ALOHA~!
WELCOME TO THE DEATH VALLEY DRIVER VIDEO REVIEW #78!
The Summer is rolling right along
and the everSWANK Glenn has just delivered the Puroresu Overload so gear
up for scads upon scads of reviews in the weeks to come and that's where
the Michinoku Pro Lucha funtabulousness comes from, as is that infernal
Kobashi vs Kasomebody match. A lot of the OMNIPOTENT CUTOUT BIN this time
around is a result of Phil, Phil and I
killing a Saturday by watching
tapes at Schneider's newest love-palace. The Ladies. The Incense. Bruiser
Brodie covered in his own blood. It was quite a day. Rev Ray's continued
search for true heart of Japanese Women's wrestling is furthered with the
second Neo-Ladies Commercial tape (courtesy of that Quebrada-addled LOREFICE!).
Schneider got the new Puerto Rico stuff from his
clandestiney and secretive PR sources
and it's quite something else. AND YES!!! FINALLY! The SECRET WCW HANDHELDS
are mused over by Phil "the ripper" Ripper! But first, a word from...uh...
me...
!@!@!@!@!@!@!@ MICHINOKU PRO LUCHA
#9 (6/98)
(byDEAN RASMUSSEN)
This is the vestigal last show of
the directionless MP as they kinda waited out Sasuke's knee injury and
Takeshi Ono and Orihara weren't on this and it's a lot of MP faces versus
other MP faces- so you can imagine that the excitement level was at a less
that fever pitch. Luckily they BRING THE
GROUPO REVOLUCION hard as a Mutha
so this can't help but whip ass.
Naniwa vs Hoshikawa:
This is the final of the JYB tourney
(whatever that is). Well. What the hell happened to Naniwa? The broken
leg also broke his ability to work? That's what it looks like anyway. They
join the match right at the point where they horribly blow a reverse toprope
hurricanrana as Naniwa almost Steiners Hoshikawa with his sloppiness, throwing
the swank Hoshikawa right on his shoulder. YEESH! Hosh kicks him in the
head a few times, does a toprope German suplex and does a toprope roundkick
and we call it a tournament. This went 28 minutes and they showed four.
Maybe that was good if the body was as sloppy as the finish. I still love
these two though. I'm thinking Naniwa may have a Hoshikawa block to add
to his Ultimo Dragon block because I can't remember him having a good match
with either.
Shinzaki/Super Delfin vs Yakushiji/TigerMask
IV:
Shinzaki doesn't stink it up in
this match as he decides that if this match is to have ANY chance of being
anything other than another in a long line of shitty Shinzaki vehicles,
he himself- the laziest worker in the world- is gonna have to TOGO Yakushiji
to a decent match, so his Hakushiness shows the world that he was just
kidding around when he was sucking dick in the ring all those other times
as he goes all lucha with the Essential-to-be-Carried Yakushiji. TigerMask
the Fourth, the youngest, the least exciting and the most moderately promising
of all actually decent workers in Japan once again doesn't do anything
to hurt the match, but let's face facts: If TAKA or Diasuke Ikeda or Takeshi
Ono aren't beating the hell out of him and giving him something to fight
against, he will settle into his rote series of halfassed shootstyle approximations
and blend in to the wrestling scenary. And Super Delfin can't get fired-up
for this and Delfin unfired-up is a lot like TMIV not fired up- a rote
set of halfassed lucha added with the goofiest aspects of puroresu. I mean,
you HAVE to be a Thorough Badass 24-7 like Jushin "Thunder" Liger to pull
off doing a shotay for a finisher and not look like a total wank and guess
what Super Delfin isn't. Shinzaki has three really cool moves and he does
two of them in this- the straight-jacket camel clutch and the ankle Dragonscrew,
and he doesn't take forever between his other moves so I'll settle for
this because it was better than the load of nothing that this was looking
like coming in. Postmatch Love-In to turn
any normal fan's stomach.
Dig the Groupo Revolucion!
Frere de Tanny Mouse (soon to be
JuiJitsu Himalaya) vs Oncle de Genki (before being dubbed Osaka Beretta.
Nagoya Woodgrenade? Kung Fu Pike's Peak? Gymkata Claymore? Shaq Fu Rushmor...awright!
That's enough!): Yes, a Groupo NEW rookies match- as UD has sort of a South
of the Border PowerPlant (without all the steroids and bad haircuts). Ultimo
must be the Vince Lombardi of instructors because everything he trains
is tough as nails and totally prepared. These two work a decent enough
a match for two rookies in their first match. Hard Way causes the match
to stop. Outlandish garb and goofy nom de plum to follow.
