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Burgundy LaRue

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As someone who has hated walking for the longest time, I've decided I should really give it a shot and I've been going for distance and the other night I unintentionally did 3 and a half miles. In the last month I've done 30 miles and I'm aiming for 100 by the end of the summer. I'm averaging about 8 1/2 a week so I want to up that to at least 10 a week.

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Just got an offer from a Russian publisher who wants to do editions of Goon and Family Tradition. Cool! $1200 for doing fuck-all. Russia may now enjoy being on my most favored nations list. ;-) (I'm sort of wondering what the interest level in Russia is for a horror novel about Southern rasslin and a Cthulhu Mythos story about crazed rednecks and cooking shows will be.)  I've found that in situations like this it's best to just cash the checks and not worry about it. Kind of like when you get a film option from Hollywood.

 

I posted this a long time ago, but here's the general rules for writers as far as Hollywood goes:

 

1. They are not going to make a movie out of your book, not now, not ever. Just because California State Law says that you can option a property for $1.00 does not mean that you should accept that.

 

2. Chances are really, really good that the person(s) wanting to option your books are a "production company" with HQ in their parents' basement. In short, they are parasites looking for someone else's money, which they hope to obtain by using your book as a hook. Sometimes this works, so you want to make sure that the first option is only for six months and that they must give you more money to continue pitching the project. Renewals should also be for six months. Repeat after me "Get as much as you can upfront. There is no back-end payoff."

 

3. Forget all that shit about "creative control" and a big share of the net profits. There will be no "net profits" and if they can screw guys of the stature of Frank Herbert and James Lee Burke, what makes you think that you're special? My direct advice on this stuff from James Lee Burke was: "Smile, shake hands, be gracious, deposit check and don't look back. In the unlikely event that a film gets made, don't see it, it will just upset you."

 

4. Pay no attention to actors or directors who are "attached" to the project. The question is usually put this way : "If you had an opening in your schedule and were getting paid a bazillion dollars would you consider this film?" Anyone but an idiot will say "Sure." This individual is now "attached" to the project. Forgive them for never having heard of you or the book when you are introduced at some point. The aforementioned line of "If you..." is also often accompanied by copious amounts of cocaine and tequila (which brings me to item #5)...

 

5. Under no circumstances is the writer ever responsible for any "production costs" (which usually means buying drinks for actors and/or money marks or outrageous cell phone bills as the "production company" trolls for money marks or people to "attach" to the project.

 

Follow these rules and while I can't guarantee that you won't get screwed in Hollywood in some fashion, your life should be a lot less stressful by several degrees.

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Just got back from date #3 with this girl (you guys are still all dicks, by the way) and it's going amazingly well. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She'll have her collection of ex's skin cells, hair follicles and toothbrushes waiting on the mantlepiece when you get invited in.

 

Glad its going well for you though BF.

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Just got back from date #3 with this girl (you guys are still all dicks, by the way) and it's going amazingly well. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She'll have her collection of ex's skin cells, hair follicles and toothbrushes waiting on the mantlepiece when you get invited in.

Glad its going well for you though BF.

I got invited in yesterday. *Bro high-five* Anyone?..... Anyone?..... Anyone?

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Just got back from date #3 with this girl (you guys are still all dicks, by the way) and it's going amazingly well. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She'll have her collection of ex's skin cells, hair follicles and toothbrushes waiting on the mantlepiece when you get invited in.

Glad its going well for you though BF.

I got invited in yesterday. *Bro high-five* Anyone?..... Anyone?..... Anyone?

Did you find the skin cells, hair follicles, and toothbrushes?

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Just got back from date #3 with this girl (you guys are still all dicks, by the way) and it's going amazingly well. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

She'll have her collection of ex's skin cells, hair follicles and toothbrushes waiting on the mantlepiece when you get invited in.

Glad its going well for you though BF.

I got invited in yesterday. *Bro high-five* Anyone?..... Anyone?..... Anyone?

 

 

She obviously had that. . .

 

171381662csi-miami-horatio-caine-sunglas

 

"Fresh" feeling.

 

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

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Nobody should ever tell their significant other about message board exploits until they get caught. The "Bro-Five" comment gets him invited to the front steps only. :D

 

New co-worker seems to be fitting in, and not sucking at the job so far. Only one person away from glorious full staffing levels in the office now. This week of only doing 1.75 jobs has been wonderful!

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Does she know you spend all your time here?

 

Welllllll, she already is a bigger videogame player and comic book reader than I am. And my 3 pillars of nerd-dom are games, comics, and wrestling. So I'm gonna try to introduce her to wrestling soon. She already knows I used to do it and has expressed some interest. That'll be a "make or break moment" for whatever we are, I gather.

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Does she know you spend all your time here?

 

Welllllll, she already is a bigger videogame player and comic book reader than I am. And my 3 pillars of nerd-dom are games, comics, and wrestling. So I'm gonna try to introduce her to wrestling soon. She already knows I used to do it and has expressed some interest. That'll be a "make or break moment" for whatever we are, I gather.

I'm envisioning the Freshster inviting her into his home, stepping out of the room for a minute, then coming back in in his ring gear, cutting a promo on her until she runs screaming.

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