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2014 MOVIE OMNIBUS THREAD


RIPPA

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I loved that movie.  The ending does totally give up, it seems like "throw a big bomb into the enemy's weak spot" has basically become the inevitable deus-ex-machina of modern cinema.  But everything else was freaking awesome, that's one of those movies which just knows I Got This and you can feel the confidence coming out of it.  

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I've actually always heard that Cruise is a super nice guy with everyone on sets. I heard someone tell a story about working on a movie with him and he was told by some studio flunky "Do not make eye contact with Mr. Cruise" or some shit like that. But later on when Cruise was actually on set he came up to him and was just friendly and gracious, and is really cool with all the actors and crew

 

I have heard of him being very nice to people. But then I also remember that story about Christian Bale basing Patrick Bateman on him, basically because while he was always polite and friendly, there was an emptiness there that Bale couldn't help but notice. I can kind of see what he means. Maybe because of the Scientologists brainwashing him? I don't know. But there seems something off about the guy.

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WHY!??!! exactly is it called The Equalizer again?  Let us review:

 

The TV show:

Robert McCall is a retired CIA agent who wears a bad-ass trench coat, drives a Jaguar, puts ads in newspapers to help the helpless, lives in a swank luxury apartment, kills only as a last resort, still keeps in contact with his old CIA boss who is named "Control" and wears vintage business suits from the 1950s, routinely gives long, moralistic speeches towards the bad guy, and routinely uses con artist tricks to get the bad guys to confess to whatever crime they've committed.

 

The Movie: 

 

McCall (no first name) is a retired Special Forces commando who dresses like a homeless person, is apparently a drifter with no fixed address, only helps a pathetic teen prostitute seemingly out of boredom more than anything else, still keeps contact with his female boss who apparently isn't named "Control" and has no vintage fashion sense, brutally kills the bad guys without giving them a long, moralistic speech or the opportunity to incriminate themselves in an intricate con job.

 

---

 

This was like a ready made script:  Denzel arrives at his Upper East Side condo, checks his Craigslist e-mail and sees he has a request for help, puts on his trench coat and drives to the Bronx in his 2015 Jaguar XL, gets the request from help from a helpless innocent, meets with "Control" to get info on the bad guy, meets with Mickey Kostameyer to get his help, sets up an intricate trap to trick the bad guy into confessing, executes the trap, gives the bad guy a "The Reason You Suck" speech, kills the bad guy in self-defense when the bad guy pulls a knife on Denzel, has a "everybody laughs" freeze frame ending with Mickey and his client, roll credits.

 

The movie at least better fucking end with a remake of the opening credits, with the theme song blaring and Denzel standing in the shadows, backlit by car headlights, as The Equalizer logo appears.

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Movie idea: Liam Neeson and Denzel Washington kidnap each other's daughters.

 

It's how World War 3 starts.

 

I think it'd be some kind of space time continuum paradox. Like in Timecop where the same matter can't exist in the same space at the same time.

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RE: Cruise

 

Sorry for the 'WELL HERE'S A STORY ABOUT LIVING IN LA I AM THAT GUY' but I really love this story.

 

My wife and I both work on the Warner Lot, but I work in an office where VIPs rarely tread and she usually works in Building 1, which is where they all come for meetings. She is the lobby receptionist, so she greets VIPs and calls who ever it is they are meeting with, and that person comes down to get them. It's that way for everyone. Will Ferrell came in on her first day and sat and waited. The producers of Game of Thrones came in and waited.

 

At the end of her first week,  a motorcycle pulls up to the door because of course it does, and the helmet comes off and it's Tom Cruise, who just swings in, flashes the Cruise smile and says 'Just here to see Barry' and just goes upstairs. And then he pauses at the top of the stairs, points at her, and says "You're new, right? Never seen you." She just sort of nods and he smiles real big and vanishes upstairs.

 

Wife is horrified. She has not done her job but also, do you just tell Tom Cruise to hold the fuck up? How does that even work?

 

A little while later, Cruise comes back down, this time flanked by like, most of our executives and their people. He comes to a completely halt on the stairs, stopping everyone, points at Torlin (wife. Norwegian.) and says to Barry Meyer, the CEO "She's new. Fantastic, though. What's your name again?" She stammers out a 'Torlin.' and he snaps his finger and goes 'that's right. Great name. Great work. She's doing great work, you guys.' 

 

And then he leads the hurricane down a random hallway. She does not blink for an hour. I have no real clue what that story says about his personality, but I like to think that he knew he had screwed her a bit and to prevent some shitty executive assistant from being like YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM AND MADE HIM WAIT, he turned the tide for her. 

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RE: Cruise

 

Sorry for the 'WELL HERE'S A STORY ABOUT LIVING IN LA I AM THAT GUY' but I really love this story.

 

My wife and I both work on the Warner Lot, but I work in an office where VIPs rarely tread and she usually works in Building 1, which is where they all come for meetings. She is the lobby receptionist, so she greets VIPs and calls who ever it is they are meeting with, and that person comes down to get them. It's that way for everyone. Will Ferrell came in on her first day and sat and waited. The producers of Game of Thrones came in and waited.

 

At the end of her first week,  a motorcycle pulls up to the door because of course it does, and the helmet comes off and it's Tom Cruise, who just swings in, flashes the Cruise smile and says 'Just here to see Barry' and just goes upstairs. And then he pauses at the top of the stairs, points at her, and says "You're new, right? Never seen you." She just sort of nods and he smiles real big and vanishes upstairs.

 

Wife is horrified. She has not done her job but also, do you just tell Tom Cruise to hold the fuck up? How does that even work?

 

A little while later, Cruise comes back down, this time flanked by like, most of our executives and their people. He comes to a completely halt on the stairs, stopping everyone, points at Torlin (wife. Norwegian.) and says to Barry Meyer, the CEO "She's new. Fantastic, though. What's your name again?" She stammers out a 'Torlin.' and he snaps his finger and goes 'that's right. Great name. Great work. She's doing great work, you guys.' 

 

And then he leads the hurricane down a random hallway. She does not blink for an hour. I have no real clue what that story says about his personality, but I like to think that he knew he had screwed her a bit and to prevent some shitty executive assistant from being like YOU SHOULD HAVE STOPPED HIM AND MADE HIM WAIT, he turned the tide for her. 

That's a great story.

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Speaking of the "aging action stars swearing revenge" genre, in his new flick Keanu Reeves plays a guy avenging the death of his dog.

 

I am actually pretty damn OK with this.

 

This was the plot of Red, which was a Jack Ketchum novel made into a movie with Brian Cox as the lead.

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Speaking of the "aging action stars swearing revenge" genre, in his new flick Keanu Reeves plays a guy avenging the death of his dog.

 

I am actually pretty damn OK with this.

 

This was the plot of Red, which was a Jack Ketchum novel made into a movie with Brian Cox as the lead.

 

 

Maggie Grace's one-dimensional acting skills are such that I would, in fact, have more sympathy for a poor little puppy than I do for her getting abducted by bad guys with awful accents. 

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Movie idea: Liam Neeson and Denzel Washington kidnap each other's daughters.

 

It's how the world ends

 

FTFY.

 

Also, I'll take two tickets and a large popcorn, please.

Or: write it. Copyright it. Pitch it. For real. Why should we sit back and let Hollywood have all the best ideas?

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