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Raw 5-5-14


MGFanJay

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Stephanie: "Hey, Glenn. We have this idea: What if Kane becomes a cross-dressing serial killer who lip syncs to Elvis songs and starts a love affair Santino?"

 

Glenn: Yeah, sure. Why not?

Well he is already a necrophiliac.  A Norman Bates character wouldn't be awful in comparison.

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Zeb made that Adam Rose segment for me. Him trying to get away while the party was dancing around him was great. I figured the Rose segment would bomb on the main stage but Zeb can save it. Pretty boring show overall. The Horror stuff with Daniel/Kane is just so tacky.

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Yeah I don't believe that for a minute. If he's so angry over broken promises and money, why is he sticking around? He was supposed to leave after last night, but he's still here, and I don't have any reason to believe this won't end in Orton, HHH and Batista putting over the Shield big, again, before he moves on to feuding with Bryan and taking the titles into the fall (post-SummerSlam) as the big douche movie-star heel.

 

I trust the dirtsheets when it comes to rumored matches, not the personal and business emotions of the wrestlers.

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Just think how much terrible television wrestling fans would be spared from if Glenn Jacobs just knew how to say "No" to an angle.

 

But from his end, saying yes to so much has led to a long and steady career.  Even if we had to see him zap Shane's balls in the process. 

 

He's the Samuel L Jackson or Christopher Walken of wrestling.  Throw shit at him and he'll do it and take the check.  And often times end up good......and sometimes.....not.

 

 

Eh, I'd say he's more Eric Roberts than Jackson or Walken.

 

Danny Trejo

 

 

Ron Perlman

 

I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, WAITER!!!

 

 

By that description and his longevity, he is definitely the Nicholas Cage of WWE.

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I'm glad I watch this show before checking out this Raw Thread, y'all are some serious negative nellies.

 

-Battle Royale was fun.  I was actually genuinely interested in where they were going with this, I just assumed Ambrose was getting the title back, but he looked strong in defeat and I LOVED his selling of the Brogue Kick.  Also, this was probably the most sensibly-booked battle royale ever when the group teamed up to the two biggest dudes out.  Also dig Sheamus' subtle beginning heel turn, his sarcastic "No hard feelins' fella" was great.

-RVD-Cesaro was okay for an RVD match.  Cesaro brutalizing him at the end worked quite well in internet-beloved pro-wrestler beats up internet-hated wrestler way.  I kinda think the best way to book RVD would be to have him cost Cesaro a title match, but Heyman decides it's not worth Cesaro to face RVD, so instead he uses his ECW contacts/Kool-Aid to bring in different ECW alumni every week: Ballz, Axl, The Prodigy, The Musketeer, etc. to try to stop RVD who always ends up winning.  Finally, Cesaro agrees to face him and just as RVD is about to beat Cesaro, the lights go out and Sabu appears and stops RVD and we get a nice long feud between RVD-Sabu that runs until RVD's contract runs out, because, at this point, Sabu is the only guy I really want to watch RVD face in psychology-free table-fests.

-Kofi-Rusev was fun.  I love Rusev's offence.  He should have some fun matches when he starts to wrestle smaller guys with better offence.

-I didn't watch ADR-Bryan because I pretty much knew exactly how it was going to go (Bryan comes out flying, ADR takes over, Bryan comes back with fiery babyface offence and wins) and I had tacos to eat.

-Brie Bella is...not so good.  I mean, terrible actresses can pull off the horror movie scream, how can she not get it?  Her screaming from the car sounded like she'd found a spider on the dashboard.

-Big E-Barrett was fun.  I was actually hoping for Big E to get the title back and we get a BNB-E. Best of 7.

-Rose's debut was perfect.  Apparently people in attendance said it came off way better live than it did on TV and that the crowd was humming along to his theme through the commercial breaks.  But, let's crap all over it anyways because obviously after one appearance it's terrible and doesn't translate to TV.

