HIYA!
We are starting to gear up for 500 time so we are all defensive and shit. The Excuses: Dean got sick and the rest of us got lazy and religious and shit. This time we provide for YOU!, our beloved reader: Rippa finds some more Joe Malenko that wasn't reviewed. Schneider has some Bat-Bat and some US Indies that you haven't watched. Dean knocks off the New Japan PPVs and also falls in love with the wonder that is Candian Indy wrestling while trying to spell Asian Cougar in as many different ways as possible. (Editor's Note - At 5 am, I just decided to pick the dictionary spelling whether it be right or not.) Ray is still obessed with the ladies and Naimark and Phat Tony each contribute that little something something. Up first - the RIIIIPPPERRRRR!!!!!!
~!~
All Japan Classics #101 - Samurai
TV (July - August 2000)
(by Phil Rippa)
The great story about this tape is that Schneider got it from Scott Mailman like six months ago. Phil gives me the tape and says I have to watch the Joe Malenko match. I get swamped with tapes and forget about it for a while. I suddenly realize that I have unwatched Joe Malenko and pop the tape in. I then freak out over the first match and call Schneider and ask him if he watched this match yet. He responds by saying that this was the same match he told me about six months ago. So in short - Me lose brain. Uh Oh.
On another aside, if I don't get me some sort
of Best of Joe tape soon, I will be forced to go on a murderous rampage.
I have a list. Well, I will make a list. Fine, I will steal someone's list.
Okay, I will contemplate making a list. Don't make me rack my brain.
Dan Kroffat/Doug Furnas vs.
Kenta Kobashi/Joe Malenko (10/11/89 - All-Asian Tag Title)
It seemed that Joe Malenko was a perennial
All-Asian tag title challenger as he gets the 16-year old Kobashi to help
with his quest. (I am huge All-Asian Tag Title freak so I am all about
the Joe Malenko quest along with the 7000 other matches that I still need
to see.) It is such a shame that injuries cut short Joe's career
because he was carving out such a niche for himself in All Japan. Between
the All-Asian tag belts and the PWF Jr. Title he was plenty busy and the
crowds seemed to dig him - evidenced by the big "MA-LEN-KO!" chants through
this match. Malenko is amazingly spunky and Kroffat is amazingly pissed
off. This means the two of them waffle each other and Kobashi doesn't mind
kicking people in the face. Furnas is mostly in the periphery as he does
his dropkick, has the wedgie and does some backflips. Well, to be fair,
he isn't utterly worthless as there is one sequence where Joe apples a
reverse crippler crossface - which looked as painful as it sounds. Furnas
maneuvers his body so he is able to stand up, since Joe refuses to break
the hold, Furnas has Malenko hanging solely from his neck. Old Dougie then
turns it into an urnanage. Kroffat is the total dickish heel in the match
- hitting on the break and spitting on his opponents. Kobashi (who has
this amazingly different moveset but it still has lots of "I will shatter
my patella with this attempt" too it) is beloved and as previously mentioned,
Joe is wildly over too. Of course, when you can do the World's Greatest
reversal out of a head scissors, you should be. Have I mentioned how motherfucking
great this match is. The pace is unbelievable. There is that beautiful
mix of matwork, cool-ass counters, highspots and stiffness that you have
to love. A neato ending added plenty. I won't spoil it for you but I will
say that Furnas gets to contribute something else to the match. I just
saw what appears to be the "rematch" on Lynch's update, which means I know
what I am getting next. That and the bizarro Joe Malenko shoot show that
everyone says is so common but no one has sent me a copy of yet.
Jumbo Tsuruta vs. Tenryu (10/22/89)
Schneider already reviewed this match so I
will keep going. Great match though.
Shoehi Baba/Kenta Kobashi vs.
Rusher Kimura/Goro Tsurumi (10/22/89)
Goro has the hair and the mustache and really
gives an inspired performance. Unfortunately, there is too much Baba and
Kimura selling each other's comically bad chops and punches. Plus, Baba
working a knee is not something high on my watch priorities. Dean has some
inane theory that 1989 Rusher Kimura was great but I wasn't buying it.
Kobashi is the glue that holds this together and prevents things from being
a Sid/Cibernetico no-selling farce. Nothing to really concern yourself
with. Watch it in fast forward and it will reasonably still be regular
speed.
Kenta Kobashi/Joe Malenko vs.
Dan Kroffat/Ken Shamrock (10/1/89)
Who knows where Furnas was on this day but
he was replaced by the green, Ken Pateraesqe Ken Shamrock - USA tights,
super roided out upper body. More Joe Malenko is fine by me. (JOE MALENKO!
SUPLEX MACHINE!) Plenty of cool wrestling but there are some flaws that
drag the match down – namely Shamrock. He easily gets lost and is really
only good when Joe corrals him into some matwork. Shamrock sure lives up
to his color as his blows a bunch of different stuff - like botching the
knucklelock bridge (ask tomk about the knucklelock and he will give you
a big long diatribe about what is a good knucklelock and what isn't. He
will then hip you to some of the most bewildering web sites you never wanted
to see.) The worst offense is possibly the ugliest looking Irish Whip preformed
in a wrestling ring. The Shamrock moonsault is also something that needs
to be seen – more in a NASA Mars landing kinda way as there was no way
it was going to turn out well. However, Kroffat was feeling it so the quality
of wrestling when he was in was superb. I still await the Malenko/Kroffat
blow off singles match. There seemed to be some legit hate between the
two in all these matches but to the best of my knowledge the singles match
never occurred. Malenko and Kobashi go over as Kobashi pins young Shamrock,
which was good in showing that Kroffat’s regular partner was the stronger
teammate and that young Kenny was the weak link.
GenichiroTenryu/Toshiaki Kawada/Ricky
Fuyuki vs. Jumbo Tsuruta/Kabuki/Kenta Kobashi (10/14/89)
There are nine possible combinations that
could occur in this match - the one you want to see the least is Kabuki
vs. Fuyuki. Naturally, this takes up big blocks of the opening minutes.
Isn't there a theory that applies here? Something about those with the
biggest gut spend the most time in the ring. I believe the correct term
is the Paul Wight Corollary. The one thing I will say is that I would much
rather watch the All Japan Kabuki than the World Class Kabuki. The marquee
matchup at this time is, obviously, Ternyu/Jumbo. They hook up right at
the beginning and then sporadically throughout the match with Jumbo getting
all jumping kneeish. He hits something like four on Tenryu even once accidentally
hotshotting himself as he does it. Kawada and Kobashi tore into each other
back in the day too. Kawada is breaking jaws and raising welts while Kobashi
is busting necks and collapsing his own knees. Kabuki is even serviceable
when not wrestling Fuyuki. Watching Kawada sell some of the Kabuki offense
is downright surreal because I was thinking "I remember when Mike Von Erich
had to sell that." Fuck that, Tenryu selling the Kabuki left uppercuts
had me rolling with laughter as Tenryu was selling them like Kabuki was
hitting him with knuckle dusters. Fuyuki delivers a bunch of leg drops
and then gets out of Dodge. The big point of the match is to get over that
Kobashi can wrestle with the big guns, especially Tenryu. They bring the
pain on each other and Kobashi gets some near falls on both Tenryu and
Kawada but eventually is worn down to the point that he can’t withstand
the onslaught anymore and is saddled with the pinfall. It was a real good
way of elevating Kobashi without having to put him over and it was a different
short of match with Jumbo in the background, not having to do the bulk
of the work. This whole tape was all about Kobashi and some of his earlier
work.
~!~
BattlARTS 10/1/00
(by Phil Schneider)
Junji.Com vs. Takeshi Ono
Back in the early days of my slavish BattlARTS
fanboyism, Takeshi Ono was my favorite wrestler in the whole federation
- a skinny surly asskicker who wasn’t afraid to sneer contemptuously as
he kicked someone square in the face. Then the dark period, he started
skipping class, hanging out with dropouts like Orihara and getting into
steel chairs and eye makeup. He may have looked cool to the slutty Mobius
girls but his wrestling fell off something terrible. Well Orihara got sent
to juvi and it looks like Ono is back on the straight and narrow. No hair
gel, no bad lucha, just asstomping, and say what you will about Junji.com,
but he will get kicked right there in the face for you. This match was
pretty fun, as Ono supplied the assbeating and the quirky counters into
submissions. Junji didn’t do much but he didn’t screw much up either which
is all you can expect. Some of the boss Ono counters included turning a
diving neckbreaker drop into a twisty armbar, spinning from an octopus
hold into a kneebar (which .Com countered into a scorpion in the coolest
sequence of the match.) The end was great too, as .Com attempts a DVD and
Ono spins out in a fluid motion into a cross armbreaker for the tap-out.
