RUkered

Even though I hate that I didn't get my crap finished in time to hop on, it's damn near just as fun reading everybody's posts about what happened. This is my favorite thread in the history of the Internet.

First 20 minutes: "I ain't drunk enough yet to drive in this game." Last 20 minutes: "I can't hit anybody. I'm seeing three of 'em." I'm hoping to join in the fun tonight. I have some crap I have to get done around the house, but hopefully I can finish up in time to join the tomfoolery.

Melraz and I have been friends since '96 and share similar interests, but there's one place we differ. He's strictly country. Now, I like country too (old school shit like he likes), but I like a lot of other stuff too. I'm always trying to warm him up to rock or metal, but you couldn't get him to listen to an Alice In Chains song if you threatened to shoot him with a nail gun. I'm actually going to see them in concert next month and I sent Mel a cordial invite. His response would make the paint melt off the walls. On a random note, I'm real damn jealous I wasn't a part of this epic failed tanker mission. I'd pay good money for a youtube video of that. I am resigned to the fact that I will never get a World Record of a Hole In One if I am trying on purpose to do it or actively desire it to happen. I will just have to be pleasantly shocked one day. J.T., is there an obscure accomplishment on this game you either haven't already gotten or aren't working feverishly toward? If there was a "Rub a Dub Dub" award for taking a certain amount of showers, J.T. would be the squeakiest, cleanest one of all of us. "Guys, I unlocked my Mr. Bubble tattoo." Stout - you and a couple others will understand this - but this post shoved me into a laughing fit like I haven't had since your "Mis will be out front of his apartment having a yard sale" comment. Apparently I have a weakness for DVDVR GTA crew player quirk reference jokes.

I just went through each page hitting CTRL+F to look for his name, so apologies if it's already been posted and my search wasn't thorough enough. Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast is awesome. I'm biased because he's my favorite comedian and I'm obsessed, but I love it. Here's a little preview of him trying to read ad copy and absolutely losing it to whet your appetite - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl5JDzvkEA0 Here's the podcast link - http://www.billburr.com/podcast

That railroad track race was nerve-wracking because me and someone else kept swapping slipstreams and it was hard as shit to not accidentally wreck them. Then I managed to pull a decent lead until I was wedged in on a bridge and yelled OH SHIT TRAAAAAAIN. Then I respawned to damn near the entire party yelling OH SHIT TRAAAAIN.

Hell I screwed us twice in a row on different missions. After you tossed that grenade into the parking garage on Rooftop Rumble, I was like "Oh, we're blowing these guys up with grenades...*tosses one in*...blew up the package - mission failure." Sorry for disappearing randomly. My xbox froze up and it was high time for me to get some shut-eye anyway, so I called it a night.

Oh man I'm so glad you brought that guy up. I completely forgot about him. (I may or may not have taken over Mel's "2 beer" role last night. I plead the fif.) I don't know why I enjoy it so much, but one of my favorite things to do in the game is take a low level that we've been destroying and trying to turn him. I'll just stop in the middle of a firefight and roll up on him in a car and blow the horn, or put away my guns and walk up to them saluting, indicating that I'm a friendly. Then I team up with them and "shoot at" or "try to run over" crew members so the guy thinks I'm on his side. What he doesn't know is that I'm on chat going "Alright guys, I'm coming around the building. I'll act like I'm going to run over you, but then I'll hit this pole so we wreck. Take him out." I think it was Melraz last night, but me and the guy were in cover around the building. Mel was standing out in the open ,waiting on a sniper shot. I stepped out and just emptied carbine clips at him - waiting on the guy to come out of cover beside me. Mel was like, "Dude he's gonna wonder why you've been shooting at me forever but haven't killed me. I am standing out in the open." Oh...yeah you're right. I guess people don't bother to check gamertags and see crew labels or something. I have no idea how I've gotten so many people to fall for it. Maybe they think I'm trying to start a crew mutiny or something. But like Stout said, the guy actually sided with us and absolutely hulked the fuck out on the other players. Most badass low level guy I've seen. He must have eaten his spinach during the car ride with Mel.

Obviously I'm biased, but I agree. I like mine better. But the rest of those whip my picture's ass. I signed on and didn't realize I had loaded my level 10 woman last night. I decided to stick with her. I did Titan of a Job and that mission that Stout and the rest rained down minigun hell on the SUV's with her before I couldn't stand it anymore. I think I only killed 3 people between 2 missions and had to hide the rest of the time. It would make sense to use her and level her up quickly, but I'm addicted to my heavy weaponry. The final nail in the coffin for her was Judging the Jury. I knew I'd be useless, but Stout said he'd call in a Buzzard for anyone who wanted it. "I can fly pretty well, so I can actually contribute with it," I say to myself. One killed juror later and I'm yelling "OH SHIT OH SHIT A CRANE!" Instant explosion. One team life down. I park my skirt wearing ass on the sidewalk and wait for the mission to be over so I can switch to my Dr. Doom psycho.

