RIPPA Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 I think y'all are starting to feel why I need to do this this week. And today we really all need a hero. Survival MotherFucking Tobita 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 He's still wrestling too. He had been battling Pandita and forced himself to become a cyborg to defeat him and was developing a friendship with the creature, but the evil doctor put it to sleep, so he wants revenge. Ganbare is Ken Ohka's micro gimmicky sub-fed of Union. GANBARE☆WRESTLING “RAISING AN ARMY CHAPTER 2”, 04/06/2014Kitizawa Town Hall 2. Survival! Take On The Enemy Of J-Soul Pandita III!: Survival Tobita Vs Dr. Kiriko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RIPPA Posted April 9, 2014 Author Share Posted April 9, 2014 I have written maybe two funny things in my life. One of them was about this http://youtu.be/wR54TDXvQJY Final Decisive Great Space War ~ Operation to Rescue Ultraman Robin: Shu & Kei Sato vs. Great Sasuke/Survival Tobita God – this is what I miss. Oh Victor. Oh beloved Federal Agent. How I miss ye so. This is the goofy shit that I could watch all day or at least for awhile until the novelty wore off. Let me see if I can explain this absurdity. THE BACKSTORY: (at least what I could piece together. I would assume the truth is nowhere close to this.) Great Sasuke wanted to get at those nasty Sato boys. Ultraman Robin said “Well gee Pa! I am ready! Let me at them!” That didn’t turn out so hot and UR got “captured” by the Satos. A distraught Sasuke tries to find out the whereabouts of probably not so young and definitely not so thin Ultraman Robin. This is also not so good of an idea. During his beatdown, who should arrive on the scene to make the save but MOTHERFUCKING SURVIVAL MOTHERFUCKING TOBITA!!!!. (FUCK ALL OF YOU AND YOUR LACK OF LOVE FROM THE MAN WHO IS MAKING THE UNIVERSE SAFE!!!! WERE YOU WILLING TO TAKE ON THE OUT OF CONTROL BOX?!?!?!?! WERE YOU WILLING TO TACKLE THE TASK OF CONTROL THE POTENTIAL OUTBREAK MONKEY?!?!?!?! YOU PUSSIES HID UNDER YOUR BEDS WHEN THE MONSTER OF LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE SHOWED UP!!!! FOR SHAME!!!!!! Ooff… sorry.) Tobita shows up ingniting the spray of an aerosol can which gets censored so we can’t accuse the Japanese of not being green. At least when it comes to that there wrestling. All the while, Sasuke cuts his promo while being crotched on a ladder. Don’t ask. Just like don’t ask about why the Satos would kidnap UR when he clearly was going to put a dent in their food budget. I mean last time I looked I don’t know how much scratch two guys with tremendous skullets were bringing in. Unless there is a weird Japanese fetish that I want to know nothing about. Also do not stop to question why the rescue of UR required the ring to have a little miniature city built in the ring – complete with working train and anti-gravity toy top thingy. I could see if someone was working like a Mothra gimmick or something but yeah. And then the complete kicker is that Sasuke decides that he needs to dress up like Batman… excuse me… the Dark Knight since we don’t want to infuriated the Heath Ledger fanboys (poor poor Rey Jr. all he wanted was a goofy Wrestlemania outfit) or Christian Bale. Meanwhile, the Satos wheel out UR. The reason I say wheel out is because UR is hanging from a cross made of aluminum so they were shuttling him around on a hand truck. Of course, since UR is hanging from said cross, the poor unsuspecting children of Japan have now been exposed to this horror. It will corrupt them horribly so. I would say so since I think any respectable Messiah would be able to get himself down from any predicament that involved being bound by Reynolds Wrap. The match itself is a total and complete cluster and stinky. It is clearly a “love it or hate it” affair. It is far too goofy for me to hate. Clearly, protecting the Universe has caused Survival Tobita to forget how to punch. Or sell for that matter. Generally, there is a lot of nonsense. Someone (Fuck, I forget who it was now) drives a motorcycle around ringside which is used for spots… including the old let’s run over a photographer trick. Yeah – I couldn’t help but giggle there. Now despite being able to see the neck brace under the Dark Knight gear and the fact that this is a bizarro comedy match – Sasuke decides well I am going to bump like a freak. I mean there was a motorcycle bump that was unnecessary but at one point Sasuke does what I guess was supposed to be an Atomico while the Satos are on the ring apron. To say that didn’t go as smoothly as hoped would be an understatement. It is kinda silly that Sasuke is doing this all, though, who am I to doubt an elected official. “THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO PROTEST THE LACK OF SOCIALIZED HEALTH CARE!!! DOES OBAMA HAVE THE BALLS TO DO THIS?!?!?!? WHERE IS YOUR MESSIAH NOW?!?!?!?!” Somewhere during this mini-marathon (I think all of this goes for like a half an hour plus), Ultraman gets freed, Sasuke gives him a hug and everyone gets on the STICK~! Let me remind you that this is in the middle of the match. The general gist is that UR wants his revenge now and since Mephiros Seijin also was helping the Satos out – it’s now a six man. Paul Heyman clearly approves. Fuck – if someone told me right now that it was booked by Heyman, I wouldn’t have even