Ono is back baby and they need to move him back up the card to mix with
the big boys
Osamu Tachikari vs. Tsubo Genjin
Long winded diatribes about Osamu as some
sort of everyman hero, are really more of Dean’s kind of thing. This was
a comedy match with and injured Road Warrior Hawk doing comedy spots. Write
you own review.
Alvin Ken/Katsumi Usuda vs.
Naoki Sano/Noayuki Taria
This was a pretty fun match, which was very
mat based and stretchy. Taria and Ken start out and Taira does all of his
tricked out quasi-Euro Johnny Saintish matwork. I have no idea where they
got Taria from, but he definitely brings the fun. Ken is all spunky which
is pretty much his role in the match. When Sano and Usuda get in they have
a more traditional shootstyle mat section and it also righteously rocks.
Then Ken gets tagged in and Sano stretches the fuck out of him bending
him in the way bodies shouldn’t be bent. The match goes back and forth
like that, with some nice kicking by Usuda and some cool shit by Sano including
a swanky tope. This match was fine professional wrestling and especially
cool for matwork fans, but it sort of lacked the really hellacious asskicking
which really great Bat-Bat matches have. Plus at 22 minutes the match tended
to drag, there are only so many times one can see Alvin Ken’s fighting
spirit
Yuki Ishikawa/Carl Malenko vs.
Mitsu Nagai/Katsumi Murakami
Remember those hellacious asskickings I referenced
earlier? Well welcome to the world of Katsumi Muramotherfuckingkami. Murakami
may be my favorite wrestler to watch in the world right now. He is just
such a sneering, cocky fuckwad who seems to really enjoy punching people
hard in the face. This is in the midst of his feud with Yuki Ishikawa which
was feud of the year in my book, as the brutality of their match ups even
trumped Ishikawa vs. Ikeda for pure lack of punch and kick pulling. Carl
Malenko is teaming up with Yuki here and holy batshit do they pummel him.
Nagai delivers a jumping kick which is about the nastiest thing I have
seen for a while. Malenko is one of the best mat wrestlers in the world
but he didn’t do much except take a beating, but it was a heck of a beating.
After Malenko got KO’ed, Murakami and Ishikawa did a pull apart which had
a ton of heat as they just started brawling in the crowd and just rocking
each other.
Rasta Warrior/Animal vs. Mohammed
Yone/Alexander Otsuka
Hey its Animal, he doesn’t wrestle so well.
Hawk is at ringside recovering from his heart attack (don’t do drugs kids),
and Rasta Warrior was in the match so Animal wouldn’t have to sell anything.
Rasta tries some stuff including a tope, and a top rope rana. I understand
that Otsuka’s hero is the Road Warriors, but golly jeez do they suck and
wish they would stay in Australia or on Military Base tours. Damn AOL for
canceling WCW and thus placing Animal out of a job and increasing the chance
that he might come back and stink up BattlARTS. SCREW YOU JAMIE KELLNER.
!~!
NEW JAPAN PRO WRESTLING PayPerVeiw-
12/10/2000
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
Mailman gave all of us a copy of this mofukka in the parking lot of the Super 8 and it rules it pretty hard- what with the Nagat and Kawada beating the living fuck out of each other and the fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun 6 man Junior match. Plus, it will give YOU, the gentle beloved reader, the chance to get even more caught up on the other guys in New Japan that you and I usually don't give a three fux aboot. IT'LL ROCK! I SWORN! The beginning endless stream of interviews is really endless- so endless in fact that I wrote this little introduction while in Outlook Express - Outlook Express sux cock and crashes when I was right about HERE - I keep it running in real time and I have time to rewrite this whole thing, steal the matchlist from Five Star Grappling Films (or whatever he calls it) fix it so you can't tell I stole it (YEAH BABY!) AND still have time to find the most annoying background/ font/text color combination in all of Netscape Composerville to irritate new DVDVR editing poobah Phil Rippa when he has to make sense of this motherfucker and, well I'll be damned, MANABU NAKANISHI IS STILL MOTHERFUCKING TALKING ! AWRIGHT! They talk to Yamazaki while I write a little thing about my long lasting, stern-yet-loving relationship with Junji Hirata.
Super Strong Machine/Kensuke
Sasaki vs. T-2000 Machine/Masa Chono:
Super Strong Machine is Junji Hirata, a wrestler
who has not entered my conscious thought since the tag team he had with
Shinya Hashimoto broke up. It was a tag team that did generate enough
goodwill in my heart for me to be a little torqued aboot seeing him again-
after all these years. Junji Hirata was always the role model of
WAR heavyweights the world over - in his staunch position of never having
to be glamourous or exciting to be employed forever - as he works stiff,
doesn't suck in his gut and could really just give a fuck about the look
on your face when you see his perm. And you gotta look up to him
for that. T-2000 Machine is Nise Sting from the old days of the WCW
and I haven't actually seen him wrestle since the halcyon days of when
I used to go out of may way to say that HE WAS THE GOOD STING! BECAUSE
THE REAL STING SUCKS! THAT'S RIGHT, THE FAKE STING! HE'S BETTER!
We'll see how he held up. It'll be exciting, like a class reunion
of sorts. Sasaki is on a gigantic role, having good to great matches
in the usual (Kawada) and unusuallest (Kojima) places. Chono's a
wreck and you know the drill. Chono starts off by cheating like a
total aging shitkicking asshole - getting the advantage on Kensuke and
working the arm all to set up the Yakuza Kick to set up the Power Slam
to the fullest effect. Chono is thoroughly man-sized in his breaking
up of a kneebar by grabbing Kensuke's fingers by the twos and pulling them
apart like Gloria Stivak in All In The Family. Hey! Nise Sting is off the
gas and on the chicken fingers. He and SSM go at like Killer Karl
Kox and Porkchops Cash on the mat and I'm baffled. Chono comes
in and works the leg and the cheating really kicks in- what with the double
teams and eye-gouging. They both work on Sasaki's leg a while assorted
kneebars and extended Indian Deathlocks that woulda got you the belt in
1978. Kensuke Morton gets a BURST and makes the hot tag to your boy Junji
and it goes to the floor so Chono can be all dastardly and get the drop
on SSM. Hirata gets the double lariat and uses HIS hot tag - still
selling the leg! In the first match! What The Fuck?! Maybe Sasaki
is lovable after all. SSM wants only ONE MACHINE but gets fouled
for his attempt demaskation. Chono and Sasaki then reenact the finish
of their IWGP match but partners make the save. Chono kicks Hirata
in the lil super strong machines and gets the STF. Hirata gets
kicked a face a lot but fights out of a German to do a SUPER COOL ASS Hammerlock
Capture Suplex WITH a Bridge for 2. Kensuke CRUSHES him with a lariat and
Hirata hits a thoroughly GNARLY diving headbutt for the win. Okay,
Hirata kicks ass. Nise Sting is still the better Sting. A fine
fine heavyweigtht New Japan tag match because the last three minutes were
pretty beautiful in it's crushiness.
Yutaka Yoshie vs Hiroyoshi Tenzan:
Well, it's Yoshie. I haven't seen him
since I saw him on the Samurai TV New Japan undercard show where he had
a two star match with Chris Jericho. Tenzan now has the coolest coat
in the world. The black... duckheads maybe on the shoulder just does
beat out the shiny pair of scissors of the EMLL barber. HEY! Yoshie
has the worst haircut I've ever seen - as if someone threw a hair-banana
peel at him and it stuck to the back of his head. Tenzan does the
full repertoire of Tony Atlas chops. Yoshie is quite the poorman's Abdullah
Kobayashi, Jr without the suplexes. He is quite the Moondog Yutaka
wannabe. He is the Lost Third Freedom Dog! They trade Tony
Atlas chops. Actually, his hair looks a lot like a starfish on top
of his head. The upside of this match is that Yoshie's hair makes
you forget all about Tenzan's preposterous hairstyle. After a bad
looking reverse figure four, Yoshie does hit a Released German that Tenzan
takes right on the base of his spine for my viewing pleasure. Yoshie
hits SOMETHING and goes into the Reverse Figure Four again. Then
the New Japan battle of the Lariats!!!! Tenzan gets tha advantage
with a Running Tony Atlas Two Finger Chop! HOT ACTION! Oh wai...
Tenzan hits an actually nice looking diving headbutt. Yoshie
ducks the Moonsault and hits a German with a Bridge! Then back to the Reverse
Figure Four and TENZAN TAPS! TENZAN TAPS! TENZAN MUSTA BEEN HUMPIN' ON
RIKI CHOSYU'S WIFE! I can see it now...
CHOSYU: Okay, just kill a few minutes with
basic easy power stuff and try to make sure he doesn't screw any thing
up like...
