Sex Machine Gun

Shit son, they had a DQ in a *Hell In A Cell match* during the Rollins/Fiend thing maybe, what, just over four years ago? Five? That match already pissed everyone off by looking like a Virtua Boy game, then a friggin' disqualification in what the company deemed their Final Boss match gimmick for a feud.

S'far as the rest of the show, glad Jade had a good debut and eliminated Nia single-handedly instead of my idea where she was Diesel and Nia eliminates her later with some fuckery. Bayley as a winner is just fine by me, and it was neat to see Naomi back. The finish of the Paul/KO match was good ol' Southern rasslin'? I think? Felt like it but I'm far from an expert. Missed most of it visually but could hear commentary talking about movez~ so yeah. Hope KO didn't take some insane suicidal bump that I missed because that dude lowkey has a death wish and no one ever mentions it. Last year's Rumble he's having his head slammed backwards onto the corners of the ring steps, and I think him and Roman had a singles match during the Big Dawg Era when he swantoned onto a stack of chairs but with the tops of the backrests up. Yikes. Men's Rumble was... fine? Surprised Cody won a little but it gives me hope they'll do the right thing this year. They WILL, right? ...right? Presentation was awesome, had some of the usual zoomins and cuts but it wasn't awful and THE TIMES being displayed on screen for multiple big names. The opening felt like I was about to watch a sporting event almost instead of rasslin'. I haven't watched a show to this extent since Kevin Dunn left and if this is only the beginning I like it. Make the phony shit look legit, goddammit.

I had this on Peacock on my phone at work and checked out when the 4-way was announced as the next match to save data. Someone I knew from years ago even texted me to ask when the show was. He declared "no way Randy doesn't win it." Couldn't help but have this reaction: https://youtu.be/G9Pq95GVtXg?si=83wWJSSDiKd7kNWf

Haven't seen or heard anyone throw this out despite how long the Rumble's been the next big show, but I think Jade Cargill shows up as a surprise Women's Rumble entrant and gets a Diesel run for a while. Nia eliminates her somehow cheaply but boom, got a big star in time for Mania season.

It's Arizona that didn't observe MLK Day for years, not South Carolina. Gotta stick up for my home state when someone makes us sound even worse than we are.

You know, I've never been compelled to seek out where wrestlers are staying. Only one time after a 2001 WWF house show (first WWF/WCW match ever as the main event was Taker/Kane v.s. DDP/Awesome) did I try and hang around in the lobby of the hotel that was across the parking lot of the arena. I felt dumb and weird after about ten minutes so I left. Still never happened to bump into any wrestlers I knew about already. I imagine it's harder now since the guys aren't mostly all meatslab mountains like back in the day.

I guess it was in relation to Brodie King's beefy body type? I haven't the foggiest since Morishima weighed more than Brodie I thought.

No, you certainly heard that about Garcia.

Lethal! Briscoe! WHO IS THE JOBBIEST JOBBER IN THE TOURNAMENT

"Say, that was pretty good, Toni Storm's done a total 180 since six months ago! Please don't fuck this up." (Riho arrives) "THIS IS WHY I DON'T GET EXCITED"

Something I haven't seen mentioned yet: Has WWE started... *trying* with their PPV sets again?

Fucking deal with it. I'm so hyped right now.

Isn't the whole point of pro wrestling to make everything look painful and legitimate? There have been countless worked injuries across every promotion all over the planet to either take someone off the road for a while or to set up a return later in a match, so why is Danielson acting like he had a broken jaw/cheekbone/eye socket any different? I *did* get a chuckle out of Claudio demanding a bottle of water to help Danielson because nothing heals a broken jaw like... pouring water on it?

Stop running Chicago so much! Let them breathe!

Yeah, but Rock has hardly worked any matches in the last two decades. He's up there but his bump card isn't necessarily.

First Jade match where I was going "damn, this is actually pretty fuckin' good" while watching the highlights (the last seven minutes of the match) on YouTube this morning. If WWE can teach her how to work, give her those oh so vital reps, absolute megastar who's doing the media rounds when they have WrestleMania or SummerSlam next year.

I know it's meant to look like Lakers font, but the STATE of that Full Gear logo.

No one. Grand Slam, "2nd Set?" This is their third time running the place, how is it considered the second set?

I've never watched one of these press conferences but I'm sure as shit watching this one. EDIT: Also, we got two big bangs of carny tonight between Saraya's family and Jericho getting his band a payday for one verse.

"Fuck you horse, I'll kick your ass!" A man to be emulated.

(laceygettingintothering.gif)

Who knew Leatherface was such a Kurt Angle fan.

How did no one mention "My Way" and X-7?

Sorry, I don't dig people who don't look or work remotely credible in any context.

I'll take chalmydia.