batted an eye. You know that if Paul E. saw this match he too would wonder why he didn’t book the destruction of a city in the middle of the ring. Or why he didn't have Tommy Dreamer and Raven fight over who got to wear the vest straight out of David Bowie’s Labyrinth closet. The only reason I know this wasn’t booked by Heyman is because UR didn’t go all Patty Hearst and turn on Sasuke and Tobita. The finish is UR doing a crossbody off the top rope onto Mephiros Seijin which is great because a) it's about the worst crossbody ever and b) Great Sasuke so hadn't gotten out of the way yet. Yeah... that couldn't have felt good on his superhero neck. Yeah… all of this should be watched just…. well… misty water colored memories. OH! Make sure to stick around to see Sasuke escape on his Batcycle… which is a pea soup green Yamaha (or something). Nothing beats a superhero driving along concession stands with his right turn single on. Especially, when the aforementioned superhero turns left. THE DARK KNIGHT DOES NOT OBEY YOUR TRAFFIC LAWS!!!! SUCK ON IT RIDDLER!!!! YOU WILL NEVER CATCH ME NOW!!!!! 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EdA Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 God, Survival Tobita was another reason why the comp tapes were the greatest thing in the world about 90's wrestling fandom. You kids and your serious MOVEZ~~!!! can eat it. Survival Tobita was saving the motherfucking UNIVERSE! And here is the Ken the Box rematch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 One of my regrets of the bidness is that I didn't purchase a Tobita t-shirt at a RevPro show when I had the chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Justin877 Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Was there ever a crossover with Survival Tobita and Kaiju Big Battel? I feel there should have been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JRGoldman Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 OK, so since Tobita had a match in April, I think that means he needs to be in March Madness next year. Survival v. Davey, round one. Book it, Jae! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matt D Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Survival Tobita is one of the very best gifts that DVDVR ever gave me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.T. Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 One of the saddest days of my life was when my washer ate my KNOCK OUT ALL ENEMY~! shirt. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppGkySU69FU Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RIPPA Posted April 9, 2014 Author Share Posted April 9, 2014 One of my bigger regrets was thinking that I should order a Large 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DangerMark Posted April 9, 2014 Share Posted April 9, 2014 Is the match against the Lake Monster still floating around? That was a masterclass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DEAN Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Survival Tobita was a cypher for all of us in the 90s. He was an inspiration to really not give a fuck and just put it out there and just fuck the world as lovingly as possible. He is my review of his Bauxite Medium as a veiled short story of my college girlfriend and I breaking up. It was very therapeutic. BAUXITE MEDIUM vs Survival Tobita- Satima Pro-Wrestling Company- 4/29/00-(DEAN RASMUSSEN): I got this match from- of course- Scott Mailman. BAUXITE a mystical historical fiction [[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[ I was talking to my old friend Bokujin Ken and it was the first time we had actually talked in years. I had come back to Japan after a long sabbatical in Singapore where I spent what was left of my pointless youth mired in riotous living, stinking of whiskey and whores. I came back to Japan two years later, knowing that I was now a man and had put away my childish ways. I had forgotten about the stupid dreams that were seemingly unattainable to me and decided to play out the string as best I could. The best place to play out the string of my life is in Japan: it's where all my friends are and anyway, I've done all the exciting things here that there are to do so I have no temptation to go and find something exciting to do. Well, anyway, the thing about Ken was that he and I always stayed in touch and continuously hung out together, but when the deal went down with me and Jennifer and Bauxite, Ken never really picked sides. Bauxite and Jennifer liked it that way since I was the pathetic victim and all, but, still, I couldn't help but feel really betrayed. I know that's really fucked up and childish- but it was a genuine feeling and I can't control how I feel sometimes. I don't think it was an actual punishment towards Ken when I withheld my most intimate feelings from my oldest and best friend. It was just too devastating to know what he knew about Bauxite and Jennifer and I didn't want to know how well they were doing and just how much of a nonfactor I was in everybody in Japan's little lives. The thing about Singapore was that my fellow Japan Ex-Patriot- Octapus Eight- was already living there and was drinking his way out of some much heavier shit than what I running from, so I embraced his evil and became a large part of his life of drink and cocktail waitresses. Ken would come down