SECRET SATAN 2022

[Curt McGirt]

If I think of something extra I'll put it here. 

Like I said above if you want to see all of Dr. Butcher just watch the trailer. It has all the good stuff. You can also do that with Eaten Alive. 

[Execproducer]

7 hours ago, Travis Sheldon said:

Donald O'Brien really hams it up here.

He certainly had the sweaty upper-lip thing down.

[Contentious C]

On 10/19/2022 at 11:14 PM, odessasteps said:

I’m happy I got a film I liked and that my film was liked. Doesnt always happen.

This was part of why I was happy to opt in last year and probably never do it again: why mess with being 1-for-1 in this exact category??

[RIPPA]

JESSE JAMES MEETS FRANKENSTEIN'S DAUGHTER (Beaudine, 1966)

IMDB

ROTTEN TOMATOES

AVAILABILITY VIA JUSTWATCH

SELECTED BY @driver

My reason for picking this? Because it's silly, it's bad and totally perfect for this.

REVIEWED BY @Ultimo Necro

Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter aka “The Attempted Assassination of Jesse James by the monster known as Igor”

I had literally never heard of this movie before, I never even knew “real life western guy vs. traditional monster” was even a thing, but here we are. Now, I love western movies. Growing up they were my old man’s genre of choice. He loved every type you could think of, from old timey black and white flicks to modern westerns like Tombstone. So it’s fair to say I have a good base level of cowboy movies. I also love horror films and my continual participation in this event most years probably shows that. The odd western horror comes around once in a while, for example the 90’s went through that weird “Vampires in the desert” phase with John Carpenters Vampires and Dusk till Dawn within a few years of each other. However, the title of this and the jarring nature of “old time western meets universal monsters” really threw me off. So going in I thought this will be like “Oil and Water” or “Aliens v Predator” or “Cowboys v Aliens” in things that, historically, just don't mix particularly well.

The film starts and we find out that the Frankenstein children (possibly grandchildren, its not made 100% clear), have moved to the west after emigrating from Europe. Europe apparently doesn't have enough lightning to allow them to conduct their ghastly experiments. As someone who has lived in Europe for the last 20 years I’ll happily call bullshit on that one.

Maria Frankenstein is played by a lady who looks exactly like Lois Griffin’s mom in Family Guy. She sounds like an eastern European dominatrix. I don't think we can ask for any more from the villain of the piece, I think that's exactly what she should be. That actress definitely could have been a Connery Bond femme fatale, she would have been great. Her partner in crime is her brother Rudolph who just seems sick of all the shit and just wants to go home to Vienna. At one point I pondered if this was actually a prequel to the Tom Hanks movie The ‘Burbs, with Rudolph moving to the ‘burbs to become Mr. Klopek. The machine the Frankenstein’s use and the noise coming from under the Klopek’s house in The ‘Burbs was awful similar, maybe it was his son, or grandson, who knows.

Jesse and his buddy Hank go on a heist but are double crossed, forcing them on the run. Hank is shot during the escape. They meet Juanita who helps them out. They eventually end up at Maria Frankestein’s castle, sorry, not a castle, ranch, and are invited in. Mayhem ensures from then on out.

If this film was rebooted (take note Hollywood) Walton Goggins would be a great Jesse James and maybe have Batista as Hank. Big Hank is a physical specimen with a Lennie Small vibe about him. Jesse has a natural charm about him, both Juanita and Maria Frankenstein throw themselves at him during the movie, he turns both of them down at various points, because “cowboy shit”. Note – if we somehow get witchy Julia Hart throwing undead monsters at Adam Page then I know for a fact TK has read this review.

The film is a bit of a romp to be honest and definitely flies by. The western stuff is done really well and the creeping roll of the horror is paced perfectly building to a really great last 20 minutes. I really liked it and thought it fit together really well. It was the correct level of over the top campiness. It definitely feels like it could have been a late era Hammer Horror film. Heck, if you even took out the monster stuff it was probably a fun little western for the most part.

As noted above, the ending might be the most perfectly booked, over the top “run in” fest since that one episode of Smackdown in 2001 where everyone ran in one after the other. “Bah Gawd, its Jesse James, no wait, here comes Maria Frankenstein, now its Igor, no wait, its the Sheriff, no wait, here comes Igor again, oh my gawd, its Juanita, what's she doing here”.

I would heartily recommend this film if anyone is looking to kill 85 minutes on a Saturday afternoon, it’s the perfect matinee movie. I read on the Wikipedia it was double billed on release with Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, which I kind of have to watch now.

