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Posted

Brian Poshehn cosplaying FALLING DOWN.

 

 

 

 

Dammit.  They have to think through his next run better.  There's so much there.  Next time, they'll know beforehand that he won't get the "legendary badass" babyface pop and can maybe put some more thought into his character.

 

He could be so great.

 

I'd like to think that mic isn't on and that he just carries it around and does commentary to himself at movies and talks and stuff.

  • Like 2
Posted

SHIT! Beat me by seconds. This is your world. We're ALL just trying to keep up.

Posted

That....is why I fail...

 

*hangs head*

 

*cue sad walk away music from 70's Incredible Hulk*

 

*cue icy drizzle*

Posted

At the Regal event, Dave appears to be wearing the uniform of a manager for Church's Chicken. Perhaps some Hasil Adkins' tunes about poultry would be appropriate after all.

Posted

I just realized I'm also going to miss JBL calling him Tista.

 

"Tista shouldn't be out there! Tista was eliminated!!"

 

Is it weird that I just watched Dolph get a pop for making fun of Dave on Smackdown and I got, like mad? 

 

FUCK YOU, ZIGGLER, YOU GENIUS SMARK!  YOU SUCK AS A BABYFACE!

Posted

At the Regal event, Dave appears to be wearing the uniform of a manager for Church's Chicken. Perhaps some Hasil Adkins' tunes about poultry would be appropriate after all.

Stop trying to turn this sorrowful event into something about you!

Posted

Bonus Batista from a couple of weeks ago at the William Regal evening in London...

 

14175746980_20abeb23b3_c.jpg

 

"I'm the bad guy? How'd that happen? I did everything they told me to. Did you know I made a Marvel movie? I fought an MMA match. You should be rewarded for that. But instead they give it to the indie darlings, ya know they lied to me."

Posted

The thing is, he looks so happy.  Almost like a SHAUN OF THE DEAD cosplayer at an Edgar Wright Q&A and he's asking something like:

 

"My Pathfinder RPG Group toured the Club Rockit in Toronto, and we noticed that the layout is way different than what it was for the Matthew Patel fight in SPVTW.  Is that a creative choice?  Or something you did for more practical reasons.  I say creative. My GM says it was just because you needed more room for the fight.  I'll hold onto the mic while you answer because I have some questions about Lucas Lee's jacket which isn't even in the original Graphic novels."

 

God bless you, Dave Batista.

  • Like 1
Posted

Epilog:  

Excerpt from the Dave Batista FAQ (reprinted here with permission and mournfulness)

 

 

Q: Why did we let him down?

A: It's hard to say.  That requires a kind of self-relection that is rare.  Suffice to say that, like Prometheus, Dave Batista offered humanity a gift of knowledge and awareness.  In the former, it was the knowledge of fire and the awareness of technology.  In the latter it was knowledge of terms like NRFB, MIB, and NOS, and the awareness of luxury accessories.  So almost exactly the same.

But also like Prometheus, Big Dave was not rewarded but rather punished for his gift.  We were not ready for the knowledge he imparted, and the vengeful trolls of the IWC ("internet wrestling community") were outraged by his unwillingness to follow their #dipshit codes.  We are all culpable in his downfall and we have lost an immeasurable force for avant-garde accoutrement.

 

 

 

Q: Where is he now?

A: We don't know for sure.  He's out there, I guess.  Abandoned by the very people he had hoped to save.   He is searching, I would hope, for another cause, for another battle, for a Mint In Package FULL HOUSE thermos.  But he is, also like Prometheus, alone and missing something from inside his body...an organ eaten away by a a metaphorical eagle...a little thing called a heart...eaten away by smarks.  Punished for having offered us enlightenment, he is without a place or a people.

download222.jpglast known picture. 

[weepz]soundcloud:link.David Banner_closing_theme[/weepz]
 

 

 

 

Q: How might we deal with our guilt, or even summon Dave back to us?

A: We can turn to traditional songs of loss, songs that have comforted those who were unwanted.   Songs about those who were rejected, but who still offered themselves.  Songs of desperation and degradation that might open a window into what is in Dave's heart right now as he still searches for someone who undertands and desires him.
 
