WRESTLER OF THE DAY: BRUTUS BEEFCAKE

[RIPPA]

I originally had other ideas for today but I dont have the time or energy that would have come from my choices since I know that my hate is not shared...

 

Brutus however...

 

 

And here is wrestling Lanny Poffo... in 2010!!!!

 

 

This is why we can't take you seriously Canada

[J.T.]

Gorilla Monsoon did his best to sell Brutus to us, but he failed miserably.

 

It was pretty obvious that Brutus's WWE Tag-Team championship run was booked by Hogan to protect his buddy.  It used to infuriate me that he managed to hold onto a title for as long as he did during their feud with the Bulldogs.

 

I attribute that to the awesomness of Greg Valentine dragging Brutus's sandbagging ass kicking and screaming to victory.

 

Then he went all Barry Darsow in WCW with the multiple gimmicks when Hogan gave him work.  You have to earn money, folks, because Crack does not buy itself.

 

We had the Zodiac

 

and the Disciple

 

 

and the Butcher, and the Bootyman, and the Clipmaster, and at the height of hilarity, The MAN WITH NO NAME~!

 

.I heard he got fired from his NY / NJ Transit job as a toll taker on the GWB because someone found a vial of crack in his uniform.  Some dudes just can't be helped.

 

Over the years, the hate I had for Brutus has been replaced by pity.  Dude has wrecked his legacy so much that he can't even use past glory to earn a living on the convention circuit.

[RIPPA]

[cool arrow]

 

[caley]

When I was a kid, and first getting into wrestling, I thought Brutus Beefcake was amazing.  I used to hum his theme song while I strutted around the house.  And what's weird is I became a fan of his after the accident, but going back through videos and thinking "This guy is so cool!" and not being able to figure out why he wasn't on TV (Not knowing about the accident at the time) then he came back and did the Barber Shop and I was sure it was just to set up him being the most awesome wrestler in the world.  Then he finally did come back to wrestle and I was...disappointed.

 

I also remember, in the just pre-internet days for me, when he showed up with the NWO I was thinking "Who is this cool looking guy with the beard and glasses?" and thinking he was like some really awesome wrestler I either didn't recognize/or who had just come up through the Power Plant and being all stoked on him.  Then he wrestled and I remember being disappointed.  Then I got the internet and searched "Who is the Disciple?" and then I was really disappointed.

 

But, man, that Beefcake-Ron Starr feud SCARRED me for years and kept me in the "Well, everyone tells me it's fake...but that had to be real.  Maybe it's all real?" camp for a few more years.

[Greggulator]

My favorite Brutus memories:

1) The time when, working as a toll collector for the Boston subway system, he dropped a bag of cocaine onto the ground that led to an anthrax scare, causing an entire metropolitan area's transit system to come to a halt. There was absolutely no better "WTF is wrong with wrestling?" moment than that. None.

2) My buddy Sal had a copy of the WWF Magazine that detailed his recovery from that parasailing accident. They showed pictures of his face post-surgery and they were absolutely insanely freakish/humorous. One of our friends said he had "Melted Cray-Pa Face," which became a thing among our group.

[EdA]

Gorilla Monsoon did his best to sell Brutus to us, but he failed miserably.

 

It was pretty obvious that Brutus's WWE Tag-Team championship run was booked by Hogan to protect his buddy.  It used to infuriate me that he managed to hold onto a title for as long as he did during their feud with the Bulldogs.

 

I attribute that to the awesomness of Greg Valentine dragging Brutus's sandbagging ass kicking and screaming to victory.

 

Then he went all Barry Darsow in WCW with the multiple gimmicks when Hogan gave him work.  You have to earn money, folks, because Crack does not buy itself.

 

We had the Zodiac

 

and the Disciple

 

and the Butcher, and the Bootyman, and the Clipmaster, and at the height of hilarity, The MAN WITH NO NAME~!

 

.I heard he got fired from his NY / NJ Transit job as a toll taker on the GWB because someone found a vial of crack in his uniform.  Some dudes just can't be helped.

 

Over the years, the hate I had for Brutus has been replaced by pity.  Dude has wrecked his legacy so much that he can't even use past glory to earn a living on the convention circuit.

 

Yeah, I was a young heel mark and even I had a hard time defending Beefcake in that team.  Fortunately, Greg Valentine was a motherfucking great wrestler.

 

The Barber gimmick made me love Ron Bass far-far-far too much.

 

The WCW stuff never happened.  IT NEVER FUCKING HAPPENED, JT.  SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!!!!

