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Raw 6-23-14 - Historic Episode # 1,100

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Raw had way too goddamned much filler and rematches, but I loved Vickie going out to Eddie's theme and doing the shimmy. Big E channeling MISTAH RANDY WATSON was glorious too. The babyfaces having no issue at all being in their second 3-on-4 handicap match in four TV days was annoying. They don't need to be mad, but they should at least care - especially since it hurts their chances of winning the WWE World Title in the ladder match. Main event was more fun on Raw than on SD. Shame it meant nothing with THEDEMONKANE coming out right after so HHH could put him in the title match. The real stars of 2014 - HHH and Kane!

 

http://jayreviewsthings.blogspot.com/2014/06/wwe-raw-6-23-14.html

 

Screens -

 

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Michael Cole - the voice of America's youth -

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"FELLA, YOU WOULDN'T BELIEVE HOW BIG HHH'S BALLS ARE!"
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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/q3s6ybvzlv4jahq8dba7vp3lyy4fsruj

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I can't believe they managed to turn Vickie face. You have to give DC (and Stephanie, who you could tell was eating it up) credit for doing that for her after all the years of hatred. Of course it ended up with another ridiculous Vince shit-obsession gimmick which is sleazy and creepy at the same time. Figures. 

 

Poor Titus. Bo was too over with his scummy fake-face gimmick. They would actually make a good tag team; they can use their own characters with Titus knowing Bo is as bad as him but is completely deluded. Just don't let Bo ever use his damn finisher. 

 

Seth is over as a heel, RVD is washed up but can still cut a good shooty promo, and Ambrose should have a psychobilly theme song instead. Maybe hire Nekromantix or Mad Sin to write something.

 

Barrett/Ziggler was pretty good. Whether you are a fan or not of Ziggler you can enjoy him dying over and over again. Barrett hit a lariat in that which was just brutal, and then the Bull Hammer at the end made me say "he's fucking done" out loud. The intro made it feel like a big deal and the crowd was firmly behind Ziggler after Barrett made his awesome Redskins comment. The dude wearing the hat should know better.

 

Big E = Al Sharpton? I'm sure everyone was laughing their asses off at that backstage because they know how big of a clown he is in person. When he finally breaks the Camel Clutch it's gonna be huge. At least for those of us who know this is Bill Watts 101 and can get down with that.

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Dean throwing the mic and stomping around for awhile after every single line of a promo is fucking brilliant. 

 

It's the same rhythm that would normally cause the crowd to chant "What" after each line, but there's too much time so they would have to go "WHHHHaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw fuck it."

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So many fashion nightmares on this show:

 

1.  Michael Cole's suit

2.  Seth Rollins apparently stealing his ring gear from Zeus

3.  Naomi udderly stupid glitter green lipstick.  

 

Never mind that Rowan and Harper gets some incredibly awful new music.  At least Bray doesn't have to deal with it.    

 

Ziggler vs Barrett was great fun with good amount of time.   

 

Santino is pretty good on this Post game show.  

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USA defeats Ghana again! Someone needs to book Swagger vs. Alex Wright before Thursday...

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IC title match was good but won't mean anything for either guy.

The sure to come pages and pages of hand wringing over them mentioning Eddie's name (without denigrating him and having his wife get a form of vengeance later on) will be fun.

Lost interest midway through and mostly read. I love ladder matches so I'm looking forward to the PPV but this show was plodding as hell for a go home Raw.

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USA defeats Ghana again! Someone needs to book Swagger vs. Alex Wright before Thursday...

Swagger vs. Aldo Montoya time limit draw in the near future.

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I can't believe they managed to turn Vickie face. You have to give DC (and Stephanie, who you could tell was eating it up) credit for doing that for her after all the years of hatred. Of course it ended up with another ridiculous Vince shit-obsession gimmick which is sleazy and creepy at the same time. Figures. 
 