TENZAN: You mean like when I screw your WIFE!
And she gives me THE PLEASURE OF HER LOVE!!! THE PLEASURE OF HER BODY!!!
IS THAT WHAT YOU MEAN?!?!
CHOSYU: What the fuck are you tal....
TENZAN: OLD MAN! Only I can give her the attention
needed to bring out the savage lover trapped inside of her- a lover that
you can NEVER bring out! ONLY IIII, her strapping young angel
man, can do that- make her FEEL ALIVE AGAIN! Go book your wrestling
card, OLD MAN! We've got LOVE to make!! WE'VE GOT HISTORY TO
MAKE!! HER LOVE IS MY SOUL AND IT IS ALL I NEED to be ALIVE!
CHOSYU: Actually, I've just now decided to
elevate Yoshie. Put him over in 8 minutes.
TENZAN: I don't care- HOW COULD I CARE!?!?!
I'm in LOVE! IN LOVE! WITH RIKI CHOSYU'S WIFE!!
The good: Yoshie's hair. The Released German. Then you had the rest.
Michiyoshi Ohara vs. Kendo Ka
Shin:
Ah, poor Ishizawa. First he takes a
good mask and tries to use it get over a Locomotion Snapmare as sexy in
a "shooty/ Lucha-mounts-BattlARTS/ wacky approximation of Benoit" kind
of way. And then Halph, Holando or Hyan Gracie beats the living fuck
out of him in Pride. Kendo Ka Shin's luck has turned to Kendo
Ka Shit as he must now enter the ring with the correctly-nippled Harris
Brother of New Japan - Michiyoshi Ohara, who doesn't even have the DECENCY
to be a fucking Freedom Dog anymore and still expects me to give a shit
about his sub-Kishin Kawabata-level Indie Japanese Heavyweight In Leopard
Tights wrestling stylings. Yoshie and Ohara look an awful lot alike
and my theory is they are the bastard sons of Riki Choshyu - thus explaining
each's career. As for the horrendous match at hand - neither of these guys
are great shakes but they could have done better than this. Three
minutes in and Ohara wins with a chokeslam while Kendo was slapping the
ref around. This match really sucked shit.
Satoshi Kojima vs. Kenzo Suzuki:
Kenzo Suzuki is the big Rugby star they signed.
Kojima is a good, suddenly hidden worker in New Japan. Kenzo Suzuki is
lanky and buff - a future young Jeremy Soria favorite Japanese wrestler
I would venture to say. Very basic match where Kojima tries to cover
up for Suzuki's greenness by killing time and trying to set Suzuki's Big
Spear - which he does about five times. Suzuki will probably be good
at some point, but not yet. Kojima with a lariat finishes this highly
forgettable but unobjectionable batch of wrestling.
Minoru Tanaka/Shin'ya Makabe/Jyushin
Thunder Lyger vs. Tsubasa/Murahama/Super Delfin:
Murahama is the pocket-shooter from Osaka
Pro and BOY! is he tiny. This was pretty fucking good - as Super
Delfin is eternally overlooked these days, despite the fact that he is
still a really good worker. Makabe is the one of these six that I've
noticed in this match and the completely BOSS match with Lyger vs Minoru
Tanaka and Kanemoto on the ESPN-Japan special as being one of the
most improved wrestlers of the last year. Murahama wants a piece
of Minoru's fat ass and Murahama- three feet tall and Rainbow Tights Bedecked-
goes all kicktastic with the aaawwwwwwwwwweeeessssssoooooommmmmme Minoru
Tanaka, getting the advantage into a kneelock that Minoru counters and
until they stalemate - then they start kicking the fuck outta each other
and I'm in love all over again. And Minoru drops a knee across Murahama's
punk ass face and says, "Delfin! I want a piece of your FAT ASS!"
Minoru says, PSYCHE!" and tags in Makabe and Delfin takes the advantage
through dropkicks until Makabe hits a Spear (Jayzeus, what are these guys
watchin?) Tsubasa tags and hits the street as MINORU KICKS HIM RIGHT
IN THE MOTHERFUCKING HEAD! WOO-HOO! Lyger then beats the fudge outta Tsubasa
until Tsubasa does a supoer lowgrade headscissors for a brief respite.
Minoru tags in hits a quite average dropkick until Delfin comes for a sec
and they feign some weak triple teams on Minoru and they keep getting in
each others way and it's kinda crappy at this point - as Osaka Pro on offense
in so not as cool as Minoru on offense. Until Murahama hits a GNARLY
palm thrust, ripping Minoru's head and launching it into the fourth row.
Minoru counters ot of the corner with second rope running reverse dropkick
and suddenly Lyger is in the Octapus Hold and Minoru and Makabe are Larry
and Curley. Osaka Pro United hits DYNAMIC triple dropkick on Lyger
to signal the Highspot Train and it's fun. Murahama wins with the
Tope Con Hilo of Heck, while Tsubasa is so very Hayato-esque in his super
non-Bigtime looking high flying. Murahama works on Lyger's arm for kicks,
doing the cool ass Judo throw into a Key Lock into a Cross-Armbreaker.
Hey, I'm starting to dig this lil pipsqueak. Lyger counters out with
a HIGH ANGLE POWERBOMB and Murahama has a tiny neck so the bouncing off
the mat is lost to the crowd. Makabe and Delfin mix it up- with Makabe
hitting his cool power arsenal- powerslam into a BEAUTIFUL German With
a Bridge. Delfin hits his totally 1996 Swinging DDT to get it to
Minoru vs Hanzo Nakajima 2001- Tsubasa. Minoru does the COOLEST move of
the match where he does this big attempt at a spinning heel kick but Tsubasa
ducks but Minoru adjusts his spin and lands on his feet. OH MAN!
It is soooo BOSS. Minoru hits the Rolling Kneebar but Delfin makes
the save. Tsubasa then hits four consecutive lowgrade highspots and
one HORRENDOUS looking 450 Splash. BOY! Tsubasa saves his bacon by
taking a dropkick counter off the toprope like a young living Brian Pillman.
And then takes the Blind Missile Dropkick by Minoru like a MAN. One
Minoru Special (the Northern Lights Suplex Floatover into a Crossarmbreaker)
and Tsubasa is beaten into my heart again. Fine little match. I dig
Murahama a lot. I tried to resist the Minoru Bandwagoneering, but
fuck it, he just fucking rules the whole goddamned world at this point.
Manabu Nakanishi vs. Osamu Nishimura:
You gotta love Nishimura. He disappeared
from New Japan after an inexplicably big push- which included a quite watchable
match against a suck-ass era Kensuke Sasaki during Kensuke's first title
run. The rumors were that he left Japan for big kisses and hot
lovin' from his laaaaady in Germany, while New Japan said he had some sort
of stomach problem. Either way, here he is against the former Kurosawa
of the late WCW, and one can only think that Nakanishi- while backstage
at a WCW Saturday Night taping- got one look of Dave Sullivan on
the monitor and said to himself, "One day IIIII will wrestle like the number
one Hulkamaniac." I can proudly say today that a young man from Japan
has- finally- reached his dream.... The big lanky Texan Nakanishi
towers over the mousy Nishimura and is twice as wide, but a Cravat by Nishimura
brings Nakanishi down to size. Nishimura gets into a knucklelock
and loses BIG! but gets all Bridgetastic to make it all fun as he
works Nakanishi off his vertical base and procures the headlock.
Nakanishi is so very Sid Eudy-like in his application of the crappy Bow
and Arrow Manuever but Nishimura kicks him in the stomach with both feet
so it all works out in the end. Manabu looks better applying the
half crab but it gets all kooky when he TRANSFORMS it into an Iron Claw.
HEY! Follow THIS! It goes: Half crab to kneebar attempt counter to IRON
CLAW to Headscissors Reversal into an attempted Cross-Armbreaker into a
Keel Lock into the Power Out Of The Keylock Body Slam. Talk about
Post-modern combo style Mishmashia. Nakanishi lumbers over and kicks
Osamu a bunch and Osamu hits the street. Osamu kicks his way out of another
Knucklelock losing situation and grabs a Toe Hold. After Manabu makes
the ropes, they start beating on each other and Manabu beats him down.
A High Knee leads up to an Argentine Backbreaker attempt that Osamu turns
into a fine fine Octapus hold. Nishimura RELEASES and
hits a fat ass Missile Dropkick and goes for another Octapus and starts
kicking. MANABU WIGGLES HIS ARM! Yes...he's WIGGLING HIS ARMS!