Magnum Tokyo/Dragon Kid/SAITO vs
Shima Nobunaga/Judo Suwa/Sumo Fuji:
Manoman does this have some really
great highspots by Lil Dragon. He does THREE things that were just great-
he does this hurricanrana out of a SuperPowerbomb but he does it 3/4 of
the way down, so he does a hurricanrana about three feet off the ground
and nobody dies. He FINALLY pulls off that forward somersault off the top
rope into a hurricanrana that he tried against Eddy on Worldwide and BOY!
does it look fucking awesome when he hits it. I was actually more blown
away by the Lil Dragon Quebrada from the second rope over the rope on the
perpendicular side to the floor. I think I said, "JUMPIN JEHOSOPHAT! Groupo
is really getting into lucha introductions, so Magnum Tokyo (don't believe
the Tokyo Magnum crap that WCW feeds you)
does his whole Disco/Alex schtickt
to the ring long before they thought of making him the DI/Alex Lodi (in
case you thought Dusty told him to do that crap). Sheeemmmooooooo Nobunaga
has the entrance that is hilarious because he looks like Ricky Fuji trying
to look cool and we all know how fucking great that can be (insert favorite
Ricky Fuji wrestling joke here). The match itself is a lot like the last
big Groupo young punk match that they showed a few months ago- endless
and still ends too soon because it's just metric tons of wrestling and
spots and coolness and neato stuff these guys
have no right to be as good at
considering their true rookie status. It's amazing to think about the future's
of all these guys. Saito takes it to the mat early as he shows the world
that Ultimo hipped him to all the most freaked-out Lucha submissions and
told him to make them even more outlandish. He does the Headstand Indian
DeathLock that would make Solar II say, "now THAT'S just GOOFY." Judo Suwa
is the lucky duck that gets to sell it. Oh yeah, before I forget- JUDO
SUWA RULES THE FUCKING EARTH. The Hanzo Nakajima of the class is Sumo Fuji
as he does a kind of power style with no actual cool powermoves and doesn't
do anything else of note. I'm guessing he can sell hurricanranas so he'll
always have a job waiting for him somewhere. His Emilio Charles Jr impersonation
is pretty pathetic this go round as opposed to closer to the source like
last time. This match turns REALLY great as it becomes a GR rookie approximation
of Kaientai Deluxe against Kanemoto/Ohtani/Takaiwa as they pull out every
cool spot from those two
groups that they can steal- including
the greatest TOGO surfboard pose by Magnum Tokyo on Sumo Fuji since Dick
Togo did his last one. Add that to the fifteen variations to the Tree-Of-Woe
Dropkick right to the frickin face that the rudos did and you have quite
a beautiful Homage to Dickishness that I personally HAD to love. The ending
starts about six minutes in and goes on for twelve minutes as they hit
highspot after finisher after save after highspot after finisher after
save. The ending is REALLY GREAT as Judo Suwa destroys Saito (right after
making him look godlike by selling his offense like a young Fuerza Guerrera)
with a Tiger Driver into a Front Face Buster,
but Magnum Tokyo makes the save,
smacks Saito in the face to get him to come around and immediately does
a SWANK Tope Con Hilo to the other two bastards on the floor. Judo Suwa
kills Saito with a Scorpion Deathdrop and diving headbutt to put this baby
to rest. Twenty minutes long and I wanted it to go forty. YOU WANT ALLL
THIS. (HEY! Who is that supercrushing Piknik Box O' juice gal? WELL Brother.)
Ultimo Dragon/El Hijo del Santo
vs Negro Casas/Black Warrior:
GOD! Talk about loaded for bear.
You can't get any better than THAT line-up. "WE ARE MICHINOKU PRO. IF WE
CAN'T DELIVER THE GOODS AT THE MOMENT, THEN WE
WILL GET THE TAPE FROM MEXICO THAT
DOES." Santo is wrestling face here and Casas is still the same fabulous
prick bastard he always is but the crowd hates him in this match so he
would be considered a heel. They start off with the usual Santo vs Casas
by numbers matwork which is fine but Rey vs Malenko do it so much better
these days. Maybe they should have just
bladed and beat the living hell
out of each other like they are more wont to do these days. Black Warrior
and Ultimo go at it and since this is the smoothest technico on earth against
the smoothest rudo on earth, I was expecting it to be smoother but it's
early yet. The first caida is short as Santo gets Casas in a Mexican Ceiling
Hold and Ultimo does that SWANK La Majistral double leg scissors thing
he does. The second caida was a little rudo caida where Casas and BW cheat
and punch and bust up Santo's and UD's knees- with BW pinning UD with a
toprope elbow drop. Well. There you go. The third caida, Casas serves up
BW to UD and Santo and refuses to tag in.
Santos finally gets Casas in the
ring and immediately dropkicks him out of the ring and hits one of those
insanely out-of-control topes that he isn't afraid to unleash, though they
don't crush innocent bystanders like a Third-World bus plunge like a REALLY
great classic old school tope will do.
