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AEW RAMPAGE!-1/13/2023!


DEAN

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STREET FIGHT! STREET FIGHT!  STREET FIGHT!  We want BLOOD!  and I assume that Tay Melo will deliver the blood!  BUT FIRST!  ROCK HARD!  DARBY ALLIN!  Juice DID tower over all the remaining Dark Order when he berated them for asking him to join!  Darby does an extended Headlock!  Allin then OPTS to totally fucking kill himself!  Allin is so much fun. Robinson needs to bring in the Bullet Club to heat everything up.  He throws some good punches.  Robinson takes the SUWA Dropkick like a fucking KING!  Oh yeah, I forgot that Robinson is pretty great at making folks look like a million bucks.  ROCK HARD hits some slick looking offense.  Three Sentons FOR TWO!  Allin bounces off a Rib Breaker like a FREAK!  Robinson hits a Cannonball to NOWHERE!   I loved the WAHOO chops to drive Allin down the toprope to set up a BEAUTIFUL Lariat by Juice.  JACKHAMMER for TWO!  GREAT counter to a Toprope Brainbuster into a Scorpion Deathdrop!  COFFIN DROP!  That was good.  Not as good as Allin/Mike Bennett, but still good.  Juice Robinson looked good.  Allin and Orange Cassidy are neck and neck in the longest string of good matches.  The Gunns ruin the Acclaim's big moment!  OR DO THEY?  Austin Gunn is wearing tiny boybriefs!  CHEEKS!  Malakai Black has an awesome new helmet thing!  Eddie Kingston is OVER in Los Angeles.  The story behind this match is kinda stupid, but it is pro wrestling.  Kingston and Malakai face each other!  The crowd rises up as Kingston and Black try to decapitate each other and they both duck, sit down and stare at each other!  Pro wrestling is also AWESOME.  In picture in picture, the House of Black crushes Eddie and Ortiz!  Black looks fucking GREAT in this.  We go to an old school commercial break and come back to Brodie King fucking CRUSHING Kingston in the corner with a Cannonball!  High Angle Tequila Sunrise Suplex by Kingston!  EXPLOIDER by Kingston!  Dangerous Backdrop by Kingston after Black kicks him in the face!  There is a giant batch of BOOKING!  Black kicks the fudge out of Kingston!  Then!  MINDGAMES!  I assume this will all lead up to Kingston versus Brodie King eventually.  Jeff Jarrett wins RAMPAGE AGAIN!  All this to set up the Best Friends versus the unnamed stable of Jeff Jarrett, Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt and Satnam Singh!  So this episode is kinda evening out the perfection of Wednesday's Dynamite.  I mean, the wrestling is perfectly fine, but the FOURTH best match Wednesday had Jamie motherfucking Hayter in it.  AWESOME!  Both tag teams are dressed in matching outfits like in THE WARRIORS!  Oh man, is RUBY GONNA BLADE?!?!  YES!!!!  THis is fucking AWESOME!  They do the NecroButcher sitting and hitting each other spot in picture in picture!  Ruby and Tay lay it in!  Willow and Ruby take an ass beating!  Tay Melo is so fucking great lately.  OH MAN!  IS ANNA GONNA BLADE?!?  YESS!  DEATH VALLEY DRIVER TO THE APRON by WILLOW on ANNA!  MAN!  Ruby bladed like a fucking CHAMP!  Willow Powerbombs Anna DIRECTLY ON THE FLOOR FROM THE RAMP!  Tay with the GOTCH STYLE POWERBOMB THROUGH THE TABLE!  Tay with the THUMB TACKS!  DESTINATION UNKNOWN INTO THE TACKS!  That was fucking AWESOME.   JESUS CHRIST, RUBY SOHO IS FUCKING HARDCORE!  Tay Melo is so fucking AWESOME.  Anna Jay took the two craziest bumps.  That was fucking great.  AEW RULES THE MOTHERFUCKING WORLD!  

