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"Whoa, wait a minute, Scott. What are you talking about? What happens to us in the future? What, do we become assholes or something?" "Nonononono, KUSHIDA. You and Jennifer turn out fine. It's your kids, KUSHIDA. Something's gotta be done about your kids!" "What happened to th-" "THEY'RE FAT."

Probably some poor schmuck who got asked by Virgil to help him with his log-in information and then got charged 80 bucks for it.

God. I don't care that he's 45, crazy, and reeks of TNA stench. If Cena is out there and the opening bit of "Medal" hits, I'm jizzing my pants. Proudly.

DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 07222015 More EXPLORATION! And the new Okabayashi match. ~!~ SINGLES GOING STEADY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIASUKE SEKIMOTO vs YUJI OKABAYASHI- BIG JAPAN PRO WRESTLING- 7/20/2015-[RASMUSSEN]: This is for the Big Japan Strong Style Title held by Sekimoto. I used to hate Sekimoto and then, over time, he got beaten into my heart, mostly by Kohei Sato. Okabayashi is my current favorite wrestler. I like his intensity. I like the intensity of everything in Big Japan that isn’t their shitty death match division. It’s strange. It’s like liking McDonald’s for the salads, or liking Burger King for the salads. Or liking Wendy’s for the salads. Let’s enjoy the best salad Big Japan can toss at us. Salads! They start the Strong Style belt match by doing the strong style test of shoulder blocks and THERE IS ALREADY BLOOD? Fuck. And. Yes. Actually, reviewing it, it’s hardway from the LOCK-UP. That bodes well for DEAN’s enjoyment of a wrestling match. They ram into each other and call each other pussies and then Sekimoto bowls him over for two and blood is smearing on Okabayashi’s chest as they take it to the floor. Okabayashi FUCKING fucking MOTHERFUCKING CRUSHES Sekimoto’s chest with a chop. I dunno, I can’t explain why I love this style of wrestling so much yet I have no patience for MMA. Actually, I was smartened up about wrestling when I was 6 and was never into boxing as much I got into wrestling- so I think is a correlation- because boxing in 1973 was the greatest boxing that boxing will ever be- Ali, Frazier, Foreman, Norton, Jimmy Young, Shavers, those white guys whose names elude me right now. So if I took Blackjack and Wahoo over Ali and Frazier- both sports of which were on TV back then- there has to be a reason why I like wrestlers who lay it in over fighters who actually punch each other in the stomachs. My theory is that I am a a romantic and I love art. MMA is a sport. Wrestling is an art. People who look for fulfillment in sports are weirdos and losers (unless it’s the CFL- and then it truly is inspiring feats by heroes of the grid-iron. Mike Pringle was Ullysses! Rakeem Cato is a Christ-like figure.). But art, even wrestling- the lowest, most fucked-up of the arts, is supposed to expose and enrich the human spirit. So wrestling wins, fuck you, everything else. Okabayashi bodyslams Sekimoto to the floor and then hits a very fat fatboy Piscado and the beating through chops are exchanged into the crowd. Sekimoto goes on offense and he is intense while Okabayashi leans into the posting. They try some stuff but don’t actually execute it well at all. That’ll cost you a star. Prolly. They cover it up by beating on each other so the STAR IS REGAINED! Sekimoto brings totally fat ass forearms to Kobatashi’s gigantic skull and I really like it when you watch the Big Japan Strong Style Division and they really start fucking laying it in. They do that at this point. Sekimoto hits a brainbuster to procure the Eudylike Chinlock and they fight in and out of that for a little while to MORPH into them beating the hell out of each other again to set up a headlock. Okabayashi Backdrop Drivers out and I assume he will procure a Mister Fuji nerve pinch to set up a Released Toprope Death Valley Bomb. But I am wrong- they en lieu elbow each other in the face while on their knees to get to chopping each other on their feet to Sekimoto running into the ropes to accept a manly powerslam by Okabayashi to allow Okabayashi to procure the Octopus Hold. I love the backwards psychology of using highly visual power moves to set up very static submission holds. It’s like the 70s style in reverse. Sekimoto hits the ropes to allow Okabayashi to murder him with chops. Sekimoto fires back with his own murderous chops and a dropkick and corner lariat to probably set up an Airplane Spin. But no. Argentenian Backbreaker- which predates the Airplane Spin. Okabayashi muscles out and transitions through a sleeper into his own Argentenian Backbreaker- as the Argentenian Backbreaker is to Big Japan Strong Style what the Western Lariat is to the King’s Road Style. I dig little things like that. Sekimoto mirrors Okabayashi's escape from the backbreaker but settles in for a Sleeper as the mirror is augmented and distorted to make the psychology more lush and vibrant. Okabayashi cures all this girly shit by fucking KILLING Sekimoto with a running powerbomb into the turnbuckle. Okabayashi hits he fucking Deadlift Brainbuster that is soooooo fucking MANLY. And keeping with the story of the match, these visually stunning spots lead up to a static submission- a Boston Crab. Sekimoto makes the ropes and collapses in a heap to allow Okabayashi to gos up for the frog splash and they battle at the top- with Okabayashi winning the struggle and hitting a really great Bucket Of Fried Chicken Fatman Missile Dropkick! That move I haven't seen from our boy Okabayashi. Sekimoto powers out of the tombstone so they can crush each other with lariats and German suplexes. Okabayshi hits the Shotgun Lariat but is too SPENT to make the cover. I await the Stump-puller. Instead, they go back to beating the hell out of each other. I and the audience assume this is now going Broadway as Sekimoto hits a fucking beautiful lariat to set-up his deadly EVEREST SUPLEX but Okabayashi fights out of it before getting kicked in the head and then taking it. For 2, this is Broadway! I can feel it! Except I read the results on Cagematch before I watched so I have to suspend my disbelief! Sekimoto hits a really nasty lariat and it looks like it's over but the chopping- but Okabayashi fights out of another EVEREST and hits a few chops and lands a SKULL CRUSHING lariat for two. Okabayashi ascends the turnbuckle and hits his finisher, the frog splash for the WIN! Butbutbutbut WTF? Sekimoto kicks out! That's the finisher you don't kick out of! Unless.... Total Broadway? Not now. They've given Sekimoto the kick out of the Okabayshi Finisher. That can only mean: Okabayashi hoists Sekimoto up and just fucking VADERS Sekimoto with a powerbomb. For the win! For the belt! Fuck yes! This is the year of Yuji Okabayashi! So this is also MY year as a wrestling fan. And that's what's important. To me. It's a great match and A strange match and it Is not like other Big Japan Strong Style matches. The psychology of the match was giant moves to set up static moves. I feel like this would have a perfect match if the powerbomb set up a Indian Deathlock or a Sharpshooter. But maybe that idea is for the rematch. I'll take this everyday and twice on Sundays. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2yu62u_daisuke-sekimoto-vs-yuji-okabayashi-on-7-20-15_sport More Later tonight! YEP!

