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When buying an R rated Blu ray the other day at Dollar General the cashier asked to see my ID. She looked at it looked at me then looked at it again. I asked her if there was something wrong.  "Yeah according to this you are over 40 and there is no way that can be. You look to be my age." So I asked what her age is. Got told 23. Laughed and told her "Thanks ,I got a son a bit older than you."

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  • 4 weeks later...
On 3/17/2016 at 5:16 AM, Red is Dead said:

Why is it only celebrated on this day - surely this is austin month.

When the wife and I were in Los Angeles for New Year's, I stopped by El Segundo Brewing to get a bottle of broken skull. I tweeted a picture of the bottle and commented that's how I was ringing in the new year. Twenty minutes later I got a tweet back from Steve saying "Same here!" and marked the hell out!

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On 4/13/2016 at 2:20 AM, Mike Campbell said:

When the wife and I were in Los Angeles for New Year's, I stopped by El Segundo Brewing to get a bottle of broken skull. I tweeted a picture of the bottle and commented that's how I was ringing in the new year. Twenty minutes later I got a tweet back from Steve saying "Same here!" and marked the hell out!

That's awesome.  How's the beer?

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So after being a mail-order reverend since about 1994, I performed my first wedding today (well, technically yesterday) for my cousin.  I wrote the ceremony and vows for them. It seemed like it went over well.  I'm also available for funerals, I can dj and do photography, specifically honeymoon nights. 

 

------

Mawage…..

 

Friends, family, those we barely tolerate.  We are here today, April 15th, the happiest day on the calendar,  to witness the union of Amber and Luis.

 

If anyone here sees any reason why this marriage should not take place, please be aware that since the ceremony has started, we can’t get a refund and the bride’s father is a 3rd degree black belt.  Also, if you have not muted your phone, the bride’s father is a 3rd degree black belt.

 

Luis and Amber.  You have both decided you want to be together even after meeting each other’s extended families.  

 

Today marks the start of a journey for the two of you.  Your family and friends are here to see you off.  May it be an exciting adventure with many people and places to see.  May you enjoy the high times together and help pull each other through the lows.  May the journey be a long one, but feel like it was a walk around the block.

 

Now, all humor aside, I have decided that we will use the great wisdom of the philosopher Theodor Geisel for today’s vows.  Amber and Luis, repeat after me

 

I will love you on a boat, I will love you with a goat

I will love you on a train, I will love you in the rain

I will love you in a box, I will love you with a fox

I will love you here and there, I will love you everywhere

 

Amber, I now present you with this ring and now you are my favorite thing… one

 

Luis, I now present you with this ring and now you are my favorite thing… two.


 

Now that you have both said the vows, do you promise to love each other through and through? “I do”



So with that, I now pronounce you man and wife and to close out this ceremony, we will seal this union with a kiss, the first of many.  Are you ready…. Are you ready… Kiss.  Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you Luis and Amber.

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You ever meet someone, and think "damn, I really enjoy spending time with this person", and then slowly begin to realize that because they aren't ready to date yet, you will forever just be a friend to them? It kinda sucks. Not bad enough for the son of a bitch thread, but this realization sunk in for me last night.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I've had recurrent episodes of strep throat over the past decade, and they're not getting better, so I've elected to have my tonsils removed, which will actually be my first surgery.  I'll miss about a week of work but I intend to spend that time reading and catching up on WWE Network, so it won't go to waste.

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One of the many ways pro wrestling has improved my life:

A member of my team is eagerly awaiting a meeting today to see if he hit his quarterly goals, which will gain him a raise if he did. I walk up to his desk, lift my hand up as if I were going to say "Let's go have the meeting," and then I instead turn the other way, getting a coke out of the team fridge.

He's left stewing and I get a nice tasty beverage. (He made his goals. I wouldn't be messing with him if he didn't.)

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On 2016-04-18 at 1:36 PM, Dewar said:

You ever meet someone, and think "damn, I really enjoy spending time with this person", and then slowly begin to realize that because they aren't ready to date yet, you will forever just be a friend to them? It kinda sucks. Not bad enough for the son of a bitch thread, but this realization sunk in for me last night.

Some followup on this: She told me today that she suspects she has cervical cancer, and went in for testing today. Suddenly "will she/won't she date me" doesn't mean jack shit anymore.

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Daycare in the building where I work is rehearsing their annual graduation performance.

They're singing.

They're singing "Frosty the Snowman."

In May.

One kid in there is giving it all he has, though.  Sounds just like a 70-year-old seen some bad stuff and drunk some worse moonshine blues singer on his last leg.

 

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I walked into a bit of an awkward situation today.

