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May 2023 Wrestling Talk


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I had a whole multiverse dedicated to my GI Joe wrestling fed. I was 9 or 10 when Hasbro licensed Street Fighter and Mortal Kombat and released figs in the same scale. I had a whole story in my head; Cobra Commander and Col. Bison held a summit at Cobra Base, where they had Destro learn how to summon Shang Tsung and his warriors. I had a grandma who loved to go to Toys R Us, so I was lucky to have an extensive collection. My core heroes were Duke, Snake Eyes, Col. Guile, Scarlett, Chun Li, Ken, Ryu, Liu Kang, Johnny Cage, Kitana, Sonya and Jax. Jax may have been a custom I made with a tiny screwdriver and those generic GI Joes you got at Eckerd. I can't remember. It was structured a lot like Lucha Underground, where it was a story where the fight scenes just happened to be wrestling matches. 

After a few months of story, I decided it was time for a final showdown to determine dominion over Earthrealm. I'd built up a lot of stories, like Scorpion and Sub Zero continually attacking Snake Eyes two on one. Storm Shadow pretended to make the save, then turned on Snake Eyes and joined the Outrealm. They attacked him 3-1 until Spirit Iron Knife and Cami made the save. There were lots of goofy side stories, like a romance between Johnny Cage and the Baroness which ended when Cage found out Baroness had spent her family fortune building Cobra's arsenal. Chun Li and Liu Kang were briefly entangled, before Li was badly beaten by Cobra BATS sent at the behest of Princess Milena. The ambush was meant to draw Kang and Raiden into a trap, but Kang was able to escape when Raiden stayed behind to hold off the onslaught. His fate remains unknown.

Croc Master and Blanca were my comic relief team (like Alpha Academy now.) Croc Master didn't understand that Blanca was sentient, but CM fed Blanca so Blanca stuck around. Zangief got involved with Tomax and Xamot, doing hijinx and whatnot. All the while our main characters were scheming and fighting to save Earth. 

The heroes traced our villains to Shadaloo, where Cobra had amassed their forces. Duke, Liu Kang, Ken, Guile, Ryu, Snake Eyes, Spirit Iron Knife, Roadblock, Gung Ho, Sonya, and a very reluctant Johnny Cage slipped into Shang Tsung's sanctum while the main GI Joe force drew out the Outrealm armies with a direct assault. (You could get creative here and use out of scale figures as monsters from the outrealm. Imagine Flint, Cami, Heavy Duty and Jax hanging from a Dragonzord trying frantically to bring it to the ground with weapons). The main group grew smaller as fighters were drawn into "matches" for titles, some of which were literal belts or trinkets of tremendous power and meaning, and some of which were fights that held great consequence. The normal "Mortal Kombat" rules applied; someone must beat Shang Tsung in single combat to save Earth. Johnny Cage broke off and fought Destro at the behest of a still scorned Baroness, Sonya Blade fought Mileena for her crown, Snake Eyes and Spirit Iron Knife defeated Scorpion and Sub Zero after Storm Shadow refused to intervene. SS simply bowed to Snake Eyes and disappeared, anticipating his side's defeat. 

Duke gave his life fighting Goro, who was about to bludgeon Scarlett and Roadblock. Duke was able to use his combat instincts to allow his two wounded friends to escape. Ripcord and Shipwreck were able to rescue Scarlett and Roadblock just outside the fortress (aka an old Davenport in my parent's basement).

Kano was busy during all this time, too. He spent the whole story wheeling and dealing and trying to ensure he'd get a favorable place in whatever evil entity came out on top. He'd snuggled up to Cobra Commander and did his best to unseat Sagat as Col. Bison's right hand. This eventually led to his undoing when Sagat, Vega and Dr. Mindbender had Kano thrown off the top of the mountain that housed Cobra Base (the aforementioned Davenport).

The final showdown was similar to the Mortal Kombat movie. Shang Tsung challenges everyone but Liu Kang, but Snake Eyes accepts his challenge. He easily defeats the minions sent at him by Tsung, before unmasking and revealing himself to be Liu Kang. I went all out for this. I actually got my tiny screwdriver and swapped out figure heads so I could have Liu Kang wearing Snake Eyes' gear. I have polaroids somewhere.

The heroes of Earth stand victoriously atop the mountain, with Shang Tsung defeated and GI Joe taking the remaining terrorists into custody. Destro, Sagat, Dr. Mindbender, and Baroness escape with Goro's body, taking him to Serpentor at a secret lab, hoping to re-animate him and use him to destroy the Joes once everyone disperses. 

I had a lot of time on my hands. I had other adventures that involved wrestling as fight scenes but this was one whole summer for me. I recorded some of the stories/matches on my parents' camcorder, but I think all that stuff got recorded over.

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I just had a totally made up fed that I acted out with two GI Joe figs that I'd just use until the O ring broke, then swap to a different one.  Holy shit that sounds depressing.

The WWF thumb wrestler figs were awesome for figure feds, too, BUT they'd break eventually, as the hole in the back would just keep expanding until your guys were split in half.

