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"The first thing anyone notices about her is the garish makeup, a sick carnival mockery of feminine glamour. It twists her face into a kind of totem and makes one unsure if she is human or android. Make no mistake, however, the malevolence that hides behind that mask of absurd paint could never be achieved by technology. It is a degree of vile rage and insecurity that only exits in the human being. From a young age she has been objectified by society and now she extracts her revenge. The revulsion she felt from early in her life for the people around her was so powerful that it literally stunted her growth, her bones hardening prematurely in a mad act of defiance that has left her in a constant state of pain and unease. She seeks only to spread that pain. Her first weapon of choice is cruel emotional scourging of the weakest and most vulnerable. She seeks to amplify their own fears until they strike out at each other eventually causing a society-wide massacre, a spiritual purge that somehow empowers her as it kills the world around her. When that fails, she resorts to physical violence. If you could ask her what she is she would not answer you. She would merely point out your most obvious physical deficiencies and and wait for you turn you back in shame so that she can slice into you with the nearest sharp object. But if you ask me what she is, I will tell you. She is the purest form of human. Not the most evolved, but the least, and therefore the truest. She is the version of us that reigned before the weakest apes took shelter in politics and camaraderie. She is the most disgusting and perfect human animal. Next week: Hijinks ensue when she invites her boss to dinner but the oven is broken."

I mean, they could just turn him heel and see what happens.

No mere woman could, but perhaps a goddess.

Stephanie = Terrible Vince McMahon HHH = Oddly excellent 1998 Sgt Slaughter

I read this on Twitter. They booked that like they know that Braun Strowman is the guy, but there's an ancient curse that will kill us and it can only be reversed if Roman Reigns pins Brock Lesnar at a WrestleMania. #WWEChamber

I was confused about the booking of both the Chamber matches. Not with who won really, but how they got to those winners and how the others were eliminated and such. They were decent matches, but that booking was not that great. For example, that was basically a heel turn for Sasha in the Chamber. But then Bayley is eliminated leaving the crowd to decide who to cheer for - either the one who just turned heel on her best friend or the champ who has been weaseling her way through matches for months. The crowd would've been much hotter if Sasha were pinned and eliminated after the belly to belly from the ropes and then Bayley was fighting to win. Sasha could've laid in the ring or off to the side selling the belly to belly for 5 or so minutes while Bayley and Alexa have a good back and forth, but then Sasha can come to and cost Bayley the match. The heel champ Alexa doesn't win cleanly, and it sets up the new rivalry between Sasha/Bayley heading in to Mania. And then Braun eliminates every other person in the match, but Reigns wins. But then he gets beat up by Braun. Not a great way to build a challenger to the title. I understand keeping Braun strong, but why would anybody truly get behind the guy who barely won after the other guy did all the work in eliminating everybody. Braun should've been pinned after taking that powerbomb, and then everybody else hits their finishers on him right after, and then they all pin him, and then he still kicks out at 3 1/2, and then he destroys everybody before leaving the ring. Then the match can continue with everybody else and Reigns can win by beating Cena or Rollins at the end. It just seems like they are overcomplicating these things that shouldn't be that complicated

I hope no one smartens him up about where Yoko and Piper were really born.

Haven't seen it mentioned here but line of the night has to go to Graves in the chamber match "Elias must be comfortable behind the plexiglass because that's how he would talk to his father"

You're just like everyone that didn't believe she could win the Elimination Chamber.

Braun has a dad bod? Jesus fuckin Christ

I have not seen a dad built like Braun.

Asuka's hardcore. She'll take 'em both.

Could have been a lot worse for u Tito Santana!

Carmella is coming out and cashing in on Brock, calling it.

I'm saying there's a very good chance Braun would, if positioned that way, sell more tickets, more t-shirts, and more Network subs, abd not taking the chance on him is a poor business decision on someone that has basically proven to be about 85% of Cena.

I'm probably way in the minority but I feel the awkward/stumbling-a-bit-on-the-mic Ronda makes the badass switch more effective when it gets flipped.

Make her suffer Baley.

Piper and Sonny Chiba did in the 90's, that's kinda the same!

Because she doesn't get the element of surprise. If she waits until Alexa is gone, Bayley is ready to fight her, and Sasha knows Bayley tends to always beat her. She made her choice that Alexa would be easier to beat one on one. Plus, as we learned last month, if you have a back, Sasha has a knife.

I am going to say it. These fuck finishes that Roman gets around this time for the past couple of years, screw him and whatever momentum he may have gained in currying fans favor. If the combination of a spear, AA could not finish Braun, and then a curb stomp and Coup De Grace could not finish him, and Braun throughout the whole match has been patient and stalking his opponents, then your finish can't be Braun uncharacteristically charging at Roman and sending himself through a pod and Roman doing the typical which has been established time and time again to not be enough to beat Braun to win this match. This is why I put Finn over Roman. Not because I think Finn is a fantastic wrestler. No, Finn as a worker is just as mediocre and he really lacks the story telling and ring awareness. Finn knows when to change with the intensity in the match. Roman seems to be unaware of anyone else's story within the match and it hurts him. This finish was convoluted like all Roman big matches around this time are. If Roman speared Braun off the top of the pod, I'd buy the 3 count. If Roman speared Braun through the pod, I'd buy a three count. I refuse to believe Braun just changed tactics in match and just threw himself in a pod and Roman just wins. It's a fuck finish in an already boring Elimination Chamber match.

It's gonna be so cool when Bayley wears all black and starts carrying a ball bat.

