Vince Russo books old school storylines

[Playa Shunna Ver 3.0]

Kevin Nash lawn darts Rey Mysterio Jr into the production truck.  The NWO reigns supreme, but the head injury to Rey causes some ill effects.  He can no longer control his bowels when taking bumps.  So once a match he takes a bump, has to shit, and pulls his mask off to shit in.  That is how we unmask Rey, and that is how we get him to stop doing all those stupid mexican high flying moves  He won't draw anyway because Mexicans and the Japanese do not draw.  

[BEN!]

"Bro, look, Chris Von Erich is short, bro.  Like an elf, bro.  Santa attacks the Von Erichs because he wants his elf back, bro.  Fritz says that Chris really is his son and Santa makes him take a paternity test which is ratings, bro.  And it turns out that Fritz IS the father, bro.  When Fritz was fighting for the Nazis in Nam and Hitler sent them to invade the North Pole, he ended up fucking a woman and Chris was the result.  That woman was Mrs. Claus, bro so now Santa is extra pissed and Chris is pissed at his dad for not telling him the truth, bro.  So Chris ends up joining Devastation, Inc. but Kamala keeps trying to eat him cause he's short like an aboriginal, bro."

[Playa Shunna Ver 3.0]

Harley Race cuts a promo with a case full of money.  Instead of putting a bounty on Ric Flair, he offers up $10,000 to anyone who will choppy choppy Ric's pee pee.  2 weeks later Harley is on the set directing a porno when Ole Anderson walks in and claims he has Ric Flair's pee pee in a large sack.  Harley gets all excited.  When he reached into the sack out pops Arn Anderson.  Then a camera man takes off a fake beard and hat....it is Tully Blanchard.  They grab Harley and all of the sudden Ric walks in.  They turn Harley around and Ric says "You want Ric Flairs pee pee, well now your gonna get it.  Whoooooooooo!!!!!!".  Crach TV at it's best.  In one segment the Race-Flair title match actually gets interesting, the Four Horseman are formed, there is insinuated man on man anal rape, and Ric Flair gets to say his catch phrase.  2 weeks later the Horseman break up.  

[Spontaneous]

Ok, hear me out on this one... Vince McMahon enters the rumble as one of the first two entrants and he wins. Solid gold guys, solid gold.

[GuerrillaMonsoon]

I just got out of hospital - had 3 wisdom teeth removed and dislocated jaw operated on. Needless to say I'm on some pretty good medication.

 

I was watching some WCW PPVs, was falling in and out of sleep, so at some point it's turned over into a porno, and I hallucinated that there was a 4 Horsemen porn, where Arn is taking this girl from behind and screaming at her "THIS IS WHAT A WALK BEHINDER LOOKS LIKE", whilst Pillman, Flair and Benoit watch on. Something happened, then I'm in an ambulance arguing with the paramedics that my ambulance membership is still valid and I don't have to pay, all of a sudden I hear "he aint paying...he's with me", look over in this dark corner of the ambulance and it's Bunkhouse Buck. We're nearly at the hospital when the ambulance gets hit by an explosion, ...its the Hobgoblin, who for whatever reason is hammering on the side of the ambulance with a small wrench, which is doing little to it.

 

Bunkhouse Buck and the Hobgoblin are brawling out the front of the ambulance, when he's attacked by the rest of the Horsemen, with the exception of Arn who is still nailing this rat from behind, taking great exception at being called a walk behinder. The Hobgoblin has joined the 4 Horsemen. Not really sure why and still probably not the worst porno I've ever watched.

[evidence]

Davey Boy Smith was the one who really paid off Cheatum to blow up Sting's boat. 

[Playa Shunna Ver 3.0]

Davey Boy Smith was the one who really paid off Cheatum to blow up Sting's boat. 

Cheatum debuts a week later as the "New Dynamite Kid".

[Biz Smarkie]

I wanna see somebody with more AJPW smarts do Vince Russo books 90's AJPW.

[Playa Shunna Ver 3.0]

That is easy.  He would job and bury anyone out who didn't speak english.  

[The Great ML]

I wanna see somebody with more AJPW smarts do Vince Russo books 90's AJPW.

There would be Attitude style skits with Stan Hansen going on dates with Kawada in drag, no teeth = greater pleasure.