@BellaTwins: [email protected] can we have a hug??? Maybe all of #TeamBella ??? What do you say??

My gimmick table at Wrestlecon New Orleans was right next to Virgil. Hearing him work for seven hours was magical. Dude is a hustler through and through and every time he got a big fish he would look over at me and smile and nod.

Insert Mark Henry air bill joke here.

Really, all I want is just one hour alone with Becky. Maybe a bottle of wine and some nice music. Something to really get her guard down. So that I can gently but forcefully explain to her why Tiger Mask vs. Dynamite Kid sucks.

Ok, I did!

I've been telling people this for over a decade now. Dude never paid for a meal or a drink or a bump to first class in a 2 week Alaskan tour. At one of those NWA Legends conventions in Charlotte in 2008 I watched him crash a wedding that was happening in the same hotel. He did take a free photo while filling up his plate.

Is there a Sam Roberts story that I missed that makes him a douche? He always seems like a genuine and affable dude.

Sandman should've been the illegitimate son. That would've been tremendous television.

Also standard Vince booking: turn chicken shit heel champ into a bad ass before taking the belt off him. For better or worse.

Goddamn dust in this room http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=13295296

Lessons needed to be taught. I'm edumacatin', dalmit. I SAY, I SAY, SON, YOU CAN'T GO TO THE CLOTHES STORE IN A PUBLIC ROOM, BOY, SOME MANIAC - PAY ATTENTION TO ME WHEN I'M TALKIN' TO YOU, BOY - I SAID SOME MANIAC MIGHT COME ALONG AND BLOW UP YOUR FANCY NEW CAR. CAR, THAT IS. Us: Foghorn Leghorn Everyone else: That fool dog

I was watching WCW and my dad was in the room with me and Virgil came out for a match. It was right when he had dropped the Vincent name, so Schiavone explained how now he was going to wrestle under his real name, Mike Jones. Heenan, without missing a beat, goes 'Mike Jones? What's his dad's name, Tom Smith?' My dad burst out laughing before stopping for a second and saying 'wait, that doesn't really make sense' and going back to his paper.

That's absurd. Nearly all of them might be related to Naitch. He's a Petri dish in alligator shoes.

Sabin's hurt so the Sabin/Kushida team is out of the GFW Tag Tournament. Kushida's now in the LEXIS*NEXIS tournament instead. Also, unavailable due to injury are The English Lords. If Kushida can only team with guys from Michigan then they should've teamed him with Scott Steiner. Steiner can drive the DeLorean. Time-traveling Scott Steiner.

http://youtu.be/x2B5d-8H588 All in.

Found this gem while digging through a stack of mags I excavated from the closet.

I remember the first time I saw Bryan Danielson in ROH and I thought, "I bet that guy has great sperm." Glad to know I was right.

You have to admit Golga being black is quite the oddity. I'm sorry.

Been watching a lot of ECW Hardcore TV from 94/95/96....man this is just too damn fun to watch. Ron Simmons, 2 Cold Scorpio, Eddie, Cactus, Funk. Taz & Sabu goin nuts. The Public Enemy being themselves. Sandman being The Sandman after getting hit in the head w a frying pan and forgetting the match finish and having to be PUT down by Cactus Jack.. Shane breaking out as the Franchise w/ Benoit & Malenko as his Triple Threat. Stevie parodying Raven's old gimmicks then, the debut of Raven. Debut of the Dudleys. Debut of RVD. Mikey Whipwreck being pushed as a champion and feuding w Paul Laria. The Steiners, The Gangstas, The Pitbulls, The Eliminators and the whole crazy fn tag division and the way everything just flowed from one feud to the next. Steve Austin, Pillman promos... So much awesome stuff

Because Fuck Randy Orton.

This. ARMBAR or Rousey wins by TKO.

Finger Poke Of Doom. I really hate the angle but that's not even what really pisses me off. It's blatantly false advertising a WHC rematch and then delivering that angle. Also, when Nash tries to excuse it because it aired on free TV. I paid like $50 for tickets. I had great seats too. Perfect sight lines to the ring. Too bad there was a show-long angle aired on screens hanging above the ring and the audio was garbage. I don't think I knew what the thing with Goldberg, Liz, and the cops was about until years later. I don't remember if any of the matches were any good. I know I saw Benoit vs. Horace Hogan and Booker vs. Emory Hale. Waitaminute, dawg! Whut da Hale!?! People watch this now and try to say it's great because of the heat because they think garbage equals heat. Those were legit angry customers. I saw people ripping up their Wolf Pac shirts and throwing them away and vowing to never come back. WCW actually managed to kill their home base that night. Also, it was like -4 degrees that night. Icy, cold. Just miserable.

The best part of this thread is that there's a Tommy Dreamer knockoff out there somewhere.

He works on the Opie Show, also has his own radio show, and in addition to that, hosts a wrestling podcast oftentimes with the adorable Katie Linendoll. And is a good guy all around.

I'm hoping for Bob Barker.

Big Man spelled 'Jamming' wrong. J-Cup Tournament instead of Survival Of The Fittest. Winner gets a 'J'. So if Mark Briscoe wins, he'd become J Briscoe. Or if the winner already has a 'J' then they get another. So Jay Briscoe would become 'Double J Briscoe'. Or if both finalists already have 'J's then the winner gets the loser's 'J'. So if Jay Briscoe beats Jay Lethal, then Jay Lethal has to be 'Ay Lethal' until he can win back his 'J' next year.

