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Showing content with the highest reputation on 01/31/2014 in all areas

  1. I hope he does comeback, because I preferred it when Punk was the voice of the voiceless whereas now I have to listen to what they actually have to say. It is very little.
    9 points
  2. I was on "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego" as a kid. Here is a story I wrote about my appearance for my friend's old blog. I figured you would like this (and some people even remember this from back when.) The story probably has like 10,000 typos, so be warned. lan Gansberg must be destroyed. That was the only thought going through my head. I was in eighth grade. Do you remember those kids in youth league soccer whose teams would kill yours by like 17 goals? And there was the one kid who scored nine goals already, and he’d try for one more goal, except the ref would call him offsides and he’d flip out and start cursing out everyone in sight and would start bawling hysterically? Or, at the tender age of 12, were you ever forced to be placed in a situation where you had to deal with someone who told you all the ways they were better than you (“I go to private school because education at public schools it terrible,” “I went on a tour of Europe last summer, where did you go on vacation?”) Ilan Gansberg was that person. And I wanted to destroy him. Why? I was a 12-year-old boy. I was small, I was weird and, due to the fact we just got Comedy Central on our local cable system, I was starting to develop my sense of humor, which I would later refine to become one of the greatest comic minds of this generation. I also had a major, repressed chip on my shoulder. Due to my small size and my weirdness, I was picked on a lot as a kid. It was a rare chance that I had to not just fight back, but to also win. And against Ilan Gainsberg... I had a chance to do it. On national television, nonetheless. What follows is a tale unlike any which you have head before, unless, of course, I have already told it to you. This is a story of conflict, absurdity, hubris, triumph and love. This is the defining story of my life. This is the story of my appearance on the early-90’s hit PBS game show entitled “Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?” The Beginning Ilan, albeit a dick, was right about one thing. His private school was definitely better than the public middle school I went to. Our first history teacher that year, Mrs. Kaplan, quit after Chris Russamano pelted her in the face with an egg. We had a permanent sub the rest of the year who pretty much sat at the front of the room chomping on gum and asking girls who they wanted to date. One day, we entered the classroom and were told to take a test. No reason was given. We assumed it was some bullshit prep exam for the statewide test we all had to take that year. It was a simple geography test – identifying states, countries, major rivers, oceans and the like. Being one of the handful of Edison Middle School students who could read at grade level, this thing was a piece of cake. A week later, the people who finished in the Top 30 of this test were told to report to the library. There, we were told about a new television show in the works based off the popular computer game entitled “Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?” They would be casting students from our school to be contestants. They asked us a series of interview questions about ourselves and about geography. A few days later, I learned that I was selected to be a contestant on the show. The Time I Met Ilan About a month later, I went in for the taping of the show, which was in New York’s Chelsea neighborhood. I had never taken either the PATH train nor a New York City subway before then. I had envisioned, from local news reports and the comments of my parents, that New York was a cesspool of crime, violence and despair. I didn’t see too much of that, but I did see a Muslim woman nearly dragged to her death as she threw her purse in the doors of the subway hoping to get on board. We went into the green room, where we met our competitors. One I already knew: Prema. (I won’t even bother to try and spell her last name. It’s long and she was born in India.) Prema went to school with me. She was a really shy, sweet braniac who would later go on to be one of my high school’s valedictorians. Then I met Ilan. Ilan had the smug, awful tone of a pre-teen who feels completely entitled. No doubt, his parents drove a car that cost what my dad made in a year, the tuition of his private school cost more than my college tuition did, he bragged about his SAT-prep scores (“I already cracked 1100!”) and his prowess in both basketball and soccer. And he openly talked about how he was confident he would win the show because he won his school’s geography bee. I immediately wanted to punch him in the dick. I didn’t study too much for the show. This is because I never studied for anything at that point in my life. (Seriously – I had awful grades in middle school. And in high school. And for the first three years of college.) They taped two episodes at a time in the studio. However, the first episode went too long. Our episode would have to happen the next week. And this gave me time to plot my public humiliation of Ilan. The Episode I found every atlas I could find and studied my ass off. I learned Canadian provinces, Australian states and