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All things STAR WARS~!


ultimoDANK

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Christensen and Portman have near zero chemistry and their budding romance is supposed to be the cornerstone of the movie.  The scenes where they are together drag on FOREVER~! thanks to the lack of passion and some of the worst dialogue ever written.

And scene after endless scene of JAR-JAR is better? There was literally more time spent on Jar Jar's comic relief in the first movie than there was time spent on Padmakin in the second one.

 

Christopher Lee mailing in a performance

No it wasn't, he did just fine. Probably the best overall acting performance in the movie. I hate that the script gave him so little to do, since Lee was working his ass off to indicate that Dooku's character had layers and depths which were never actually shown onscreen.

 

Jango Fett's head being stuck to the inside of his helmet with Gorilla Glue.

Or unless his helmet has, y'know, a chinstrap.

 

Young love was never that awkward.

Maybe not for you; but for me, oh yeah it was.
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Ok i got around to starting my Star Wars adventure by watching IV last night. Really enjoyed it, found myself laughing a lot more than i thought i would. A loud cheer slipped out when Han Solo returned right at the end. Episode V tomorrow.

It's so rare to find someone that has never seen the films, that I am legitimately looking forward to your take on each one.

Empire Strikes Back is the bomb, loved every bit of it. I knew the ending (who doesn't?) but that took nothing away from it. Will probably have to watch it again to clarify but it enters the list of my favourite films ever. Would most people share this view?

Now, do i follow on to episode II like 'machete order' says?

 

Empire Strikes Back is a movie I've seen probably 100 times, and I'm always surprised about how damn good it is.  It is the perfect 2nd act.  My biggest problem with movies these days is that the stakes are never high enough, Empire Strikes Back raises the stakes of the Star Wars franchise higher than any other movie I've ever seen.  A New Hope ended with a huge triumph, you felt like the Rebel Alliance had it made.  Empire Strikes Back smacks the shit out of the Rebels and leaves them laying face down in the gutter, half dead, and bleeding from the mouth. 

 

 

What's best is seeing it after not doing so in a long time. A friend of mine does a monthly movie showing at a theatre in LA of geeky movies. For the past two years, he's outright rented out the theatre for his birthday to show the pre-SE versions of the trilogy. I couldn't believe how much I forgot about Empire after seeing it again this year.

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And scene after endless scene of JAR-JAR is better? There was literally more time spent on Jar Jar's comic relief in the first movie than there was time spent on Padmakin in the second one.

 

We're pretty much debating which is the prettier pig.  Neither AoTC or TPM will be winning any awards for drama anytime soon, but Clones could've had a great love story for the ages if Christansen hadn't been made of wood and he and Portman hadn't been forced to recite the worst lines put on paper.

 

Jar-Jar is a fucking buffoon.  His screen time is painful but not nearly as stomach churning as the shit that passes for romance in Clones.

 

And not just any romance.  The fucking premier relationship of the trilogy.  The one that sets up everything from New Hope to Return of the Jedi.   The tragedy of Anakin's fall is so very blunted thanks to Lucas not making us give a shit about the relationship between Anakin and Padme. 

 

So he nearly killed his pregnant wife on some planet covered in lava.  Who gives a crap? No fucking pathos whatsoever.

 

No it wasn't, he did just fine. Probably the best overall acting performance in the movie.

 

That shit was dreck even for his standards.  Ian McDiarmid and the voice of Frank Oz form the glue that holds that trilogy together.

 

Or unless his helmet has, y'know, a chinstrap

 

Okay, smartass.  Post a clip of Jango putting on or removing his helmet and we will see how many times he loosens a chinstrap.  I will assume that the delay in your reply means you're watching Clones right now.

 

Maybe not for you; but for me, oh yeah it was.

 

So you are saying that you are comfortable with the crap level of the romance in this movie that is supposed to showcase the genesis of the premier love story of this franchise due to your own social awkwardness.

 

The film's logic is all about Anakin fall from grace being driven by the pursuit of forbidden knowledge that will keep his family safe, but the love story is total shit in Clones so no one buys that sack of goods in the final movie of the trilogy.. 

 

The asshole who spends all of that time looking for a way to protect Padme and create a secure world for his children ends up force choking the pregnant woman he supposedly loves in Revenge of the Sith.  That scene should have substance built on a foundation from Clones, but all it does is preface a saber fight.

