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2014 MOVIE OMNIBUS THREAD


RIPPA

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Burnt Offerings, The Changeling, and The Legend of Hell House all belong on the ghost list. I've only caught the very end of The Innocents on TV one morning, sadly. 

 

Oh man, Suncoast! I used to haunt the one at the mall in Paducah, KY every time me and the folks went out there on a shopping excursion as a kid. Got a lot of good stuff there; for a pretty much obsolete business model I did a search and there's still some out there.

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I loved Suncoast as a kid. It was the only store I could go to and get good wrestling tapes. They alway had really random old WCW/NWA videos like the Bone Crushers tag team tape, Slamborees 93+94, Startcade '93, and the goat ppv Spring Stampede '94. God, I miss those days.

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I remember working for Suncoast at a mall in Baltimore County in the late 90s and having to explain letterbox vs pan and scan CONSTANTLY. Nobody got it.

Making sure kids didn't con their parents into buying the dirty anime and trying to explain to customers why we were more expensive than Best Buy. Good times.

High five from another Suncoast alum!
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So, I just wanted to veg and surf the web with a movie on the TV.  Thus, I spun the Netflix "My List" Wheel o' Fun and came up with:

 

Dark Tide - OK, I've read the reviews so I was expecting terrible going in.  No problem there.  I was looking for brainless entertainment while I just chilled out.  And, hey, 2 hours of Halle Berry in a bikini, how bad can it be, right?  Well...the answer is "pretty freaking awful".  Holy cow.  This is a really strong candidate for worst movie I've ever seen.  It's just such a mess of...well, everything.  The story is that Berry is a diver who free swims (i.e. outside of a cage) with great white sharks.  She retires after her diving partner gets eaten by a shark.  So no more shark diving.  Until her husband, from whom she's estranged, shows up with a millionaire Brit who wants to free swim with sharks.  Halle is REALLY AGAINST THAT because, ya know, guilt and stuff, until dude backs up the Brink's truck full o' cash.  They go out on the water and mayhem ensues.  Along the way, we get terrible dialogue delivered by bad actors and good actors acting poorly all mixed into a choppy story that has no meat on it and doesn't flow at all.  The whole thing is just plain terrible.  Really, just amazingly bad.  0/10.

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I remember working for Suncoast at a mall in Baltimore County in the late 90s and having to explain letterbox vs pan and scan CONSTANTLY. Nobody got it.

Making sure kids didn't con their parents into buying the dirty anime and trying to explain to customers why we were more expensive than Best Buy. Good times.

The one in White Marsh is still there and I stop in from time to time to look at used stuff and laugh at their new releases priced at $27.99

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So now that it's been like, 25 years, is TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES underrated? I just watched it today and it totally held up, which is saying something. I have also watched that movie approximately 50 times in my life, so I might be biased. The last couple times for me, I've just realized how great the emotions from them were. They actually had teenage ebbs and flows with them. You know, like the name says. Go figure.

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So now that it's been like, 25 years, is TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES underrated? I just watched it today and it totally held up, which is saying something. I have also watched that movie approximately 50 times in my life, so I might be biased. The last couple times for me, I've just realized how great the emotions from them were. They actually had teenage ebbs and flows with them. You know, like the name says. Go figure.

That movie is freaking great.
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I remember working for Suncoast at a mall in Baltimore County in the late 90s and having to explain letterbox vs pan and scan CONSTANTLY. Nobody got it.

Making sure kids didn't con their parents into buying the dirty anime and trying to explain to customers why we were more expensive than Best Buy. Good times.

The one in White Marsh is still there and I stop in from time to time to look at used stuff and laugh at their new releases priced at $27.99

 

 

Seriously?  Dude, I'm surprised White Marsh Mall is still there, let alone Suncoast. 

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My two years of working at Blockbuster were completely miserable, worse than my couple years of working for Electronics Boutique. Well, maybe they were equally bad. So yeah, I totally recall always explaining letterbox vs pan and scan. I also recall working so many holidays because that fucking place was open every day of the year because motherfuckers need to rent movies on Christmas day. The worst was when I was working at night on July 4th. Fireworks are going off outside and this fucking family comes in, says the dreaded "I can't believe y'all are open!" and then mouth breathers stop at the Directv station to watch whatever channel we had on that was showing fireworks being shot off over some city. First, of course we're open you fucks, why else would you come to our store. Second, YOU HAVE FIREWORKS BEING SHOT OFF OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW! Why the fuck are you in awe of the ones being shot off on the TV?