Russian cities. Anytime I put the book down to watch TV or goof off with my brother, I immediately thought about Ilan. And I studied some more. I was on a quest. We went into the studio the next week. And then the episode began. We were introduced on the show (where I did the “Arsenio Dog Woop” gesture which, in 1990, had swept through the country like it was Brooklyn hipster bedbugs), and then we had to answer our first question. I had a ton of nervous energy, and I got a pretty simple question completely wrong. Then came a part of the show that will live on in personal infamy. Remember how earlier I said I had started to develop my “edgy” sense of humor? (This is what we expert comedians refer to as a “callback.”) During this part of the show, we were introduced to the audience. And we had to tell them our interests and what we wanted to be when we grew up. My answers: a baseball manager or a stand-up comedian. We had to go over this earlier with a PA who was preparing us in the green room. I told him this and he flipped out. He asked me to tell him a joke. Being that I was 12, I did not exactly have a full five-minute set rehearsed,and, plus, I’m more of an “observational” comedian anyways. So he wrote a joke for me. And this is what I said on national television: ME: Knock Knock AUDIENCE: Who’s There? ME: Humpty. AUDIENCE: Humpty Who? I then started wildly flailing my arms in a seizure-like gesture that I thought was dancing. “My name is Humpty. Say it with an Umpty.” The audience reaction was a mixture of shock, polite applause and a smattering of boos. I had bombed. On national television. At the age of 12. I was also repeatedly scolded both on and off the air for leaning into the microphone. Despite my C- average, I was the captain of the Edison Middle School academic quiz bowl team. (Where we finished second two years in a row, losing to our cross-town rivals Roosevelt both years. I still hate their captain, Jared Strauss, to this day.) In quiz bowl, we had to lean in the microphone to say our answers. If not, we would be penalized points. We drilled at length proper microphone technique. It was hard to break that. But I soon settled in. And, as you can see in the video, I kicked ass. And then… then I got a little cocky. Hubris The final part of the first round on Carmen Sandiego was set up a little like Final Jeopardy. Host Greg Lee would run down a list of “clues” about what city he was talking about. And then, from three choices, we would have to pick that city. We would also have to select a number of points to wager. The top two after the first round then got to move to the second round of competition. I was ahead. I could have played it “safe.” But I really wanted to rub it in Ilan’s face. I wanted him to walk away knowing I and my failing public school education had trumped his pansy rich kid ass. So I wagered more points than I needed to. Ilan went first. His answer from the clues was Boston. Fuck. The answer I had selected was Newark. I now was going to lose to this shithead, all because I got too cocky. There was only one thing I could do. And that was to cheat. I held up my placard that said Newark. And I loudly screamed BOSTON as loud as I could. Production came to a screeching halt. I asked what was wrong. They told me my card said Newark. I then started to freak out and made myself cry. “I’m so nervous. I’m so nervous being on TV,” I kept on blubbering. My parents and Ilan’s parents were waiting together (and, no doubt, my parents were mortified of my earlier crash-and-burn attempt at humor) in the green room watching our episode unfold. Ilan’s mom flipped out and started calling me a little cheater. Naturally, my parents came to my defense. It was not until years later that I confessed to my parents that I actually did try to cheat. They then asked Prema what her answer was. She, too, picked Newark. And she wagered a lot of points as well. She had finished in last place. I was in second. We retaped the segment. This time, I hold my card and, in an incredibly sad tone of voice, I say “Newark.” Then, a little bit of a suppressed smirk appears on my face, as it started to sink in that this entire day had become a complete and total public fiasco. But, alas, I was onto the second round. The Next Part The second round of the show was a simple guessing game. On a board were various attractions in the city of Boston. Behind the name of each attraction was either a blank space or The Loot, The Warrant or The Crook. We had to find The Loot, The Warrant and The Crook in that order. We did battle and, eventually, The Loot and The Crook were found. But The Warrant still remained out there. Ilan had a guess to find the answer. He was wrong. There were only a few places left we did not guess. And, with a lot of anticipation in my voice, I guessed correctly. I had, finally, defeated Ilan. Victory confetti fell from the sky. I took it all in. And then, I arrogantly turned around to Ilan and shook his hand and said a very condescending “Good Game.” (ADDED EDIT: Richard Sherman stole this from me in the NFC Championship game.) The camera closes in on his face as co-host Lynn Thigpen (aka the mysterious DJ lips in cult-classic “The Warriors”) told Ilan his numerous runner-up prizes. He is clearly welling up with tears. To this day, whenever I watch the tape of the show, I still get a sense of satisfaction as I watch a pre-teen cry at my hands. I then went on to the next