 

And the Beefcake-toll both story per his wiki page..

 

In February 2004, Leslie caused an anthrax scare at one of Boston's MBTA stations, Downtown Crossing, where he was working at the time. He had left a bag of cocaine in his booth, which a subway rider spotted and assumed to be anthrax. The building was evacuated as a precaution. Leslie checked into a drug rehabilitation facility after admitting that it was his cocaine.^[9]

[Greggulator]

Brutus Beefcake kicked out of Toronto's City Hall when trying to pester Rob Ford.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDj6CAO-eQc

[EdA]

I was about the post the wiki info on that since Rippa and I are pissing ourselves never having heard the story before.

 

But goddamn.  That video is glorious.

[J.T.]

Oh, shit, that's right.  It was in fucking Boston!

[EdA]

So Rippa and I are now trying to decide - most pathetic ex-wrestler: Brutus or Virgil?

 

Discuss.

[JLowe]

I can't imagine wanting to be coked out while working in a toll booth.

 

When I was young, I thought The Barber was cool. Of course, I also hated Greg Valentine. I'm grown up now.

[Greggulator]

There's also something great involving Brother Bruti on WrestleMania 4 at Atlantic City. I believe he was in the tournament to determine the new champion. I can't dig this up on YouTube but plan on watching this on The Network within seconds.

He did some pre-match promo with Mean Gene. He comes out looking so, so, so insanely gay. His hair is all mullet-permed and streaked, he's oiled and shirtless and wearing those intentionally ripped pants replaced with day-glo pink mesh. I mean, it's absolutely glorious in terms of wrestling fashion. And he's using shears while he walks on stage.

Mean Gene looks directly at his crotch as he walks in. "Wow! Will you look at this package!" It's just so insanely blatant and weird.

Brutus then says some wrestling promo gibberish -- "Honkey Tony Man, blahblahblah" -- and then Mean Gene asks him where he got his outfit from.

"Ohhhhh The Boardwalk!"

I don't know how well this translates to people who do not know about The Jersey Shore. I'm sure you all do now because of that horrid TV show from years past. But, yes, Brutus Beefcake could -- TO THIS DAY -- get an ensemble like that on a Jersey Shore boardwalk.

[J.T.]

So Rippa and I are now trying to decide - most pathetic ex-wrestler: Brutus or Virgil?

 

Discuss.

 

Brutus in a walk.  Virgil may eke out a miserable existance hawking wares at cons with the rubes, but it is an honest dollar that does not appear to be smoked through a glass pipe.

[Greggulator]

I was living in Boston when The Great Anthrax Scare occurred. I was at work down on the South Shore and got the breaking news about the anthrax scare. I was a little unnerved because, yikes, and was worried about my commute home. So I  kept following the events as the day passed and they quickly restarted the mass transit system and talked about how a worker was arrested or whatever because it was his bag of cocaine. They then said his name "Ed Leslie" and I didn't think anything of it past a weird coincidence. Then my roommate called me telling me about how rumor was it was Brutus Beefcake. I absolutely lost it at work crying with laughter.

I wish I had a copy of the next day's Boston Herald. I remember Brutus was on the cover in his 80s glory (not a new photo) and it said something like "The Barber of Anthrax" or the like. It was so great.

[pipGofern]

I also liked the Barber but in my defense I was 9 and didn't realize at the time guys like Honky and Perfect were bumping around like maniacs for him trying to make him look like great. Also, I didn't know he was Hogan's BFF.

 

I stopped watching wrestling for a few years when I was in college so I never saw the first couple "seasons" of Raw but thanks to the Network I've finally been able to watch them. On one of the first eps, Brutus makes his grand return from the para-sailing accident and cuts this truly amazing promo. He talks about his accident, how his life has basically been utter shit since he got hurt (complete with a kind-hearted soul in the audience yelling "Kill yourself!"), and then finishes by equating Hulkamania with being touched by the hand of God(!?).

 

It really might be one of the 10 best things I've ever seen on RAW.

[Greggulator]

I think the Virgil vs. Brutus debate comes down to their real-life roles in wrestling.

Virgil was best known for playing a manservant who took Ted DiBiase's abuse for a few years before breaking free.

Brutus Beefcake was an actual real-life manservant to Hulk Hogan. I mean, can you think of anything lower in the world than being a professional wrestler's actual behind-the-scenes servant? How could you even look at your reflection and be okay with your lot in life? "Sure thing, Hulk, I'll get your water for you right away." Ugh.