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I think you're putting too much focus on the romance. Just to be able to measure it with numbers (and since I'm watching the movie now anyway), I went back and counted up the length of the entire Anakin/Padme romance scenes in episode 2. All their scenes together on Naboo clock in at a combined total of 12 minutes. That's less than ten percent of the entire movie; and even "12 minutes" is an inflated figure, since it also includes a senate council meeting and Anakin's nightmare about his mother. They never have another romantic scene after that; their only other more-than-three-lines conversation is Anakin confessing to murdering an entire tribe full of helpless women and children.

Meanwhile during the Naboo scenes, the movie's constantly cutting back to Obi-Wan's chase of Jango, spending an equal amount of time on that stuff, including not one but two legitimately exciting action scenes. The movie's central storyline isn't the love story, that's just the subplot. The main narrative is about the Jedis slowly discovering the horrific magnitude of the Sith plan, piece by all-too-tiny piece, but being unable to stop the larger forces in motion around them. A good guy with a lightsaber is no match for a bad guy with a convincing lie, that's the entire theme of the prequel trilogy.

Mind you, I do agree those lovey-dovey scenes on Naboo are dreadful stuff, poorly acted and atrociously written. (There's at least a couple of entirely-wordless scenes in episode 3 which do a better job of conveying Amidywalker's relationship than everything in episode 2 combined.) But, like I said: it's twelve minutes. Compared to Jar Jar ruining more scenes than not throughout the entirety of Phantom Menace, I'll take a little bit of moping teenagers over a whole lot of shrieking Rastafauxrian every single time.

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-The Trade Federation are incredibly boring villains; confusing in their motivation, inexplicable in their long-term goal. What the hell was their endgame, their exit strategy, what was the entire point of their plan? There seems to be zero chance that their scheme would actually benefit them. They're the very opposite of threatening or intimidating, it's just like ten cowardly guys commanding an army of robots which are so laughably useless and ineffective that they make Imperial stormtroopers look like the goddamn Borg in comparison.

 

Well, the TF aren't supposed to be "big bad" villains, they are just pawns in Palpatine's rise to power, and as such their motivations, strategy, plan, etc. don't matter.

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In theory, Vader and the Death Star were just Palpatine's pawns too. They didn't need to be made to look like useless bitches along the way. The TF just sucked. Dooku and even Grievous looked infinitely more badass compared to those losers.

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Vader was his trusted right hand man & attack dog, not a stepping stone on his rise to power.  The TF *were* useless bitches, bureaucrats manipulated way beyond their skills & talents.  They were businessmen, not warriors.  We're not supposed to care about them in any way beyond seeing Palpatine pulling their strings behind the scenes.

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Movie has gotten a PG-13 rating.  With that and how bad ass that last trailer makes Kylo Ren look, JUST RELEASE THE DAMN MOVIE ALREADY!

 

Between freaking out over Romo interceptions and turning into a bumbling fan-boy when this came on, I'm pretty sure I scared the bejesus out of my girlfriends family at Thanksgiving yesterday.

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17 days.

 

I also haven't watched a single video since the Japanese trailer. One of my friends made a good point. We're all going to see it, regardless of how the trailers look, so why not go in a little blind? So I'm going to keep avoiding these spots and any reviews.

 

I'm double pumped too because one of the two multiplexes in town converted all of the auditoriums to motorized recliners and assigned seating. I saw Mockingjay Part 2 there and it was such an awesome experience to have that much room and to sit in something that comfortable. Even if I had the budget to buy something that comfy, I wouldn't, so it's a real treat and actually makes going to the theater worthwhile.

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Just got my invite to the media screenings, which will be at Disney a week from Tuesday.

Have I told you how handsome and strong you are?  

 

And also, that I am Candice Swanepoel.

 

 

I can only bring one guest, and that spot is spoken for ;) .

 

No embargoes on this one.  It's really close to release anyway.  Moviegoers won't be reading reviews very much on this one anyway.  Quite frankly, after Lucasfilm opted out of doing screenings for the media junkets, I'm surprised they even had pre-screenings set up at all, outside of the premiere.

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It's 2015, it's a guarantee that film will be a polarizing experience.

 

It doesn't matter, however. At least the numbered films in this series will have Disney laughing all the way to the bank.

 

Whatever money is maid off the spin-offs is just icing.

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