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Kids Say the Darndest Things: Pro Wrestling Edition


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We've all been to wrestling shows were one of the highlights is something a child does and/or says that reminds all of us of the magic that originally caught our attention all those years ago. Sometimes its magically. Other times its equally, if not more, jaded than myself and other members of this board. However, its always an interesting insight because in all reality...they are the future smarks of this business. I have to run to the city for a few, but when I get back I will share some of my stories. I'd like for you all to share yours. What the smartest/cutest/funniest/craziest thing a child has ever said and/or done at a wrestling show? Feel free to share as many stories as you'd like!

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There were some kids sitting near me at Final Battle 2008 who were referring to all of the ROH wrestlers as if they were big name WWE guys. I don't remember all of the connections they made but I remember them referring to Davey Richards as Batista and Go Shiozaki was Kung Fu Naki. It was pretty fucking funny.

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I remember a kid giving this really weird weak middle finger when he thought his mom wasn't looking. This was right after Mania XX. Other than that most wrestling I went to has been a bunch of other fat old guys sweating and buying DVDs.

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My daughter was 3yo and struggling to sleep one night so we were watching TNA around the time of one of Sting's visits. My daughter, who was nodding off, just blurts out, "You're a bad clown, go away." Not like she was scared, like she was offended by said clown's tactics.

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No exact quotes but I went to a house show with my stepdaughter and stepson and it was just so awesome to go to a show and watch it with people who've never seen anything online or whatever. They were all totally into it, thought that it was so unfair that Triple H sent Kane out to beat up Daniel Bryan and marked out when The Shield made the save. They loved the Cesaro Swing and were counting along. I have a little cousin who is a huge John Cena fan and I love watching ppv's with him. It really just takes me back to when I first got into wrestling.

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Ah, this is more of a Chuck Taylor story, but I got to see the effect his schtick actually has on kids.  There was a guy with two kids, a boy and a girl, sitting in front of me at some indy show, it was a tag match with Chuck on the apron, and the guy's daughter just randomly goes "You suck, Chuck Taylor!"  Chuck turns around and goes, "I will KILL you, little girl.  I will MURDER you until you DIE."

 

And after that, she REALLY hated him and yelled all kinds of stuff at him.

 

After intermission, the family came back to their seat and the girl had a signed Chuck Taylor photo.  :)  So I guess the dad wanted to show her that Chuck didn't really want to kill her or whatever.

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At the Smackdown taping I want to in December I sat next to this little kid who went completely insnane for Ryback like I laughed cuz he did the whole Ryback thing just like Ryback got suer intense and was super into it. Him and his dad were wearing matching CM Punk shirts too.

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I went to a WWE house in Toronto last December. My section was mostly kids with their parents and most were into the entire show which is why it made me laugh during a match between Ryback and Zack Ryder when one kid turned to his dad and said "I don't care about these two guys."

 

And while this is not so much kids saying stuff but as I was leaving, walking out behind me was a mom with her young daughter and I overheard the following:

 

"Don't worry kiddo, you'll see Mark Henry someday."

 

Parenting done right.

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Do teenagers count? I work with a 17 year old whom I got back into wrestling just in time for him to lose all interest because Undertaker had his streak broken, and his favorite (Triple H) got beat by Daniel Bryan ("he looks like you"). Yeah, he's been really upset this week.

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I may be in the minority but yeah, fuck Chuck Taylor's routine.  Sure, you get the occasional kid like in the story above who meets him, gets a photo, whatever.  But how many don't? 

 

I once saw him do his schtick, on a show I was working, in the face of a kid with Asperger's (who happened to be my at-the-time fiancee's kid).  And what was the result?  He terrified him and made him bawl.  I tried my best at intermission to explain to him that that guy was just trying to be a bad guy, but he wanted no part of hearing it and was terrified and really sad that someone hated him. And Chuck didn't seemed concerned one way or another.  And this was a kid who loved wrestling and loved jeering back and forth at heels.  But getting in a kid's face......any kid.....and screaming "I hate your guts and I will kill you" isn't awesome heat.  It's cheap bullshit. 

