Gorman

Happy now?

Thoughts on November to Remember 96 The Blue World Order was an instant hit and immediately cast Big Stevie Cool in the role of a leader, even though he was still a follower of Raven. Sabu & RVD battled the Eliminators for a title shot against the Gangstas. The time limit expired. "Three Way Dance!" the fans shouted. Tod Gordon came out and said "Five more minutes." Then it happened again. Finally, Tod gave the fans what they wanted. The exhausted challengers came back after the next match, and the Gangstas ended up winning. 2 Cold Scorpio turned the "loser leaves town" foregone conclusion on its head by winning three loser-leaves-town matches before finally losing one to Louie Spicolli. Scorpio was already in the WWF and teased Louie as his mystery partner at Survivor Series one night later. Tommy Dreamer and Terry Funk both got put through tables, but they fought back to beat Shane Dougas and Brian Lee in the main event. Funk delivered a "53-year-old man moonsault" from the top rope to the floor. Taz is the MVP, even though he didn't have a match. He spilled the beans about ECW's pay-per-view debut, cost RVD & Sabu the tag team titles, and finally goaded Sabu into the ring for a confrontation before the lights went out.

I remember Road Warrior Hawk calling his opponents "you bunch of gutless wonders" once -- but I forget the opponents.

Erik's a Cleveland guy, too, so it was nice to see him get the hometown win.

Thoughts on Natural Born Killaz Louie Spicolli continued his face turn by refusing to join Damian Kane's stable and giving him a Death Valley Driver - earning a huge pop from the crowd and this board. Did any successful team beat each other up more than Buh-Buh Ray and D-Von Dudley before they got together? Here, Buh-Buh and Big Dick beat Axl Rotten and D-Von, with no end to the family feud in sight. Cat Fight 96 between Peaches and Missy Hyatt didn't happen due to Missy's arm injury. Stevie Richards said he would drop his sexual harassment lawsuit if she would denounce The Sandman ... and she did it! Doug Furnas's power attack seemed more effective against RVD than Sabu's similar offense. However, RVD won when he discovered the Van Daminator chair kick. RVD said he did respect Furnas, who responded by suplexing him onto his head, resulting in another stretcher ride for Van Dam. Before facing Raven & Douglas, Sandman said he had no wife, no son, no Missy, and no partner, because Pitbull 2 had been injured the night before. All he had left was being the King of Extreme (well, we'll see at the end of the book). But Pitbull 2 not only returned, but he pinned Raven after hitting him with his own loaded boot. This earned Pitbull 2 the MVP award.

Looking back, I think it was the Philly Street Fight vs. Da Hit Squad at the first Glory By Honor.

Nice! I used that line on ROH commentary ... I forget which match -- I want to say something involving Carnage Crew.

Thoughts on The Doctor Is In Damien Kane didn't win any Manager of the Year votes. He kept telling Devon Storm not to pin Mikey Whipwreck to do more damage instead. Later, Kane dropped an elbow on his own man, and Mikey rallied to win. Johnny Smith made a successful debut over Louie Spiccoli, and the fans chanted for both men after the match. Stevie Richards defended Raven's ECW title again, but after Stevie blasted Sandman with Raven's loaded boot, Raven stole the pin for himself. 2 Cold Scorpio busted out the Shooting Star Press to beat Chris Jericho, earning a "Whoomp - there it is!" chant from the ECW fans. Pitbull 1 showed up with a giant halo neckbrace, and he vowed that he would return to action one day. Pitbull 2 was unable to gain revenge against Shane Douglas and Francine, but he did get some satisfaction from superbombing referee Pee Wee Moore and heel ring announcer Joel Gertner. The Samoan Gangsta Party got arrested earlier in the night but came back in handcuffs for the four-way tag match. Didn't the Gangstas just do that? Speaking of New Jack and Mustafa, they pinned the Samoans and Eliminators to win the tag team title and the MVP award. What move would be extreme enough to win the stretcher match between RVD and Sabu? The answer: RVD diving off the top to the floor and splattering himself on the stretcher, giving the win to Sabu. Steve "Dr. Death" Williams was Tommy Dreamer's mystery partner against Brian Lee & his pick, Taz - but Doc didn't factor in the finish as Lee chokeslammed Dreamer onto a trash can. At least Doc got the show named after him.

Very happy to see Luchasaurus win the TNT title. He worked for us in Cleveland Knights Championship Wrestling when he was still doing the "Vibora" gimmick from Lucha Underground. He's worked really hard, and now he's the No. 2 male champion in the company! So AEW hires Jimmy Jacobs and then they bring in Chris Hero? I picked the wrong weekend to lose my phone.

Teacher says, when AEW hires someone from early ROH, an angel gets his wings.