-Wyatt-Shield was awesome.  I don't get the "We've seen Shield-Wyatts before, I'm over!"   I mean they've wrestled on WWE TV -what, 5 times, is it even that many times?! - and you're bored of it?! Is your attention span that short?  Do you not watch any other wrestling?  Do you get distracted by loud noises and bright colours?  And, really, who cares if they have wrestled before if it's good?!  Every guy in that ring is actively, ACTIVELY, good.  Harper flipping Rollins so he can kick him as hard as he can?!  Harper's insane dive, followed by his crazed trashing of the ringside area?!  Rollins' crazy dives?!  Reigns perfect hot-tag house-of-fire spot that cleans out everyone and includes him ducking a Harper clotheline at ringside to get around to the other side and nail Wyatt?!  What exactly are you looking for from WWE TV?!  Because this is pretty much the epitome of WWE wrestling.  I mean, if you're not enjoying that main event, post-match beatdown or not, you're probably never really going to enjoy WWE TV, are you?

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If Brie is just showing the same emotional range while acting that she has in real life, she better hope she never gets raped, because no one is going to believe her story.

Jesus...who says something like this??

Yeah really. If someone says AJ has a nice ass the creepy police are out in force but someone says something repugnant like this and not a peep.

 

 

Wait, why can't we say AJ has a nice ass? She does!

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I don't mind people saying it, but i don't need picture recaps of Lana's ass or anything like that when these RAW/Smackdown/NXT/PPV threads go up. That's always been my one gripe, the going out of the way to screencap that one frame. I just don't get it.

 

Let's talk about the other Ass MVP.... Big E.

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I don't mind people saying it, but i don't need picture recaps of Lana's ass or anything like that when these RAW/Smackdown/NXT/PPV threads go up. That's always been my one gripe, the going out of the way to screencap that one frame. I just don't get it.

 

Let's talk about the other Ass MVP.... Big E.

 

 

I'm just not that into Lana, so no worries about that from me!

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As goofy as the stuff with Bryan and Kane is, I'm just happy to see him finally getting a run on top with the belt.  Unfortunately, it's slim pickings on top with The Shield against Evolution.  Bray Wyatt is busy with Cena and CM Punk is gone.  Lesnar vs. Bryan would be great, but he's not around enough for that feud to have any traction.  Cesaro doesn't seem to be there yet.  

I'd love to see something like Barrett vs. Bryan since Barrett's really taken off as Bad News Barrett.

 

Now for Cesaro, do they even know where they are going with him right now?  This RVD feud is bland as hell.  

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Now for Cesaro, do they even know where they are going with him right now?  This RVD feud is bland as hell.  

I suspect he is in a holding pattern until they start the build to Brock vs. Cesaro.

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I don't mind people saying it, but i don't need picture recaps of Lana's ass or anything like that when these RAW/Smackdown/NXT/PPV threads go up. That's always been my one gripe, the going out of the way to screencap that one frame. I just don't get it.

 

Let's talk about the other Ass MVP.... Big E.

 

 

I'm just not that into Lana, so no worries about that from me!

 

.......I have no words for this. But, I'm a sucker for accents.

 

Speaking of accents, I'm pretty sure Bad News Barrett is only over because of his voice and his delivery of his promos. Nothing about his in-ring work excites me. Never has, probably never will, but I'll be damned if I haven't always been a fan for whatever reason. Looking forward to the BNB shirt coming in the next week, according to Barrett on Twitter.

 

AND WHERE ARE MY SHIELD WMXXX FACE MASKS, GODDAMNIT

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Well, thank god all the 40 year olds got their heat back. Lord knows how we'll rely on them all as the future of the company.

Jesus. So The Shield shouldn't even get beaten down ever?

 

 

Not for bullshit even steven booking, It is, in fact, what got them this over in the first place, while almost everybody else they've pushed in the past ten years has floundered.

