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Raw 3-24-14


MGFanJay

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Nothing like a guy who could legit murder your whole family with both bearclub arms tied behind his back selling bumpz for a soon-to-be member of AARP.

GREGORIAN CHANT, DUDE!!!!

I love that shit.

Yes, contemporary music from Taker's birthyear. Must really strike fear into Brock.

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i thought Batista was awesome in that opening segment, though I wish he'd made a comment along the lines of "I come back here and you can't even get working microphones! I'm a Hollywood star dammit!" and the "Drooling on Steph" line was awesome but also weird.  It was a little like watching a movie on TV with the words replaced (Like watching 'Observe and Report' on Peachtree featuring Danny McBride saying "You think I'm gonna go and put any melon farmer on my mother-lovin' chest?"), "Randy's out here [DROOLING in a completely different voice] over you, well I get the feeling lots of guys have [DROOLED] over you, too"

 

I figure the Cena-Harper match/segment must have been good because whoever reviews the show for the Torch is raging about the lack of finish for Wrestlemania moments! You know, because the obvious goal of WWE is having decisive victories and not pushing that one show that basically pays for the year.

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So fucking Rybaxel is getting the tag title shot? Real Americans stuck in the battle royal?

 

I love that when the shield does the "distract the heel who screwed you over so he loses to some jobber" it didn't end with them laughing and walking away...It ended with a proper fucking.

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They are trying to make people think Brock is going to win, by having him lose in the build up. Most people realize that who ever wins in the build up, loses at the ppv.

Things are looking spectacular for young Randall then.

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    How much will that four-man singles match divide the board?  It was like every guy that people get mad about other people being mad about other people being bored by.  And it ended up being pretty great.

    Big E. was spectacular though.  All of his reactions watching the match were like a guy who had never been in a ring and didn't like what he was seeing.
    
"Oooh...What?"  
"I wouldn't like that to happen to me!"   
"No Thank you!"  
"This looks like a dangerous pastime!"  
"I'll be at the concession stand wrestling with some nachos rather than tangling with these people, thank you very much!"

Dolph was great again, not that it matters, and that Del Rio kick to the back of what used to be Christian's head was Gif-worthy...the fact that we could see him back there, like, winding up his leg while poor Christian was just sitting there waiting to die...

and all of that earn a match on main event?

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Piranesi owns this topic.

 

And as mentioned, Ambrose has a CRAZY-GUY HULK UP and I was pumped right along with him! Ambrose is the best. People really should stop resisting.

 

Look at Ambrose when SHIELD are meeting the Authority. Look how he hugs the belt to his chest while looking around shifty-eyed, always on the alert for someone trying to TAKE WHAT'S HIS. That man is amazing.

 

Rollins was a terrific ball of fire in that obviously excellent SHIELD/Real Americans match, and his finisher is now called PIECE OF MIND. I LOVE it. "Cut from a piece of mind; then will you listen? Where are you...?"

 

It'll go perfect with GUTTERSHARK when Ambrose names his move that like I want him to.

 

And I can certainly do well with Reigns wrecking all SHIELD opponents after every match every week.

 

Harper is also going to be a big star.

 

An all-around good Raw, despite the standard underwhelming writing in the celebrity guest spots, and I'm glad the Divas have their own "battle royal" spot on the card.

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Could also see the ring apron shift right after they brought out the casket. At least my high school had proper set designs. (Jk I never went to any of those things but I'm sure the production qualty was better regardless)

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i thought Batista was awesome in that opening segment, though I wish he'd made a comment along the lines of "I come back here and you can't even get working microphones! I'm a Hollywood star dammit!" and the "Drooling on Steph" line was awesome but also weird.  It was a little like watching a movie on TV with the words replaced (Like watching 'Observe and Report' on Peachtree featuring Danny McBride saying "You think I'm gonna go and put any melon farmer on my mother-lovin' chest?"), "Randy's out here [DROOLING in a completely different voice] over you, well I get the feeling lots of guys have [DROOLED] over you, too"

 

I figure the Cena-Harper match/segment must have been good because whoever reviews the show for the Torch is raging about the lack of finish for Wrestlemania moments! You know, because the obvious goal of WWE is having decisive victories and not pushing that one show that basically pays for the year.

 

tumblr_luvyarDp6q1qmr448o1_r1_500.jpg

 

"Did you [sHAMPOO] my wife?"

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Nothing like a guy who could legit murder your whole family with both bearclub arms tied behind his back selling bumpz for a soon-to-be member of AARP.

Your application to be the new Gonzalez is being reviewed, thank you for the time it took you to apply.