BW and UD wander around as Santo
and Casas make it to the Camel clutch and then UD finally hits that Dragon
Sleeper out of a Quebrada that Jericho keeps fucking up for him. Eh. Not
horrible by any stretch, but not as life-threateningly great as it would
have been as a main event at Arena
Mexico. I dunno. Black warrior
and Ultimo Dragon don't take it to the mat, Casas and Santo don't try to
murder each other. Life's too short. Pass on this and rewatch the Groupo
youngster match.
$%$%$%$%$ ALL JAPAN ON SAMURAI TV!
7/97
(byPHIL SCHNEIDER)
Tsuyoshi Kikuchi/ Daisuke Ikeda
vsYoshinobu Kanemura/ Takao Omori:
Ahh Daisuke Ikeda, sweet Daisuke
Ikeda. Ikeda the coolest wrestler in the whole damn ball of mud we call
Earth, kicks the Triscuits and celery sticks out of the bulimic Yoshinobu
Kanemura and we gets to watch, Daddy! Kanemura (who makes Shaun Simpson
look like Jeep Swenson) takes some Jason Elam 50 yard field goals right
in the face from Ikeda, as Kikuchi watched on and
remembered when Jumbo used to beat
his ass like that. This was the second cool Kikuchi match I saw during
the Saturday wrestling Marathon so I am pretty high on him. He does a neat
bunch of rolling snap suplexes and a choice heel kick in between the Kanemura
killin. You should get a copy
of anything Ikeda is involved in;
he brings the pain.
Sabu v. Rob Van Dam:
I am one of the few wrestling snobs
I know who actually enjoyed these two's first series of matches. I thought
their stretcher match was Sabu's greatest match ever, and one of the top
matches of 1996. However, they are deeply going through the motions now,
and we have all seen the spots before. This match was kind of a spot show
Van Damn vs Sabu, kind of the same thing
you would see in an armory in Plymouth
Meeting. The only thing that made this match eventful is that they were
going through the motions at an All Japan show, where- as a federation-
they have done away with the chairs and tables crap, which Sabu and Robby
make their bread and butter. They sure as hell busted out all that nonsense
anyway with a lame looking table spot as well as tons of chair crap. Rob
did my least favorite move ever- the Van Damninator- and also laid the
chair on Sabu's chest, where Sabu kept it as Rob Van Damn did his little
split leg moonsault, exposing the business as bad as Kawada selling Baba's
chops. Rob is totally out of place in All Japan, he kicks like a pussy
(especially compared to Ikeda in the previous match. Extreme my left nutsack.
Muthafukken Daisuke Ikeda is Extreme) and all his rolling flipping gymnastic
crap looks really out of place in the same ring as stoic legends like Kawada
and Misawa. Sabu gets the win with the triple jump moonsault and him and
ponytail boy hightail it the fuck out of All Japan.
Toshiaki Kawada vs The Patriot:
Welcome to All Japan Thunder. Patriot
was on his way to Titanland, and he did the 6 minute job to Kawada. Both
guys were kind of dogging it as Kawada kicks the crud out of him, but not
nearly as much as you want him to. (The Other Arena All Japan dork mode
on)I don't get the purpose of this match, how does it help Kawada to crush
The Patriot like this, every one knows he is on a higher tier then Del.
Smashing the former Trooper does nothing to enhance his rep. Give this
squash to Akiyama or Mossman and have them advance up. Or have Kawada win
a 20 minute match and try to make something out of it.(The Other Arena
All Japan dork mode off) Ahh Babatastic booking.
Richard Slinger/ The Lacrosse/ Steve
Williams vs Mitsaharu Misawa/ Kenta Kobashi/ Kentaro Shiga:
Richard Slinger is this guy who
looks enough like Johnny Smith to really confuse me, The Lacrosse is Jungle
Jim Steele/Wolf Hawkfield and ex tag team champion with The Field Hockey,
Steve Williams is the worlds toughest pharmaceutical drug smuggler. Misawa
and Kobashi are some sort of big deal in All Japan while Shiga looks like
the Somalian World Champion. This was a six-man tag and it was on Samurai
(kind of an All Japan Saturday Night) so the big boys mailed this baby
in. Misawa sure as hell wasn't getting dropped on his head: he tagged in
- threw some elbows - and tagged the hell out. This match was basically
the Shiga /Slinger show with Shiga hitting the
super-swank Ohtani springboard
dropkick to the back of the head, and Slinger busting out the Superfresh
jumping Kawada corner kick of death into a northern lights suplex. After
doing nothing the whole match Kobashi does an Orange Crush on Slinger and
gets the pin. Fun for the undercard guys stepping up, but if you! want
to see Misawa, Williams et all, there are about a zillion better matches.