I was at an afternoon screening of X-Men: Apocalypse. For a pretty long time I was the only person in the room until about five minutes before the movie started some dude walked in with two little kids around 6 to 8 years old and they sat down right in front of me. This is a pretty large cinema with 10 screens and I saw a lot of other kids in the hallway, so I knew that Angry Birds or some other kids movie was also airing at the same time. So I politely asked the guy "Are you sure you're in the right room?". This question was not well received. Of course I should have known this could be taken as a comment on the guys parenting, but I really just wanted to be helpful. I've seen other people run out of cinemas before, once the movie started, because they realized they were in the wrong room.

What do you say? Was I an asshole here?

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11 hours ago, The Z said:

I walked into a bit of an awkward situation today.

I was at an afternoon screening of X-Men: Apocalypse. For a pretty long time I was the only person in the room until about five minutes before the movie started some dude walked in with two little kids around 6 to 8 years old and they sat down right in front of me. This is a pretty large cinema with 10 screens and I saw a lot of other kids in the hallway, so I knew that Angry Birds or some other kids movie was also airing at the same time. So I politely asked the guy "Are you sure you're in the right room?". This question was not well received. Of course I should have known this could be taken as a comment on the guys parenting, but I really just wanted to be helpful. I've seen other people run out of cinemas before, once the movie started, because they realized they were in the wrong room.

What do you say? Was I an asshole here?

Not quite an a-hole but definitely jerk territory, especially the way you worded it. 

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Whoa.  Tabe has a Tabedoza line for human behavior too.

I'm guessing "not quite an a-hole but definitely jerk territory" = about a 7 on the normal Tabedoza.

This puts "being an unwanted helper in a movie theater" just about on par with "being the guy who wrote the Dexter series finale."

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On 5/19/2016 at 11:43 AM, The Z said:

I walked into a bit of an awkward situation today.

I was at an afternoon screening of X-Men: Apocalypse. For a pretty long time I was the only person in the room until about five minutes before the movie started some dude walked in with two little kids around 6 to 8 years old and they sat down right in front of me. This is a pretty large cinema with 10 screens and I saw a lot of other kids in the hallway, so I knew that Angry Birds or some other kids movie was also airing at the same time. So I politely asked the guy "Are you sure you're in the right room?". This question was not well received. Of course I should have known this could be taken as a comment on the guys parenting, but I really just wanted to be helpful. I've seen other people run out of cinemas before, once the movie started, because they realized they were in the wrong room.

What do you say? Was I an asshole here?

I am not trying to be funny but my general rule in public is to not talk to people I don't know unless its just a nod or I am stuck in line with someone that looks really friendly. Course an exception would be if I saw a kid about to walk off an escalator or something, but I really do try to limit contact if I think there is any chance the person may take it the wrong way. So I've never had a public disagreement with a stranger as I tend to avoid those types of situations. Intent doesn't really matter too much, especially not knowing the other persons state at the time or mental state in general. 

I realize that sounds passive and while at my job dealing with the public I am very outgoing to visitors and patients, but when I am just out and about on my business I tend to just focus on what I am doing unless someone is in grave danger (which hasn't happened but I assume I wouldn't watch someone get hurt). Which isn't to say you did anything wrong and lots of people do that (my mom has fussed at strangers for feeding wild animals, she doesn't care), but there is always a chance it won't go well regardless of what your intention was.

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22 hours ago, piranesi said:

Whoa.  Tabe has a Tabedoza line for human behavior too.

I'm guessing "not quite an a-hole but definitely jerk territory" = about a 7 on the normal Tabedoza.

This puts "being an unwanted helper in a movie theater" just about on par with "being the guy who wrote the Dexter series finale."

Let's think about what the question is saying: either the guy is a bad parent for taking his kids to a superhero movie or he's an idiot who can't tell what theater to go into. Either way, not exactly a question designed to elicit a positive response. 

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Thanks for your comments, guys.

I'm usually exactly like you, Kevin. I never adress other people in the public unless they talk to me first. I especially don't want to meddle in other people's parenting or something like that.

In this case it was only the weird combination of me being the only other person there in a very large room (which is already a weird situation) and them sitting directly in the seats in front of me. If there were other people there or they sat anywhere else, of course I wouldn't have said anything. I just had this feeling that I should acknowledge them in some way and this is what came out.

Tabe, as I've said in my original post, I didn't even consider option 1, when I asked the question, but I realized what I was doing by the time I spoke the last word. ;)

By the way, this wasn't like some huge scene or something. The whole thing was resolved in seconds. He basically said "these kids have seen everything" and that was it. It just got me thinking afterwards.

I won't act this way again, I promise.

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