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I remember working for Suncoast at a mall in Baltimore County in the late 90s and having to explain letterbox vs pan and scan CONSTANTLY.  Nobody got it.

 

Yeah, I had a friend that used to manage the Sun Coast when I worked at GameStop.  Our end of the mall was always the busiest. 

 

And yep, both of our stores were all about helping stupid parents keep their kids from getting their hands on stuff they shouldn't be buying.  I think the words,

 

I still remember one lady beating the shit out of her teenage son in front of SunCoast after the clerk took the mother to the back and showed her why it would be a bad idea for her to buy La Blue Girl for the boy..

 

"It's just a cartoon about ninjas and stuff, right"

"Oh, lady, you have no idea."

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Ah, the days of the "Not for Children" sticker on Streamline Video animes. I was lucky, my parents never gave a shit.

 

EDIT: I think it's less likely to find people that don't love Thief here than do. That movie is #1 and the best. Robert Prosky's speech to Jimmy Caan after the shit hits the fan is enough to make the blood freeze in your veins. 

 

Leo: Look. I said fuckin' look at 'im! Look at what happened to ya friend 'cause you gotta go against the way the things go down. You treat what I try to do for you like shit? You don't wanna work for me, what's wrong with you? And then, you carry a piece, in my house! You one of those burned-out demolished wackos in the joint? You're scary, because you don't give a fuck. But don't come onto me now with your jailhouse bullshit 'cause you are not that guy, dont'chu get it, you prick? You got a home, car, businesses, family, n' I own the paper on ya whole fuckin' life. I'll put ya cunt wife on the street to be fucked in the ass by niggers and Puerto Ricans. Ya kids mine because I bought 'it. You got 'im on loan, he is leased, you are renting him. I'll whack out ya whole family. People'll be eatin' 'em in their lunch tomorrow in their Wimpyburgers and not know it. You get paid what I say. You do what I say, I run you, there is no discussion. I want, you work, until you are burned-out, you are busted, or you're dead... you get it? You got responsibilities - tighten up n' do it. Clean this mess up, get 'im outta here. Back to work, Frank.

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I remember working for Suncoast at a mall in Baltimore County in the late 90s and having to explain letterbox vs pan and scan CONSTANTLY.  Nobody got it.

 

Yeah, I had a friend that used to manage the Sun Coast when I worked at GameStop.  Our end of the mall was always the busiest. 

 

And yep, both of our stores were all about helping stupid parents keep their kids from getting their hands on stuff they shouldn't be buying.  I think the words,

 

I still remember one lady beating the shit out of her teenage son in front of SunCoast after the clerk took the mother to the back and showed her why it would be a bad idea for her to buy La Blue Girl for the boy..

 

"It's just a cartoon about ninjas and stuff, right"

"Oh, lady, you have no idea."

 

 

"But if he's into ninjas and stuff, you can also get Ninja Scroll!"

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I did time working for Blockbuster myself. I'm sure we could fill a while thread with stories of working at video rental or sales places.

Oddly enough, with Blockbuster dead I assumed that business model was dead and gone. But I drove by a Family Video yesterday with a sign out front that said "Now hiring. Opening 200 stores."

Um.....what????

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I used to own a video store - porn was by far my most profitable sector, btw - so those stories gave me a good chuckle. Pan/scan vs widescreen was a headache but not as much as movies that were so long you needed two tapes for the entire film. I can't tell you how many times I'd find half a set in the drop box or heard the words, "oh sorry, part two must still be in my VCR."

Of course DVD didn't exactly help matters. I was one of the first to rent dvd discs in my town - even before Blockbuster, who were busy suing everybody because they wanted DVD priced the same as tapes ($85-100 vs $25 for discs) - and remember Goodfellas came on a two sided disc you had to flip halfway through. At least five people either returned the movie or called to complain about it "cutting off before the end"

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I remember working for Suncoast at a mall in Baltimore County in the late 90s and having to explain letterbox vs pan and scan CONSTANTLY.  Nobody got it.

 

Yeah, I had a friend that used to manage the Sun Coast when I worked at GameStop.  Our end of the mall was always the busiest. 