Virgil's just trying to hawk Poloroids and the like at Comic Cons. It's a truly pathetic existence but I think he has some self-awareness that, yes, this sucks but getting a few hundred dollars a weekend for essentially sitting down and talking about The Million Dollar Man with a guy dressed as Hello Kitty is easy money.

But like John said -- doing cocaine to get you through your day when you work in a box to take token and to say things like "Exact change" or to buzz people into the handicapped gate is really, really low. And that's somehow a major step up from carrying Hulk Hogan's luggage as a trade-off for security for you career as a wrestling barber.

 

[tystates]

I say Virgil is more pathetic.

 

New Japan:

 

4/29/83 Ed Leslie, Paul Orndorff vs. Antonio Inoki, Seiji Sakaguchi

8/27/82 Ed Leslie, Sgt. Slaughter vs. Hulk Hogan, Antonio Inoki
8/26/83 Ed Leslie, Dick Murdoch vs. Tatsumi Fujinami, Akira Maeda
3/2/84 Ed Leslie, Bobby Duncam vs. Antonio Inoki, Kengo Kimura
3/16/84 Ed Leslie, Dick Murdoch vs. Seiji Sakaguchi, Kengo Kimura

[Greggulator]

Also, Brutus Beefcake might be the grossest name in wrestling history.

[EdA]

I think the Virgil vs. Brutus debate comes down to their real-life roles in wrestling.

Virgil was best known for playing a manservant who took Ted DiBiase's abuse for a few years before breaking free.

Brutus Beefcake was an actual real-life manservant to Hulk Hogan. I mean, can you think of anything lower in the world than being a professional wrestler's actual behind-the-scenes servant? How could you even look at your reflection and be okay with your lot in life? "Sure thing, Hulk, I'll get your water for you right away." Ugh.

Virgil's just trying to hawk Poloroids and the like at Comic Cons. It's a truly pathetic existence but I think he has some self-awareness that, yes, this sucks but getting a few hundred dollars a weekend for essentially sitting down and talking about The Million Dollar Man with a guy dressed as Hello Kitty is easy money.

But like John said -- doing cocaine to get you through your day when you work in a box to take token and to say things like "Exact change" or to buzz people into the handicapped gate is really, really low. And that's somehow a major step up from carrying Hulk Hogan's luggage as a trade-off for security for you career as a wrestling barber.

 

 

Good call.  But, Brutus at least has (or had) a posse in the Hulk-lackey biz.  You know at some point, when Hulk went to take a piss, Brutus could make a snide remark about Hulk's doorag being crooked to the Nasty Boys or Jimmy Hart and they all could laugh and laugh to forget the pain of being broken men sucking on Hulk's teet.  Then of course, Hulk would come back from the john and they would all be responsible for making sure there were no piss spots there by the Little Hulkster.  Plus you know Nick Bollea was an absolute dick to them.  But still, UNITY!!!!

 

I mean, Virgil had to go it alone.  The hell?  At least with a posse, of say Virgil and, I dunno, Jim Neidhart, he could pretend he really wasn't the guy looking at the tentacle porn at the comic-con.

[Greggulator]

 

I think the Virgil vs. Brutus debate comes down to their real-life roles in wrestling.

Virgil was best known for playing a manservant who took Ted DiBiase's abuse for a few years before breaking free.

Brutus Beefcake was an actual real-life manservant to Hulk Hogan. I mean, can you think of anything lower in the world than being a professional wrestler's actual behind-the-scenes servant? How could you even look at your reflection and be okay with your lot in life? "Sure thing, Hulk, I'll get your water for you right away." Ugh.

Virgil's just trying to hawk Poloroids and the like at Comic Cons. It's a truly pathetic existence but I think he has some self-awareness that, yes, this sucks but getting a few hundred dollars a weekend for essentially sitting down and talking about The Million Dollar Man with a guy dressed as Hello Kitty is easy money.

But like John said -- doing cocaine to get you through your day when you work in a box to take token and to say things like "Exact change" or to buzz people into the handicapped gate is really, really low. And that's somehow a major step up from carrying Hulk Hogan's luggage as a trade-off for security for you career as a wrestling barber.

 

 

Good call.  But, Brutus at least has (or had) a posse in the Hulk-lackey biz.  You know at some point, when Hulk went to take a piss, Brutus could make a snide remark about Hulk's doorag being crooked to the Nasty Boys or Jimmy Hart and they all could laugh and laugh to forget the pain of being broken men sucking on Hulk's teet.  Then of course, Hulk would come back from the john and they would all be responsible for making sure there were no piss spots there by the Little Hulkster.  Plus you know Nick Bollea was an absolute dick to them.  But still, UNITY!!!!