@#@#@#@#@#@# WCW HANDHELDS (Mid
- Late 1996)
(byPHIL THE RIPPER)
YES, they do exist. The WCW Handhelds that you have heard so much about are finally going to be talked about.
Psicosis vs. Juventud Guerrera:
One thing always bugs me about
these matches and it has nothing to do with the participants. Of course,
all the rubes in the crowd are just waiting to see the NWO because they
are the best wrestlers and they can kick everyone's asses. So they chant
BORING during the first five minutes when wrestlers like Juventud, Psicosis,
Rey, etc... are giving them more actual wrestling moves than they will
see in the next year. But as soon as Psicosis lands square on his head
and nearly kills himself, it's the greatest thing in the world. Okay, now
that I have gotten that off my chest, these two have a quaint little match.
Nothing overly spectacular. Psicosis hits a spectacular Tornado DDT than
picks Juvi up on the cover so you know where this one is going. Juvi wins
with the 450 after about 13 minutes.
Syxx vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.:
This match was just so .... there.
The match basically goes like this. Headlock. Syxx walks around for awhile.
Kick. Syxx poses for while. Armbar. Syxx walks around for awhile. HEY SHINZAKI!
GET YOUR ASS IN THE RING. Hey! Chavo just got kicked in the face. Twice.
More headlocks. More posing. Hey, Chavo just landed right on the top of
his head. More stalling. More gestering. Hey, Chavo just got kicked right
in the face again. Also, does WCW never bring the right entrance music
to house shows. Syxx came out to "Kung Fu Fighting". I mean I kinda shrugged
it off when Juventud came out to Kiss's "Rock N Roll All Night" because
I thought he didn't have music yet. But Syxx is a member of the NWO. Obviously
you have that tape. You have to play it 8 times a time.
Dean Malenko vs. Rey Misterio Jr.:
Guess what. This match ruled. Rey
was cruiserweight champ at the time and Dean was the Iceman. It was a great
match on a tamer level which I think is a testament to the two that they
don't have to do all there signature moves to have a great match. There
was no tope con hilo or double jump planchas from Rey and there was no
Teaxas Cloverleaves or Super Gut Busters from Dean. Just 15 minutes of
non-stop action. My personal favorite move was Malenko's side suplex out
of a Rey head scissors. Rey comes out on top of a series of roll-ups and
all is well again.
Eddie Guerrero vs. Damien:
This match wasn't has good as it
should have been but that is because Eddie hurts his knee 2 minutes in.
So they keep it REAL simple for the next 5 minutes before the Frog Splash
ends everything. A little disappointing but understandable.
American Males vs. Outsiders:
This just wasn't good. Bagwell
shows some flashes but everyone else puts it in the tank. Syxx interferes
and Hall and Nash win and not soon enough for my tastes. They hang around
the ring, talk and introduce the Giant which leads to...
The Giant vs. Randy Savage:
This is even worse. They have a
Nitro ending at a house show. I didn't think that was possible. Boy, these
last two matches were just a big pile of turd worthy of the Aegean Stables.
Damien/Halloween vs. Psicosis/Juventud
Guerrera:
This was the dark match of Halloween
Havoc 1996 and I am trying to figure out why it wasn't on the actual PPV.
Hey! Everybody is willing to kill themselves so why don't we, eventhough
we are not on TV! Halloween waffles, and I mean waffles, Psicosis with
a sunset flip to the floor. The thud
was loud enough to hear on the
tape. Then Psicosis and Juvi having a tope contest which Juvi wins as he
lands 5 feet further than Psicosis does. The end comes as Juvi does a rana
on Damien off of Psicosis's shoulders. There was still 10 minutes left
before the PPV started so I don't know why
they didn't get a few more minutes.
$%$%$%$ ALL JAPAN TV 6/21/98
(byDEAN RASMUSSEN)
Kenta Kobashi vs Toshiaka Kawada:
I SWEAR that I won't let the fact
that I think Kawada is so incredibly great and that I think that Kobashi
is a big pansy-assed crybaby get in the way of judging this match. EVEN
IF Baba was stupid and wrong for taking the belt off of Kawada so soon.
So there. This match is pretty frickin great, even if the ending kinda
deflates right before the payoff, as they build and build and build and
explode each others skulls with dangerous suplexes and high-kicks and lariats
and powerbombs and then at the end- when they should have the big payoff-
Kobashi hits a standing Lariat while Kawada is standing still and for some
reason that polishes off Kawada more than the three running lariats that
Kawada kicked out of earlier. You can say it was a cumulative thing, but
Kawada just kicked his way out of a predicament and was recovering on his
way to the offensive, as they did the coolest part where Kawada sells a
super PHAT ASS Orange Crush like a KING and spins and
wanders around in a daze and does
the GREAT looking desperation spinning high kick while in a daze. I loved
that because it was a logical way of doing the idiot illogical All Japan
I Am Dead Now Because You Just German Suplexed Me On My Head But Before
I Go Ahead And Sell It Let Me Get In This Quick Lariat shit that usually
happens. Kawada sells while he does it as opposed to after he does his
high-kick and THUS the difference. The main problem is that when Misawa
does the same thing in the AJ Tag final and, as he makes the look of regaining
his confidence, is killed dead by a Kawada jumping kick to the face, it
was big and spectacular and the end hits directly afterwards. Here, they
kinda stand around and the finisher looks and feels like afterthought.