I don't think any one could have summarized our crew in 10 words or less any better. So last night I thought to myself, "You know, it's been a long time since I got an NPC bounty." Literally 2 minutes later, I get the text, "You stole my ride...." Boom, $7000 bounty. I get followed and I screwed up a sticky bomb, and he blew up my car, which I needed to respray for Simeon as my final objective of the day. Oh well, I go hunting again. Find a car nearby just to head back into town. "You're dead" $3000 bounty. God damn it. I call for my armored car so I can hunt in relative peace. Within 30 seconds, I have 3 guys chasing me. I shoot 2 of them, but the third one used the chance to blow me up with my Kuruma. Okay fine. Still hunting, find another Simeon car. "You stole my ride" FUCK. $3000. Again, I make a beeline for the east side Mod Shop and I don't make it. The same 3 guys came after me again. I'm done at this point, and start coming after them. Made their life hell for about 20 minutes until I realize it's 11:30 and I want to sleep. Go into a crew only room, find the car, collect my $25k and shut down, happy. 3 god damned bounties in one night. Stupid game.

Oh he got me too. He charged $15 for a picture at the Legends of Wrestling fanfest in 2010. I took a pic and only had a $20. He said he didn't have any change so he took a xeroxed copy of a WWF magazine cover with him and DiBiase on it, autographed it and said he'd throw that in for the extra $5. I didn't really want it but didn't feel like arguing the point. It felt strange that he would charge $15 for something but not have any five dollar bills so I watched his table from afar and saw him do that to at least 4 or 5 other people.

DEATH VALLEY DRIVERETTE 07212015 I’m going to watch a bunch of guys that I’ve never seen before (that I remember) and hopefully find more folks to be into. Let’s go, shall we. SINGLES GOING STEADY! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MINORU TANAKA vs SEIKI YOSHIOKA- WRESTLE-1- 7/4/2015- {RASMUSSEN]: Maybe I’ve seen Seiki Yoshioka before or maybe I haven’t. May be NOW he is to the point that I will remember them! YES! Minoru Tanaka I used to love. I’m glad we never married because we’ve grown so far apart. I felt he has been cruising on his 90’s rep since before he was ever great or anything. Our boy Yosh is a slight fella. I like his elbows and he moves really well. His offense is NJ Junior but he does lay it in so I’m still on board. Here he is good on the mat- in that it he makes it look hurtful and weepy. He works on the knee and it looks cool. Minoru brainbusters Yoshioka to the floor to transition to offense and I remember that Minoru Tanaka used to be fun to watch. Tanaka sinks in the choke and he looks good in this. Maybe I shouldn’t have completely embargoed his every match since 2002. He seems pretty fired up here. Yoshioka sells it pretty well and makes the ropes. He also punches Minoru in the face. Minoru beats him death in response. Minoru laying it in is the really good Minoru. Yoshioka drop kicks to stay on offense. Tanaka hits a really good lookin’ Asai Moonsault and he sells it as an old guy who just did something he shouldn’t do anymore- which is pretty great. Minoru sinks in a crossface and then it goes to pretty much rote New Japan Juniors- which is fine here because they are actually fired up. Yoshioka hits a Falcon Arrow and a Swanton and then a Shining Wizard for two. So yeah, this style has been completely passed by. Tanaka hits a brainbuster and I get back into it a little. Another crossface and I can’t really criticize the selling or execution, it’s just I dig this style anymore and neither of these guys really do anything to make me give a shit. Even the end when they start beating on each other, it’s so ¼ Big Japan Strong Style. The finisher by Tanaka- the Unprotected Death Valley Bomb was pretty cool. The following Released Dragon and Released Tequila Sunrise Suplex were pretty great. Toprope stomp for two is also pretty fun. The strange lariat thing was pretty good. I dunno. I didn’t love this match but I should probably keep watching both of these guys. It needed like five more things to make it really good. I’m a little confused how I feel about this. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2xt04s_minoru-tanaka-c-vs-seiki-yoshioka-wrestle-1_sport $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ YUKI SATO vs AYUMU HONDA- K-DOJO- 7/12/2015- [RASMUSSEN]: I don't know these guys from Adam. I'm taking on all comers! Maybe these guys rule! They might suck! They probably are right in the middle of the Bell curve where I won't hate them but not really care about them one way or the other afterwards either. It's way of the world! You put up the goods or you tell your story walking, fatboy! So, the only way to the TRUTH is to go.........THROUGH! Let us explore the world of wrestlers Dean has never probably seen! YES! The journey beginz (I am street...)...... According to Cagematch.net, Honda is 26 with 3 years under his belt and Sato is 29 with 9 years under his belt. Take these scrubs and HOOK'EM UP! They fuck around for the first few minutes with assorted stalling. They do junior heavyweight in-ring things to kill more time until we hopefully get to the meat of the action. Sato has people at ring-side to help him but they don't really beat the shit out of anyone; they just kinda trip people and do low-grade evil- sorta like a sleazy Japanese Indie nWo Wolfpack. Honda WILL fly into chairs like a CHAMP and will lean into chairs being thrown at him like an even BIGGER, LESS SMARTER CHAMP, so I'm starting to warm up to these two. Sato slams him on the ramp and beats him with a different, harder chair- hitting a complete 15 on the Masato Tanaka I Don't Want To Remember The 1990s Or My First Two Girlfriends Chairshot scale. Hondo fights to transition but Sato beats on him more. And it looks like Hondo (please note that for some reason, I decided in my hilariously ravaged brain that Honda suddenly became Hondo ((A movie (((I FUCKING SWEAR))) I was watching earlier this evening)) and cannot bring myself to change all the "o"s to "a"s. Plus I think it's pretty funny when I think about it. HE IS NOW HONDO FOREVER.) gets some HARDWAY COLOR~! from leaning into the last chairshot. But while I love blood more than anybody- EVEN YOU!, it is starting to feel a little squashy. Hondo battles back but his strikes won't make you forget Kohei Sato or anything. I dunno. It's hard to tell how good Hondo is because of the rookie match nature of this. At least I can tell Sato will beat the crap out of you, which will make me want to keep your matches. Actually, the fact that Hondo will bleed and lean into crazy shit makes me want to see more of him. Then it TRANSFORMS from squash/rookie match into an actual straight wrestling match- where it gets quickly good. Hondo is fun when he finally gets on offence and fatter boy tope con hilos the People of Sato. He does a really nice Alligator Spin Into A Cross-Armbreaker and does a really nice Keylock. This definitely got good quick! YEA! Finding new wrestlers to watch is fun when you find new wrestlers to watch- that are fun! To watch! Goddamn, Hondo is a freak- going throat first into the bottom rope on a catapult and making it look way nastier than it has any right to be. I give it a Doom level of catapult and I give Hondo the Lee Scott What The Fuck Are You Doing You Maniac salute. Hondo hits a really nice missile dropkick and then Judos all the People Of Sato with flips and kick. Hello! FUN! Hondo does a SWEET Rolling Cross-Arm Breaker while Sato is holding a Kendo stick- which had like 75 ways to ruin both of their careers, but they pull it off and YES! they pass my personal creepy audition! Especially Honda. He's a keeper. I am keeping him. I liked Sato too, but not as much. http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2xx97s_yuki-sato-c-vs-ayumu-honda-k-dojo_sport Tomorrow: More EXPLORATION!