 

I mean, Virgil had to go it alone.  The hell?  At least with a posse, of say Virgil and, I dunno, Jim Neidhart, he could pretend he really wasn't the guy looking at the tentacle porn at the comic-con.

 

I will counter by saying that Brutus didn't even have the sway to be the only manservant The Hulkster required. He couldn't trust Brother Bruti enough to fetch the right lightning-bolt long trunks or gas up the motorcycle. A true good flunky would have boxed out Saggs and Knobbs from doing Hollywood's bidding. "Yo, Hulk, brutha, the Nasties were making fun of your hairline behind your back. They ain't red and yellow, brutha." He let them get on the inside.

[Valcourt]

For the guys who weren't smartened up till the internet age...

 

Did people who were smart marks know Brutus was hogans boy?

[Greggulator]

Also, Brutus Beefcake attempted to parlay Rob Ford's saga into selling Subway, trying to posit foot-longs as a healthy food alternative. That's one of the all-time great moments in comedy. .

That cocaine incident had to have caused him issues when crossing the border (via Greyhound -- no way he knows about Bolt Bus). That would require him to have to explain his whole sordid history to some unfeeling Mountie. But since it's Canada, you know there has to be some huge wrestling mark who recognizes him and lets him in for Bruce Hart's cellphone number.

Virgil might get recognized when he sits alone in a diner.

[J.T.]

Also, Brutus Beefcake might be the grossest name in wrestling history.

 

The greatest name in wrestling history belongs to the tag team known as The Amazing Technicolor Dreamboats.

[EdA]

 

 

I think the Virgil vs. Brutus debate comes down to their real-life roles in wrestling.

Virgil was best known for playing a manservant who took Ted DiBiase's abuse for a few years before breaking free.

Brutus Beefcake was an actual real-life manservant to Hulk Hogan. I mean, can you think of anything lower in the world than being a professional wrestler's actual behind-the-scenes servant? How could you even look at your reflection and be okay with your lot in life? "Sure thing, Hulk, I'll get your water for you right away." Ugh.

Virgil's just trying to hawk Poloroids and the like at Comic Cons. It's a truly pathetic existence but I think he has some self-awareness that, yes, this sucks but getting a few hundred dollars a weekend for essentially sitting down and talking about The Million Dollar Man with a guy dressed as Hello Kitty is easy money.

But like John said -- doing cocaine to get you through your day when you work in a box to take token and to say things like "Exact change" or to buzz people into the handicapped gate is really, really low. And that's somehow a major step up from carrying Hulk Hogan's luggage as a trade-off for security for you career as a wrestling barber.

 

 

Good call.  But, Brutus at least has (or had) a posse in the Hulk-lackey biz.  You know at some point, when Hulk went to take a piss, Brutus could make a snide remark about Hulk's doorag being crooked to the Nasty Boys or Jimmy Hart and they all could laugh and laugh to forget the pain of being broken men sucking on Hulk's teet.  Then of course, Hulk would come back from the john and they would all be responsible for making sure there were no piss spots there by the Little Hulkster.  Plus you know Nick Bollea was an absolute dick to them.  But still, UNITY!!!!

 

I mean, Virgil had to go it alone.  The hell?  At least with a posse, of say Virgil and, I dunno, Jim Neidhart, he could pretend he really wasn't the guy looking at the tentacle porn at the comic-con.

 

I will counter by saying that Brutus didn't even have the sway to be the only manservant The Hulkster required. He couldn't trust Brother Bruti enough to fetch the right lightning-bolt long trunks or gas up the motorcycle. A true good flunky would have boxed out Saggs and Knobbs from doing Hollywood's bidding. "Yo, Hulk, brutha, the Nasties were making fun of your hairline behind your back. They ain't red and yellow, brutha." He let them get on the inside.

 

 

But-but...we are talking the Hulkster here.  Like Hulkamania could abide by only having one manservant.  Think of the cause, brother.  The cause.

 

Plus, Brutus could spend more time polishing Hulk's ride while the Nasty's were busy plucking Brooke's unibrow.

 

ANNNNNNNNDDD  Linda never thought Hulk was fucking Virgil.  Virgil walks the BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS, BROTHER!!!!  BROKEN DREAMS!!!!