 

And yep, both of our stores were all about helping stupid parents keep their kids from getting their hands on stuff they shouldn't be buying.  I think the words,

 

I still remember one lady beating the shit out of her teenage son in front of SunCoast after the clerk took the mother to the back and showed her why it would be a bad idea for her to buy La Blue Girl for the boy..

 

"It's just a cartoon about ninjas and stuff, right"

"Oh, lady, you have no idea."

 

Before working at Suncoast, I worked at Musicland (same parent company).  I had a kid who was maybe 11 come in to buy NWA's "Straight Outta Compton" tape.  I refused to sell, told the kid he needed an adult.  Kid was cool about it, says he'll come back with Mom, no problem.  Half hour later, Mom comes back with kid and beefs at me for refusing to sell to the kid.  Sigh...

 

And if I had a dollar for every time security from Hudson's (the main department store at our mall) came to us at both Suncoast and Musicland with a pile of our stuff that somebody had stolen...  People would rip us off, then go down to Hudson's and try to rip them off, too.  They'd get busted and would have a pile of our stuff, too.

 

Then there's the time that mall security robbed our Suncoast at night.  This was right after the release of Batman on VHS.  That was one of the first movies to go directly to retail at a normal price ($19.99) and was a MASSIVE seller.  We had a display of them up near the front of the store.  Anyway, mall security got one of those claw/grabber things and stole a whole bunch of tapes by pulling them through the gate at the front of the store.  It had never occurred to us that we might need to push the display back a bit or cover it with a sheet AFTER the mall was "empty".

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I did time working for Blockbuster myself. I'm sure we could fill a while thread with stories of working at video rental or sales places.

Oddly enough, with Blockbuster dead I assumed that business model was dead and gone. But I drove by a Family Video yesterday with a sign out front that said "Now hiring. Opening 200 stores."

Um.....what????

 

My niece's husband is a distract manager for Family Video. They're doing very well. Part of Family Video's success is real estate. Most Family Video locations aren't just a Family Video. They're usually right next door to a Marcos Pizza, a liquor store, fitness center, etc. They make a cut off of all of that and they own the property, so those businesses lease from them. Family Video itself has a working model for a rental store, though. They don't expand beyond what their capacity is, like Blockbuster. Blockbuster partially went under because they made fucking dumb business mistakes, like thinking they could take on Best Buy by selling games, movies and electronics in their stores that were priced higher than Best Buy's prices. Then you have employees pushing this shit, or Game Pass, or Movie Pass, or whatever else onto customers. You take that, combined with Blockbuster's fucked policies regarding late fees, then how they abandoned late fees, but not really, and they angered so many customers so fast. Family Video doesn't give a fuck about any of that.

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Another rewatch for me, this time a movie I've seen 5 or 6 times (at least):

 

Phenomenon - John Travolta is George Malley, a kind-hearted, simple man who is a mechanic in a small town.  He's known and loved by the entire town and is celebrating his birthday one night when he sees a bright flash of light and a loud boom.  Suddenly, he is super-energized with an endless thirst for knowledge and the super-accelerated mind to be able to process that knowledge.  He is suddenly able to predict earthquakes, crack cyphers, perform telekinesis, and learn languages in less than an hour.  All the while he's trying to win the affections of Lacy, played by Kyra Sedgwick.  Meanwhile, his lifelong friends slowly turn on George as his new found "powers" frighten them.  There's a sweet love story in the middle of this movie along with a bunch of kind, simple people.  Hard to explain but this is a movie that really connects with me.  I can totally relate to being the academic "freak show" and so, much like Good Will Hunting, that part of George's story resonates for me big time.  Anyway, this is a movie I probably like a lot more than it really deserves but can't help it.  9/10.

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Family Video is great. Cheap rentals, the occasional gem, and they don't give a shit about late fees. You fucked up then you give em a fiver on top of the twenty you already owe, no biggie. And yes, the closest one to me has a Little Caesar's right next to it.

I still own the double tape of Scarface and the double-sided Goodfellas haha

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So, ah, yeah, Nightcrawler is pretty much the best film I've seen this year. 

 

As for Gyllenhaal, I mean, I haven't yet seen Birdman/Whiplash/Boyhood et al but, still, I'm kinda struggling to think of a better lead male actor performance this year. I mean, Goddamn, dude was great in this.

 

 

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