 

There's being a "bad guy" and doing things that upset people, and there's singling out kids and doing your best to be a complete dickhead. 

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I took my nephews to a WWE house show a while back. We arrived almost at the start of the matches. Just as we were walking in the Spirit Squad's music started playing.

My youngest nephew looked at them standing in the ring and immediately started crying. He kept saying "I don't want to fight them". I had to calm him down and explain to him that we weren't there to wrestle.

Later on my other nephew (he was probably 7 or 8 at the time) looked around and asked where the cameras were. He said that he wanted to be sure to watch this on TV. I had to explain to him that while wrestling was a TV show sometimes they came to towns and fought just for the people in that town. His response? "I think it's stupid to go somewhere to get beaten up and not even put it on TV."

Then Triple H came out and he chanted for him until he lost his voice.

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In my younger days, I used to relentlessly cheer for the heels at every show, which made one kid (maybe 7-8?) a little mad at me. After one thing I said to someone, the kid stood up, looked at me and said "why don't you get in the squared circle, then?" I lost it.

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My nephew HATES John Cena, always has and I have no idea why. When I take him to live events, it's funny to see him being the only kid in the section booing when Cena comes out. Whenever we watch together on TV, he'll boo when Cena walks out. It's a good time.

 

He's also a huge Punk, Bryan and Shield fan. 

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Watching Sumerslam 93 and my 3 year old little girl sits down next to me just as Kamala made his entrance with his giant African mask gimmick on. 

 

"Daddy, what's that?"

"......That's Kamala, he's a wrestler"

*looks at screen* *looks at me with a very concerned face*

"..........I don't like Kamala"

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Watching Sumerslam 93 and my 3 year old little girl sits down next to me just as Kamala made his entrance with his giant African mask gimmick on. 

 

"Daddy, what's that?"

"......That's Kamala, he's a wrestler"

*looks at screen* *looks at me with a very concerned face*

"..........I don't like Kamala"

At least she wasn't doubting El Dandy. Then you might have to trade her for a less doubtful child.

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I went to the Raw taping in 2001 where Paul Heyman appeared to replace Jerry Lawler as commentator.  I was in a section where most of the fans were chanting "ECW" at anything ECW-related in the ring (Rhino in a dark match, Justin Credible on Heat).  After about the 10th "ECW" chant, a young boy, who couldn't be older than 9, stood up, turned toward the fans and said ...

 

"ECW IS DEAD!  GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON!"

 

And no one chanted "ECW" again.

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I remember my sister, I guess when she was 9 or 10, coming in the room to watch RAW one night a few years ago. She sits down on the couch with me during a "funny" John Cena promo and thought it was kind of cool. Next segment was an Umaga match, and she let out a loud "ugh! I don't like him" and I'm all "what?" and in her best Scott Steiner impression, she goes "HE'S FAT!!" and walks out of the room. I don't think she's ever watched wrestling since.

 

I've got to mention that little boy from the Daniel Bryan documentary on WWE Network. "Whenever I watch on TV and see all those people saying YES! it makes me feel like I should be there with them."

 

That's what it's all about.

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I went to a Raw in Bridgeport CT in 2008 or so when Randy Orton was the top heel and champion. Orton came out at the top of the show so everyone stood up and started booing. As Orton started cutting his promo, I realized I was standing in front of a kid about 8 or 9 so I turned around to ask if he could see. His response: "I don't want to see! I hate him so much!"

The night before that was a pay per view and the kid next to me had made a sign that was a catchers mitt on one side and a trace outline of a hand roughly the same size with accompanying arrows that said 'catchers mitt' and 'Big Show's Hand' respectively. Still the best sign I've ever seen.

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