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Everything that Hauser fella said about Jarrett -chef's kiss-. I hope Andretti was taking notes, how to attempt to torch a heel without LOL YOUR WIFE GETS AROUND. (Didn't post in the dynamite topic this week and that's been bugging me)

Love Kings of the Black Throne and Kingston/Ortiz. It does make me wish early AEW though were faces weren't.... dumb. Feels like Ortiz and Kingston have been through enough to know they're getting played... probably. Match was great too. If not the trios titles for the whole group, I'd love for Malakai and Brody to be the ones to dethrone the Acclaimed. 

Bandido vs. Danielson!

How are TayJay the best at bringing the violence~ in this company? Only quibble, the barbed wire queenslayer is legit attempted murder and probably.... should not be broken out unless it's a super super super special occasion or blowoff match. I know Ruby was hurt for a while but I hope with this program over TK actually lets her build off this. 

Great episode!

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Main Event saved this from being merely a "good" pro wrestling show and snapping the streak of GREAT AEW TV and YouTube shows.

Opener was a good professional wrestling television match, but when Darby Allin is involved, "good" is kinda disappointing.

Then we got what had to be my least-favourite Eddie Kingston AEW match ever. Which is like bad pizza, I guess, in that it was still pretty good...

However.

Uh.

I tend to get my back up when folks wag accusing fingers at AEW for being insufficiently feminist... But. Fuck's sake. "Were you going to hit a GIRL?" as a major plot point? Really?

And we some VERY sports-entertainment-ish stuff instead of a fourth match.

I don't need to get into what I hated there, presumably. Yes, I did go pee.

But, oh boy, that main event! Matching Street Fight Gear! Ruby's Crimson Mask! The YouTube Fist Bump Storyline pay-off!

 Saved the show, in my opinion.

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Juicey Boy needs to leave Bullet Club and go back to happy-go-lucky, goofy pants and hair babyface Juice. Him as a heel just doesn't work. He's almost what I want to say a JYD type face, a simple offense (punches, punches, punches) guy that people can get behind just on charisma. Crowd wasn't buying it tonight... except for the punches. It says a lot. 

Even though I asked on the Discord all I know is the Golden Globe guy was on Cobra Kai for a minute. There were way better disses for Jarrett, but he was game enough to take a guitar hit even though a serious fan would know about the Honky Tonk incident with Jake. 

The Kingston tag was a nice little bit of storytelling. Ex's commentary made it dawn on me that Malakai would have been a lock for a RINGS run if he was just a decade or so older. 

Very happy with the main! Willow is a star. She completely Dudley'd the table powerbomb but what do you want. Ruby hopefully got bleeding out of her system because that blood went EVERYWHERE on EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. As soon as I saw all of them were wearing white tops I knew it was gonna be as bad as whoever spoilered the notice that she was gonna juice real bad was right. You gotta also give cred to Willow and Ruby for the Winter-territory military pants because that is so something Mayumi Ozaki would do. 

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7 minutes ago, Nineteen said:

Feels like Ortiz and Kingston have been through enough to know they're getting played... probably

It's about anger and distrust boiling over. King can't trust anybody, even someone that has always had his back. Just wait. Santana will probably show up and either get the band back together or King will get pushed out and hate everyone. I can't see Ortiz going to the dark side but it's wrestling. Please Tony, not that. 

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2 minutes ago, Curt McGirt said:

Here's another thing... KUSHIDA is gonna be in AEW? Already? I don't even remember when he was cut or split from WWE but it seems super fast. 

He will fit in just fine, btw. 

He wrestled on IMPACT'S! Countdown show earlier tonight.

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34 minutes ago, Gordlow said:

And we some VERY sports-entertainment-ish stuff instead of a fourth match.

I don't need to get into what I hated there, presumably. 

Danhausen? The Best Friends? Orange Cassidy?!! The Hollywood Foreign Press Association?!! The fact that AEW couldn’t get a bigger-name winner like Spielberg?!!!! The very concept of awarding competing artists with trophies?!!!

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1 hour ago, Curt McGirt said:

Here's another thing... KUSHIDA is gonna be in AEW? Already? I don't even remember when he was cut or split from WWE but it seems super fast. 

He will fit in just fine, btw. 

He’s been gone almost a year (April 2022 was when he left WWE, I’m pretty sure). Almost immediately ended up back in New Japan, but then got Hand, Foot and Mouth disease or something.

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