 

 

Vince's edits to the original scene which had a different ending:

 

"Don't see my daughter in the shit tub.  Someone dropped the ball? REWRITE!!!!!"

 

2nd draft:

 

"Better but ending needs to be stretched.  (note: By ending I mean the part where my daughter is drenched in feces) REWRITE!!"

 

3rd draft:

 

"Ahhhh.  Fuck yeah."

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It speaks to how much they like Vickie that they let her get more over on Stephanie on her way out than anyone has since Jericho called her a trashbag whore. 

 

Was I the only one bored by the main event?  Kane's addition means less than nothing. I'm still guessing Cena walks out with the belt, but that's like betting the 1/5 favorite in a horserace.

 

The other ladder match is far more intriguing as they could do:

- Kofi finally fulfilling his promise (with eventual heel turn)

- Rollins keeping on plowing through competition

- Ambrose exacting sweet deadly revenge on Rollins

- BNB making mush of every other idiot's stupid fucking faces

- Ziggler making it all the way back to the main event

- RVD --- lol, no.

 

However, the greatest thing ever...  Naomi's GREEN SPARKLY LIPSTICK.   I swear to god, I thought the graphic said Paige was facing this: female+gremlin.jpg

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Really fun show tonight. I fully realize the Vicki/Steph thing is going to get shat upon by people because of what happened and they dared to invoke the name of Eddie Guerrero but that was great, everyone showed out for that segment and they sent Vicki, one of the most hated heels of the last decade, out as a babyface finally giving Steph comeuppance. It was amazing they really went all out and everyone seemed like they wanted to give Vicki a great send off. I have no idea what Big E was thinking with his promo or why he did it as Foghorn Leghorn. Rusev and Lana continue to be one of the best acts in the company and I'm glad it looks like we'll get a rematch at MITB. I zoned out during Rollins/RVD but came back around when Ambrose ran in, I didn't think it would be possible but he's going to be a huge deal as a babyface. The Divas match was horrific because of the commentary, the multiple Divas should be banned from the announce table. After their interaction backstage I'd really like to see a Del Rio/Cesaro feud at some point.

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Yes RVD cutting a promo about how awesome it was that he almost killed Triple H in the Elimination Chamber by crushing his trachea was something.   

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 I have no idea what Big E was thinking with his promo or why he did it as Foghorn Leghorn.

Good lord son.  What is wrong with you.

 

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Kudos to Vicki Guerrero. She might be the most underrated performer of all time. She's been a total heat magnet for almost a decade. Who would have ever guessed she'd have this tenure when they threw her on the air after Eddie's death? Her commitment to showing ass has only been surpassed by a handful of people -- Bobby Heenan comes to mind.

Her face turn tonight really shows how good of a mic worker she was. She just flipped on convincing babyface fire -- I've had enough of this crap! -- in a switch, and did that 30 seconds after publicly begging for her job.

Steph also did a great job. Her "Na na na na" was so ridiculous. I also loved Steph saying things like "I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!" when she was leaving towards the back. I am such a fan of heels saying that sort of stuff. Legitimately, the next time you're playing a board game or something with your friends and you lose, say something like "YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME YET!" or "I'LL GET EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!" with pure commitment. The hilariousness that brings to me is never surpassed.
 

I was in and out on the rest of the show. The main event was fun. Dolph/Wade was a really, really good match. Great storytelling with Dolph showing how badly he wants it but Wade having an automatic death of a finisher.

Ambrose f'n rules. That dude's the next big thing if they catch lighting in the bottle. Bryan is our everyman -- a wrestler who would go to Wizard's World on his own volition. Ambrose is the bad kid in school all the teachers and parents were afraid of, but he'd whip the hell out of the jock rich kid bully who was messing with some helpless geek. Reigns is an action movie hero on the cusp of his big break.

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I was hoping they'd let Vickie come out to Eddy's theme for her finale, so I was satisfied.