HIS ARMS ARE WIGGLING! He then hits a SPEAR- as the Spear has replaced
Lariat as the most overused move in New Japan. Since it wasn't Goldbergian
enough, Osamu fights out of the Argentine Backbreaker attempt and sinks
in a Sleeper hold. Manabu eventually flips him out but can do nothing
effectively as Osamu hits a Dragon Screw. Finally, Manabu just kinda
grabs Osamu as Osamu is trying to go for another Dragon Screw and puts
him in an Argentine Backbreaker for the win. QUESTIONS... yes questions......
Why the arm wiggling? Why the comical offhand ending? Why does Manabu
Nakanishi emulate every big stiff he ever saw on TV as a kid in Osaka?
Why the Iron Claw? Is it a tribute to Baron Von Raschke? Did they
show AWA reruns every day at 4:30 on ESPN Japan in the mid-80s? Am I wrong
or is Osamu Nishimura achieving a Koshinaka-level of resembling Sam Waterston?
Despite these queries, after it's all said and done, you can say- yes-
I watched a mid-card heavyweight match between an inconsistent and directionless
quasi-Junior Heavyweight and a big stiff who really stinks in the ring.
Yes. Yes you can. And I can to. Yes.
Tatsumi Fujinami vs. Koji Kanemoto:
AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ah New Japan, you KILL me!
Koji starts all dropkickin' and Moooooonsaultin'. Sho nuff, Tatsumi
gets out the ring. Kohji avoids the Dragon Suplex and says, "FEEL
IT OLD MAN! FEEL THE FURY OF MY SNAP MARE, MOTHERFUCKER!" Tatsumi
Fujinamai says, "HA! FEEL THE POWER OF MY HEADLOCK!" Kohji kicks
Grampa in the face really hard and then knees him really hard in the face
so this is approaching a kinda fun level. Fujinami says (to himself),
"If I get him in an armbar and a chinlock, he will no longer be kicking
me in the brittle bones of my face." Koji feigns a Cross Armbreaker but
decides to just start punching him in the face before the infamous Kneebar
to Nowhere kicks in. They run around a bit and Koji kicks Tatsumi
in the front of the thigh and puts on a kneebar and kicks and kicks and
kicks until the Dragon Screw rears it's head. Tatsumi misses the
Inoki Outdated Toprope Legdrop and I await an Airplane Spin submission
soon. They smack each until Tatsumi feigns a TOPE! Koji ducks, Tatsumi
stops at the apron, and Koji wrangles it to the point of hitting his own
Tope- jerking his neck in an impossible direction upon impact, and then
they kinda go into a kneebar again. Tatsumi Fujinama- who has been wrestling
so long that he once beat Teddy Roosevelt with a Sunset Flip- fux up a
Missed Moonsault spot. What the fuck? Koji Kanemoto is
broken in half with a backbreaker and then becomes the first man of the
new millenium to submit to a Figure Four Leglock. God, Fujinami is
becoming as annoying as Fujiwara as the deul Grampa Simpsons of Japanese
Wrestling. I mean fuck, Fuckin KABUKI had the sense to quit before
he becameany more of a pathetic geezer.
Yuji Nagata/Takashi Iizuka vs.
Toshiaki Kawada/Masa Fuchi:
Fuck the Nagata Beats Kawada Beats Nagata
To Death dynamic for a moment and take a look at why this match is soooooo
motherfucking great- Iizuka is just fucking balls to the motherfucking
wall in this and Masa Fuchi is COMPLETELY balls to the Motherfucking wall
in this. There is a parallel story in this match with Fuchi and Iizuka.
Fuchi is fucking kingsize in this, taking up huge sections of time through
oldest of Old School techniques of psychology to position himself and his
partner in the mind of the fans- KAWADA and FUCHI are bastards and ass-beaters
who stayed loyal to Baba and are here to save their promotion by beating
the fuck out of the New Japan Johnny-Come-Latelys. Fuchi does the
coolest worked shoot of KNOWING that in the mind of the crowd he was a
man regulated to comedy matches to make room for the young guys and NOW
he has to pick up his gun and go to war against the young punks to save
everything he worked his whole professional life to help create- so the
crowd is fucking NUCLEAR when Fuchi shows his SOUL and fights like an absolute
motherfucker in this. THAT is the key to why this is a great motherfucking
match. Kawada vs Nagata is the gravy on top. You knew that
would be good and it is everything one could hope for and then they take
the match to a special place- a face-kicking, wonderful, magic place.
But in the beginning, Fuchi is a complete dick- doing a Memphis stall and
bringing an Older than Old School assault of Iizuka's joints. Nagata comes
in and starts kicking the fudge out of Fuchi's spindly thighs, pissing
off Kawada to no end. Foreshadowing of hatred becomes REALIZATION of hatred
as Fuchi tags out and Kawada and Nagata start just haul off and... take
it to the mat. Finally, Nagata kicks him straight in the face and
the ass-beating begins. It gets kinda like Sasaki vs. Kawada as they
both just stand there and legit beat the living hell out of each other,
until Kawada gets the slight advantage and opts to hit a Coffin Corner
upside Yuji's cheek. Nagata gets the desperation high kick and they
both tag out. Fuchi starts unfolding his corner of the story as he
has to get himself over as some sort of threat after years of comedy matches
and inconsequential undercard matches. He does this by cheating like
a motherfucker and it is absolutely top drawer. After getting the
advantage on Iizuka through stealth guile and illegal use of the ropes,
Kawada is tagged in to break Iizuka's leg into kindling- taking an odd
lucha turn with a Romero Special while Fuchi- the crankiest old bastard
in Japan at the moment- steps on Iizuka's throat, all the while making
a face that sez, "Hey, New Japan audience, why don't you suck my dick."
Fuchi and Kawada Arn and Tully Iizuka in the corner until Nagata comes
in with quite forceful save that feeds to the undercurrent of hate that
Kawada and Nagata have projected perfectly to the audience and we the veiwers
at home. Kawada comes in to aid his elder partner and starts beating
the living dogpiss out of Nagata, all the while Fuchi is GIVING IIZUKA
THE BUSINESS by choking him through the ropes with his foot across the
throat. Kawada tags in and the ass-beating is picked up where Fuchi
left off as Kawada crushes Iizuka's face with a kneedrop. Iizuka
rocks Fuchi's world with he's stiff forearm shots. Kawada and Fuchi doubleteam
Iizuka after Iizuka gets an advantage, so Iizuka is kicked in the face
in the corner a whole bunch and man-o-man IT'S FUN! Fuchi kicks him
in the face a while- inbetween making the "C'mon Pussy!" gesture with his
arms. Then he stands directly on Iizuka's face and the love is COMPLETE.
Fuchi hits him with a vertical suplex for two. Fuchi is an Old School
wrestling machine at this point as Iizuka powers out of his flurry to hit
a Snap Suplex. Iizuka sinks in a sleeper but Kawada just starts kicking
Iizuka until he releases it and Iizuka finally makes the hot tag and he
and Kawada are THOROUGHLY pissed off at each other so they start beating
the HOLY LIVING FUCK out of each other and the crowd goes fucking apeshit.
Kawada takes a brunt of the ass-stomping but counterkicks effectively to
get the Stretch Plum procured. The second time he wrenches it in,
Kawada hocks a loogie between the teeth he has left in the front- like
a biker mama chewing Skoal. Iizuka makes the save, but Kawada just
PUNTS THE LIVING FUCK out of Nagata's face to set up his powerbomb.
The distraction of Iizuka needing to be kicked in the face allows Nagata
to power out and Namath the hell out of Kawada's knee to set up his saluting
Nagata Lock that Fuchi breaks up by thumbing Nagata in the eye- as Fuchi
is sky-rocketing up my persoanl top ten. Iizuka sez, "Enough Mr.
Face In Peril, it's time to be DICKTASTIC!" and starts wailing away on
Kawada's knee to set up a kneebar. Kawada makes the break but he
is selling the knee like Toshiaki Theisman and Iizuka uses the lifeless
corpse of Kawada to springboard off of as he elbows Fuchi right in the
face to drive him off the apron. We then get double submissions holds
by Nagata and Iizuka, with the legal man Iizuka ripping up Kawada's knee.