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My figure fed storyline angles always got interrupted by wrestlers constantly jumping from the territory (a/k/a my parents' houses after the divorce).

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I honestly don't recall having any wrestling figures growing up aside from the Kinnikuman figures (M.U.S.C.L.E.). Had lots of Joes and Terminator and Aliens figures though (the Aliens ones are still hanging around in the garage and are badass) and definitely had a sandbox which me and a friend basically turned into a concentration camp with a gallows and a pit we dug down into the clay to get filled with water for drowning. We were kids but in retrospect that's pretty fucked up haha

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I always wanted those huge LJN figures but not more than I wanted Transformers, plus I was already entering high school during the 80s WWF boom so I mostly wanted records/tapes and Atari games. In the late 90s I had a minor collection of the LJN and Hasbro figures (along with the 80s WCW figures) that I had gotten thrifting/trading. Sold them about 10 years back, mostly for next to nothing because it was people buying them for their kids to play with.

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24 minutes ago, JLowe said:

I always wanted those huge LJN figures but not more than I wanted Transformers, plus I was already entering high school during the 80s WWF boom so I mostly wanted records/tapes and Atari games. In the late 90s I had a minor collection of the LJN and Hasbro figures (along with the 80s WCW figures) that I had gotten thrifting/trading. Sold them about 10 years back, mostly for next to nothing because it was people buying them for their kids to play with.

Man, if you held onto those for another 5 years you could have made a nice profit.  From around that time the value even for used ones has kept going up.  It's part of the reason why I got whatever Hasbros I could, realized how much I spent then shifted to AEW figures.  Now I need to hold off because the AEW ring I put them on needs new ropes and they're all over the place.  I swear I'm 40 years old, achy joints and all!  But as long as bills get paid then might as well buy the things I wish I had back then.

Edited by NikoBaltimore
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51 minutes ago, nate said:

My figure fed storyline angles always got interrupted by wrestlers constantly jumping from the territory (a/k/a my parents' houses after the divorce).

Loser Leaves The Family match?

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16 minutes ago, NikoBaltimore said:

Man, if you held onto those for another 5 years you could have made a nice profit.  From around that time the value even for used ones has kept going up.  It's part of the reason why I got whatever Hasbros I could, realized how much I spent then shifted to AEW figures.  Now I need to hold off because the AEW ring I put them on needs new ropes and they're all over the place.  I swear I'm 40 years old, achy joints and all!  But as long as bills get paid then might as well buy the things I wish I had back then.

I mean, I was intending to sell them individually for a few bucks each but I'm also a softy about passing stuff along to kids. I have had to resist buying new figures, other than some of the Super 7 ReAction figures.

Edited by JLowe
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13 minutes ago, caley said:

I was in a Toys R Us recently and they had a Dusty Rhodes figure for $37 (Canadian)! Is that a typical price and who can afford that!?

At least you guys still have toys r us. I was walking thru the toy section at target the other day and I saw a small gi joe figure from super 7 in retro packaging for $25. I was like damn, is that supposed to be for little kids to play with? $25? It was like 4 inches tall. 

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42 minutes ago, caley said:

I was in a Toys R Us recently and they had a Dusty Rhodes figure for $37 (Canadian)! Is that a typical price and who can afford that!?

Didn't realize they survived north of the 49th parallel. 

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1 hour ago, JLowe said:

I mean, I was intending to sell them individually for a few bucks each but I'm also a softy about passing stuff along to kids. I have had to resist buying new figures, other than some of the Super 7 ReAction figures.

Those retro figures' prices are insane.  So you're remaking old G.I. Joes, with less articulation, they look cheaply made as fuck, and they're $20?  Fuuuuuckkkk yooooouuuu.

1 hour ago, matt925 said:

At least you guys still have toys r us.

Thanks, Mitt Romney!

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4 hours ago, christopher.annino said:

For folks who've wanted to see Gunther vs Sheamus from Clash At The Castle (but don't support WWE), it's officially on YouTube in full. 

*meat sounds*

Thank you so much. That took me down the Gunther/Sheamus hole on there and I watched their October Smackdown match and the Extreme Rules bar brawl too. Somehow I remember there being a very first match on Smackdown that was just jaw-dropping though, anyone remember the date on that? 

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7 hours ago, matt925 said:

At least you guys still have toys r us. I was walking thru the toy section at target the other day and I saw a small gi joe figure from super 7 in retro packaging for $25. I was like damn, is that supposed to be for little kids to play with? $25? It was like 4 inches tall. 

I'd forgotten that it was gone in the States! If it makes you feel any better, it is, on average, $4-10 higher than a place like WalMart. 

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4 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

Thank you so much. That took me down the Gunther/Sheamus hole on there and I watched their October Smackdown match and the Extreme Rules bar brawl too. Somehow I remember there being a very first match on Smackdown that was just jaw-dropping though, anyone remember the date on that? 

The only other match was another trios in between Clash and the October match. Clash was their first match and the trios was on the following SD.

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