round, where I had 45 seconds to identify seven African nations by placing a lighted pole on them. I missed the first one, but then was given two easy ones: South Africa and Madagascar. Then, I was given Burkina Faso. I had written a paper on the nation formerly known as Upper Volta the year before. I nailed it. Then, somehow, I guessed where Uganda and Central African Republic were. Then time ran out. I came really close to winning the grand prize, which was a trip to anywhere in the lower 48 states. But I did, at the end of the show, get to point up to the crane camera and say the three words that defined a generation. “Do It Rockapella!” Epilogue We taped the show that spring. That fall, the show debuted on PBS. My episode aired a few weeks into my first year in high school. I was so incredibly nervous. Your fist weeks of high school are so incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. And here I was, on the air, showing the world what an incredible geek I was. And, not just that, but I also tell a spectacularly bad joke and make a complete ass of myself on national television. I could only hope that no one would actually watch this show. But how wrong I was. Being that is was a new show, a lot of kids did watch it. And not just that, but it was also on PBS. There’s a broadcasting rule that dictates all cable systems have to carry every local over-the-air channel within a certain radius. In New Jersey, there are an insane amount of PBS affiliates within broadcast range: Channel 13, a variety of New Jersey Network channels, another New York City based PBS channel, Long Island’s PBS channel and one from Westchester County. And while the show was on PBS, it did not air every episode in order at a certain time. They could show whatever episode they wanted at whatever time they wanted. And my episode aired, seemingly, for every single day for three consecutive years. I flimed this in 8th grade. I could literally be seen on my local cable provider every day until my junior year of high school I would casually flip through the channels… and there I was, doing The Humpty Dance again. And seemingly every single person I went to high school with saw this. I would consistently get stopped at places like the supermarket with people asking me if I was the kid from Carmen Sandiego. Eventually, I grew to love how ridiculous the whole ting was and came to embrace it. It became a personal “party favorite” to tell people I am meeting for the first time. And this led to something incredibly important to my life. One of my best friends from high school, Kirsten, loved the entire story. In fact, I would venture to say the only way we became as close as we did was because she enjoyed my performance so much. She used to make me play her the tape pretty much every time we hung out. Kirsten went away to college in DC. I went to school in Philly. Years later, we’d start to hang out again. And we were going to a party together with a bunch of her friends from college. One was her old roommate and best friend, Ilana. I heard about Ilana for a while from Kir but I had never met her. I finally did. And the first thing she asked me was if I was the guy who was on Carmen Sandiego. I was. And, four years later, we would get married. The ultimate theme to the story: sometimes cheaters do prosper.
    8 points
  3. Nah, I'd side with my buddy, slap him on the back and tell him if it's what he wants, good for him. I wouldn't walk into his old work and start a WE WANT DOUG chant.
    8 points
  4. He writes like he is a 14 year old girl and has their dream belly button tattoo to match
    6 points
  5. The real story here is that Punk was dumb enough to leave his girlfriend on the road while Batista is around.
    6 points
  6. So much wrong with that Simpsons picture I don't even know where to begin. This, however...
    5 points
  7. Just in time for them to give us every ppv match ever for $10.
    5 points
  8. Have you learned that constantly repeating that talking point over and over again is boring? Irony.
    4 points
  9. I don't recall if it was here or somewhere else, but someone pointed to Punk leaving as a symptom of a larger burnout syndrome that people have been suffering since 2005 or whatever, and wondered why older stars didn't burn out like the new group was. Except, they did, they just jumped to WCW when they got burned out, took a breather, and came back to WWF a couple years later to bigger acclaim.
    4 points
  10. "IT'S MVPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!!!" may be the worst call Tenay has ever made. But that was hilarious.
    4 points
  11. In a world where Nirvana have 2 great albums & 1 really good debut, plus an awesome acoustic record, & GnR have one great record & then a few good songs stretched over generally indulgent records. They also did November Rain & fuck that song.
    4 points
  12. Years before Mark Henry started charging for utilities, this dude was coming to collect. IRS was an AWESOME gimmick. They'd be overseas in a country with a completely different tax system and he'd still cut amazing promos about everyone in Madrid being a bunch of spineless tax cheats. It was hilarious and made no sense and it was awesome. And then he would hit someone with a briefcase that was full of...I don't know, honestly. W2 forms? It doesn't get more AWESOME HEEL than that. IRS is the best of the 90's 'wrestlers that also have other jobs' gimmicks.