There are artificial ways to improve your skin quality and complexion at 48, and artificial ways to increase your hormones and musculature at 48; but they tend to be antagonistic paths.

I mean, it's the man's birthday today, this feels required.

I try not to, but I still get sad looking at Bray Wyatt and seeing how terribly WWE lampooned his career for reasons I can't see.

$10 a month seems about right for my total monthly contribution to WWE. I mean, having every major wrestling PPV at my fingertips is worth that to me. Anything fun in their new content's just a bonus. Reigns becoming The Man at Mania by cleanly pinning Lesnar is something they've waited three years to do at this point - they're not going to change course now. But they'd be stupid not to add Strowman to the match, especially with how much they put him over in the Chamber match. Kicks out of a quadruple powerbomb at two, then kicks out of the AA at ONE. The dude is fucking over like a motherfucker right now, especially when he's hitting motherfuckers with other motherfuckers. Continuing on the Braun Train, I enjoy that they don't portray him as this dumb brute, but as a beast that's actually just as smart as everyone else, but he's also HUGE and UNSTOPPABLE and that combination is nearly unbeatable except in extreme situations. I think the smartest thing they did was add one more person to the Chamber match - starting it off with three almost forces them to go right into the action and cuts out the slow period before the first pod opened. It was very noticeable in the women's match, but having Miz as a disturbing factor gave the men's match something to do in the meantime. I enjoy that the pod walls are treated as impenetrable armor, but someone runs at them at half speed and suddenly they're paper. Rest of the show: I've given up on Bray Wyatt. They had the next Undertaker in their hands, and they didn't just let it slip away, they actively threw it away. In response, he's let himself go and obviously doesn't care at this point. And Matt is a shell of what he even was in TNA; I hope Jeff coming back and helping to expand the Woken universe helps because this has been a complete clusterfuck so far. The solution to making Titus O'Neil appear competent is to book him in a bog-standard tag team formula match - at least it was well done in that regard. Titus is the world's shittiest Robert Gibson. Nia Jax is one of those that should've stayed in NXT another year at least, and when they start sending main roster people down to NXT to freshen up, she should be on the first flight down.

Great Alexa Bliss promo.

One thing that is making women's wrestling more interesting is that they are all legitimately jockeying for position within the division. Of course Charlotte and Alexa are pushed heavy but with Asuka in the mix and Nia Jax, Sasha and Bayley and Becky and Naomi it still makes it interesting. Plus, they have some interesting women down in NXT who will make an impact. It feels fresh whereas on the men side everything is so secondary to Roman/Brock.

Herzog's done a Tom Cruise movie and Rick and Morty in the last couple of years, so there's an outside chance he would narrate a Five Feet of Moral Ambiguity documentary for the network.

Marty Scurll will be the most over person with the Mania crowd. Woop Woop.

Hogan came in as a full timer, so Punk would have been ok with it.

I'm still a bit salty that the nWo came out to save Sting.

Sister Abigail is right there..... Well, it would be, if Bray's career wasn't deader than Bayley's. Besides, Bayley was very entertaining in NXT and can work. I still want her to succeed on the main roster. She'd have to run over my dog, back up over the dog, get out of the car and fling feces at me, then insult my mother before I'd wish Bray on her. (I'm kidding. She'd have to do worse than that before i'd want to see her paired with Bray.)

The problem with that criticism is that "an endless grind full of CAPCOM jank" is exactly why the people who like it, like it, from what I can gather. It's not that it is even incorrect, it's just not going to dissuade people. Kind of like Destiny 2, but with anime cat chefs.

They didn't pivot to Bryan in 2015 or Ambrose in 2016. I don't know how people still find the energy to be this outraged.

It just occurred to me that this will be the third year in a row where WrestleMania ends with Roman getting booed out of the building and this fucking company still won't learn. Amazing. Of course, they could avoid this if something else goes on last.

What's Brock's contract situation with this Dana pic? If they can repeat a Wrestlemania XX scenario with him leaving and Reigns as a heatsink it'll be amazing with the modern travelling Mania crowd. They'll be chanting for Johnny Gargano the whole time or Cody Rhodes or something equally absurd.

Watching it again, the best part is how Kurt shuffled around in the background like Stan Laurel or like a guilty little kid while HHH was trying to calm things down. He's literally acting like a slow-witted child while starting an arson orgy between three millionaires.

Cena sounds like a man contemplating suicide right now.

lol fuck this company. I'm done for awhile.

Man. I caught Black Panther on Monday and bits of it are still sticking with me hard. I want to catch it again in theaters and it'll be a day one BR purchase for me. Last Marvel movie to really land like that for me was probably GotG and I honestly liked Black Panther better. Above all else it did an amazing job giving characters with very little screen time a ton of flourish and personality. M'Baku was on screen for what? 10-15 minutes out of 150? And yet I still came out of it thinking he was great, had a lot of depth, and wanting more. And the thing is, there's a ton of other characters I can say that for. The whole movie just popped in a way Marvel stuff hasn't been. The funny stuff was genuinely funny, but moreso because the movie knew when to knock off the jokes and get serious. And also, it raises complex moral and ethical questions then has an ending that reflects and builds those as opposed to the Age of Ultron/Civil War shit where they ask whether the heroes are in the right then just have them punch the bad guys until they fall down and never actually resolve the question. SUCH a great movie. Pretty easily my favourite Marvel film to date and the best at first watch. We'll see if that impression holds, but I can't imagine it won't.

"No I'm not Green Lantern Fan, you lunkhead security guard. He wears a Green Lantern shirt and this is clearly a Black Lantern Corps shirt. I want you to go get your supervisor, and I will be timing you!"