So I felt letdown because it was pretty intense up to that point. Kobashi
is KINGSIZED in this though all the way through, hitting horrendous German
and Tequila Sunrise Memory-Depleting suplexes and
taking Kawada's Fat Assed kicks
right to the face and Kawada's own Cranium-Altering array of dangerous
suplexes. My only other beef about this tres SWANK match was that- from
what they showed- it was just an extended series of finishers, which is
fine but not what one should expect from an All-Japan Triple Crown defense.
Kobashi hits a suplex, hits a lariat, Kawada counters with a kick to the
face and a powerbomb, Kobashi counters out of it with a released German
suplex and a Moonsault, Kawada kicks out and kicks him in the face and
hits another powerbomb, etc, etc. Where's the subtext, the history, the
backstory, WHERE'S THE STORY? It's really cool but really
one-dimensional when compared to
other (read: anything with Misawa) Triple Crown matches. But this is just
petty nitpicking. This is a pretty great match, just not a REALLY great
match I mean, hell. Trust me, you want ALLLL THIS. HEY HEY! There you go!
!@!@!@!@@ NEO-JAPAN LADIES PRO "Seven
Chocolates" COMMERCIAL TAPE
(2/15/98)
(byREVEREND RAY)
Saya Endo v. Chikako Shiratori (J'd):
The highlight of the match is Shiratori's
outfit, nuff said. A pretty forgettable match which ends with Lioness Asuka,
Shark and a few of the other J'd bad girls running in and attacking both
women. Mita and Shimoda go to save their No-Way-As-Cool third and end up
getting chained to the ring ropes and mocked by Lioness Asuka as the green
haired Queen of Suck cuts open Endo with a barbed wire stick.
(In a best of 3 challenge series,
JWP vs Neo Japan)
Yuka Shiina vs Tomoko Kuzumi (JWP):
Kuzumi works on Shiina's bad leg
a bit, she also pulls out some cool springboard drop kicks as well as some
cool ass underhook back breakers. Yuka got out of the way of a plancha
to the floor and Kuzumi takes out the seconds on the floor. Shiina hits
some ok top rope drop kicks and a sunset flip powerbomb for a two. Kuzumi
gets in control again, hits a series of locomotion German suplexes. Kuzumi
wins with a standing on the top rope underhook suplex. Eh.
Tanny Mouse vs Kanako Motoya (JWP)
:
If Shark is the Green Haired Queen
of Suck, then Tanny is the Red Haired Queen of Suck. Well, I'm not in a
good mood when I'm reviewing this- I'm home sick, Dean sent me tapes with
Hotta NOT killing the Clown and Hikari NOT Moonsault stomping the holy
fudge out of Tanny. And while the Clown can put on matches that don't totally
annoy me, I've see 2 Tanny matches and as
far as I'm concerned, it's 2 Tanny
matches too many. Highlights : Motoya showed some nice moves and had a
cool outfit. Lowlights : Tanny not only did not get killed deader than
dead, SHE WON! with an underhook piledriver.
Misae Genki vs. Tomoko Miyaguchi:
Genki challenges Tomoko to a test
of strength and then to make it fair, squats down so she's the same height
as Miyaguchi. Genki overpowered her, but Tomoko got in control with some
moves. Genki started no selling her kicks until Miyaguchi DDTed her. They
work the mat a bit with Miyaguchi working the leg until Genki turns it
into body scissors and then starts putting on a few Kyoko-eque lucha submission
holds. Genki hits a top rope elbow drop and she looks REAL unsteady on
the top rope. She hits a pescado out to the floor. Tomoko gets thrown in,
she hits a step up the ropes flying roundhouse kick that drops Genki to
the floor and hits a plancha off to the
top rope. She hits a Top Rope Roundhouse
kick for 2. She hits a German for two, goes for a suplex, but Genki blocks
it and hits a back suplex. Tomoko recovers with a wakigatame. Tomoko misses
a top rope splash and gets chokeslammed. Genki goes up top, Tomoko hits
her with a top rope fallaway slam but Genki foot saves. They go back and
forth for a bit, Tomoko gets caught going up the ring ropes and gets a
chokeslam to end this. The music they play for Genki sounds a bit too much
like the Macarana for my tastes.