Why does he aim so fucking high? He throws his punches like he's trying to punch them in the top of the head, which would look stupid even if he didn't miss by 18 inches. "Because of the way the match was going I'm not sure these spots weren't on purpose to tell you that this match is falling apart because he's hurt and make it more real. It did feel like that was the case. When you can take a match to the level where you go beyond suspending...you know this was like in a new dimension of believability in a sense that you know it's fake but what is real and what is not real as far as what is going on in this match and then they're blowing spots and are they really the blowing spots because the blown spots seem to figure in." - Dave Meltzer "In english PLEASE!"

I thought Trainwreck was really funny and sweet. Amy Schumer is incredibly talented and has really taken it to the next level. There were a few things that could have been edited out of the movie to make it tighter but nothing they left in ruined the movie. I go to about three movies a year. I'm glad this was one of them.

After way too many drinks last Friday night, I proceeded to end the night by attempting to purchase Burger King whilst doing a Dusty Rhodes impersonation. I was then advised that my remarks were unnecessarily homophobic and they wouldn't take my order. Fuck Burger King.

This isn't new.

I hope their finisher is called "It's a Trap!"

Not unless Vince loves Otto Wanz references.

Better watch it, Stout. If you go to GTA juvie on the One, the Sisters' stubble will be so HD that you'll get a rash.

Coincidentally, ( 3 ) looks like a power-hungry asshole.