Also, goddam wrestling, why must you punish me so? The whole movie I’m trying to come up with a New Age Outlaws intro for this review.

“Oh you didn't know?

Your ass better call somebody….

It’s the Outlaw Jesse James…

The bad ass Maria Frankenstein…

The Old West Outlaws”

“And if you aint down with that, we got two words for ya…. ARISE IGOR!”

EDITOR'S NOTE

Can be found on Youtube HERE

[The Comedian]

Man I mentioned my love of Dr. Butcher in my review but Curt actually picked it....the craziness of Dr. Butcher is that it has zombies and cannibalism, but never the twain should mix...and then the cannibals eat the zombies! Beautiful!

It's the day before my birthday and I'm a little drunk in Philly, but I promise a bonus review of another Jersey Devil film, the execrable 13th Son, which I had the displeasure to see in the theater.

Props to Curt McGurt. 

[Curt McGirt]

5 hours ago, RIPPA said:

If this film was rebooted (take note Hollywood)

Don't give Rob Zombie any more ideas. 

Frankly I thought that movie was Billy the Kid vs. Dracula which I remember seeing the poster for in old issues of Filmfax Magazine. Apparently in that one you get a not-quite-embalmed-yet John Carradine as Dracula. 

Hoo boy... it was apparently a B-bill for the Jesse James movie and not even Carradine could go easy on it: Billy the Kid Versus Dracula - Wikipedia

[odessasteps]

Amazingly, it was not me who picked that movie. 

[Execproducer]

I would joke that it is better than the film you picked but that would be an obvious lie. I agree that it would make a great Saturday matinee watch though instead of pairing it with Billy the Kid Versus Dracula, I'd go for the contrast of a Godzilla film.

[Travis Sheldon]

3 hours ago, Curt McGirt said:

Frankly I thought that movie was Billy the Kid vs. Dracula which I remember seeing the poster for in old issues of Filmfax Magazine. Apparently in that one you get a not-quite-embalmed-yet John Carradine as Dracula. 

C'mon, man. 

Cut Carradine some slack.

He had another 20 years and maybe 100 films before The Tall Man called.

[driver]

The first time I saw the BTK contra Frankenstein's Daughter was on TBS' 12:05 Movie  in '92 of all places. TBH the only time I'd seen it. During that same time frame I caught Ulzana's Raid on TBS on the same day I found out my grandma had passed.

[Curt McGirt]

Shocked that it hasn't been a double feature with a Godzilla film on the Comet station yet. I caught Carradine's next to last film Buried Alive on there recently! Either that or a special on MeTV's Svengoolie (which I'm sure would get a spot if somebody shot off an e-mail to him about it).

[RIPPA]

THE WOMAN IN BLACK (Herbert Wise, 1989)

SELECTED BY @Execproducer

At the risk of pissing someone off by giving them a slow burn made for television ghost story, I'm going with The Woman in Black (1989)

REVIEWED BY @odessasteps

You see plenty of Victorian ghost stories, but fewer Edwardian ones. That distinction is one reason I enjoyed this story, an ITV movie made based on the 1983 novel if the same name and not to be confused with the 2012 version starring Daniel Radcliffe. 

Solicitor Arthur Kidd (Adrian Rawlins) Is sent by his London firm to close the estate of a recently-deceased recluse located on the English east coast. The widow has few friends and her funerals is sparsely attended. Kidd notices a woman in black in the church and at the graveyard, but no one else mentions her. 

The local land owner Sam Toovey (Bernard Helton) helps Kidd out and arranges for a driver to take Kidd out to the widow's house, which is on a tidal causeway, meaning the house will cut off when the tide comes in. While going through the widow’s papers, he sees a picture of someone that looks like the woman in black. He also discovers a wax cylinder phonograph, where he makes his own recordings as well as listens to some made by the widow. While waiting for his driver, he hears a horse and cart coming from the fog, but it’s not his driver. 

Kidd tells Toovey about some of the weird things that happened and is advised not to go back to the house. But he does and things get creepier. He hears a bouncing ball from up upstairs, coming from a locked room. He finds out it’s was a nursery and starts to hear a child’s laughter. 

He eventually learns the boy was adopted by the widow and her husband, and he was born out of wedlock by her sister, the woman in black. And she and the boy when she kidnapped him and their horse and cart stuck in the causeway and both drowned.  And back in town, Kidd learns that Woman in Black has become a portent locally and when she appears, a child dies. 