Jaguar Yokota v. Chaparita ASARI:
ASARI opens with her double handspring
mule kicks, one which was bad because Jaguar was too close to her, the
second she turned into a roll up. ASARI hits her handspring body
press, Jaguar throws her outside, hits a somersault body attack off the
apron, throws her in and hits her with a hip
attack and then goes to the mat.
ASARI gets in control and works on Jag's legs. Jag gets to her feet, hits
a tombstone and then goes into an abdominal stretch, then goes after ASARI's
legs. They go back and forth a bit, ASARI hits an assortment of ranas,
Jag hits a tiger, er, Jaguar driver, ASARI hits a plancha to the floor.
ASARI hits a skytwister (lands on her side), Jag foot saves, Jag gets out
of the way of the second, hits a straight jacket suplex and a piledriver
each for two. Eventually she puts it away with a moonsault body press.
Not bad for the Golden Girl of Women's
Wrestling.
Etsuko Mita/ Mima Shimoda vs Chaparita
ASARI/ Tanny Mouse/ Misae Genki/ Yuka Shiina: Handicap match. The youngsters
bum rush the bad girls at the start of the match and start using chairs
on them. They do a spot where Tanny and Yuka bite Mita and Shimoda's arms
as Genki has them in a headlock and ASARI hops on the Cachorras' back and
poses. They do a spot where ASARI and Shiina have the Cachorras in figure
fours and Tanny and Genki run the ropes. Of
course when they criss cross, they
run into each other... DOH! All four do the annoying Tanny dance/ diving
headbutt deal. Mita eliminates Tanny with a powerbomb, but that's no where
near enough killing for my tastes. Shimoda eliminates Shiina after a bit
of saves by ASARI, but eventually, Shimoda gets a moonsault following a
Mita powerbomb. It's now two on two and it gets
all Mempho on us as they go into
the crowd. They lay out Genki and ASARI on the floor and Shimoda does the
railing ride from the upper level (and it looks like a total disaster.)
They try to set up the Cachorras plancha spots, but Endo ends up eating
it, ASARI ends up hitting a plancha on
both. Genki has a chokeslam on
Shimoda blocked by Mita, but turns a running neck breaker drop into one,
only to eat a chair from Mita shortly after. ASARI goes rana crazy only
to get powerbombed by Mita. She gets eliminated after Shimoda rolls through
a top rope rana attempt. Genki controls briefly with a chokeslam, but when
Shimoda goes for a tiger suplex and Genki walks
to teh ropes for the break, she
gets nailed with a chair. They hit the plancha spot on Genki and then do
the piledriver on the table. They break a chair on her head, hit the Death
Lake Driver and then the Death Valley Driver for the win. Welcome to booking
hell. The Jr's had no real excuse to losing aside from the fact that all
of them wrestled earlier and they had Tanny on their side. They didn't
eliminate anyone. I mean, do Mita and Shimoda need to squash four people
to get over? I would think their rep was good enough without having four
people not be able to beat them. I mean, can
any 2 of those four be a threat
for the tag titles if 4 of them couldn't beat them? This was an example
of "Bad Handicap match" booking as opposed to "Good Handicap match" booking
that was the Oz Academy v. Ozaki.
Kyoko Inoue v. Hikari Fukuoka (JWP):
Kyoko controls early with power
until Hikari flips out of her elevated stretch move and puts on one of
her own, doing the Kyoko dance prior to apply the hold. Kyoko works a bunch
of chinlocks, hits the a DDT out of the corner off the second rope and
goes back to the lucha submissions. Kyoko puts her in a torture rack and
then drops her into a back breaker. Hikari flips out of a suplex attempt
and turns it into a rolling cradle. Hikari hits a somersault body attack
off the apron onto Kyoko. Hikari hits a few second rope drop kicks, Kyoko
backdrops out of an under hook attempt. Kyoko hits a few clotheslines,
goes up top and fights off a few superplex attempts. Kyoko with a second
rope drop kick, she goes up again, this time Hikari hits a superplex. Hikari
goes for a moonsault, Kyoko Germans her off, Hikari gets in control and
hits a beautiful moonsault. Goes for a rana, gets powerbombed. They go
back and forth a bit, Hikari hits her moonsault plancha. Hikari hits a
nice top rope drop kick, Kyoko kicks out twice. Kyoko kills her with a
clothesline for 2. Kyoko hits her with another clothesline for two, Hikari
gets a cradle for 2, hits her somersault drop kick and kills Inoue with
the Moonsault Double Stomp (like it's hard to miss Kyoko's stomach now!
HAR HAR!) Good match.
Overall.... ah, I dunno. Nurse!
Where's my medication...
&*&*&*&* WORLD WRESTLING
COUNCIL TV 4/18/98
Well, what do ya know! I didn't
know that they still had wrestling on TV in Puerto Rico but here it is
and- since this the Official Death Valley Driver Video Review Year of Puerto
Rican Lucha Libre- we're here to tell ya what it FEELS like to actually
watch this stuff. All you can do is dig it, brothers
and sisters.