Kawada hits a superhurty desperation Spin Kick to make the desperation
tag to the phoenix that is called Fuchi. Fuchi is still selling the
Nagata Lock but hits a BEAUTIFUL dropkick on the knee of Izuuka that he
follows up with a Backdrop for two and goes straight into a Front Facelock
and we have deulling Submission holds as Fuchi has the Front Facelock on
Iizuka while Kawada is stretching Nagata completely plumb. Iizuka
fights out of a Vertical Suplex and they tag out as Nagata and Kawada go
into Hyper-Visual Going Broadway Mega-kinetic Ass-stomp mode for qa full
two minutes before the bell rings and the draw is declared. This
match is SO great for so many reasons. Fuchi establishes himself
as a haggard aging wrestler who can still bring it from deep inside when
his company needs him- and since he and Kawada were the only two remaining
after Misawa and company deserted Baba's widow, it has the whole pathos
of something desperate and immediate and INTENSE. This match also
has Izuuka assuming the role of elevated wrestler who is given a second
chance and makes good by being the best possible Ricky Morton ever in this
Rock and Roll Express vs Tully and Arn to the nth degree- but the STORY
of Fuchi in this adds a depth to the story that you can't get very often
at all. It makes me wonder how Chigusa didn't have Devil Masami have
a JWP invasion angle with the same dynamic, because it's the same idea
- it's both people who worked to establish a promotion that is quickly
going to be gone with the wind, and there is a coolness to how they both
fight like aged motherfuckers to preserve what they spent their youth to
create. Great motherfucking match.
Matrats.com
(by Phil Schneider)
This is the new venture from Mandalay Sports,
who was, at one point, a possible buyer for the late, lamented WCW. The
concept is basically to get a bunch of good looking teen boys and have
them do some wrestling, hoping to appeal to the lucrative teenage girl
and pederast market. The name is horrible. Matrats conjures up the image
of over rouged strippers slapping at each other to see which one gets to
suck off Chris Chetti, and the superfluous .com is very 1996 and really
out of place in the post net crash era. They have a couple of matches up
on their website and the project definitely
has its positives and negatives.
Nick Nog vs. Peter Wilson vs.
Keishi Matsunaga
This is a three-way match and it is worked
in a very 1997 Nitro cruiserweight style. Lots of flashy spots, not much
selling. You can tell that these guys have spent some time training together
as the spots were hit very crisply, and the match seemed to pace pretty
well, with it usually being one on one, while a third guy recuperated on
the outside. Like a lot of indy workers, there seemed to be a lack of basics
in this match, as the punches and kicks were pretty poor and there wasn’t
an ounce of matwork. Wilson’s punches seemed especially weak. It was also
pretty hard to differentiate between these guys. Matsunaga had the magenta
hair and was Japanese, so he stood out, but the other two were both skinny,
pasty blond white kids in black shirts. Matsunaga seemed to be the heel
and Wilson seemed to be the face, while I guess Nog was a tweener but they
didn’t do anything overt to set that up, except for the announcer referring
to Wilson as scrappy and Matsunaga not pinning Wilson after a Emerald Erosion.
The ring set-up includes platforms outside of the turnbuckles, which are
referred to as launch pads - they used those to set up a really swank spot
where Wilson hurracanranas Matsuanga at the same time as he is being superplexed
by Nog. Really cool looking and Matsunaga takes a wicked bump. All three
guys had some promise to them, with Wilson having some really nice luchaish
spots. The match gets the full worldwide point, but I would have really
liked to see some wrestling in my wrestling. Also, all three guys
worked the match in street clothes which really made them look like kids
doing backyard wrestling. It made it really hard to take anything they
were doing seriously. They spent a ton of money on production but they
should buy these three guys some tights and boots.
Apocalypse vs. Orion
According to the announcer both of these guys
were Hart Dungeon trainees, so they must have been Stampede defectors.
They do a couple of interview vignettes before the match to set up the
characters. Orion is doing an arrogant surfer gimmick - kind of a mix between
early 90’s Shawn Michaels and Ray Odyssey. Apocalypse has some sort of
street musician gimmick, which is original I guess. Tight shirted nymphets
accompany both wrestlers, which adds some steam to the matrats name. This
match was more technically solid then the previous spot fest, but not as
fun. Orion is wearing tights and he threw some decent strikes, thus, he
looks like the most professional of the guys in this fed so far. The match
built decently, with a brawling section leading to some big spots like
a second rope DDT by Orion and a superfresh float over northern lights
suplex by Apocalypse. Then the nonsense starts in as Apocalypse starts
shoving the ref (who was wearing the Shawn Micheals nut hugger ref pants)
who responds by smacking him. In response to this, the announcer name drops
ECW ref HC-Loc, foreshadowing the overbooking yet to come. Run-ins begin
as Keishi Matsunaga and some other guy (possibly Nick Nog, maybe Vince
Hall) jump both guys to end the match. A Calgary police officer comes out
and handcuffs Apocalypse, apparently for panhandling. Utter nonsense and
it pissed all over what was a decent match. This also had the same face
vs. heel problems of the first match. Orion was definitely a heel, due
to his interview and in-match taunting, but Apocalypse seemed to be a heel
too as he tossed his spare change cup at the announcer and seemed to do
sort of a heelish interview. Plus, getting punked by a ref isn’t a babyface
move. Then both guys get jumped by Matsunaga and the other guy, who are
also clearly heels. The booking was all fucked basically. I did sort of
dig Orion though.
Redneck Rob Rogers vs. Vince
Hall
This was easily the best match on the show,
Hall is really over as he is the prettiest boy on the roster, although
the pre-match promo he cut was kind of heelish, as he was complaining about
his dad leaving his family which led to Hall wrestling to get revenge on
daddy. Rogers is doing a redneck gimmick and was the biggest bumper on
the show, taking a backdrop to the ramp and a top rope powerbomb. He also
had some pretty nice powermoves. Hall was really agile, doing some backflips
and quick exchanges. They didn’t blow anything although their punches kind
of sucked. The finish was a top rope powerbomb and a frog splash off of
the launch pad. The only booking problem I had with this match was the
ref giving a rocker dropper to Redneck Rob Rogers, which just continues
the stupid bad ass ref gimmick.
Jack Evans vs. Jake Evans
The bad booking continues as they hotshot
the brother tag team break up in the first show. They showed highlights
of last week's six-man main event (which wasn’t on the website for some
reason) which included Jack doing a moonsault off the announcers area about
15-20 feet to the floor. They do the vignettes to establish that Jack is
doing a white boy hip hop gimmick (including the one rolled up sweatpants
leg which is a nice piece of detail) while Jack is working some sort of
Backstreet Boy thing (which is really more a promotional motif). They actually
refer to the goofy D&D like point system for Stamina and Strength in
the pre-match analysis (My favorite is Intuition. How in God's name to
get a quantifiable number for that?). The match itself was pretty freaking
great, the Evans boys were working at a speed that I have rarely seen,
doing all kinds of twisty counters and counter-counters as fast as anything
I have seen in Lucha Libre. Some of counters included a prawn hold into
a flip out wheel barrow suplex with Jack doing a flip and landing on his
feet on the ring apron. The biggest spot of the match had Jack doing a
leaping spin kick to his brother which sent both guys flying out of the
ring to the floor. The end sucked ass, as the matrats.com booking hydra
of stink had T.J. Wilson cut the match short by doing a buff blockbusterish
diamond cutter thing on Jack to give Jake the win. Match was only about
5 minutes, but was freaking otherworldy when it was going on. I need to
see more Evans brothers.
Watching this show, it actually reminded me
a lot, conceptually, of All Japan Women. The production looks a lot like
Athena with fancy dancy hi-techish intros and a big light show. The crowd
is almost completely teenage girls, which is the same demographic that
AJW hit big with - although they are using cute teen boys instead of cute
teen girls (granted, a lot of the workers do have that pasty Canadian look
to them). The work is also very workrate based with lots of big spots
and minimal selling just like a lot of the 1995 AJW. Obviously this isn’t
nearly as good, but some of these guys do look like they have some promise
and I will definitely keep checking out the website for matches.
!~!
ARSION Starlet '99
(by Rev. Ray Duffy)
Reggie Bennett vs. La Galatica
2000
Not much of a match, 30 seconds show, Reggie
wins with the rotation Powerbomb in 5 minutes.
Emiko Kado vs. Hiromi Yagi
They start out with elbows on each other before
Yagi takes it to the mat with Yagi pretty much controlling, but Kado showing
that they could hang and at least counter her way out of some trouble.
Yagi eventually breaks up the mat work and goes for a top rope splash which
misses. Kado gets in some drop kicks, two of which Yagi sort of no
sells before getting dropped with the last one. Kado shows some nice
counters and a few near falls on Yagi before Yagi scores the win with a
back suplex into a float over into a cross armbreaker for the tap out.
The finish move by Yagi was pretty cool. It was not an earth shattering
match, but Kado looked good for a rookie.
Mari & Fabby Apache vs.
Ayako Hamada/AKINO
The Apaches attack early but AKINO and Ayako
double armdrag them to the floor and hit a double tope. Ayako controls
on Fabby when she is in going through a variety of submission holds but
eventually, Mari runs in and helps with some double teams (a double press
slam, a double elbow drop and a rolling senton leg
drop). Mari does some neat moves, like
a rolling La Tapatia and an Indian Deathlock rolled over into a Regal Stretch
type move. This match has some rough spots in it as some of the execution
seemed off. Mari Apache looked pretty good in this with her stuff
looking pretty solid. AKINO did a segment when she was getting hit
with near falls and countering the near falls into a cross arm breaker.
