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2014 RANDOM TV THOUGHTS


RIPPA

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http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/tv-pilots-2014-complete-guide-667314

 

They're gearing up for pilot season now.  Notable ones:

 

 

Jane the Virgin

Logline: Based on the Venezuelan telenovla, the story centers on a hard-working, religious, young Latina woman who is accidentally artificially inseminated following a series of surprising and unforeseen events.

Cast: Gina Rodriguez

Team: W/EP Jennie Snyder Urman (Emily Owens, M.D.); EP Ben Silverman, Gary Pearl, Jorge Granier; D Brad Silberling

Studio: CBS Television Studios, Electus

Location: Los Angeles

.

 

 

I hate when studio suits serialize the monotony of every day life.

 

 

"Accidentally artificially inseminated" may be my new favorite phrase.

 

'Cause you know. That type of thing just happens. *shrugs*

 

Obviously, she tripped and uh fell on however that's actually performed? Yeah.

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People told me Go On was actually getting good after it was cancelled, and I'm sure some posters on here really enjoy Studio 60 because Sorkin fans like Sorkin things.  I have no idea if Mr. Sunshine was any good, but I don't think the majority of Perry's recent tv projects have been downright awful (so far).  Maybe not very appealing and/or lucky.

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Seriously though, I know CBS like crime shows. Hey, I like crime shows too. But come on, at least try and do something remotely original or interesting. Elementary and Person of Interest managed to have mass appeal and be unique and interesting in their own way.  The world does not need more CSI and or NCIS.

 

Unless they get Bruce Campbell to star in it. Then it's OK.

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Regard Matthew Perry, I'm guessing that staying busy is another way to keep himself off drugs. I like the dude a lot, more than anyone else from Friends, so I hope he finds another hit show.

As for Gotham, I want young Bruce to write a song that sounds something like, "DARKNESS! NO PARENTS!"

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I want to discuss how someone had the balls to pitch a pilot revolving around a girl becoming ACCIDENTLY ARTIFICALLY INSEMINATED to some executive with years of television experience, only for said suit to lean back, have an introspective moment, and decide that the world was now ready for a show full of unforseen surprises involving ACCIDENTIAL ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION.

That studio executive is my Rosa Parks.

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I want to discuss how someone had the balls to pitch a pilot revolving around a girl becoming ACCIDENTLY ARTIFICALLY INSEMINATED to some executive with years of television experience, only for said suit to lean back, have an introspective moment, and decide that the world was now ready for a show full of unforseen surprises involving ACCIDENTIAL ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION.

That studio executive is my Rosa Parks.

 

Maybe he acted it out with Star Wars guys.

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Was LITERALLY just about to post that it's on The CW. Suddenly it's all come into focus.

 

She gets ACCIDENTALLY ARTIFICIALLY INSEMINATED...while living in Beverly Hills, writing a fashion blog and attempting to land her dream guy before the most popular, but bitchy, girl at school gets her claws into him.

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The only logical conclusion I can draw from a casual glance of CW lineups is that they're basically the drop dead last resort for pilots. I mean, NO ONE has ever said "I just got this great idea for a TV series! I better get it to the CW before it's too late!" right?

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Imagine having to be the PR intern for the CW who has to type out that logline for press release. Better be the first thing on his resume after graduation.

 

Draft 1:

Jane the Virgin

Logline: Based on the Venezuelan telenovla, the story centers on a hard-working, religious, young Latina woman who has some surprising and unforeseen events do stuff...to her.

 

Studio note: We're a little unclear on the plot here.  Can you be more specific?

 

 

Draft 2:

Jane the Virgin

Logline: Based on the Venezuelan telenovla, the story centers on a hard-working, religious, young Latina woman who is accidentally altered in a series of surprising and unforeseen events.

 

Studio note:  Is this another vampire show?  We have three already and we only have room for one more.

 

 

Draft 3:

Jane the Virgin

Logline: Based on the Venezuelan telenovla, the story centers on a hard-working, religious, young Latina woman who is accidentally inconvenienced (but also blessed) with a life-affirming (but maybe also ostracizing) burden following a series of surprising and unforeseen events.

 

Studio note: Look, we're not running a charity.  If you've got some "medical issue" show we suggest you take it to OWN or BBC America.

 

 

Draft 4:

Jane the Virgin

Logline: Based on the Venezuelan telenovla, the story centers on a hard-working, religious, young Latina woman who is accidentally artificially inseminated following a series of surprising and unforeseen events.

 

Studio note: Oh, pregnant virgin!  Why didn't you say so?  Sold.  By the way I hate this place and I'm submitting spec jokes to Chelsea Lately so things are going to change for me anyway.  I also left an outline for a draft of a show about a serial killer who's also a butler and lives through all the turbulent events of the 1960s with one of the roadies for Billy Bob Thornton's band.  So I'm pretty sure that's gonna happen.  Can you make the girl underage?  Cool.  And can we change "Venezuelan" to "Orange Countian"?  and "accidentally artificially inseminated" to anything else?  Whatever, they don't have carbon monoxide detectors in our cubicles and I think I'm passing ou

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Some additional snippets:

 

"...fairy-tale musical...."

"Based on the Israeli series...."

"Based on a Scandinavian format...."

"....three teenage girls in a small town who star in a pornographic film...."

"In the spirit of How I Met Your Mother, it tells the story from a female point of view. A brand-new story with new characters and a new voice at its center."

"Michelle Trachtenberg"

"...maverick female Secretary of State..."

"...centered around quadruplets -- three brothers and a sister -- who grew up on a reality show...

"Untitled Kevin Williamson drama"

"Will Forte stars as the last man on Earth."

"...seductive concubines..."

"Based on the Turkish series...."

"A workplace ensemble comedy in the tone of Anchorman that is set in 1962...."

"iZombie....based on the DC Comics title...W/EP Rob Thomas"

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