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JUNE WRESTLING DISCUSSION

RIPPA

By RIPPA
in The PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING

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ebbie

ebbie

Posted
Posted

 

I don't understand the 49ers match. I hope it ended with Mike Singletary beating the fucking shit out of Russo.

It's only called a San Francisco 49ers match because it was at the Cow Palace.  Football has nothing to do with it.  It's a pole match with four mystery boxes on the poles.  They are revealed to contain a blow up doll, a picture of Scott Hall, a coal miner's glove, and the title belt they are fighting over.  And it ended with Beetlejuice in a Steiner recliner

 

 

That doesn't sound absolutely terrible.. tbh. Certainly not the most back-ass-wards thing Russo came up with.

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Dolfan in NYC

Dolfan in NYC

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Posted

Someone I know theorized that Vince is a dirty librul since he books right-wing characters as heels(JBL, Zeb).

No, he's just bitter about burning $100M to have Linda lose by 12 percent.

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odessasteps

odessasteps

Posted
Posted

Someone I know theorized that Vince is a dirty librul since he books right-wing characters as heels(JBL, Zeb).

No, he's just bitter about burning $100M to have Linda lose by 12 percent.

Linda < The new TV deal, for costing Vince $$$

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Roman

Roman

Posted
Posted

Old JBL column, but pretty funny.

 

I would like to express my sadness and best wishes to those close to ‘Classy’ Freddie Blassie. Freddie truly was classy and I am very glad I got the pleasure to know him. I even got the opportunity to work with him in a pre-tape once. Freddie did a lot of things with the Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW). Sometimes he was older than the guys he was visiting. The world was a better place because Freddie was here; my world was enhanced by meeting him. I haven’t read his book yet, but now that I have time, I look forward to perusing it.

 

Well, here I am, a few hours after recovery from a hernia operation. Not that you care, but I have to tell you that to set up my story.

 

You see, about a month ago my groin was really bothering me, so I went to a Louisville doctor. Now, don’t get me wrong, I really like Louisville and the people in it, but this doctor should be on an AFLAC commercial -- quack.

 

I told this doctor I thought I had a hernia and he promptly told me I had a slightly pulled groin. He even took an MRI and cleared me to work, which I have been doing for a month, saying to me that the groin should clear up soon.

 

After a month of not clearing up, I called my good friend, and friend of WWE, Dr. Bob Quarles from Richmond, Va. He, over the phone, told me I had a reducible inguinal hernia. Might I say again, over the phone he correctly diagnosed me, when the incompetent horse doctor who had taken an MRI and had seen me in person missed it after I told him I though it was a hernia.

 

I guess that is why they call it practicing medicine; believe me, the horse doctor needs practice. Maybe Dr. Quarles could take him on as an apprentice.

 

So here I am after hernia surgery. I had a hernia the size of a grapefruit and a balloon hernia, and I don’t know what that is (I am sure Dr. Quarles does, the other guy, I am sure, does not). So he missed a grapefruit in my balls, kinda hard to do. Also, a second hernia. Also, kinda hard to do.

 

The good part, Dr. Pugh here in Athens, Texas, did my surgery. Dr. Pugh, who is a very good doctor, told me that my privates might turn black due to blood running down in them. My wife is very excited.

 

They say once you go black you never go back, or at least Teddy Long says that.

 

I asked for a penis enlargement, but I was refused. I mean, if a woman can get a breast augmentation (a surgery I wholeheartedly endorse), then surely while they were down there, they could have added a little size. I mean, they don’t have to add a half-foot or anything, just a little girth. Oh well, black will have to do.

 

The worst part is I could be well by now if the first doctor would have diagnosed me correctly.

 

I am looking forward to Bad Blood. I think the buildup has been great. Shawn Michaels and Ric Flair should be great. Two great champions. I watched the pay-per-view a couple of months ago when Flair was in the six-man tag, and I urge any of you to go back and watch Flair the whole match. His knowledge of what to do to enhance a match is amazing.