Dammit, I knew I'd regret going ahead and popping in WWE 13 when I saw you guys online. And I even missed a guaranteed opportunity to finally meet Herbie. Mel has me saying "hey guys" so much I have to hear it from the man himself.

Which reminds me. I need some brave souls to run Docks to Stocks 1 and 2 with me sometime.Those are some of Melraz's favorites. Mine too, for that matter. I'm down for those any time.And speaking of race crashes, wasn't it you that I totally screwed over a week or so ago? We were in super cars, both of us with a decent lead. I lined up to get in your slipstream, and ended up being too close when it kicked in. I couldn't swerve fast enough and plowed you right in the bumper, sending you into a building and me spinning out. Everybody passed us before we could recover. It was a complete accident, but I've still felt like a shit head ever since. Edit:Just now realizing that reads like a damn Craigslist missed connection.

Y'all are in trouble now. I'm getting my PhD in GTA as we speak. Melraz is sitting in my house playing my character so I can watch his methods.

Then you and I should always team up Stout. I consider myself pretty competitive in general, but I don't mind losing to crew. I only care because, like you said, I hate to be an anchor for my team. I have also ran and hid like you mentioned because most of the team deaths were on me. Maybe we should team up and go cower in the bushes together. Be the team cheerleaders or something. I'll work on my backflip. I think a big reason I suck so much is because I'm terrible at aiming at someone and then bumping the crosshairs up for a headshot. So even if I get the jump on someone, I'm standing there pelting them in the body armor and they crack off a one-shot kill.

Uh oh Mel... I don't know how they'll implement this, but I'm imagining the night shift will have flashing neon lights over our heads that reach to the top of the map. Or maybe they'll have a plane constantly follow us, sky-writing messages for the rest of the map. AVOID DIRECT CONTACT - MELRAZ HAS A SNIPER OUT, THE REST HAVE MINIGUNS. MISANTHROPE IS RECREATING DEATH RACE 2000

I saved those pictures and will link them later in the post. God that was fun. I finally got a chance to be part of the ambulance surfing, minigun toting, helmet wearing, stunt jumping WOOO crew. Tanker trucks, ambulances, it didn't matter...they all got jumped and blown up. My personal highlight was when we were all loaded up at the pay 'n spray, waiting on the guy to come out. I'm standing there with the minigun already spinning, and the garage door opens. I start pelting it with bullets and basically the entire party simultaneously yells "THAT'S MIS!! DON'T SHOOT IT'S MIS!!" Sorry buddy, I didn't see you go in there. Now for the pictures - the funny thing is I see two different instances (one I'm sure of, the other I'm fairly certain) where you can see the same shot from two different perspectives. Dolfan snapped a picture at the same time I was taking a first-person shot.

I would normally be inclined to agree with that, but the last few times I've encountered a tank it's been when we're rolling 7 or 8 deep. I get so much satisfaction out of imagining the face of the dude (or Juggalette, J.T.) when he/she sees an actual army coming at them.

Yeah Rippa, I have yet to wear a baseball cap in any video game because they all stick up like trucker hats and have straight bills. Hate that shit in real life; hate it in games. Stout, that is now my favorite picture from GTA, and a perfect summary of a night shift session. I laughed for 5 minutes straight when I clicked that link. Now I'm pissed that I spent all night patching up plaster walls instead of participating in dump truck hell raising.

I felt bad about how horribly I was doing in the pistol-only match until Mis pointed out that he needed to turn off the "don't shoot crew" priority. Once I did that, my game elevated slightly from suck-shit to sniff-shit. And I want another go at the mission where you deliver planes to the docks. We figured out that only one plane needs to be delivered, but only if it is the only plane left. I think the best approach would be having someone successfully deliver one, while someone hangs back to blow up the other two. But my highlight of the night was Mis blowing two of them up trying to kill all the red dots at the airfield, then flying the last plane to the docks. The rest of us were floating in Buzzards watching him repeatedly circle the docks going "where the fuck are you supposed to land this sumbitch?!?" and then BOOM!!! straight into a light pole. It was hilarious.

This town is big enough for the both of us, Zeidler.