and visit since he and O8 were old roommates in Nagasaki way back in the day, so there was never any true separation between me and Ken. Anyway, Ken and I were hanging out at this storage warehouse- since it was big enough and deserted enough for Ken not to freak too many people out, since he had developed this body of cardboard boxes and was continuously crying blood. I figured that since we had become so close recently, I'd go ahead and ask some questions about Jennifer. I had long since professed my love for Manhole Man v2 and gotten on with my life. Manhole Man makes me happy and it's a workable happy. Jennifer was a stupid youthful dream- a young beautiful girl that was actually no more made for me as she was for that pathetic fucker, Bauxite. I used to hate her but the older you get and the more malt liquor you drink, the more you put things into perspective. Bauxite was exciting and young and metallic and good-looking. I'm Survival Tobita and I didn't get that name by being a sex machine. I loved her but she could never get used to what a fucking freak I am. She was pissed when I didn't go to the New japan dojo, she was pissed when I would show her my ideas of wrestling without rings. "I don't want to be with a man who can't provide for himself." I talked to Bauxite on the phone for a long time last weekend and he said that she said the same thing to him once. When I talked to Bauxite, I could tell that he was no longer alive. He was a lover and she was the beloved, as Carson McCuller would say. McCuller thought that love is never mutual that the lover lives off the beloved and the beloved starts to hate the lover since the beloved starts to become a host of this parasitic Lover. The thing with Jennifer is that she could be both. She was always the beloved in both Bauxite's and my relationship her- but instead of becoming BELOVED, THE VICTIM, she would become BELOVED, THE ONE WHO WOULD CREATE HER NEW BELOVED. She was ruthless in molding her lover into something that would be her Beloved- and it all makes perfect sense- in retrospect. In retrospect, you gotta respect a girl who will use sheer will to try to create what will make her happy, as opposed to simply being a pampered love thing. Now it all makes sense and is all noble and self-empowering and shit but at the time, it was psychological hell on earth. The problem with Bauxite is that he could never escape. He almost became Jennifer's idea of a perfect man. the problem was that he had completely destroyed whatever he had once had inside himself just to create this new thing for her to love. After Jennifer figured out that she was actually in love with a walking shadow, she bolted on the poor motherfucker and Bauxite has been a fucking horror show ever since. Anyway, back to me and Ken at the Storage Warehouse. I asked him about Jennifer and if she had ever spoke of me while I was a truly pathetic broken motherfucker in Singapore. Jennifer and Ken were close friends for a while- especially after the break-up when Jennifer left me for Bauxite. We all divided up our friends and Jennifer was looking for quality friends to make up for my loyal contingent, so I figured enough time had passed and this would be the right time for Ken to turn on her and give me the story. I said, "Gilgil once told me that Jennifer said she missed talking to me since Bauxite isn't the smartest guy on earth. I mean what the fuck would you talk to Bauxite about?" Ken was noncommittal. "Well, Toby, to be honest, She never said anything to me." I think this was payback for the seven years I kept him in isolation. Or there is the possibility that I really didn't matter one iota to the social structure of my friends in Japan. I was standing on the mats. I heard Bauxites theme music. He was a hulking metallic figure and he was always into this crazy Teutonic Disco shit that would drive anyone crazy. I was gonna listen to my theme again and I was interrupted by a horrendously drunk Bauxite. He could barely move and he walked the circumference of the mats in this tilted halting gate. I looked at him and I pitied him for a moment. Only I would know how he was ground into powder and pissed on. Then I looked at myself and realized that I was also ground into fucking powder and I actually survived and moved on. I mean shit. He asked for this fate when he stole what was mine- and it was then when I no longer thought of him as the idiot savior who saved me from my own stupid romantic suicide. At that moment, I lost all respect. What a pussy. Here he is, coming to my gymnasium, calling me out in a drunken stupor. I grabbed a chair, drank a bud lite and threw it on the ground. I whispered, "Bauxite- that empty can is YOU." then I kicked his motherfucking ass for the glory of Japan. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ryan Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Seems like an easy t-shirt to reprint on your own in theory at least. Also, I choose to believe Victor is one of his monster crew that Tobita still fights to save us from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cubbymark Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Now I know why the DVDVR NFL Survival pick 'ems in years past were named Surival Tobita. You learn something new every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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