Thoughts on Heat Wave 96 Little Guido introduced his little brother, who of course was a giant named Big Guido. The Dudleys fought their own brother D-Von throughout the match, but they managed to score a win over the FBI. Taz bragged about choking out stars from WWE (Bigelow), WCW (Devon Storm), and UFC (Varelans). He and Fonzie tried to fire Joey Styles and replace him with Joel Gertner. 911 came out to help. Even though 911 hit a chokeslam, Taz bounced back to choke him out, too. Shane Douglas is the MVP for convincing Francine to turn on the Pitbulls and help him recapture the TV title. The main event was like three matches at once: Raven-Sandman in the cage, Dreamer-Brian Lee in the crowd, and Gordy-Stevie on the stage. Stevie was defending the ECW title for Raven, so when Sandman pinned Raven to win the match, Raven hung onto the title.

I think the worst-case scenario is that the 10-year-old grows up and becomes a wrestler (like Izzy), pins you 1-2-3, and then says, "I don't respect you, booker man."

Depends on whether he has a mic in his hand - he was actually pretty good as a "regular" ring announcer before Bob Artese came back.

No - I will have to check that out.

Thoughts on Hardcore Heaven 96 Bob Artese returned as ring announcer after Sandman caned a guy doing a Michael Buffer impression. I don't condone violence against ring announcers. Shane Douglas went from not caring about the TV title to caring about it a lot, after losing it to Pitbull 2. Shane beat Mikey Whipwreck to stay in contention. Then, during Pitbull 2's match with Chris Jericho, he tried to steal the belt and Francine. Jericho reversed a superbomb into a huracanrana to win the title. When Blue Meanie came out as Bluedust, I bet he didn't think he'd get to wrestle the real Goldust on a WWF PPV three years later. We never got to see Baron von Stevie vs. Baron von Raschke. The Dudleys lost yet again, this time to the FBI, even though they left D-Von at home. He showed up anyway and destroyed both teams with chairshots. Taz went up against UFC fighter Paul Varelans and won after Saturn interfered with a dropkick. Taz then mocked the fans for thinking they were going to see a real fight. Raven tried to get inside Sandman's head by bringing out his ex-wife, Peaches. It didn't work. But Raven raised the stakes by bringing out Sandman's son, Tyler, who said, "Daddy, you're a drunk. I worship Raven now." That worked. For taking psychological warfare to the EXTREME~!, Raven is the MVP. Tommy Dreamer faced Brian Lee in a weapons match. Isn't every ECW bout a weapons match? It should have been a street fight since it went outside the building. When Dreamer was in trouble, Beulah and Kimona sprung into action by using a hubcap and stripping, respectively. The distractions worked, and Dreamer won. Lee got the last laugh by chokeslamming Tommy off the balcony through three tables. Kimona's entertainment skills were needed as the crew fixed the ring before the RVD-Sabu main event. When the match started, the ring broke again, but Sabu lived up to his hype (homicidal, suicidal...) by jumping off the wobbly top rope to win the rubber match of his series with RVD.

(waves arms furiously)

Unless Sherri was there to take the money back.

Thoughts on A Matter of Respect Damien and El Puerto Ricano showed their respect for Sabu by wrestling like him. Sabu showed his appreciation by putting them through a table. Buh-Buh Ray & D-Von Dudley still couldn't get a win, even against Devon Storm & Damien Kane. D-Von destroyed referee Paul Richards again, earning a rare disqualification in ECW. Early Chris Jericho and Prime Mikey Whipwreck were very evenly matched. Jericho won and showed respect to Mikey. RVD won his rematch with Sabu. It was a respect match because RVD had refused to shake hands after their first bout. Sabu muttered "Respect," but RVD refused to shake hands again, establishing himself as a heel. What is this, ROH? Shane Douglas beat 2 Cold Scorpio to win the TV title, which the Franchise said he didn't even want. He lived up to the title of the show by calling 2 Cold better than even himself, winning the MVP award. But when he asked for the former champ to present the belt to him, 2 Cold blasted him with the belt and a piledriver. To paraphrase Bugs Bunny, "What did you expect from ECW? A happy ending?"

Thoughts on Hostle City Showdown 96 When Super Nova showed up in a goofy blue superhero outfit, you knew that he would eventually team up with Stevie and Meanie. Buh-Buh Ray & D-Von Dudley got off to a slow start when they lost to The Pitbulls. But the real loser was referee Paul Richards, who suffered a chairshot from D-Von and a superbomb from the Pitbulls. Devon Storm came out and tried to wrestle like Sabu. Taz put a stop to that by suplexing him out of the ring and winning by countout. Speaking of people who wrestle like Sabu, Rob Van Dam came out and tried to match Sabu in aerial, furniture-assisted offense. Sabu won, and the match showed that these two would make great opponents and partners. Brian Lee pledged allegiance to Raven, which meant that his first order of business was to destroy Tommy Dreamer -- which he did by placing a cinderblock on Dreamer's groin and blasting it with a chair. That will teach Dreamer to steal Raven's girlfriend ... ... Or will it? Dreamer came out later in the night and stole Kimona Wanalaya as well. He gallantly looked past the facts that Beulah McGillicutty was ... A. Not really pregnant B. Also in a relationship with Kimona For stealing BOTH of his archenenemy's girlfriends, Dreamer is the MVP, which of course, stands for Most Valuable Player. Shane Douglas tried to win the psychological battle over Raven by revealing this scandalous news, but Raven said, "I'll see your psychological warfare and raise you interference by Stevie, Meanie, Brian Lee, and the Bruise Brothers, as well as using a loaded boot." So Raven escaped with the ECW title.

