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Vince Russo books old school storylines


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OK I'll bite...

 

Months of Bobby Heenan trashing Big Bossman's mom leads to a Bossman's Mom On A Pole Match vs. Mr. Perfect for the IC Title at WrestleMania VII, which Perfect wins when Bossman's mom turns on him...she then cuts a promo revealing that she only did it to help her poor delusional son Ray, who wanted to be a corrections officer growing up but couldn't cut it, and now lives in a fantasy world...skits air throughout early summer on Superstars featuring Ray Traylor in a mental institution where they try to convince him he's a pro wrestler, not a CO...at SUmmerSlam he returns in full Bossman getup to show up at ringside for the Perfect/Hart match, only to swerve and attack Hart, then strip off his Bossman gear and thank Perfect and Heenan for showing him the light, now declaring himself "Hard Time" Ray Traylor...

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Just when the Mega-Powers seem in the verge of imploding over Liz, SWERVE, they dump Liz, profess their love for each other and bring on Pat Patterson as their new manager. Liz wins King of the Ring, teams with Scary Sheri, and debuts their new joint client, the Ultimate Warrior.

This happens all in one episode of Saturday Night's Main Event.

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Dusty Rhodes and sweet Sapphire announce ttat sweet Sapphire us with child. Big Dusty is embroiled in a feud with the Macho Man. Backstage Macho bumps into Sapphire causing emergency pre-term labor. Dusty is not around, he is finishing a match. Sapphire gives birth to an Oreo cookie in the dressing room. The doctors wheel her out so she can get medical attention. Dusty comes back and eats the cookie. Sweet Sapphire turns on Dusty because he ate their child. Dusty realizes he had murdered his child. 2 weeks later the whole company is reset and nobody ever mentions the story line again.

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In the build to Wrestlemania 3 Andre begins to grow angry with Hogan, not over receiving a smaller trophy but due to Hogan insulating he has a larger dick. Andre announces on Piper's Pit that Terry cannot slam the Giant. "I'm not jumping for you" he says as Heenan begs him to stay on script. Will Andre do what Andre wants?

So we get to Wrestlemania 3 and following a card complete with classics like Steamboat revealing Miss Elizabeth was having his child after taking pity on Steamboat for Savage's brutal attack and King Kong Bundy losing to a team of midgets, Jack Tunney comes out and announces that since Terry cannot beat Andre, Andre will lie down for him and he can have his belt. As Monsoon informs us, "they're shooting folks!" So after taking forever for both to get to ringside Andre finally lies down and Hogan pins him. Andre gets up and leaves but not before shoving Tunney and threatening Monsoon, causing him to have a heart attack. Tunney then announces he is suspending Andre who revives his Giant Machine gimmick to return the same week. Also Ted DiBiase insinuates that he knows why Andre is acting this way, because he is broke and needs the money. So DiBiase pays Andre to allow him to slam him on SNME and DiBiase is announced as the new #1 contender.

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The big bodyslam challenge on the Intrepid is going on. Luger lands and cuts his "rice chompin' parasite" promo, and Yokozuna gets a dejected look on his face and walks out. Luger and Mr. Fuji look confused. Macho Man climbs in the ring and thanks everyone for coming. He goes over and whispers in Luger's ear.

The next night on Raw Vince is at ringside running down the card when Yoko, in street clothes, walks down to the ring. Vince looks shocked. Yoko takes the mic and says, in plain English, he is sick of playing a stereotype. He's a Samoan-American and damn proud of it. He takes out the Yoko diaper and shoves it in Vince's face as they abruptly cut to commercial.

The next week Yoko wrestles under his new name "Big" Rod Anoia. During the match Luger comes out and cold cocks him with a chair. He starts screaming "YOU FUCKED UP MY PUSH!" As officials drag him to the back.

On the next Raw they have a match. Big Rod goes up to hit the Banzai Drop (now named the BIG ROD REAMER) but Luger rolls out, walks over to Vince on commentary and shouts "I don't need this shit!" Then walks to the back spelling out "WCW" with his fingers to the fans.

None of this ever leads to a damn thing and within 3 weeks Big Rod is doing a "twin switch" gimmick with Doink and Luger is part of a faction with 123 Kid and Hacksaw Duggan known as the Amazing Single Studs.