 

Flair worked the apron, the ref and the crowd the entire time. Most of the time he was doing this was when he was not in the ring. It makes such a difference when guys on the apron work, but Flair’s work was nothing short of genius.

 

I got to see the tribute to Flair the other day; it was well deserved. I flat-out love the guy, in a non-sexual way, of course, though he is cute. I have been honored to be around Ric since he has been back, and it has been nothing but a pleasure.

 

So many guys get in this business and make claims how soon they will get out; I would rather be like Ric and last as long as they will let me. Though no one could ever be like Ric, I would love to have his attitude. People still like seeing the ‘Nature Boy.’

 

Shawn is just pure talent and knows how to use it; I look forward to the match. Please save me a match, ‘Nature Boy.’

 

The other day, I got to go with my wife to Lori Ensign’s Broken Arrow, a wildlife reserve in Tulsa, Okla. We got to pet the tigers, mountain lions, leopards, kangaroos and monkeys. It was a great day. I have been trying to find land so I can have my own tigers. One day I will. If you are ever in Tulsa, look this place up if you like animals. Don’t bother the kangaroo. I still have a scar from when I ran out of food and he got mad.

 

I got to play in the New York Giants charity golf tournament last week. I felt bad about not playing that well until I was correctly diagnosed with a hernia. OK, that had nothing to do with it. I just suck. John Sohigian, one of our most capable vice presidents, and I hosted some great guys from KB Toys.

 

I think the world of John. If I had him as an employee in my travel agency years ago, instead of me, we would still be open. It really hurts having to fire yourself, but it was what was best for the agency.

 

Jason Garrett, one of the Giants’ quarterbacks, was there, We played together in the World League for San Antonio. Jason is a class act.

 

I was glad to see that a lot of the guys from Ohio Valley Wrestling (OVW) have been called up. These guys work extremely hard and are deserving of a break. Dues are not what they used to be, but these guys still pay a price to make it. What is better is that these are all good guys who will be a pleasure for WWE to work with. I hope they all make it.

 

Speaking of OVW, I had one of the best steaks in my life, cooked by Danny Davis, the other day. Dr. Tom Prichard (the worst driver in the history of the automobile), Danny and I had a great afternoon. You see how much Danny and Dr. Tom care about the guys they work with; I have always thought this is the difference in our company and others -- the quality of employees.

 

I would like to address one issue I have heard about. It seems that a much older lady named Kathy Griffin has used me and WWE in her stand-up routine in a negative way. I guess she’s mad that the Fabulous Moolah is younger and better looking, and, I can promise, a much better lady. Moolah is great, I had to say that or else she would beat me up.

 

First of all, Kathy, when you have to use me to get over, you are hurting. Choose a real celebrity, like The Rock, the Undertaker, Triple H, Stone Cold Steve Austin or Arnold. But me? I am sorry you have only had a bit role on a very good sitcom with a very talented Brooke Shields. In case you don’t know Kathy (and most people don’t), she played a bit role on ‘Suddenly Susan.’

 

I am sure when she was younger, she was at least younger. I would say prettier, but maybe I should just say younger. I am also sorry that your career is sagging as bad as your body. At your age, you shouldn’t be trying to be a diva, you should be just trying to get in a bingo game.

 

Apparently this is her MO, bashing everyone around her. So please, Kathy, my book is coming out soon, so if you can get an audience anywhere, please bash me. Just get my name right. I could use the publicity. I am sorry that you skipped the has-been phase and went straight to a never-was. I really figure you could get over with the AARP crowd; those RV parks would probably love you.

 

However, the guys there could be a bunch of wrestling fans, so you might should lay off WWE, but keep talking about me. I need the book sales.

 

I had a great time with our men and women at Ft. Knox. I was there with Sgt. Major of the Army Jack Tilley, who I think the world of. I am bad with names, so forgive me for not mentioning people by name. The base commander took me around and showed me all the Army was doing for our soldiers and their training; we have great reason to be proud of our Army. I got to drive in a bunch of tanks and Bradley simulators, those are awesome machines.