The Apaches try to get Akino into the
Superbomb, but Ayako makes the save, leading
to a top rope rana and setting up AKINO hitting a rebound out of the corner
Rana that Dragon Kid does for the pinfall.
Yumi Fukawa vs. Rie Tamada
This gets the clipified treatment as Rie gets
in a bunch of missle drop kicks including one from the top rope to
the floor. About a minute of this 13
minute match is shown and aside from a cradle by Yumi, it's all Tamada.
Mariko Yoshida vs. Michiko Omukai
This also gets slipped up, they start out
on the match and are pretty even, they then jump to Omukai
repeadly kicking Yoshida in the face while
she's on the mat. Omukai hits a near fall with a tiger suplex, but
when she goes for the BT Bomb, Yoshida takes her to the mat with some submission
holds. Yoshida goes for the Air Raid Crash, but gets caught in an
abdominal stretch. She escapes it and then runs into a rolling sole
butt that looked pretty brutal. Yoshida recovers to hit the Air Raid
Crah and then her sleeper with Neck submission for the tap out. Fourteen
minutes of a match, maybe five minutes shown. Post match, Omukai
throws a tantrum.
Hikari Fukuoka/Mikiko Futagami
vs. Candy Okutsu/Aja Kong
Gami takes a beating early on from Aja including
a pretty wicked kick to the face and some kicks while on the mat.
Aja gets Hikari and challenges her to a test of strength, which Aja wins.
Of course, Aja makes this interesting with some smirks and some comedy
as she forces Hikari down to the mat and then draws heat for pulling her
hair, getting a count from the ref, breaking it briefly by switching which
hand is pulling the hair before double stomping Hikari's fingers.
Candy gets the tag in and gets in trouble as both Gami and Hikari work
on her bad ankle for a bit before finally tagging out to Aja who again
starts pummelling Hikari. Candy really seems to be having problems
walking in the match to the point that I don't think it's her selling but
more of her making sure she gets to work against her old partner in her
retirement countdown rather than sit it out with the injury. Gami hits
a cool STO type move to counter an Aja lariat/uraken attempt. Gami knocks
both of her opponents to the floor setting up the Hikari moonsault from
the post to the floor. Gami hits a dragon suplex for a near fall
then tags out to Hikari who hits a top rope drop kick, but fails to hit
a tiger driver and when she abondons it and sets up a moonsault, she only
eats knees and then a series of back suplexes. Gami saves Hikari
from a super Mountain Bomb to set up a rotation drop kick for a two.
Hikari hits a moonsault and a back double stomp, but misses her moonsault
stomp. Aja hits a brainbuster for a two and tags out to Candy.
Candy hits three moonsaults from different angles (one from in ring, one
from the apron and then one a turn
around moonsault ala Marc Mero) for a two.
Hikari does a no sell at one point and hits the Tiger driver on Candy and
then tags out to Gami. Gami hits a bunch of coll stuff including
her X-Tornado move and a tilt-a-whirl gut buster to set up a Hikari Moonsault
Double Stomp. Gami tries to put away Candy as Aja makes a save but
eventually, Gami hits the running Shotay for the pin on Candy. I
think the match was really hurt by the fact Candy could hardly work.
There was a little bit of goofy selling towards the end, but otherwise
it was good.
Post match, there is discussion, setting up
Gami v. Hikari. The announcer announces a proposed match time which
was more than 5 minutes which Hikari wanted no part of until everyone corrected
him to the 5 minute time limit. They start out on the mat with Gami control
for a bit until Hikari escapes a cross arm breaker attempt. Hikari
sets up a handspring elbow which Gami counters by catching her and hitting
a a german suplex. Gami hits a suplex and basically lets Hikari get
up and dares her to hit one which she does. Hikari hits a moonsault and
goes back up top, but Gami rolls away from the Moonsault Stomp because
she ain't that crazy. Gami hits a moonsault of her own, but misses
a second. She hits the rotation kick for a near fall as
they spend the last minute with some near
falls before the time runs out. After the bell, Hikari pins Gami.
Post match, Sakie Hasegawa comes out and gives Hikari some floors, but then teases an attack as I think it's sort of tradition to haze the person who's retiring. They do some exchanges and Hasegawa hits the uranage on Hikari, Aja comes in the ring, resulting in Hasegawa hitting her with the uranage allowing Hikari to get in the Moonsault stomp. Aja gives her some flowers afterward and a going away headbutt.
After the end of the card, they switch to the
next card, inbetween the events, Emiko Kado died in an in ring accident.
The next show starts with a memorial for her.
Aja Kong/La Galactica 2000 vs.
Mari & Fabby Apache
This gets all a clipified. About 30
seconds shown, Aja and La Galatica hitting stereo La Majistrals and then
Mari putting away G2000 with a Michinoku Driver II.
Yumi Fukawa vs. Hiromi Yagi
The dreaded clipifier strikes again.
This seemed pretty good back and forth action with both women working for
the cross arm breaker for the win and various fighting to get to the ropes.
It seemed like this was a good match with action, eventually, Yagi sinks
in the jujigatame for the win.
Aja Kong vs. Rie Tamada
Again with the clipping. Tamada works
on Aja's knee with drop kicks and stomps. Tamada hits a german suplex
which Aja no sells out of but then Tamada hits the Dragon suplex for 2.
Eventually Aja no sells, hits the uraken and the brainbuster for the win.
Aja Kong vs. Michiko Omukai
Omukai comes out for the next match and attacks
immediately at the bell. This gets all clipified. Aja
eventually overcomes Omukai's inital assault
and puts her away with an uraken at 5 minutes.
Ai Fujita/Candy Okutsu vs. AKINO/Ayako
Hamada
Fujita gets the advantage at the start as
Candy yells at Ayako from the apron, suprising her which opens her up to
an Ai rana for a near fall. This gets a little bit of clipage with
Ayako and AKINO getting heat on Fuyuta for a bunch of the match before
taking Ayako to the outside with a headscissors. Ayako and AKINO
use some team work to get the advantage and some near falls on Candy before
she eventually tags out to Ai, who takes some drop kicks before Ayako
blows a top rope springboard moonsault, allowing Ai to hit a moonsault
for a two. Candy does a neat spot where she whips AKINO to a corner
and sort of knows she's going to do a run up so rather than chase her to
the corner, she runs to the ropes and shakes them so AKINO falls off the
top rope. AKINO takes two moonsaults from Candy and then the 450
from Ai allowing Candy and Ai to win. This was ok. Ayako looked sloppy
in spots. AKINO continues to impress the hell out of me. I
think she's got a lot of ring talent and a lot of personality which means
as long as she stays healthy, I think she has a very bright future and
potential to be a big name in women's pro wrestling in the future.
Post match the CAZAI group do a tribute to Kado.
Mikiko Futagami vs. Mariko Yoshida
: Queen of ARSION title match
This starts out with a bunch of counters at
the start, with neither woman getting a clear advantage. Yoshida
hits a sleeper/chinlock, that Gami suplexes out of but can't break the
hold, then she tries another suplex but
Yoshida blocks and they end up in the ropes.
Gami tries to turn it into stand up fighting, but Yoshida catches her leg
and works on it, turning it into an inverted STF before hitting her sleeper/Neck
Subumission move which Gami rope breaks out of. Yoshida goes for
the Air Raid Crash, but Gami counters with an abdominal stretch, which
eventually gets turned into a rolling cradle into a Klingman Toe Hold.
This is very much a back and forth fight and fun to watch because each
wrestler has a ton of things that they can throw at each other. Yoshida
hits the Air Raid Crash for a two and there's a long fight during her sleeper/neck
submission move which Gami fights her way out of after being in for a long
timel. Gami escapes another Air Raid Crash and hits a crippler crossface
and then uses a lot of positioning and to keep Yoshida away from the ropes,
including switching the hold to something else. Gami scores two near
falls with a brainbuster and then a cradle, butr can't get the 3.
They get a bit goofy when Yoshida no sells a lariat, then Gami no sells
an air raid crash then Yoshida no sells a brainbuster before Yoshida locks
in a headscissors and armbar variation which eventually makes Gami submit.
This was a fun match, though I could have done without the no sell segment
at the end.
(*)
EXTREME CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP
WRESTLING- Pacific Cup Tourney- 11/2000
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
Mailman brings the domestic indie love and I'm all over it because it has Asian motherfucking Cougar's matches in the True North and also has more of the impressive Tony Kozina who acquitted himself quite well at the Best Super 8 Ever in February. I was trying to find the results for this on the ECCW page and I noticed that these run like EVERY DAY - which is super cool. Indies rule, let's see if the wrestling rules.
