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piranesi

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Everything posted by piranesi

  1. Okay. I just tried to watch the Fox Sport 1 highlight show. "Later in the quarter Blaine Gabbert...Blaine Yo Gabba Gabbert..." ...and I just turned of the Fox Sport 1 highlight show. If I want to be fucked by Chris Berman, I know where to go for that. I actually have a standing appointment every Monday.
  2. Was that in the just the novel, or also the movie? I don't remember that part from the film, they never really explained the monster beyond "it's a haunted car with a jealous streak and a bad temper, just deal with it". Oh yeah. The movie has that prelude scene that shows the car being posessed as soon as it's built. I forgot about that. It's the book reveal that sucks. In the book, the first owner put his own spirit into the car. The movie just leaves it ambiguous. That's actually better and lets the jealousy angle work.
  3. Man, Taker really got in touch with his feminine side after that first WM match with HHH.
  4. Yeah, that's usually a pet peeve of mine. Especially in those moments that're supposed to be funny, like a cheesy oldie being played over brutal violence for a horrific/comedic effect. The weirdest thing is that sometimes the obvious choice can work; for example, I just saw Christine for the first time. Every song the car's radio plays is the most thunderingly uncreative choice possible, but somehow John Carpenter (who's always been great with his use of music) made it genuinely effective. Now those I thought were great. Those songs were Christine's equivalent of Freddie's winking to the camera. It was like her little joke with us, and it was great how the actual people never got it. I remember I complained about WATCHMEN using all the most obvious musical cues until some smart ass "reader" had to point out that most of them were in the original books. Dammit. Thinking of CHRISTINE. What I hated was the explanation they gave. I really wish they had gone with the car actually being a demon, a female demon, who just wanted to bond with a human and drive. It makes it so much more emotionally wrenching and makes Arnie less of a fool. Like, if you go that way, it really is every one else's fault. All Christine wants to do is drive...and live in harmony with a driver. And all Arnie wants to do is drive her. They could have been utterly blissful. The two of them could have been perfectly happy just driving the backroads forever. But all these busybodies had to get in the way because Arnie was becoming abnormal or whatever...he wasn't following society's plan for him. It becomes a great metaphor for, like, outcasts or alternative lifestyles or something or stifling social mores or something. Instead they went with a guy using the car to...do something...be immortal...it was just some asshole guy who deliberately inhabited the car...like with a spell or something? how boring.
  5. Shit. Do you have their twitter? I'm ready to get started. Fuck it, I'll just search for @RealPersonX
  6. I hate when directors or whoever actually have enough money to buy the most obvious choices. When musical cues are that, sort of, standard I guess, I always feel cheated...like I could have thought of that. My fucking dad could have thought of that.
  7. That last part does betray a certain lack of confidence. Like, what do you say when your killing machine asks you "Why did you design me to feel pain and fear death?" and at best maybe you'd be like, "Look, I like you Icthyan murderbot, but why should you get off the hook?" "Fine, but why did you program me to wish I was an architect? You know I can't ever be an architect! I HATE YOU!"
  8. It looks like he's trying to do the Cena thing as he hits the ground...like he was going to, but he was too late...but then he couldn't stop his body from comically doing it anyway. I know that's not possible. But it's all I can see now.
  9. It all seems pretty shady. They're just spreading the same content (less actually as they lost EPL) over more channels and demanding more money. Because there's "more"...but there's not, really. There's less.
  10. These words right together make me uncomfortable. I have the urge to say very clearly, "No. No, Oprah. No rub."
  11. Best part is the Hoff will watch and when he does he will say out loud to someone (and hopefully tweet), "I'm glad they were able to build off of what we started..."
  12. My awesome wife just came back from the store with this: In the background Arsenal are losing getting fucked by a bald cunt referee.
  13. So, clearly you meant to type "why wouldn't you make it roar?" So, I thought I'd just throw that up here so no one thinks you're out of you rmind.
  14. I've had one since May and have had pretty good battery life. I go through and shut off apps periodically...don't know if that makes a difference. But I'm also not like a "power user" using it for business all day. The most taxing thing I do is stream music for a few hours a day, and I still have a healthy batt. life at the end of the day.