 

"Even steven" booking would have been Evolution going over The Shield in a match, not just being general interfering heel dickheads to continue a storyline.

 

 

 

They should..

 

 

Just not by the 40 year olds they kicked the shit out of last night that need to just go the fuck away already.  Who seriously wants Evolution hanging around outside of people loving the latest nostaliga trip.  Can we go back further and have Shield vs. nWo next?  I'm sure there's a couple old members who can still go without breaking a hip or tearing a quad.

 

Yeah, we get it - you and others have irrational hatred towards Triple H that you assign to the fanbase as a whole in every week's Raw thread, but that will not change that all of Evolution get huge reactions, and without their presence on television Bryan, Cesaro, and The Shield would not be as over as they are, and they wouldn't be main eventing shows.

 

 

Someone who wants to try something new instead of going with a "heavy hand" joke.

 

 

I suggest hanging on to your day job.

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Ok, so yeah, Bryan is stuck in a comedy feud with Kane. Probably shouldn't be the main event angle, but fuck it, I love comedy monster Kane. Bryan's line about the wire being disconnected from something definitely belongs in the goofy Kane angle hall of fame. On the plus side, Bryan pulled off the rare escape from the magical car appearance by Kane and has uncanny automotive repair skills, so compared to others in this situation, he fared quite well. Also, the scene with Steph knocking on the car window was better B-movie horror material than anything in See No Evil. 

 

Also, there was a lot of other good stuff on this show...

 

Bray Wyatt had a promo of the year candidate.

 

Barrett and Big E have surprisingly good chemistry together. I hope they don't give up on E, he's not quite clicking yet, but he's got tons of potential. In fact, he's in a pretty similar spot to Barrett a couple years ago. Hopefully he finds the right gimmick to make it back. 

 

The battle royal had a great finishing stretch. Ambrose looked good, and Sheamus begins his much needed turn.

 

Cesaro managed to drag a watchable match out of RVD after 3 tries. 

 

Kofi/Rusev is probably going to get slept on, but it was a fun power vs. speed sprint. Rusev probably needs to experiment with some new finishers, though. His current sequence isn't doing it for me.

 

The Shield and Wyatts had another awesome match. I'd say probably the third best of their series. It was a little more balanced offensively than the Main Event match a few weeks ago, which is always good for these two teams. The Rollins corner backflip into the side kick from Harper was beautiful, as was Rollins fighting off the superplex by pulling Harper's beard and head butting him in the mouth. God, those two need a long singles match soon. Rowan took a sweet bump over the announce table, and there was actually a decision instead of cop-out no contest. Wyatts 3-1 vs. The Shield now, in what should be a best of 23.

 

The ending angle was whatever, but I think too many positives are being overlooked on this show. I'd actually really love to see a long HHH/Orton vs. Rollins/Ambrose tag. 

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Is it possible to grow out of wrestling? I think I'm growing out.

 

Bryan winning at Mania was EXACTLY what I wanted to happen and I didn't pop like I thought I would. Tonight's show...I couldn't stomach it. I see a guy with a weird mustache talking about deportation interrupted by a crazy dancing party and I just couldn't watch it.

 

I didn't used to be like that. I would have loved that segment just a couple of years ago. Maybe I'm just growing past "sports entertainment." It's not working for me anymore.

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Excuse me? I haven't mentioned one thing about LooseCannon's "joke" because I'm staying far, far away from that blackhole of sexism and stupidity.

 

 

Great! Now that you've reminded everyone that you're also from Tennessee and "not like me" like you do each time you reply to one of my posts (when it would be much easier to just fill in the blank that says where you're from, as I have), would you care to actually address which part of my post you take issue with? I really hope it's the part that relates to wrestling.

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Rather than focus on the "HE'S GETTING BERRIED!!" similarities between tonight's Daniel Bryan angle and a similar Zack Ryder 

Aaaaaaaaaaaand that's where your point ceases to have any weight

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