Victor The Bodyguard vs Bret Sanders:
I'm going in pretty cold on this
so bear with me. The massive amounts of blood obscures the few hints of
who looks like who thus making identification even more difficult and I
spent my college foreign language credits on the most useless wrestling
language on earth (French) so El Profe isn't gonna be helping me any. ON
TO THE MATCH! Victor the Bodyguard is the face and Bret Sanders is the
evil gringo. Sanders looks kinda like Raven if Raven ate a whole bunch
of Ho-hos coated in gravy. The match is basic US Pro-style- the predominant
PR Lucha style- and it's no worse than...say... Hack Meyers versus Mr Hughes.
So there you go. Basic stuff, working out of
the headlock, basic Memphis heel
tactics to gather the cheapest of heat, basic moves and basic psychology
which keeps it based on something solid if unspectacular -which is the
real strength of PR wrestling, all leading up to that innately Puerto Rican
aspect- the blood-soaked run-in. The Perfect Ten who manages Sanders, runs
in and we are blinded by all the blood flying into our cyber-eyes as crimson
masks are garnered by technicos everywhere on the screen as they come in
to make the save. Everybody does interviews and the Perfect Ten does a
Hoganesque stream of machobabble. Victor the Bodyguard looks like he's
mastered the blade a lot better than the one he's guarding, because Victor
has the Wahoo level Visage of Scarlet, while his sidekick (his brother
Someone Rodriguez! Yes!) had more of a Johnny Weaver style Hint of Blood
thing going.
Mohammed Hussein vs Black Boy:
Mohammed Hussein has a very Rotundo
like set of irritatingly hackneyed heel tactics that really suck. He actually
works a lot stiffer and amazingly stiff for Puerto Rico so he didn't thoroughly
annoy me. Black Boy is all high-flying in a Steve Doll kind of way so this
would have been really at
home with Lance Russelll calling
the action. And Black Boy wins clean as a sheet. I forget how incredibly
unspectacular Puerto Rican wrestling is. It's not bad, it's just not spectacular.
Sort of like when Big Japan Heavyweights take it to the mat.
Stormy Whether vs Fidel Sierra:
HOLY MERCIFUL CRAP! Fearlessly
they show a Fidel Sierra squash from AWF Warriors of Wrestling! Sweet Mother
of Mercy! With Spanish announcing. The fact that Fidel Sierra and Gentleman
Chris Adams had one of the three good matches in the history of that fly-by-night
promotion's existence in no way acquits WWC of putting SECOND HAND shitty
wrestling on TV. I wish I knew how they explained Sgt Slaughter showing
up on the splitscreen.
Tee-hee-hee-hee.
Invader 1 v. Fidel Sierra:
Oh yeah this is more like it! Good
old-fashioned Baseball stadium mayhem! Invader 1 got unmasked at some point
and he and Fidel Sierra... oh, it's just a highlight. Ah crap! Fun-filled
interviews between these follow.
El Escorpion vs Vampire Warrior:
Hey! I thought Vampire Warrior
was supposed to be horrible. He's actually real okay in an indie heavyweight
kind of way. Good workrate, works stiff, what else do you want? He also
makes disturbig squealing noises when he does the interveiw interruption
stompdown later. The Dee Snider-esque teeth really have to go.
Ricky Santana/ Shane v. Head Hunters:
Oh yeah this is more like it! Good
old-fashioned Baseball stadium mayhem! Actually, this is in-doors but it's
still not a TV taping match. Ricky and Shane assume the rolls of a sort
of nineties Dynamic Dudes and the Head Hunters assume the role of two overweight
bloodsucking freaks... oh
wait... I usually despise most
Headhunters matches because...well... they suck. I also hate it when Atlantis
and Mr Niebla have to waste a match by wrestling these two. Since this
isn't Mexico and PR is more their style (whereas IWA Japan was their true
home) so this works better as a match.
The Hunters working US Pro-style
is less of a stretch than these two working straight Mexican Lucha Libre
and though they aren't as good at this style as they are at super-psychotic
garbage wrestling, it's still enough to work in this match as the do the
basic face in peril match with Shane assuming the role of Ricky Morton.
HeadHunter B missesa a very obese senton and the faces go on offence. Shane
posts HeadHunter A twice but we miss the HeadHunter A-level bladejob that
surely ensued. HeadHunter B crushes Santana with his pudge then shoots
for the Moonsault that would actually kill someone if they ever hit on
a normal sized wrestler but misses thus setting up the dogpile pin by Ricky
and Shane! This was a big bunch better than it had any right to be. I assume
the role of a veiwer surprised at how good it was. Puerto Rican wrestling
rules.
