest achievement in life.  Created in October, 1977...yeah, I peaked early.

 

IMG_0806.jpgIMG_0807.jpg

 

 

...made out of newspaper and, I don't know glue or something, it has held to together for 37 years, which is about as many as I held together for before things started falling off of me.  I don't remember the exact technique because, like so many artists, my media and methods have changed so much over the years...like Picasso, you know.

 

Yes, I hadn't quite mastered "triangle" as a shape, and yes, I didn't really plan out in advance enough to have space for the nose to go where it's supposed to go GODDAMMIT IT'S A STATEMENT ON THE PERCEPTION VS THE REALITY OF PUMPKINS IT"S AN INNER DIALOG WITH STYLE ITSELF AND A CRITIQUE OF REPRESENTATIONALISM IN SCULPTURE IT'S A CHALLENGE TO THE MARKET IDEOLOGY OF PATRONAGE IN THE ARTS AND A CALL FOR DEMOCRATIZATION IT IS OUTSIDER ART MOTHERFUCKERS...and I'm pretty sure I ran out of time before juice break.

 

...and now it will live forever until Dean falls asleep on the wrong button again.

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Since the "Where's Waldo" outfit I bought didn't fit (extra large shirt my ass), I went to a housewarming/halloween party on Saturday night dressed as Brett Favre, circa New York Jet texting penis days. All the football fans in attendance had one question: "When are you going to start texting dick pics?". :D

 

Jae and Craig, one of my friends was down in Chicago this weekend (he's from New Zealand, so he took his wife and son down to see the All Blacks play on Saturday), and they did their trick-or-treating at a mall somewhere in Chicago.

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If it was downtown, it may have been the Water Tower...Otherwise, I'm guessing it was Woodfield Mall in Schaumberg. It's a big mall that probably does stuff for inside trick or treating. Or maybe not. It's been awhile since I've been there. Last time I was there was for Black Friday like 7 or 8 years ago. I'm not even sure how I let myself get talked into that. Anyway, Schaumberg is NOT Chicago, so it could have definitely been somewhere else.

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