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Ricky Steamboat becomes a Singaporean gangster with a ponytail renamed Ricky Speedboat. It's discovered that him and Sonny Onoo are half brothers. Noodles on a pole match ensues. They are brought together as a team by Lloyd from Entourage.

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I'll try to come up with something soon, but in the meantime...

 

from shempaholic over at the link:

 

"- At Summerslam '88 Miss Elizabeth takes off her skirt to reveal a thong and then removes her top to distract the Megabucks (she's wearing pasties but the camera only sees this from behind)."

 

It's like Russo entered my 13 year old mind.

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After his failed 1988 singles push, Bret Hart gets repackaged as 'the shitman' - a sewerage worker from New Jersey complete with dirty overalls and...long greasy hair. At the end of every match he unleashes streams of waste onto his defeated opponent from some form of hose pipe. Hilarity ensues

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My brain hurts thinking about how Russo would pull it off, but '80s WWF would have a foreign invasion angle. Any foreign faces would become heels and any domestic heel would become a face. Tito? Snuka? Bulldogs? Heels. Orton? Bundy? Savage? Faces. However, somebody on the face side *just has to* turn heel and move out of the country. Also, we must have to have a sympathetic heel. To muddy the waters a bit, Jack Tunney is Canadian,  therefore we have our first heel authority figure (AFAIK). Does commentator, Jesse Ventura, turn face? Does Lord Alfred turn heel?

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Bulldogs as heels makes me wonder why there's never been an English football hooligan gimmick. They can punt a football in their opponents face/testicles, every single fued could be instigated by them asking a random wrestler what team they support... this shit writes itself

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Brock Lesnar debuts following WM18 as Dirk Cottonwood, a lumberjack who claims to be a descendant of Paul Bunyan. Paul Heyman is nowhere to be seen. The F5 is known as the TIMBER! Much to Jerry Lawler's delight. He feuds with the Hardy Boyz for a bit before putting Jeff Hardy clean at King of the Ring and after two appearances on Heat is let go.

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Ricky Steamboat becomes a Singaporean gangster with a ponytail renamed Ricky Speedboat. It's discovered that him and Sonny Onoo are half brothers. Noodles on a pole match ensues. They are brought together as a team by Lloyd from Entourage.

Straight up, I'd watch the shit out of this. I mean, continuous loop in our foyer so my guests could see how its gonna be, too...

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Ric Flair gets a concussion and becomes Carsson Kressley and starts doing Flair Eye For The Straight Guy vignettes, which involve him falling out with Arn Anderson over his fanny pack.

 

A Ric Flair/Pat Patterson wedding is interrupted as everyone turns on Sting (making a one off appearance as Flair's best man). Flair has pretended to be gay to lure Sting into yet another trap.

 

Sting then buys the Blue Oyster Bar, which happened to be around the corner from the White Castle Of Fear (whole another story) and shenanigans ensue.

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WWE development signs a Brazilian guy, who is immediately called up to the main roster, as a psychotic heel who runs in on matches to deliver Brazilians to the babyface.

 

His reign of terror is interrupted by Mr. No Hair, No Flair himself, leading to a match with stipulations that if Flair loses, he must re-neg on this.

 

The angle lasts two TV eps of pubic hair related beatdows before Flair exposes his genitalia on TV.

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The WWF builds towards Hogan's first WWF title win and Tito winning the IC belt from Muraco. Suddenly, Hogan wins the IC belt then Tito beats Sheiky.

They both drop their titles within two months.

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Jerry Lawler constantly insults the Hart family leading into Summerslam '93. At the PPV, the whole family turns on Bret to help Lawler win. The next night on RAW, Owen reveals that Bret was adopted, and they hate him carrying the Hart name. The Harts become friends with Lawler, completely ignoring the previous months. Bret fights his way through his former family (including the sisters) to get a rematch with Lawler at WM X.

During the match they do a double turn, and Bret forms a team of evil Canadians, which includes himself, several Americans and one Japanese wrestler. At some point Lawler turns heel again to join Team Canada. Lawler & Bret still hate each other, but manage to win the tag titles and hold them for six weeks.

Lawler wins the WWF title and ousts Bret as the leader. Bret FINALLY gets his revenge on Lawler and wins the title at WM XI.

Bret loses the title two weeks later on RAW in an unadvertised cage match.

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