How the fuck am I and Gonzalez the only people who liked this post? It's great and it's one of the things that might make me appreciate the "Walt" side of "Granite State" more. That interview managed to hit every single nerve the guy had all at once. Gray Matter, calling him a sweet little man, someone else making money on his work, someone claiming that Heisenberg isn't really a big deal, someone throwing money around just to show off. I love how many major plot turns hinge on some tiny coincidence. How many times Walt was essentially done until some tiny thing sparked him back on again. I also love how Walt's driving issue, unlike Gus Fring's, was never one that could be solved...ever...by any one action. That flashback to Hank inviting him on the ride-along triggered this feeling like Walter White was essentially a reminder that any of us, if given the motivation, means, opportunity to break out of the life we are leading and follow our deepest impulses, would probably end up doing a whole lot of damage. That if you allow yourself to pull back far enough, the modern world we all tow the line in can seem incredibly stifling. There's just a little CLOCKWORK ORANGE in it...like, we're stuck with this choice between giving up our true animal strength and submitting to the bland shallow oppressive suburban plastic world that the show began with (which in season one we see a lot of in Marie and Hank and Walt's miserable Walmart life) or following that freedom and experiencing the true pain of the bloodthirsty world of the real jungle. I, for one, would like to think that at any given moment I would choose the Mike path and look around Walmart, have another shot of Icee or Slurpee and think, "Fuck it, this ain't that bad. Millions of people over thousands of generations survived miserable conditions and endless war starvation and death so that I can drink this slurpee and browse the discount DVDs at Big Lots without getting torn apart by bandits or mountain lions. I'm cool with that." I can say at least this. Whenever I'm now confronted with some affront to my pride at work or find myself stuck browsing TJ Maxx with my wife and getting that "what kind of world is this" feeling, my first impulse now is to think "What would Saul do." And the answer is always "Saul would chill the fuck out and just be happy no one is chasing him at the moment." Like, the "moral" of Walter White is that there are other ways to make your way through life. There are models to emulate on this show...not Walter, not Jesse, not Hank, not Skyler. Pretty much Saul, and maybe Mike. I learned shit about how to be, like, solid from those dudes. I specifically sought out Craig's old post to like it after reading this because it completely encompasses how I felt about the episode. Since the day after that episode aired, my wallpaper on my work computer has been that pissed off snarl that Walt gets on his face when Elliott says "The name - that's where his contribution begins and ends." I missed a lot of these posts when the episodes were airing because I was straight up conspiracy theorist, tinfoil hat wearer about avoiding spoilers, potential spoilers, anything. When I read that someone had stolen a script from Bryan Cranston's car, I basically stayed away from anything Breaking Bad related online. I normally don't care one way or the other, but I wanted to finish this show completely blind. And I love your post piranesi. You put it into words better than I ever could. It's a little frightening what it might say about me, but I understood Walt's motivations the entire show, and that's why I rooted for him right up until the very end. When Gretchen and Elliott said that bullshit on TV, I was like OHHHHHHHH YA DONE FUCKED UP!!!!! And like I mentioned before, Walt gets that look on his face and then the music kicks in not longer after and I was about to fucking explode. I don't know what Walt would have had to do to make me turn on him. I didn't care if he burned down all of Albuquerque if he had to do so to get his revenge. From the moment he gets in his car after blowing up Tuco's lair and starts screaming and beating the steering wheel, I was like "I get this guy." (I'm not a psycho - promise - although if you follow the stories in the GTA thread, you may disagree.) On a final note, I can't remember any other show that has gotten such physical reactions out of me. When My face was literally exactly like Walt's. No hyperbole - my jaw stayed dropped until the commercial break. Dammit, now my obsession is completely reignited. Looks like I'll be marathoning this yet again.

That was one of my favorite things about the show from minute one. I can't readily recall another series or movie where the criminals are portrayed very humanly. Even one-episode-and-you-never-see-them-again characters get the treatment. It's never just good guy must kill bad guy. Half the time I'm like "Aww man he's not such a bad guy. I'd probably let him slide this time."

Those are my favorite - when they are butthurt enough to text. It's like dude, flee or find a new session because, if you keep coming, the beatings will continue. I don't think you're sauntering up after death #12 to shake my hand and offer me a Snickers bar.

Random - but since me, Stout, and Mel are part of the Foghorn Leghorn Force, I do believe I've found our battle cry. (If it doesn't autoplay at the right part, skip to 3:00.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=-LCsiWL6gn0#t=180

As for you guys talking a couple pages back about escaping your wanted level when you steal a Cargobob from the fort: I have tried to climb to the top of the map to hide with zero success. I have no idea if it works or not, but when I was sitting in one spot so I climb quicker, as opposed to moving while climbing, I always got caught by another chopper. I'd like to test it again. And as for calling Lester, I don't know if he's ever removed a wanted level for me while doing a mission. Freemode = yes, but every time I call in a mission it's "no" or "uh uh." He may just hate me specifically because I've called that fat piece of shit a fat piece of shit many times. And like melraz mentioned, you may see the female me for a while if I can get in on a run of missions and races with you guys. I don't really have anything left to do to my guy, so I'm thinking about just using him when we want to whip ass in freemode. Melraz took this picture last night. He ranks up fast, so expect to have pigtails splitting your skull open very soon.

I always sleep on the AP pistol unless I'm in a car. I really need to use it on foot more often. Although, since Jstout recommended it, I'm a big AA12 whore when I'm on foot and in relatively close quarters. I have got to shoot one in real life some time.

One more thing and I'll shut up. Those promos that J.T. mentioned wanting to record. Yeah, I feel sorry for you PS3 guys because you haven't had the full GTA:O experience until you've witnessed melraz go on a killing spree and then cut a 2 minute promo which always ends with: 'CAUSE WE ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE THAAAAAAAAAT DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD