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At least the Harris Bros. have achieved their lifelong dream of being minority owners.

Because it's Eddie's kid.

"Listen up, ladies and gentlemen. Our disgruntled wrestling employee has been on the run for 90 minutes. Average foot speed over uneven ground, barring hernias, is 4 miles-an-hour. That gives us a radius of six miles. What I want out of each and every one of you is a hard-target search of every Pac Sun, Vitamin Shoppe, Sally Beauty, tribal tattoo den, outhouse and Big Doghouse in that area. Checkpoints go up at fifteen miles. Your fugitive’s name is Leati Ani...Anay...An...it's Roman Reigns. Go get him."

I'm a bit late to the party on the whole Miz as champion debate, but I wanted to add a personal story as to why Miz winning the title will always stand out for me. My brother, who was a poster on this board (SgtPepper9876), was intensely anti-Miz. Couldn't stand him I always told him to get used to used to him, because I had a feeling he'd be around awhile, and I was certain that at some point he'd win the WWE championship. This idea was insane to my brother.......he just thought the idea was ludicrous. We would constantly debate it.....more just brothers goofing off and having fun than anything, but also me believing it and him really not being a Miz fan. My brother passed away on November 17th, 2010. His funeral was Monday November 22nd, 2010. I came home that day from the funeral and sat down and watched Raw on the DVR.......I needed to get my mind somewhere else and we both watched Raw religiously on Mondays, so it was a decent way to cope. Well, of course, Monday 11-22-10 was the night Miz won the WWE championship......the night of my brother's funeral....my brother who swore it would never happen. I remember distinctly laughing out loud, saying out loud "Well I'll be goddamned", and then having a decent cry while smiling at the same time. Looking back it's a very surreal and vivid memory.

In other news, Sensational Sherri just sentenced Larry Nassar to up to 175 years in prison for sexually abusing a bunch of gymnasts:

Enjoy the week off.

Here you go, sir. Here's your LA-TEY!! Dunkin' Donuts, you can go straight to hell!

There was a bully who was terrorizing the neighborhood. I gave him an Irish whip, and because there were no ropes to stop him he's circled the Earth 3 times in the past 29 years since this happened.

MSG is class.

Is she AEW bound?!?

He did. He no-sold it.

I kind of wish Shirley would show up in TNA just to see her mix it up with Dixie. "Hi, I'm the front-woman for Garbage." "Same."

Wrestling has always fascinated me. I tell people that I don't watch Hollywood cinema much anymore but I'll watch the shit out of wrestling. I think that wrestling is more honest about its goals and can be much more effective at telling it's story because more often than not it doesn't pretend to be something it's not. It's two people fighting for their livelihoods. It can be just as poetic as Shakespeare or as bombastic as Michael Bay, but the way it utilizes the human body as a storytelling tool is unparalleled. That's what keeps me coming back to wrestling, the way two "competitors" try to both protect and push each other's bodies to the physical limits, walking the razor's edge of creation and destruction. I haven't been around much but I still watch wrestling. I still get excited about writing and talking about it. I miss you assholes. I'll try to write something once a week, but shit happens. LETTTTTTT'S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Jake Roberts vs. Terry Taylor This is one of those perfectly executed matches. And it's a masterclass by Professor Jake Roberts in selling in order to tell a long term story. Both guys go for their finish in the first three minutes, Jake can't hit his and Terry hits his so well that it sends Jake to the outside. This is key for the rest of the bout because Jake sells it like his brains are scrambled. Watch him getting up between holds and how he can't seem to wrestle out of it because his synapse isn't firing exactly right. The announcers sell both guys as solid SMART wrestlers, so not having your mental faculties is going to put you at a severe disadvantage. Taylor chooses to work and arm and Jake sells that too. Once he gets in control again he transitions between holds by trying to work out the soreness in his arm. This key for storytelling in wrestling, using the time between the moves to tell the bigger story. Take note. Jake's still not mentally right when he hits the DDT and he ends up fucking up his pinfall, turning Terry towards the ropes instead of away from them. This is where having great announcers is key to telling the best in-ring stories. They explain how such a move is a tactical error, immersing the audience in the world of wrestling as a "real" fight that requires cunning and athleticism to succeed in. Often times wrestlers today make stories about booking. I love Dolph Ziggler but what is his excuse for losing? "They're holding me back. I work great matches that I planned in advance with my opponent, but they don't want me to win the fake matches so I don't. I'm steamed!" Terry rolls out to the outside of the DDT using the 10 count to his advantage, a perfect way to utilize the rules of wrestling to show how they can be an advantage or disadvantage. Next time you watch a match, where I guy rolls out you'll think - "That shit worked for Terry Taylor!" AND to put the ribbon on the gift, the head injury comes back into play when Terry sweeps Jake's legs out from under him and Jake hits his head on the canvas. This gives Terry enough room to sneak out a victory with an inside cradle. What's brilliant about this match is that you can show this match, which is under 10 minutes, to anyone and they would understand a great deal about the "reality" in which wrestling exists. It lays the ground work for rules and psychology so that one can follow any story from here on out. To me this is the prototype television wrestling match. The rules for wrestling are illustrated clearly so that other matches on the card can build or bend around them, and it displays how effective ring psychology can be in building an effective short match, if you make sure to utilize every moment you're in the ring to telling a story. Telling a story isn't about a symphony of moves that builds to an orgasmic crescendo of head drops and avalanche bombs of death defying madness. It's about making an audience understand how one man can defeat another man in the squared circle. Tenryu vs. Goto https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjcAR8rwZkc This is what's up. Tenryu's WAR promotion had feuded with New Japan. THat feud ran its course. Attendance didn't stay up so Tenryu was like, "Let's bring in them FMW guys and do that." That worked for a minute and then it didn't and Tenryu was like "Okay, I'm done." This match was from that FMW period, hence Tarzan Goto's burly ass being in it. AS soon as his crew took a pair of scissors and cut off Tenryu's boot, I was IN. And the best reaction is when he throw's the boot to the crowd, and they're like "Oh Tenryu's not getting that back at all." I mean if I was the dude who got that boot it would be on a shelf right next to some Kamen Rider models and a poster of Kana. And you know that crowd was thinking the same thing. That boots gone, sorry Tenryu, we love you, but we need this boot on our mantle. You understand. There are many elements to love about this match, one in particular is that it breaks this unwritten rule about referees and makes the ref the main story of the match about halfway. That bastard Goto is jabbing people in the throat with a Sake bottle and cracks it over this poor referee's face, opening up a geyser of blood. Isao Takagi, I think that's who it is - someone correct me, takes over, and he's got the ref's blood all over his shirt. I mean, imagine that scene in BOYZ N THE HOOD, and Ricky just got shot, and Cub Gooding Jr. is holding him and "RICKKKYYY" and then you tap him on the shoulder and say, "Hey, Cuba, you gotta ref this match." And Takagi is kinda biased, cheering Tenryu to get the hell up and defend the honor of this company and all that. C'mon Ricky is dying out there in the alley, pull your shit together. NOW imagine Ricky coming back from the dead, taking the ref shirt back, and finishing the match with a big bandange keeping his grey matter in tact. That's this match you guys. The ref gets all this sympathy, which long term speaking doesn't really help a company draw money, but fuck it man WE'RE TELLING A STORY. Does this wimpy ref have enough fighting spirit to count to three?!?!?!?! I don't knoooooow. Another element I love is Power Bombs. That's that 90's shit, man. I loved the 90's and I love Power Bombs. I Power Bomb my kids today. If I created a wrestler on WWE 2k15 all he'd do is Power Bomb and superkick, Power Bomb and superkick. I love Power Bomb's so much that I capitalize the P and the B because it's important. The last three minutes of this match is Tenryu just hitting all his shit and Goto getting owned by repeated Bombs and top rope elbow drops. Tenryu jacks him a couple times legit, chopping him in the THROAT, and later dropping an Elbow on Goto while he was laying on his side, slamming his head into the ground. Basically the last three minutes are me playing Fire Pro Wrestling deciding what combinations of moves I want to win with again a crappy AI - getting tired and just winning with a Power Bomb. Violence is good. Funk vs. Eddie Guerrero This is Guerrero's NWA/WCW debut and Terry let's shit get crazy because he's a classy guy. Terry shows veteran savvy by bailing out early when Guerroro gets to flashy. Flip all you want motherfucker I'll be outside the ring. BUT instead of being a douchebag and making an example of the flippy guys, Terry still let's Guerroro get the better of him with speed because that's the more interesting story. It's not about one style being stupid, it's about how does Terry Funk ADAPT to a quicker more athletic opponent. So you get to see some creative solutions to Funk's problem like utilizing a giant swing OR just man handling the smaller Guerrero by bodyslamming him over the top rope straight to the floor. The piledriver to the floor is overkill, but it tells the story that Terry Funk IS overkill. He's dangerous and that kind of play is disgusting and desperate. Can Ric Flair fight a man like this? Should he even come back and fight a crazed bastard like Terry Funk? Guerrero made the most of his time, and Terry gave him enough space to execute some cool spots. It's perfect for both guys because Terry looks desperate and dangerous and Eddie looks like a young guy to keep your eye on the future as he gets more bouts under his belt. SONG OF THE WEEK BECAUSE OBVIOUS.

For what, fudge?

What is wrong with you?

In 1957, my grandfather was given a literacy test when he tried to register to vote. He passed. He was a fucking Naval RADAR tech in WW2 so of course he knew how to read. When that failed to disenfranchise him, he was told he needed to pay a poll tax. He paid it since he worked as a supervisor at the Norfolk Navy Shipyards and was making pretty good money for that time. Since he worked at a federal facility, he did not suffer the ignobility having to use a Coloreds Only bathroom, but the shipyards were in a part of town that had restaurants that did not serve black people. Anyway, when the poll tax failed to disenfranchise him, he was told to leave because the literacy test had taken so much time that the courthouse was closing for the day. When he refused, he was charged with criminal trespass and was bitten on the arm by a police dog. Charges were dropped when he threatened to sue and he eventually got an arm tattoo to cover the scars from the bite. So I guess what I am saying is fuck going back to the fifties.

ANYWAY...

Poor JoJo. If Bray's intimate moments are anything like his career, it's probably a lot of talking about what he's going to do that never goes anywhere satisfying.

Word is Sin Cara filed the paperwork for a US title match but he was disqualified due to a technicality. On the page where it states "Do not write in this space." Sin Cara wrote "OK"

I don't want to tell you what Lana is spelled backwards.

I will apologize for two things. One, if this has been posted. Two, if this is too much... but I will say it had me dyin

Just to add a few thoughts: I mostly watch WWE. I occasionally watch NJPW. I kept up with TNA/Impact in 2016 because of Broken Matt Hardy. I still follow their women's division and Killer Kross. I've peaked in on Joshi and MLW. I tried CMLL for a bit, but didn't get into it. Maybe I'll try again. I never watched WCW or ECW. I keep saying that I'm going to YT a bunch of older stuff, but haven't yet. Maybe one day. I'm not liked around here. Not with as much as I get crapped on by certain people and their friends. My being a fan is a bit weird, I think. I have a lot of gaps in what I know and would enjoy learning more from other fans. But I'm not friends with anyone away from the board. Frankly, several of you are mean and overly aggressive. Which wouldn't be so bad if the majority didn't seem to go along with the bad treatment. I don't post here as much as I did. I come back because I've been here for a while. Old habits, blah blah blah. But for a group that claims community, that's not true. It's no fun to give opinions and have those opinions mocked because some of you absolutely have called me a dumb-fuck sheep for not hating WWE. I'm not looking for sympathy. I have free will, I know when to sign out and not deal with the drama. But if you ever wonder why someone in a position like mine doesn't talk as much, there's often a good reason.

Imagine if WWE had booked Goldberg like that when he was in a position to draw money for them.

Nikki and Alexa: The Teenage Years

I heart Nia Jax

I have thoughts on this show, but right now, I just have tears in my eyes seeing Ruby Riot doing work here. Ruby/Heidi/Dori is a local girl. She was a waitress at a local wings place in town that my girlfriend and I would go to pretty frequently. The first time she waited on us I had a Samoa Joe shirt on and she asked if I was a fan. I said I was and she mentioned she's a wrestler and was actually going to do a tryout for ROH. She waited on us multiple times after and was ALWAYS awesome. She's such a cool person. I actually had no idea she was signed by WWE. Last week when she came out it was one of those things where I went, holy shit, is that...? Then tonight, I called for my girlfriend to take a look and she was like, "holy shit!" It was really, really, really fucking cool to see her make it to this stage and I hope she keeps rising up the ranks. Way to fucking go, kid!

That's why I kicked your Bryan out from under your Bryan!!!!!!!

That's why you call a 20x20 WWE Ring a Royale Ring.

*record scratch* *freeze frame* "Yup, that's me. You're probably wondering how I ended up in this situation."

"The crowd that had gathered around the incident was able to point out that Lawler had first hid the chain in his mouth, and then his boot, and then down his trunks, but the authorities remained befuddled."

Oh. My. God.

Oh man these Fashion Police segments, I strongly approve!

Seth Rollins was 30 Years Old.

My cellaphone sent me an alert to this tweet. Edit: AND I figured out how to post tweets on the board. What a glorious morning!!!!

Can we at least agree it's not as bad as the first thing we all thought when we saw a Lawler Garbage Fire thread?