    3 points
  13. Entitlement and mingebaggery. The health and safety generation.
    3 points
  14. Middle age Sid has become giant Michael Rooker.
    3 points
  15. Tats-who. Jim Neidhart's Asian cousin. Shit, I think I just figured out KENTA's gimmick.
    3 points
  16. Kim Couture got MULTIPLE fights on television. This shouldn't even be a discussion.
    3 points
  17. Remember some of those early seasons of NXT on Sci-Fi? That pretty much killed any ad-libbing in WWE promos not done by established vets. Maybe they'd get better if they were able to do it a little more often than just on one show? I mean not everybody would be good at it, but it always seemed weird to me that that was something they did on those NXT shows when it would have no bearing on their future WWE career. Yeah, the beginning of the Genesis of McGuillicutty was terrible, but it also doesn't really seem a convincing argument to just never have adlibbed promos. People tend to suck at things they are unfamiliar with. Was Austin a killer promo from day one? No. I mean he probably wasn't quite as bad as that notorious Curtis Axel promo either but the point remains I think. And I'm not saying "adlibbed promos would instantly get every face over way more than they are right now." I just wondered if that was a small thing that contributes to the fact that the WWE are actively bad at making compelling faces these days. I'll take a shitty promo with a guy falling flat on his face over a guy repeating some lines. There's a certain charm in that and adds to the realism. Not everyone in life is a good talker or always has something witty to say. Some people get better at it and watching their progression is cool. When everything's a little too polished it makes it pretty hard to get all that invested in the show. It also must help a wrestler become more deeply invested in his own persona and flesh it out to be something more well rounded if he has to spend hours obsessing over his promo. It allows him to get into that mindset of "what would my character say here? why would he say this? how would he respond if his opponent says this?"
    3 points
  18. Finally, a position every party can endorse.
    3 points
  19. I'm pretty fucking stoked on The Shield vs The Wyatt's. They need to turn that fucker into a no DQ. I want like them fighting in the lobby. It struck me that at this point in his career Christian is the best upper-midcard WCW face. Like...in a parallel universe he's trading the TV title on WCW Saturday Night with Steven Regal or Goldust or something over six months. Or like he's opening up Halloween Havoc going 20 minutes against like some New Japan guy they brought in for the night, like Yujiro, and defending his US title.
    2 points
  20. Vladimir Putin is keeping a close eye on them there.
    2 points
  21. Ebbie, Burgandy & JL are girls. Everyone else just has chests larger than most women.
    2 points
  22. I can't become angered because I didn't think Man of Steel was very good.
    2 points
  23. Wow. Apart from their bleach-blond hair, those three have remarkably little in common. Boogie Woogie was a black israelite? I'm now picturing the boy from New York City yelling at white people near a various Manhattan landmark.
    2 points
  24. He meant bathroom code for the shittiest promotion in the world
    2 points
  25. That will probably just give you herpes somehow.
    2 points
  26. I thought EBT was Jesse Neal's gimmick.
    2 points
  27. I prefer Walter Tiberius Fullington, myself.
    2 points
  28. Val Venis and Scotty 2 Hotty The worm and sperm connection
    2 points
  29. I was always a mark for the Jericho/Guerrero team.
    2 points
  30. Saying 'was on Arsenio' immediately makes me struggle with the concept that Stunning Steve Austin was on the Arsenio Hall show and I don't understand why they sent some midcarder to do latenight instead of Sting or PN News
    2 points
  31. I have this theory about why the Lucha masks were in the Offline version but disappeared from online. I think the follow up to the Beach Bum download pack is going to be the Pro-Wrestling pack. Masks, Wrestling boots, kneepads, tights and singlets, steel chair as a melee weapon, new Minutemen missions rounding up escaped Luchadors.
    2 points
  32. Does Christy Hemme not watch Impact? Or does everybody in the company hate her? Nobody tells her about Sam Shaw's Creeptorium? Seriously?
    2 points
  33. So Blitzkrieg is the Bo Jackson of Wrestling? Magnum T.A.
    2 points
  34. 2 points
  35. Lies and Appetite are better than every Nirvana album. And I like Nirvana.
    2 points
  36. Short answer is that it is easier to get over as a heel than as a face. The heel gets to be more proactive, generally gets to do more of offense in a match, and gets to say cool stuff. The faces are usually reactive and sell programs by getting their asses kicked for 75 % of the time. So you have a lot of guys who can only get over as heels trying on the face role to see if they are one of those rare birds. Some guys are good at it and some can't make the transition. R Truth can't call the crowd racist and still be a face. It don't work. Miz can't for the life of him not be a raging douche. This is also what makes Kofi Kingston valuable to a company as he comes in and almost immediately can start selling.
    2 points
  37. Give Kenta some Hakushi body tattoos and then tape his fists and say he's CM Punk's Japanese cousin. Kill two birds with one stone.
    2 points
  38. Wait, in what universe does Nirvana hold a candle to Guns N' Roses? I feel like this could take us far off-topic so maybe it should be a thread in the music forum but for now... Guns is so much better it's crazy..
    2 points
  39. Except in this version, Orton RKOs him after five minutes, then puts a CM Punk facemask on him and punts him into obscurity. Also, Ryback eats Punk's contract.
    2 points
  40. Apparently Bryan Clark stole Kevin Nash's hair products on the way out of WCW, because that shit's glorious.
    2 points
  41. He looks more like wrestlin' Billy Mitchell to me.
    2 points
  42. Billy Mitchell as an ROH manager is so perfect.
    1 point
  43. http://www.daily.co.jp/ring/2014/01/30/0006672086.shtml I hate when people copy the WON word for word.
    1 point
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