[Spontaneous]

Johnny Ace would be 13 time TC champ

[GuerrillaMonsoon]

Mrs Baba gets penis enlargement surgery.

[ben.]

SD Jones is sick of being "held down" and immediately begins getting black wrestlers on his side to fight the man, he recruits Koko B. Ware, Bad News Brown, and Ivan Putski to begin fighting the race wars in the WWF. They plan to take the WWF by storm, constantly calling out discrimination and end up getting into a feud with Volkoff and the Sheik for stealing their heat. It is all for naught however as Jones used this as a chance to get close to Koko and Frankie so that he can cook him and feed to Koko, ending with an Aviary in a Cell match where they fill a cell with tons of birds and the guys have a match. Koko commands the birds to attack Jones but all of them just perch along the ropes. 

 

When one of the birds poops on the mat, King Kong Bundy takes offense and storms out to the ring, ripping the door off the cell and biting one of the birds heads off before attacking both Jones and Koko. The joke is on him though as Jones and Koko work together and beat up Bundy, commanding the birds to all poop on Bundy. None of them listen so they just rub his face in the poop on the outside of the ring. And this was all a ploy to get into a feud with the British Bulldogs, obviously ending with a blow off match where Matilda is hung from one pole and a flock of birds are hung from another. The match ends when Dynamite pulls Matilda down but then delivers a stiff piledriver on her for not pulling her weight in the team.

[GuerrillaMonsoon]

12 year old Michael Vick guest referee for the blow off?

[LooseCannon]

Abdullah would still emerge from a box to attack Sting, but he would do it as a big fat naked oily Butcher.

[Zenjo]

Wargames 92

Before the match Vince Russo comes out and announces that all WCW titles are vacated. The winning team will get every single title in WCW to split between them. The losing team will all be FIRED!

When the bell rings Austin cuts a SHOOT promo, saying that his team haven’t been booked to win so he ain’t gonna wrestle tonight son. Windham stands in the ring by himself for 5 minutes.

Rude is about to enter when Madusa grabs the mic and tells him that she’s PREGNANT with his child! Rude tells her to go and get an abortion.

Steamboat gets in the ring and just stands around with Windham for 2 minutes whilst Rude slaps Madusa around on the outside.

Arn enters the ring and SWERVE! He’s changed sides and high fives Windham and Steamboat. Rude gives Madusa the Rude Awakening.

Dustin enters the ring and stands around with Windham, Steamboat and Arn. Paul E begs Rude not to hit Madusa in the stomach with a chair.

Zbyszko falls to the ground outside the ring clutching his chest. The commentators scream that he’s having a HEART ATTACK! EMT’s carry him away on a stretcher.

Sting enters the ring and stands there with Windham, Steamboat, Arn and Dustin. The arena goes dark and the voice of the Black Scorpion taunts the Stinger. When the lights come back on all 5 men in the ring have bladed and are layed out.

Bobby Eaton tries to restrain Rude who has ripped off most of the unconscious Madusa’s clothes and is about to rape her. Paul E is now talking loudly into his phone conducting a business deal.

Before Koloff can enter the match Russo comes out again and announces that the rules have changed. All the titles are brought out atop POLES and whoever grabs them first gets to keep the title. Anyone in the ENTIRE ARENA can grab them including ALL OF YOU FANS!

A riot follows as fans jump over the barricades and start fighting each other to get the belts. The announcers scream that at WCW events the fans are the champions. End of show.

[DanBeard]

The climax of The Wrestler, as imagined by Vince Russo :

 

Randy The Ram is poised atop the top turnbuckle, looking distinctly unhealthy. He delivers the Ram Jam but, on impact, clutches his chest and begins suffering an apparent heart attack.

 

BUT WAIT! Marisa Tomei hadn't actually left the arena, and here she comes to Randy's aid.

 

BUT WAIT! She starts putting the boots to him. And there's someone coming through the crowd! Holy shit, it's Randy's daughter Evan Rachel Wood! And she's stomping a mudhole in him too! Ernest Miller As The Ayatollah takes over the beating of Randy's prone corpse as Marisa Tomei and Evan Rachel Wood start making out. Swerves and lesbians, bro!