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Seth Rollins is really turning into the Sting of heels. I'm not sure if asking for Ambrose to be booked in the match was the correct move. Why not just ask for Triple H to ban him from the building? Or ask WWE's travel agent to book him on the wrong flight? Or something that shows some intelligence beyond "I want to know where he is so I'll give him an equal shot at winning Money in the Bank?" 

 

if you're putting him in the match, at least do SOMETHING to handicap him. Make it so that an Ambrose victory still results in Rollins being Mr. MITB.

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Steph also did a great job. Her "Na na na na" was so ridiculous. I also loved Steph saying things like "I'LL SHOW YOU ALL!!!" when she was leaving towards the back. I am such a fan of heels saying that sort of stuff. Legitimately, the next time you're playing a board game or something with your friends and you lose, say something like "YOU HAVEN'T HEARD THE LAST OF ME YET!" or "I'LL GET EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU!" with pure commitment. The hilariousness that brings to me is never surpassed.

 

 

 

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I'm going to revoke your charter! And if you wiseguys do one more thing, one more, I'm going to kick you out of college!

NO MORE FUN OF ANY KIND!

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He's like the face version of Buddy Revell from Three O'Clock High.

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Seth Rollins is really turning into the Sting of heels. I'm not sure if asking for Ambrose to be booked in the match was the correct move. Why not just ask for Triple H to ban him from the building? Or ask WWE's travel agent to book him on the wrong flight? Or something that shows some intelligence beyond "I want to know where he is so I'll give him an equal shot at winning Money in the Bank?" 

 

if you're putting him in the match, at least do SOMETHING to handicap him. Make it so that an Ambrose victory still results in Rollins being Mr. MITB.

My fantasy book scenario is that Rollins just joined Evolution to lead to a scenario where Reigns wins the WWE Heavyweight, and he or Ambrose win the MITB, thus putting all the power in the SHIELD, and getting a major one up on Trips in the process.

No more stupid then asking for another guy in the MITB match.

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Reigns strikes me more as Buddy Revell.  Both look and inaudible grunting-wise.

 

If we're going with guys who don't like to be touched.  Dean is closer to this guy:

 

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Shit howdy, that Kofi-Swagger match was bowling-shoe ugly.

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Guys, over the last two weeks something special has begun to happen.  With the Breakdown of The Shield, two of the three members have been freed to express their passion, their fear, their rage and terror and, yes, their love...
 

 

...through clothing.

Now Seth Rollins has little control over his inner fembot and has charged headlong into a rapidly slenderized ensemble that will, as soon as he gets the hang of it, result in a remarkably unsettlingly and enticing half-drag burlesque act:


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So far he's struggling to get it right, as this candid shot from before RAW demonstrates:


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keep working on it, Seth!




Dean Ambrose, on the other hand, is a character who clings to his past relationships and counts loyalty as the greatest of human qualities.  Thus he will only gradually shed the layers and pockets and leather and black that defined him and remind him of his old crew.  But the transformation is happening, people. Slowly but inexorably.  And so I give you:

 

The Evolution of Dean:

Last week Dean stuck close to his beloved origin look.  He actually wore the same damn black t-shirt he always had under all that stuff.  All that changed was the lightening of the pants:
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He also added a black leather jacket (not pictured), a reduction of his original shield gear that he can't yet bear to leave behind.
 
But this Week he inched a littler further away, like a baby fox exploring the world around his mother's den, furtively but excited:

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Baby steps, Dean!

The pattern is clear and I think at this point we can project the upcoming transformations and perhaps even theorize an end point.  Based on our experts and computer programs we can confidantly outline the following trends in the coming calendar year:

 

Money In the Bank:


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Battleground:


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SummerSlam:


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Night of Champions:


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Hell in a Cell


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And the Final Manifestation of Pure Ambrose for Survivor Series:


Free_shipping_EMS_Russia_Winter_2013_Wom











 

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Only Piranesi can get me to open 72 spoiler tags.  It's an abuse of my affection.  The rank buzzard. 

 

 

How I love him.

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