 

SMA Tilley went out of his way to say that while we have a huge technical advantage over our enemies, the real difference is the American soldier. Our soldiers are just that good.

 

Support our troops. When you see them around, tell them thank you. Buy them a beer. They all have great stories.

 

I have visited and lived in 52 different countries and all 50 states, and with no disrespect (except to France) to any of these great countries, I never want to live anywhere else. America is great and I am proud it is my home.

 

To my favorite Black Hawk pilots somewhere in the desert, Matt and Stan, stay safe and keep kicking ass.

 

Don’t forget my book coming out next month. I wrote the whole thing, and I think you will enjoy it. If you don’t, don’t tell anybody. Believe me, if effort counts for anything, it will be good. It was very hard work, but work I enjoyed.

 

Now see, a whole column without disagreeing with one of the Internet guys. I really do like your passion for our business. I just disagree with some of you some of the time. We can do that in America.

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caley

caley

Posted
Posted

I wanna know what she said about JBL, too!

 

BTW, trying to google the info was a waste as I just ended up with footage of Griffin's standup (*Shudder*) but I did come across this tidbit which sounds unbelievably hilarious.

 

From his wikipedia page detailing his entrance themes


 

Entrance themes

Oh man, I really, really want to see JBL coming out to 'Cotton Eye Joe' now.

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Roman

Roman

Posted
Posted

What did Kathy Griffin say about JBL?

 

Yesterday morning on the Howard Stern show, comedian Kathy Griffin was a guest and talked about a trip she took recently to Afghanistan to entertain the troops over there. In mentioning the others on the trip, she referred to "some guy named Bradshaw" who she described as an overweight, dumb wrestler. When Howard asked why she thought he was dumb, she mentioned that he said he was from the great country of Texas and referred to Saddam Hussein as the President of Afghanistan. She basically thought Bradshaw was a big goof who just did a bunch of ra-ra speeches to get the troops pumped up. She really came off as an arrogant loser who didn't even realize she was putting herself down by saying everyone on the trip was a "D-rated actor".

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LooseCannon

LooseCannon

Posted
Posted

 

What did Kathy Griffin say about JBL?

 

Yesterday morning on the Howard Stern show, comedian Kathy Griffin was a guest and talked about a trip she took recently to Afghanistan to entertain the troops over there. In mentioning the others on the trip, she referred to "some guy named Bradshaw" who she described as an overweight, dumb wrestler. When Howard asked why she thought he was dumb, she mentioned that he said he was from the great country of Texas and referred to Saddam Hussein as the President of Afghanistan. She basically thought Bradshaw was a big goof who just did a bunch of ra-ra speeches to get the troops pumped up. She really came off as an arrogant loser who didn't even realize she was putting herself down by saying everyone on the trip was a "D-rated actor".

 

 

I guess whoever wrote that doesn't know that she had a show called My Life on the D-List.

 

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Phantom Lord

Phantom Lord

Posted
Posted

I wanna know what she said about JBL, too!

 

BTW, trying to google the info was a waste as I just ended up with footage of Griffin's standup (*Shudder*) but I did come across this tidbit which sounds unbelievably hilarious.

 

From his wikipedia page detailing his entrance themes

 

 

Entrance themes

Oh man, I really, really want to see JBL coming out to 'Cotton Eye Joe' now.

 

Nevermind that. I want to see him come out to Born In The USA. I hope he wore that big American flag jacket like he did when he was US Champion.

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Niners Fan in CT

Niners Fan in CT

Posted
Posted

I don't want to dig too deep into this but the Linda "I support Obama" stuff only came about when the polls leading up to the election said she was a good ten points or so behind. It was a last ditch effort to gain some support. Anyone who lives in CT knew she didn't have a shot in hell in either race...  I guess except the delusional McMahon family.

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