 

BUT WAIT! While Marisa Tomei and Evan Rachel Wood are indulging in some hawt Sapphic clinching, Randy pops up, exchanges a knowing glance with Ernest Miller As The Ayatollah, and they lay waste to those evil harpies! Swerves and man-on-woman violence, bro!

 

The final shot of the movie is of Mickey Rourke and Ernest Miller sweatily making out, having powerbombed the women through tables causing them both to miscarry their secret pregnancies.

 

BUT WAIT! Credits are played out and only 12 year old internet geeks care about them. If you want to see the end credits, they're on a pole.

[GuerrillaMonsoon]

The Repo Man debuts by breaking into Randy Savage's house and forces him to watch Elizabeth get sexually assaulted.

 

They feud over his stolen cowboy hat instead.

 

Two weeks later they team up to feud with the Nasty Boys.

[greenbat]

October 1987: Honky Tonk Man vs. Randy Savage on Saturday Night's Main Event. In a shocking moment, Honky shoves Elizabeth to the ground as he prepares to bash Randy Savage over the head with his guitar. Liz runs off in tears, disheveled.

The Hart Foundation hold Savage by the arms as Honky prepares to strike Savage with the guitar.

Suddenly, Elizabeth re-appears with Heavyweight Champion Hulk Hogan, leading him by the hand to save Savage.

Hogan charges the ring, spins Honky around and punches him. Then he punches Neidhart, then he punches Bret Hart.

Then Elizabeth drops down and gives Hogan a low blow. It was all a set up.

Honky and the Harts put the boots to Hogan and Savage while Liz cheers them on.

Honky grabs the guitar again and rears back to hit Hogan, until Elizabeth snatches the guitar out of his hand and clobbers HIM with it, turning on him.

The Hart Foundation are stunned until their partner Danny Davis hits the ring with the Harris twins who attack the Harts.

Davis covers Hogan and beats him for the title, utilizing the newly created 24-7 rule, then he and Elizabeth hug, having set up everyone.

Russo talks for years to come about how much press it got when he decided to do the first "referee wins world title" angle for the fake wrestling title.

Hogan gets repackaged as Buster Anus and enters into a program with Koko B. Ware after attempting to sodomize Frankie.

Four weeks later, Liz turns on Danny Davis and backs the Red Rooster, re-named Throbbin Cock and WrestleMania IV is Throbbin Cock vs. Danny Davis for the World Championship in an Escape the Cage Elizabeth On A Forklift Match, where first you have to climb up the big blue cage to Elizabeth and get the key from her, then climb back down and use the key to exit through the door to win.

After reading the entire thread this is the winner.

The only thing funnier than imaginary Russo booking is imaginary Russo defending/explaining his own angles or shitting on that have worked a la saying no southerner ever got over, let's do that now.

"Bro, the thing you gotta understand is the Undertaker is a dead man bro, like he's got powers. If you take a simple UFC champion bro or whatever and you have a simple man, you know a human being, beat a dead man, who's gonna buy that bro? That's why no one watched Wrestlemania this year, it's sad, it really is."

[GuerrillaMonsoon]

So, bro, what all the smart marks don't realise is that Jim Crockett Promotions literally dropped the Spalding on the 4 Horsemen, you know why, bro? I'll tell you why, bro, because I've got nothing to hide, bro, no agenda, whatsoever. This will get heat on the internet, but I don't care bro. So sue me. I swear on my life. Why they made these 4 guys dress up in suits, drive around in limos and hang around with skanks, I dunno, probably because Dave Meltzer and his suck up crony hanger-on's all liked it, that's why. No other explanation. It was ridiculous then, and it's even more ridiculous now.

 

What people really wanted to see with their wrestling was a man fuck a horse on the mother ship. Plain and simple, bro. I pitched this time and time again to USA Network. I pitched it to Spike, and they turned it down because of politics. Anyone will tell you that who was in that meeting.

 

Why do you think Oz is so popular? Why do you think Beverley Hills Ninja 90210 is watched to this day? TO THIS VERY DAY. Because they wanted to tune in and see these good old boys,Ric Flair and Ole Anderson fuck a horse. And they wanted to see Dusty Rhodes and Magnum TA do something about it. You don't belong in this business, bro, if you don't get that.