!@!@!@!@!@! THE SCRAMBLE SOUL TO
SOUL CUTOUT BIN! !@!@!@!@
!!!!!!! Tsuyoshi Kikuchi/ Kenta
Kobashi vs. Jumbo Tsuruta/ Akira Taue (ALL JAPAN Classics #37 on Samurai!
TV):
(by Schneider) There is nothing
better than the grumpy old Jumbo Tsuruta. Jumbo just beats the everloving
piss out of the spunky Kikuchi. Punching him in the jaw, kicking him in
the face, dropping him over the guardrail throat first and visibly shortening
his career. Absorbing beatings like this night after night kind of explains
why Tsuyoshi is wrestling in comedy matches now. This was a period in Akira
Taue's career when he had spectacularly great hair (kind of a Japanese
Danny Zuko), and spectacularly bad wrestling skills. Akira Fonzarelli just
kind of lumbered around delivering some Sid Eudyesque offense. Kobashi
didn't do much either, as this was kind of the
Jumbo kills Tsuyoshi show. The
best moment of the match is when Kobashi goes up for his fancy dancy little
moonsault and Jumbo comes across the ring and beheads him with a Lariat
that would make Stan Hansen write a Hallmark sympathy card. Jumbo is so
great in this, he won't drop you straight on your head- he will just beat
your punk ass, and it is all good.
@@@@Genichiro Tenryu/ Koshinaka
vs Masa Chono/Tensan (NEW JAPAN TV 6/27/98):
(byRASMUSSEN) WHERE IN THE HELL
DID THIS COME FROM?!?! THIS IS
THOROUGHLY AND ABSOLUTELY GREAT.
I've never seen Tenryu and Chono this fired up. Chono- somehow- got his
broken, crippled body to keep up with everything that his mind wanted to
do and he and Tenryu JUST GO AT IT and both beat the hell out of EVERYTHING
in their wake. Chono finally achieves the true badass level that he's been
shooting for since his heel turn and credit it to Tenryu being man enough
to take a straight right cross to the face twenty times in a row. Tenryu
and Tensan have a subplot where young punk Tensan refuses to go down to
Tenryu so Tenryu continues to go super Old School stiff and they beat the
living hell out of each other. Koshinaka kind of drifts in and keeps Tensan
occupied with wads of actual wrestling so Tenryu can kill the living hell
out of Chono as Chono takes a HELLISH bump after Tenryu suplexes him over
the ropes to the floor. Chono is killed dead by a flying lariat from the
apron to the rail by Tenryu and thus freeing up both to crush Tensan like
bug. Tensan survives and Chono comes back from the dead and he starts beating
the hell out of everybody again to save the murdalized Tensan and it all
shifts to Tensan using nine different finishers on Koshinaka until he finally
succumbs to a Tensan flying headbutt. This is the best match I've ever
seen Chono and Tensan in and only the Tsuruta matches with Tenryu are more
psychotically violent than this. This was intense. This was stiff as shit.
This was great. All in nineteen minutes. THIS WAS AWWWEEESSOOOMMMEE.
##### Terry Funk vs. Brusier Brody
(ALL JAPAN CLASSICS on SAMURAI TV! #37):
(Phil the Ripper) You know what?
This ain't going to be your typical wrestling match. I watched this with
Phil and Dean and we trying to guess how long it was going to be before
the blood started flowing. My idea of 30 seconds and Dean's guess of 2
1/2 minutes; were blown out of the water as
these two go a whole SIX minutes
before Funk carves himself open. Now the match is like 10 minutes old and
Brody still isn't busted open. Phil starts wondering if this is going to
be like that FMW Death Match on the ECWvs FMW vs ZEN tape that had no blood.
How could Brody not bleed? It's Brusier Brody, I mean he has spilt so much
blo..... Oh here we go! The plasma is
flowing. You know the Red Cross
recently said that the blood supply is low across the country. I think
it's because they gave these two so much of it to keep them alive after
this match was over. Now Funk and Brody bleed and brawl and brawl and bleed
all over the place. Then Jimmy Snuka gets involved helping Brody out. And
SWEET JESUS is Snuka huge. I didn't think a human body could inject so
many steroids. I was wrong. So Funk it getting worked over and Phil starts
wondering, "when is the crazy insurance salesman going to get involved."
And right on cue, Dory Jr. hustles down and starts brawling too. This was
so great. You KNOW you want all of this.
NEXT WEEK: KAZ HAYASHI VS DR WAGNER JR! MASKED TIGER! SASUKE THE GREAT! MEIKO SATOMURA! GOOD GOLLY! YOU NAME IT, WE GOT IT! WOO-HOO!
Phil, Phil, Ray, Dean- we all say SO LONG TILL NEXT TIME!
When you're Dreaming does your lover
have my face?
-The Buzzcocks, Greatest band ever.