Back at the house, Kidd, having borrowed Toovey’s dog for protection, finds the creepiness ratcheting up. He keeps finding a small tin soldier and when the power goes out (the house has its own manual generator), he really begins to panic. Spider runs away and the voices and what not continue, he locks himself in the house and starts recording the events on the wax cylinders. Toovey shows up to rescue him, but as things increase, Kidd collapses. 

Kidd wakes up back in town, but again finds the toy soldier. And the Woman in Black bedside screeching at him. Eventually, Kidd recovers and returns home. At his office, he is ordered to go through the remaining papers. But when told he has a visitor, a woman in black, he flips out and burns all the papers, setting fire to his office. He is fired and leaves London with his wife and children. 

And then we get the end of the story, but won’t spoil it here. Suffice to say, it does end well for Kidd and his family. 

I enjoyed this a lot. I think I may have seen it before, but didn’t remember the twists and turns. I like the Edwardian setting, allowing for more modern plot points involving electricity and the wax phonograph, than your traditional ghost story. It also has a Lovecraftian feel to it, as the main character slowly descends into madness.

Interestingly, the novel, this film and the 2012 have slightly different plots and different endings. The novels author disliked some of the changes, including something as seemingly trivial as the dog’s sex changing from female to male. 

The acting was fine. Rawlins (who people may know as James Potter in the HP films) was good, especially as his madness ramps up. Old school Doctor Who fans should look for a brief appearance by Caroline Johns as Kidd’s mother in law.

The film, shown on Christmas Eve on ITV, and shown again five years later on Channel 4. It was nominated for four BAFTAs, in technical categories and music. The soundtrack was very Bernard Herrmann in feeling, notably the Psycho-like screaming violins. I’m interested in tracking down the DVD release, which has commentary by horror experts like Mark Gatiss and Kim Newman.

An enjoyable watch. Thanks to whomever selected it. 

EDITOR'S NOTE

I am deeply entertained that between this movie getting selected and reviewed - the YT video Exec provided was yanked down due to a copyright claim. You can still find it via archive.org

[odessasteps]

I wonder if i watched it and/or downloaded it too many times in a short period of time.

[odessasteps]

On 10/21/2022 at 4:04 PM, Execproducer said:

I would joke that it is better than the film you picked but that would be an obvious lie. I agree that it would make a great Saturday matinee watch though instead of pairing it with Billy the Kid Versus Dracula, I'd go for the contrast of a Godzilla film.

And I liked your pick, despite your disclaimer.

[(BP)]

Hard to believe some freakshow British genre author had an issue with gendering. 

[odessasteps]

1 minute ago, (BP) said:

Hard to believe some freakshow British genre author had an issue with gendering. 

Imagine they had made Hedwig a male owl in the movies.

[Execproducer]

1 hour ago, odessasteps said:

And I liked your pick, despite your disclaimer.

I don't know if it was by design or oversight but you didn't mention the creepiest Woman in Black appearance in your review. Glad you enjoyed the film. I've never seen the 2012 version because I never felt like it could improve upon '89. 

[odessasteps]

Didn't want to spoil too much. 

[nate]

On 10/21/2022 at 2:31 PM, Curt McGirt said:

Don't give Rob Zombie any more ideas. 

Frankly I thought that movie was Billy the Kid vs. Dracula which I remember seeing the poster for in old issues of Filmfax Magazine. Apparently in that one you get a not-quite-embalmed-yet John Carradine as Dracula. 

Hoo boy... it was apparently a B-bill for the Jesse James movie and not even Carradine could go easy on it: Billy the Kid Versus Dracula - Wikipedia

A Filmfax Magazine reference on DVDVRMB is the last thing I expected today.

[odessasteps]

As opposed to Cinefastique? Or Starlog?

[Execproducer]

Soooooo many magazines from back in the day. Aside from the three already mentioned: Video Watchdog, Cult Movies, Asian Cult Cinema, Film Threat, Oriental Cinema, She, Baddazz Mofo, Outre, Scarlet Street, Neon, Videoscope....  that's not even getting into any of the more "serious" stuff like Film Comment or CineAction. It's no wonder I'm poor today.

[odessasteps]

I wonder how many of us having read issues of Cahiers du Cinema, either French New Wave era or modern version? 

[Execproducer]

I've read collected articles and I have exactly 1 issue somewhere buried in a box.

[odessasteps]

If only google translate had existed when I was in grad school, I’d have made reading Cahiers a lot easier. 

[Execproducer]

That also reminds me of one to add to the previous list....  Cashiers du Cinemart.