  15. Sweet. Holy shit, he also directed a movie with his dad in it along with Clu MOTHERFUCKING GULAGER!!! I just watched the MST3K of PARTS: THE CLONUS HORROR and was pleased to see that they gave Keenan his props, yelling out "Hey, It's Keenan Ivory Wynn!" and quoting one of his lines from DR. STRANGELOVE. I like this little tidbit from Keenan's dad Ed Wynn's Wiki page: Because Ed Wynn's dad was a high-falutin hat salesman...so, you know, the shame. Unfortunately, I think there are too many parts of Evil Ed's career that are not safe to Gif on this board.
  16. A PIRANHA blast for you. Blah, Blah..The original PIRANHA... Joe Dante, history, legacy...Every time I look up one of these PIRANHA people, I find pure Hollywood magic. And so I give you a third installment of AWESOME ACTORS BURIED IN THE CAST OF PIRANHA: AMY HOLDEN JONES The whole reason I grabbed my laptop and started googling people while watching PIRANHA was because of a striking-looking woman who shows up in an early scene in a tiny uncredited part. She does nothing but hand someone some keys at a Hertz Rent-a-car desk. That's it. But she does it with style and elegance and a face that is waaaaaaaaay to exotic and intense looking for such a throwaway role. So I had to know if she was "somebody." Here she is in her only scene in PIRANHA: Hi there, sad Hertz lady. James Taylor makes me feel lonely too. If she even has a line at all, then it's something like "Here are your keys." or "Would you like to purchase the insurance?" or "Our O.J. Simpson guarantee means you're always in good hands!" She looks like Juliana Margoulis playing the part of a 70s Italian horror film actress or something. Her name, it turns out, is Amy Holden Jones, and this is her only acting role. I've mainly been writing up people with close to 300 or so...so what gives? Well, what gives and why this triggered an entire series of ridiculous posts about PIRANHA is that Amy Holden Jones' career behind the camera is 100 percent madness. In 1975, at the age of twenty (so, what a college sophomore?) she made a student film called A WEEKEND HOME and submitted it to AFI's student competition. One of the people on the panel was Martin Scorsese. She won and Scorsese liked the movie so much that he offered her a job as his personal assistant on a little movie he was making the next year called TAXI DRIVER. Remember now, this isn't lovable grandpa Scorsese with the thick glasses and aw shucks attitude making HUGO: Not this guy: No, this 20-year-old coed was now sitting next to coked-out madman "Have you ever seen what a .44 Magnum will do to a woman's pussy?" Scorsese: This Fuckin' guy: Three years later Scorsese hired her to edit his whacked-out documentary AMERICAN BOY: A PROFILE OF STEVEN PRINCE which is a super messed up movie about a pretty messed up dude. So, from film school to the set of one of the most important movies ever made. It was there that she met two people that would become very important to her life an career. Michael Chapman, the Director of Photography on this and later on RAGING BULL (and, like, 50 other pretty huge movies) who would become her husband, and Roger Corman, her future producer. This leads to her connection to PIRANHA. Corman, it seems, suggested that Joe Dante hire her to edit the infamous HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD, which some of you know from the Corman doc. MACHETE MAIDENS UNLEASHED! was a movie made as a bet between Dante and Corman that J.D. could make the cheapest movie ever made. As a movie that was strung together out of a lot of found footage mixed in with new stuff to connect it all together, it must have been a blast and a chore to edit. Thus in one year she worked on TWO of the most important films ever made (and now I need to rewatch MACHETE MAIDENS to see if she shows up in any of the footage. It was through Corman that she also got her start writing and directing. She would eventually write the screenplays to the following movies (just the highlights): MYSTIC PIZZA BEETHOVEN (with "the dog and Charles Grodin," not "the guy and Gary Oldman"...she would also seriously cash in on all the sequels with one of those "characters by" credits) INDECENT PROPOSAL THE RELIC She wrote this to happen: This is from THE RELIC, not BEETHOVEN. For Corman she also wrote and directed LOVE LETTERS, a "thriller"(? maybe) apparently starring Jamie Lee Curtis that I have never heard of. Amy directing Jamie Lee: and here directing Halle Berry in something called THE RICH MAN'S WIFE Does ANYONE remember this? Or know why behind them Jonathan Hodgman is playing Colonel Sanders? So in the directing we're not talking quality necessarily here, just weirdness. And it gets weirder. For you horror/slasher fans, she is a huge part of one of the bigger successes (and debacles) in