Did he also realize the absurdity of a guy who was an MMA champ a few years ago selling spots for another guy who is almost old enough to be his dad?

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Robert Flores @RoFloESPN 3h

Soo, "The Reality Era" begins on the same show with a dude in a Scooby Doo costume? #RAW

 

 

 

Has a man in a Scooby Doo outfit every looked sadder than shuffling off to a van with Sin Cara? 

 

I'm sure he could be heard backstage later screaming: "I ras Promised at reast  Roldrust!!! Rou'll he rearing from my Rawyer!!!  Rucking Rin Rara????  Are Rou Rucking Ridding Re??? RUCK RIS!!!!"

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Nothing like a guy who could legit murder your whole family with both bearclub arms tied behind his back selling bumpz for a soon-to-be member of AARP.

Your application to be the new Gonzalez is being reviewed, thank you for the time it took you to apply.

Did he also realize the absurdity of a guy who was an MMA champ a few years ago selling spots for another guy who is almost old enough to be his dad?

 

 

Did he also realize it's FUCKING PRO WRESTLING!

 

Let's just put Brock over fucking everybody then: We all know he'd beat everyone in the company in a fight, so Brock is the champion till forever.

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And as mentioned, Ambrose has a CRAZY-GUY HULK UP and I was pumped right along with him! Ambrose is the best. People really should stop resisting.

 

Look at Ambrose when SHIELD are meeting the Authority. Look how he hugs the belt to his chest while looking around shifty-eyed, always on the alert for someone trying to TAKE WHAT'S HIS. That man is amazing.

 

 

I love how he surrendered to the big  swing.  He started doing his spastic thing for, like a second but then immediately just covered his eyes and took it...crying...like a Victorian-era bride.

 

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    How much will that four-man singles match divide the board?  It was like every guy that people get mad about other people being mad about other people being bored by.  And it ended up being pretty great.

    Big E. was spectacular though.  All of his reactions watching the match were like a guy who had never been in a ring and didn't like what he was seeing.

    

"Oooh...What?"  

"I wouldn't like that to happen to me!"   

"No Thank you!"  

"This looks like a dangerous pastime!"  

"I'll be at the concession stand wrestling with some nachos rather than tangling with these people, thank you very much!"

Dolph was great again, not that it matters, and that Del Rio kick to the back of what used to be Christian's head was Gif-worthy...the fact that we could see him back there, like, winding up his leg while poor Christian was just sitting there waiting to die...

and all of that earn a match on main event?

 

I enjoyed the fatal four-way mainly because it sent a clear signal that WWE has finally given up on shoving Del Rio down our throats. I mean, it combined pretty much every single traditional WWE method of signifying that creative has nothing for someone:

 

-Being put in a fatal four-way

-Competing for a shot at a secondary singles title

-Being stuck in the post-first commercial break death slot

-Losing to Christian

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Nothing like a guy who could legit murder your whole family with both bearclub arms tied behind his back selling bumpz for a soon-to-be member of AARP.

Your application to be the new Gonzalez is being reviewed, thank you for the time it took you to apply.

Did he also realize the absurdity of a guy who was an MMA champ a few years ago selling spots for another guy who is almost old enough to be his dad?

 

 

Did he also realize it's FUCKING PRO WRESTLING!

 

Let's just put Brock over fucking everybody then: We all know he'd beat everyone in the company in a fight, so Brock is the champion till forever.

 

 

Now c'mon, it would be like if they put Lesnar and Punk together at Summerslam and they had the best match on the card.

 

Nobody would buy it....ahem....

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How much ass do people expect Taker to show leading up to Mania? I can't see a reason why Taker would show ass. This doesn't mean Brock should be made to look like a whimp, but there is no reason for Taker to eat Brock's stuff prior to Mania. It's been the same story every year and I think at this point people are more  focused on Taker putting on a show-stopping performance (WM25 and WM26 aside) proceeded by a cool entrance. The only people who were upset about the 'uncreative' build to Punk/Taker at WM29 last year were a few punks at CSS. I am not sure when it happened, but at some point WWE stopped putting too much stuff into Taker's Mania build, because they knew they didn't have to anymore. Burials in November turned into random pop ins in March. Actual beef leading to the Mania match has turned into "I want to end the streak!".

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I feel like I missed the following announcement.  I may have to go back and check on DVR or something:

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, due to an unforseen illness, in tonight's performance the part of Arnold Schwarzenegger will be played by Katherine Helmond from BRAZIL.

brazil4.jpg

 

Sorry, Waiter...but really. 

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