Havoc vs. Weed:
Basic indie cruiserweights with Havoc being
the more experinced, I'm guessing, since he does the trickier timing stuff.
Very indie in execution and stiffness but nothing too repellent.
The ending was kinda tricky with a toprope Hurricanrana is turned into
a toprope powerbomb WITH A BRIDGE! Perfectly fine indie wrestling.
Private Todd Kelly vs. Count
Monsterod Von Hugenstein:
Private Todd wears camoflage - as one would
hope. Count Monsteroid Von Hugenstein MIGHT be Dr Hannibal from that FMW
show in 1993 - or maybe he is just wearing the mask. Oh wait, that
must be Dr Luther and he's accompanying him to the ring. This wasn't
so good. The Count's punches were stinky, stinky, stinky. The
Count hits a nice shoulderbreaker though to make up for the Ed Leslie Special
Lariat he unleashes on my TV screen. Private Kelly hits a fine La
Tapitia. They both cheat to win, but Private Kelly cheats last so
he wins. There's a moral in there somewhere for you youngsters.
Chance Beckett vs. Abbadon:
Abbadon has the eye make-up that makes him
look like an much much much cooler looking indie Repo Man or the pre-Starchild
Paul Stanley, when he was the Love Bandit (my old friend Andrew Beaujon
had a KISS Poster with him as the Love Bandit. I FREAKED.)
Thank garsh that Abbadon is so facially adorned because they both are about
the same size and both are wearing black Dockers and it's like trying.
Chance Beckett's selling is all fun and big. They do one transition
to offense for Abbadon after screrwing up and covering for it pretty well.
Abbadon goes for the Silver King/Super Crazy Every Turnbuckle Moonsault
but Chance gets his knees for the second rope portion. Abbadon tries
for the toprope anyway and Chance gets him with a toprope sunset flip and...
IT'S OVER?!?! That was like two minutes. What the fuck?
Asian Cougar vs. Adam Firestorm:
Adam Firestorm is all peppy and jumpy and
gets on THE STICK~! to say something about going to high school where they
are wrestling or something. They do the basic lucha stalemate sequence
and it's just a touch too slow but still effective in getting to the first
big spot of the match- the Apron Legdrop by Cougar that Firestorm takes
LIKE A MAN. Firestorm gets a string of highspots in starting with
the Springboard Cross Bodyblock back into the ring for two followed by
the Toprope Headbutt for two. Cougar goes on his final offensive
flurry with a Reverse second rope Sunset Flip, followed up by Dropkick
to the Face In The Tree Of Woe, and finally the Corner Spinning kick into
the Catapult Legdrop from the apron to the ring for three. This was
also waaaay too short. Firestorm wasn't really fluid, but he hit
his spots really well and was always in position- which was surprising
considering how weird Cougar's spots can be and the language barrier and
all. Too short.
Nikkie Syxx vs. Disco Fury:
Hoooo-boy! Syxx is kinda big so they do the
"I'm stronger than YOU" schtick until they fuck up running the ropes.
Disco does a big plancha and they fight a little on the floor. Nikkie
Sixx does a toprope axehandle that resembled one of those California beach
houses sliding down a cliff into the sea. Syxx hits a nice frog splash
and Disco hits the most non-descript splash from the toprope you can hit
and still be considered a highspot. A backslide later and thoroughly
unmemorable five minute matches draws to a close.
Prince Alladin vs. Tony Kozina:
Prince Alladin has the Most Indie-est Of All
Indies Shiny Outfits so he immediately rockts into my heart. He's
pretty fucking good as a really tall spot machine. Kozina, who is real
damn good, reels him in some and makes it look like a real wrestling match.
They do the annoying Nitro thing of making this a match of finishers from
the get go and thus this is over in three minutes.
Hiroki Araiwa vs. Brian Bedlam:
Bedlam is doing the lovable redneck gimmick
- with Falcons hat and rebel flag t-shirt. Araiwa isn't the old guy
from IWA Japan that I thought he was. He's the tall lanky guy who
I could never place when he would show up in DDT. They work preposterously
loose and I ain't liking it. Bedlam is as indie as a Cueball Carmicheal
moonsault - hitting really bad lariats and not looking real sharp on some
other stuff- especially a super out-of-control powerbomb that looked verty
Eudy-esque. Araiwa is as indie as an Manhole Man Fluids Auction and he
is so not everything you want in Japanese wrestling: working loose, total
lack of effective selling and psychology, you know the drill. Araiwa
with a chokeslam. Stinky, stinky, stinky! WOO-HOO!
Asian Cougar vs. Chance Beckett:
Chance is on the stick and I can't hear what
he is saying but I do notice Cougar has the best mask on the whole of the
earth- the black one with all the white canji. Cougar gets on the
stick and tells Chance to stick it where the sun don't shine and IT'S ON
LIKE NECKBONE! They start off by working the armbar and after a few
reversals, Cougar hits the cool ass Floatover Armdrag that I have been
in love with since the first time I ever saw Angel Azteca use it- though
this is not as elaborate as Angel's. Cougar slows it down with a
chinlock and they set up Chance reversing a firemans carry into an armdrag
to set up a truly big Silver King Reverse Second Rope Moonsault Plancha.
Chance Beckett will bump his ass off - here diving over the toprope onto
his head as a charging Cougar slides into to his head. Asian Cougar
then does the phaaaat ass Diving Senton to the floor that was opposite
the stationary camera, but the crowd pops like freaks and Asian Cougar
pins the impressive Chance Beckett. This was a good little match.
Disco Fury vs. "Tornado" Tony
Kozina:
Disco isn't the smoothest highflyer in the
world, but he hangs with Kozina in the actual wrestling portions of this
match, working the arm and taking the armdrags really well. Kozina
misses a nice Handspring Elbow to set up a lumpy plancha by Disco.
His Missile Dropkick was very akin to a King Kong Bundy Tribute to the
move. He then hits a horrendous punch and REALLY REALLY REALLY
horrendous attempt at a lariat- I look for a couple things in wrestlers
in my value judgement of their ability at this point: the ability
to throw a punch convincingly/the ability to realize that you can't throw
a punch convincingly and the ability to hit a lariat that looks at least
as good as Davey Boy Smith at his most bicept protectiness. I'm getting
snake eyes on both for Disco in this match... stick to knife edge chops
or European uppercuts and try to put some ass behind the lariats. This
ain't no fucking Sunday school. They exchange knife edge chops and
Kozina brings the stiffness to make the transtion to offense. Once
there, he hits a nice Swinging Neckbreaker, a good dropkick and a nice
Piscada. Kozina's coolest move is the Toperope Hurricanrana on the
opponent on the apron into the ring and Disco pulls it off- thus already
making him a better worker than Joe Gomez who completely botched this same
spot in Juventud's second match on Nitro, for those trying to picture this
at home. Kozina gets two and Disco gets his first big transition to offense
by reversing a toprope flying body press into a powerslam. Kozina
gets his knees up when Disco goes for a splash and finishes Disco off with
a Swinging DDT. Disco looks inconsistent- especially with his highflying
and his stinky punches, but he has hope since it looks like he can wrestle
every single day if the ECCW website is any indication. Kozina is
really solid and is quite the man to make these look like real wrestling
matches, as opposed to the indie spotfests they tend to degenerate into.
This wasn't very good, but it was encouraging.
Havoc vs. Private Todd Kelly:
This Havoc guy is kind of nifty. He's
really agile, if really green. This match wasn't very smooth - as
they kinda fumble around until they run the ropes to hit a spot.
Havoc breaks his head trying a split leg moonsault and Kelly hits a nice
Northern Lights Suplex with a bridge. Kelly misses a moonsault to
set make way for Havoc's La Majistral for the win. Not very long.
Very indie in that it hit on some big high-spotty stuff, didn't hit on
much to set the highpsots up very impressively, it wasn't very stiff, but
it wasn't gut-wrenchingly business exposing. Right in the middle
of all indiejuniorheavyweight wrestling and is instantly forgettable.
Dr. Luther vs. Johnny Canuck/Michelle
Starr/Juggernaut:
Michelle Star throws the best punches of the
tape. Dr Luther does some really fun looking fat guy highflying.
Michells Starr does really fun looking fat guy highflying. They beat
blood-sucking freak Dr Luther with chairs and start carving him up and
I await the plasma to blow out of his head but the camera man can't make
it to the scene of the crime yet. It's a beautiful ballroom they
are wrestling in. The chandeliers, the wallhangings, OH WE'RE BACK!