Yeah, it starts that summer with World Title Classic. I'm glad you're watching 2004 ROH. I hope you enjoy it, especially World Title Classic, The Battle Lines Are Drawn, and Reborn: Stage 2.

No Contest (Okada destroys the Mouse Trap apparatus with Rainmaker pose)

Thoughts on Massacre on Queens Blvd. The opening tag match featured new family members on both sides. JT Smith said that Damien Stone was actually a member of his Italian family named Little Guido. The Dudley Boyz got 10 times more serious when D-Von showed up. He single-handedly turned Dudleys from goofy clan to destructive force. Even though he attacked the ref and got his brothers disqualified, D-Von is the MVP. A mystery woman jumped into the ring, started making out with Blue Meanie, and squirted whipped cream on him. When Kimona put a stop to the festivities, Raven and Stevie attacked her. Shane Douglas added Shawn Michaels and Razor Ramon to the list of "wrestlers I'm gonna call out who don't work here." He said he wanted to fight the toughest SOB in wrestling ... so Meanie came back out. Axl Rotten ran him off, and though he lost, Shane showed Axl respect. Similarly, Sabu showed respect to Mikey Whipwreck after beating him in the co-main event. Taz beat Chris Jericho in an "extreme hardcore shoot fight" after Fonzie paid off the referee. Bribery is hardcore! Dreamer & Pitbulls vs. Bruise Brothers & Brian Lee took the show's title literally and featured a brawl on Queens Blvd. Raven interfered and caused Dreamer to lose, so Tommy got his revenge by allowing the Pitbulls to superbomb him onto Raven through a table. The Gangstas bounced back from being arrested to win the three-way dance main event over The Headhunters and Sandman & Scorpio. They must have hijacked the police car because when they returned to the ECW Arena, they were still handcuffed!

I can clear my schedule.

Thoughts on Big Ass Extreme Bash This was a double-shot weekend in New York City and Philadelphia. Brian Pillman bought a ticket to the NYC show, but he antagonized Shane Douglas so much that he got kicked out of the building. Cactus Jack lost to Chris Jericho in NYC but won his final ECW match in Philly over Mikey Whipwreck. Cactus then called out the two men without whom ECW could not exist - Stevie and Meanie, for a kick line and Fargo Strut. Juventud Guerrera beat Rey Jr. in a best-of-three falls match in NYC, but Misterio won the rematch in Philly, even though he got powerbombed on a car. Mustafa had to face the Headhunters alone in New York, but New Jack was sprung from jail in time to join him to win the main event in Philly over the Headhunters and Sandman & Scorpio. Raven is the MVP for successfully defending the title twice (Sandman and Douglas) despite suffering from gout. Sure, he had help from Stevie, Meanie, Kimona, and the Bruise Brothers, but Ric Flair got a lot of help from the Four Horsemen, too.

Thoughts on Cyber Slam 96 Brian Pillman's performance defined the Attitude Era. Showing up unexpectedly and insulting the last company he worked for was one thing, but when he threatened to use the ring as a porta-potty, ECW officials and wrestlers rushed to the ring to stop him. It's too bad that Pillman's body failed him just when he found a money-making character. For being too extreme for ECW, Pillman is the MVP. Tommy Dreamer brought in the Bruise Brothers as his backup for his feud with Raven, but they immediately stabbed him in the back and joined Raven. Later, they helped Raven beat Sandman to retain the ECW title. ECW was like an alternate reality in which 2 Cold Scorpio is a major singles star. He successfully defended the ECW TV title (his fourth!) in a 30-minute draw with Sabu in a match that was almost wall-to-wall action. In WWF and WCW, Scorpio was typecast as "that guy who does flips." Mr. Hughes should not have antagonized Big Dick Dudley, who walloped him with a crutch and caused him to lose in less than a minute to Buh-Buh Ray Dudley. Stevie Richards was paired up with Francine in a 6-person dog collar match involving the Pitbulls and Eliminators. This was like Stevie getting put in a steel cage with Luna Vachon. But by the time ECW made it to pay-per-view, Stevie had become a World title contender. Brian Hildebrand served as referee for the Shane Douglas-Cactus Jack match, which was appropriate since they were all trainees of Dominic DeNucci. I didn't expect him to give Douglas a foreign object and allow the Franchise to handcuff Cactus and blast him with chairshots like The Rock did three years later. Cactus called for help from Vince McMahon (no answer) and then Mikey Whipwreck (who gave him another chairshot and caused him to lose).