the genre, being picked by Corman to direct what was supposed to be feminist author Rita Mae Brown's scathing deconstruction of slasher films, which ended up being the insanely bad THE SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE. Some of you probably already know that once Corman (and our fair Amy) got hold of Brown's script, Roger decided it was too smarky and tranformed it into a pretty deadpan and incredibly dull straight-up slasher with all of the sarcasm and parody removed (the last vestige of the feminist critique being the killer's use of an oversized drill to kill his female victims... that's what a penis does, people, it drills things and ruins lives!. Amy on set and covered in stage blood: Apparently the working title was SLEEPLESS NIGHT...slasher trivia and cheap-ass production t-shirts! She made this happen: Her Corman-esque cynicism and grindhouse attitude are well summed up in some nice interview quotes (as one of the few female directors in horror, she's given lots of interviews): and on SLUMBER PARTY MASSACRE: and on being a woman behind the camera in Hollywood: I think I might be in love with this woman. SPM was a massive financial success (for Roger Corman and nobody else, of course) and still holds a place in the hearts of horror-con types even though it's really dreadfully dull. Awesomely she is still active, having a new show coming out this Fall on ABC called THE BLACK BOX (which sounds proper creepy) that she is writing and producing, and an insane twitter account in which she writes things like: Today, she's a bonafide Hollywood-crazy diva who takes mad selfies in elevators and trolls people on the internet like a boss. Never. Ever. Stop. Being. Bizarre, Amy Holden Jones. And FUCK YOU, JIM LEHRER! You scroteless withered chump.
  17. I call foul. That's like the third commercial to rip that PSA off in the last few years. Plus CABIN IN THE WOODS. "I learned it from watching you." is the new "I just threw up in my mouth a little."
  18. I've posted this before on the old board, but it's worth revisiting. A really nice review of FIV: THE FINAL CHAPTER, where the guy makes a case for it being both the best made film in the franchise and also the cruelest and most nihilistic in terms of the gruesomeness and coldness of the slaughter. http://www.horrordvds.com/viewarticle.php?articleid=745 I really like that last line...
  19. Are there actually people out there that think F13 is a better series than Nightmare? Because, really, there is no legacy to fuck up with Friday the 13th. They are bad movies (keep in mind, I own them all and love them like strange, deformed children) with virtually no redeemable qualities outside of exploitation elements. Some of the Nightmare movies are actually legitimately good films, and even the worse ones are world's better than pretty much all of the Friday films. I have greater love in my heart for Friday. Maybe because I was really young when it started and there was a mystique about it. It was forbidden and terrifying to me for years before I actually saw one. Maybe because Nightmare 1-5 are almost never on cable, so I just haven't seen them enough to get all trivia-nerd about them. But I think it's just the simple purity of camp and the woods as scary places and how, regardless of the other qualities, all of the first six Fridays get that part right. They luxuriate in the environment, and give you lots of slow panning shots across the treeline and creepy wooden buildings with giant crawlspaces. Nothing is more important to me in horror than "space" and how well a film uses it to make you feel tense. That's one thing I hated about the remake...there was so much super closeup, shaky stuff and the spaces just looked like the spaces in the Texas Chainsaw remakes, and a bunch of others. It was generic. That may also be where Nightmare loses some tiny thing for me. It succeeds really well, like SCREAM would later, in making the suburbs creepy at times...but the main "spaces" are sort of abstract dreamscapes and factories and somehow a big giant surreal factory is actually less creepy to me than a simple silent forest...with a guy out there in it somewhere...with a bag over his head...
  20. We're on opposite sides in a sectarian war. I wonder if it depends on which of the two original series you liked the most...like, that determines which remake you hate the most.
  21. I thought the F13th one was worse in terms of execution. It was just dull. I only saw Nightmare once, but I remember there being a few stylish bits in it. And it at least maintained the tradition of a faux mystery to figure out to destroy Freddie and handled it adequately. The Friday remake managed to take out everything that was atmospheric and fun about the originals.
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