In that way we might conjure his spirit...and laugh at him again.
And we can remember him as he was.

 

 

 

 

Q: How does the Internet remember?

A: Gifs.


Music and lyrics: traditional
http://youtu.be/aWx7--_mvDo
The old Maid's Lament ("Take me out of pity")

Note: All these should be in slow motion for emotional effect, but I don't know how to do that.  It's wrestling.  Pretend.  And WAIT FOR THE WORDS TO START ON THE VIDEO!  There's a touching little speech before about Big Dave's carny youth at the beginning.

So let's just enjoy that before you scroll any further.

 

 

...

 

listen to the speech...

 

 

...

 

 

wait for the music...

 

 

now wait for the words

 

...

 

 

I had a sister Randy, she is younger than I am

 

She had so many suitors, she had to deny them
2hz32j7.gifBut as for my own part, I never had many
If you only knew my heart, I'd be thankful for any.

 

Come a landsman, a pinsman, a tinker or a tailor



zy6pes.gifFiddler or a dancer,

a plowboy, or a sailor

 

 

A gentleman, a poor man, a fool, or a witty

 


   
   qswo6e.gifDon't let me die an old maid,

 

but take me out of pity.

 

I had a sister Hunter, she was ugly and misshapen

Before she was sixteen years old, she was taken

1z586sy.gifBefore she was eighteen, a son and a daughter
And here am I at five and forty, never had an offer
.

 

Come a landsman, a pinsman, a tinker or a tailor


25585rc.gifFiddler or a dancer,

 

a plowboy, or a sailor,

 

 

A gentleman, a poor man, a fool, or a witty

 


   
   2hyasck.gifDon't let me die an old maid,

 

but take me out of pity.
   

 

I never would be scolding, I never would be jealous

 

My husband would have money to go to the alehouse

 7318w0.gifWhile he'd be there a spending, I'd be home a saving
 

Now I leave it up to you if I be not worth having.

 

Come a landsman, a pinsman, a tinker or a tailor

 


ilg2yt.gifFiddler or a dancer, a plowboy, or a sailor
  

Piranesi posted on 03 June 2014 - 12:00 AM

BATISTA FASHION WATCH: Rumblins are this is the final edition.

THIS WEEK:

What happens when a button-down pharmaceutical rep. from swinging 60s London returns from his U.S. holiday to find he's been bitten by a funky American Bat with soul?

Phil Collins
         is        
WHITE BLACULA UK



   
    A gentleman, a poor man, a fool, or a witty

 


    Don't let me die an old maid,
 sg_batista_comeback.jpg

   

 

...please take me out of pity


 

  • Like 4
Posted

Guardians of the Galaxy is going to be so badass that even the haters will come back around.

Guardians of the Galaxy could the The Godfather of the 21st century and I still don't see me excited about seeing Papa Smurf in the ring ever again.

  • Like 1
Posted

The good-bye wave redeemed his entire run.  

(Sorry piranesi, I meant, was the capstone of his whole amazing, unappreciated, time will look back on it as a classic and people will ask "Can you believe what fans in late 2013/early 2014 had in front of them that they didn't even realize" run.)

Posted

You can't really deny the fact that intentionally or unintentionally batista had more memorable moments in a few months than a cena or an orton has in years. Maybe after Guardians comes out, big dave will come back and go full batista and completely bask and embrace it.

Posted

To be honest, I jumped on the Batista bandwagon the moment he turned heel again and I was sad to see him go. I loved the "DEAL WITH IT" and I still quote his DUCT TAPE freak-out every day. EVERY DAY.

 

I'm sorry.

No, I'm not sorry; that wave was amazing.

Posted

I still think the best thing about Batista's latest run was that he was Mr. MMA/Gracie guy, but didn't put any effort in to even so much as include ONE submission/BJJ type move into his arsenal. The man with "Gracie Academy" on the back of his tights did nothing but punch, kick, spinebuster and powerbomb.

  • Like 1

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