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TNA Impact 3-13-14


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Abyss and his shiny new spray-painted Kane '12 mask started things off amusingly. MVP's shiny blue suit ruled. Then five billion things happened. Team Lucharesu won a tag match. Bully gave Ion a wedgie, Five million more things happened. Bully beat up EC3 with a sandwich board. More shit happened. The BPs did a long boring segment and Angelina still needs to eat food. Willow beat up Spud with an umbrella, chair, and ladder, and then Bully talked for the main event and he took out Roode.

 

Show sucked.

 

http://jayreviewsthings.blogspot.com/2014/03/tna-impact-3-13-14_13.html

 

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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/114v1mshlrttfrpkwbyarpiek4ahxecy

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I missed Lockdown so this was my first time seeing Willow. What the fuck is the point of him even doing this gimmick when everybody already knows it's him?

 

Also, Abyss is just the fucking WORST.

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Weird show with not a lot to the wrestling this week. Short matches but thought Brittany looked decent for her debut, she's pretty good overall, and Sanada/Tigre could be a potentially great team. Anderson/Shaw was a nothing match for a street fight, big step down from their Lockdown match. Glad to see Angelina Love back even though I was enjoying her work in Shine. That Angelina/Velvet segment just dragged though as did the tribute to Dixie. EC3 continues to be a pretty great heel atleast. That big cardboard looking sign being the weapon of the night was amusing as was Lashley's portrait shot on Spud.

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Spud was the MVP (no pun intended) of the show. He was brilliant in the farewell for Dixie. I could not stop laughing when he got the portrait broken over his head and he cradled it on the ropes just saying Madam over and over.

 

I have most of the second half on DVR, but man Jeff Hardy. I really hope his probation officer doesn't watch the show. Someone might be getting a surprise drug test if they do tomorrow.

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Angelina Love looked terrible. I've never been a fan of face Velvet Sky and face Angelina Love is even worse. Spud continues to be a highlight, Jeff Hardy an embarrassment, and Abyss a giant WTF. I hope in this 'new era' of TNA, the writers will keep MVP's authority figure presence to a minimum. The Tapa beatdown of Kim was just bad. Nothing believable about that assault and if THAT is who Gail is going to be working against so, well yeah.

 

Senada looks like a star. I hope to see good things from him, but because this is TNA- its not going to happen.

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I have most of the second half on DVR, but man Jeff Hardy. I really hope his probation officer doesn't watch the show. Someone might be getting a surprise drug test if they do tomorrow.

 

THIS.  I don't know who he appeals to or why, but Hardy sucks personality-wise.  He really comes off as a tweaker in this Willow gimmick, and I have a feeling we'll be reading about in Meltzers' next Tributes book.  I think this guy really needs some help.

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Well groomed Abyss with the Mankind / Rellik mask blows goats.  We need hobo clothes Kane-lite Abyss back.

 

What the fuck has botox, silicone, and collagen done to Angelina Love? I am heartbroken.  I am not crazy about blondes in general, but Beautiful People era Angelina Love could've gone down with me to Shockoe Bottom for drinks and fine Ethiopian dining anyday.

 

The awesomness of Team Lucharesu makes me look forward to an extended feud over the tag titles even though I hate the BroMans.  Senada is fucking metal.  He needs to defend the X-Title during every taping in order to keep me watching this otherwise dreadful program.

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Spud was latched onto the portrait of Dixie like a baby monkey on a wire surrogate "mom".  It was tremendous.  The comedy lackey/henchman is a fav of mine and Spud's pouring it on like the second coming of ECW era Stevie Richards.  I was disappointed they cut off the song before he got to "I wish I was in Dixie" part of the song.  EC3's WTF face to being called "supple" was also great.

 

As I said on Twitter, I hope that if Shaw is going to keep the Christy dummy (which needs tattoos), TNA spend the money to make Starship's "Nothing's gonna stop us now".

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This show was watchable.

 

Things I enjoyed: Rockstar Spud, DJ Zema, Velvet was looking great, and yes I did enjoy Willow. I don't know why, it was cool that he was more aggressive. It's just one of those things where I can't look away. Oh, I also enjoyed Sam Shaw with the mannequin. It's so stupid but he does a great job.

 

Things I did not enjoy: Abyss, Angelina Love. 

 

I was neutral on this new Brittany knockout.

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So, Brittany used to be part of Orlando Jordan's creepy entourage?

Angelina Love looks like a past-her-prime stripper.

Willow talking sounds like Jeff Hardy trying to do an English accent and failing.

How long before MVP turns and becomes a heel authority figure?

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Yes, I forgot about that.  I was only really playing the show in the background while I read, but I did start laughing everytime I heard that horn go off.  Reminded me of my days when I used party with Jamaicans...

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