1) The in-ring quality from the past two years has been absolutely fantastic. You can probably start off at Summerslam 2013, which is when the big arching story we're in now started. That's when Daniel Bryan defeated John Cena, which led to HHH costing him the belt via the Money In The Bank Briefcase deus-ex-machina and giving it to Randy Orton. If you can focus out the noise of the news sites and rumblings and other such, then you'll see a ridiculously well-done, intricately told story that took several months from start-to-finish. And along the way there are a ton of amazing moments and matches. The Rhodes Brothers stuff is right up your alley in terms of an angle, if you like 80s type of stuff. It was a great angle that had two really high-end matches. 2) There has been a terrific paradigm shift over that time period where a lot of new characters have debuted and really made their claim. The Shield came in before SummerSlam but cemented themselves as The Authority's henchmen afterwards. Roman Reigns became the next big thing and an awesome power guy. Eventually, personal jealousies among The Shield threatened to tear them apart. But that led to each member really developing their personalities. Thankfully, they stayed together and just cemented an awesome face turn a few months in the making. 3) The best new characters are The Wyatt Family. They're a backwoods religious cult come to see the world burn. Their leader is Bray Wyatt, the real life son of Mike Rotunda. There are very few people who have absolutely nailed a character as well as he has right from the bat. He's the best mic worker in the company. If you follow baseball, someone on here hailed him as the Mike Trout of wrestling. If that doesn't do a thing for you, think of it as this -- he's 26-years-old and already a fantastic promo and character. He has "next Jake The Snake" or "Undertaker" potential. He also looks like someone you'd see back in the day, as he's not some bodybuilder -- he's a short-ish fat dude. But he can really work and has been in some fantastic matches. His match against Daniel Bryan is one of the five best matches of the year. What's even crazier, he might not even be the best wrestler in his stable. His minion Luke Harper is a ridiculously talented monster big man who plays the hypnotized follower to perfection. Their other wrestler, Erik Rowan, started off pretty green and is now another legitimately great monster who has the added benefit of wearing this creepy sheep mask. A lot of smarks were pissed about the Bryan/Bray feud, because it took Bryan away from the title chase and he was being "buried" or what have you. If you can ignore that (and, really, everyone should) then you'll see it as a great diversion angle during Bryan's quest. Along the way, Bryan joined the Wyatt Family in the wrestling equivalent of the end of The Empire Strikes Back before revealing it was a plot to get Bray one-on-one that ended in the biggest pop in a decade. It was a fantastic, all-time great moment. 4) The Shield and The Wyatt Family teased a rivalry in the fall that had everyone bugging out. Things finally happened between the two stables starting in the winter, when The Wyatts attacked John Cena (Bray's opponent at WM) but cost The Shield a chance to win the World Title at The Elimination Chamber. Their feud was just super simple stuff -- both stables cutting promos on each other (Dean Ambrose in The Shield is so friggin' awesome and his partners in Roman and Seth Rollins have become great, too) and having stand-offs. But the charisma and fantastic characters involved made this the best feud of the decade. Their first match was at the Elimination Chamber PPV and is an all-time classic match. Legitimately, if you don't like that match then there's nothing that can be done for you. It's a lot of people's Match Of The Decade. They had a rematch on Raw two weeks later that was nearly as great. And their third rematch was on WWE Main Event this week and was also fantastic. All three matches are completely different from each other, too. The WWE has really become a great place for tag team and six-man wrestling. It's so much like the NWA in that way. 5) Another amazing young star is Cesaro. Cesaro is just a ridiculously talented strength-based wrestler. His feats of strength are just unreal. He's also been in a ton of fantastic, amazing matches. He's a total throwback to guys from back in the day. He's had five matches within the past calendar year -- Two on NXT vs. Sami Zayn, one on NXT against Steven Regal, one against John Cena on Raw and one against Randy Orton on Smackdown -- that are fantastic. 6) What's NXT, you ask? It's the WWE's minor league. It's a total throwback to old syndicated wrestling shows. Their one hour long and filled with some really fun characters and some very good matches. Most of the performers aren't as polished as their big show counterparts but are fantastic. 7) The Usos are the next great Samoans, which any old wrestling fan should love. They're the best tag team in the league right now, in a world that includes The Shield and The Wyatts and a bunch of other fun pairings. They're somehow both really strong and can also fly. They also have a ridiculously great entrance and produce non-stop quality matches. 8) Paul Heyman is an amazing manager. I know I'm probably forgetting a ton. But I think the WWE has been better than it ever has been right now.