The three guys are still beating on Luther. And they keep beating
on him and then Freddy Kreuger and Araika run in and it's quite the trainwreck
of rambling crap from here on out. Dr. Luther without blood?
WHAT HATH GOD WROUGHT... One fat guy- either Johnny Canuck or Juggernaut-
turns on Michells Starr and the other fat guy, I think. It wasn't
very clear. And this match kinda just keeps going. A nice jumping
Powerbomb by Luther and Michelle Starr goes down despite the odds!
Michelle Starr does a post-match bladejob though
Tourny Final: Asian Cougar vs.
Havoc vs. Kozina:
Okay, so Tony Kozina is the fucking DEAL.
I love Asian Cougar but I will never say that he could pull off a match
as good as this one - because it really motherfucking rules. It's basically
spots spots spots spots but they are put together in the most dynamic way
possible. It starts as a three way, though Havoc gets pinned each
in the first minute so this is a very vestigal three-way - as Havoc gets
a double dropkick in as Kozina and Cougar decide to team up on the youngster.
Cougar reverses a corner whip and gets a La Majistral out of single leg
takedown as the double cover eliminates young Havoc. Cougar starts
out of the armbar and they shift to quick lucha nearfalls and the crowd
is warming up. Cougar works out of a chinlock to set up his Corner
Whip double leg lariat into the Catapult Legdrop. Asian Cougar then
hits his Apron Legdrop as Kozina does the little detail of tangling his
leg in the middle rope to make more sense of the spot. Cougar MURDERLIZES
Tornado Tony with Over The Toprope Diving Senton onto Kozina coated with
chairs. Another legdrop and Cougar gets two. Tony ducks the
Double Corner Leg Lariat and goes on offense with a Second rope reverse
Dropkick to set up a fucking BEAUTIFUL Asai Moonsault. He hits Cougar
with a really great Flying Cross-Body Block for two. Springboard
Elbow sets up his toprope Bulldog and Cougar is reeling. Double Flying
headbutts and it's a HEAT SEGMENT~! until they hit their feet. Cougar
dropkicks him to the floor and hits a diving Senton onto a STANDING Kozina
and pretty much breaks his own neck for their Canadian Veiwing Pleasure.
Missile Dropkick for two and Asian Cougar has pretty much depleted his
arsenal. Kozina catches him at the toprope and hits a Rana for two
off the top. Asian Cougar reverses out of a German Suplex attempt
and hits a German of his own WITH A BRIDGE for the win. This match
is all about why I love Asian Cougar and why I'm really beginning to dig
what little I've seen of Tony Kozina. Cougar has been in matches
as spectacular as these in Japan, but only Kozina has ever supplied this
much glue to a match. Really fucking good.
Overall, you REALLY want the final, the rest
won't get you as excited, though there are a few guys who make the 500.
Only a couple matches out and out sucked it. Most matches were waay
too short to get a good feel for what kind of workers these are which I
found pretty annoying. Final is fucking good. Asian Cooger
rules it. Kozina RULES it.
| 'Gancarski's
Guide to the WCW/NWO SUPER STICKER ACTIVITY BOOK'
[Modern Publishing, 1999, ISBN 0766604454] (by Tony Gancarski) This 1999 book can be
found on the remainder table at any Barnes and Noble near you, a surface
which undoubtedly will be the home to other books about wrestling in the
upcoming months as the buzz about wrestling [as it was] dies on the very
lips of the casual fan and the facile media. The book is logically structured
like any coloring book from one's youth; the reader is called upon to color
or to trace a character outline. As one leafs through this book, however,
he comes to understand why this company
The first two pages in the book are a premonitive clearinghouse of bad drawing and worse writing. Page 1 alleges that 'Hollywood Hogan gets the crowd going before his match'; the next page that 'Scott Hall tries to get Sting in the ring'. What's interesting about this as my first impression of the book is that both men look incredibly similar; roided-out physiques, 'evil' beard growth, sunglasses, and bulging cocks. Both pictures feature crowds whipped into veritable frenzies, with many signs held aloft pimping the name of the worker on the page. The problem with this, of course, is that the crowd is going crazy for heels here, establishing any number of messages that contradict wrestling's traditional morality play function. In WCW, crime pays. Villany is rewarded. The end justifies the means, and it's all good if you run out on your wife or your kids, because suck it 3:16 for life DDP mastercard slim jim brother. The book grinds on. 'Booker
T loves to show his opponents the Harlem Sidekick', reads a caption. Booker
T, usually one of the most effortlessly cool looking people in the business,
is reduced to caricature by this
Still in the front of the book, the reader is treated to a two page spread. 'Hogan and Hall are _more than ready_ [emphasis added] to take on the Macho Man and the Dog-Faced Gremlin.' Of course they are. Because God knows they were so over that they needed to be featured on 4 of the first 10 pages of the book. With that in mind, it can't be surprising that on the very next page, we get an exciting pic of Hogan and Savage getting ready to square-off in the center of the ring. Finally, soon thereafter, we get our first representation of Raven, the current Sunday Night Heat and WWF Metal mainstay. He's not drawn of course; better to just render him as a featureless lump and invite the reader to fill in details, as this book does. Even the caption pussifies him: 'Raven takes some quiet time in the locker room before his next match.' Is that great or what?
We don't get 'Scott Steiner scams a clean needle before his next match',
or 'Buff calls a staffer a coon before his next match', or 'Hogan works
an enema on Eazy-E before their next played-out
The book depicts the midcarders as the chumps they were in WCW. Malenko gets two pages, both of which feature him working camel clutch type moves for whatever reason. We get Booker T and Konnan getting ready for their "big match". There's a surreal picture of Ric Flair with anchorman hair and a torso akin to that of his AWA action figure, holding up a flag with only '4H' on it. A shot of the Horsemen in tuxedos -- or so the book says -- in which Benoit looks like Barry Horowitz, and in which the other '3H' were drawn just as ineptly. Of course, it goes without
saying that they were never once drawn near the world title, and that's
what ultimately made me write about this book. This company that managed
to push the laziest workers the hardest and to reward effort and artistry
with cups of coffee thrown into workers' faces, with depushes and format
changes that took away what little TV time they had, was actually very
upfront about how they booked. After working through the Super Sticker
Activity Book, even a child could figure that out.
|
#$#$#$#$ NEW JAPAN PPV 2/18/2001
(by DEAN RASMUSSEN)
WARNING WARNING WARNING: GREETINGS! THIS IS A REALTIME REVIEW! EXPECT FABULOUS MISPELLINGS! I LOVE IT! YOU LOVE IT! YOU LOVE IT! LOVE IT!
This music is super fine as we they camera jumps around the auditorium here in Japan City, Japan. The announcer looks like TV's Frank's brother with an od of sun-in. Usually, you can use this time in the beginning to write fabulous jokes about the matches but I have no matchlist because Mailman, who sent me this, doesn't have this on his site yet. Katsumi at Japan Wrestling Shop sent me a DDT tape just for kicks and I might review that too, depending on how painful this PPV is. There are only so Manabu Nakanishi jokes you can make before you hit the wall. OOP! Here we go. It's 8:10. The fear is gone...
EL SAMURAI/Dr. WAGNER/SILVER
MOTHERFUCKING KING vs. TAKAIWA/KOJI KANEMOTO/MINORU TANAKA:
Silver king is wearing the SWANk Aztec battle
vest. The Wagner brothers are wearing big pants which I find disconcerting
for some reason- as seeing them in full singlets is weird and shocking
to my lucha sensibilities. El Samurai is wearing the dogbone mask
that you love. Kohji's coiffe is all puffy and alluring. They
ge4ar up to unleash Doc onto Takaiawa- who I haven't actually watched wrestle
in like two years. Clean break as I wonder if Doc has turned all
pansy-assed on me. Takaiwa and Doc do some slappin' and choppin'
and Silver king comes in and Minoru and Koji kick him. Minoru Tanaka
and Silver motherfucking King are in the ring together and it IS GOLD.
Silver king is versatile enough to take the kicks and work the shootstyle
and Minoru is Michinoku Pro enough to work the lucha. Sammy takes
a knee drop right to the face and Koji starts kicking the fuck out of him,
busting him up with a BEAUTIFUL jumping Falcon Arrow. Koji and Silver
King is less beautiful as they blow the double dropkick spot. Takaiwa
and El Samurai (OOP! Rippa on the phone. REALTIME IS ON HOLD....)
Annnd we're back! The Wagner bros look on- looking so cool and regal
as a real luchadore will look while standing on the apron. Kohji
hits the FATTEST knee to the face in the world on Sammy and Sammy takes
it like it's the TOSJ 97- there is magic between Sammy and Koji, a special
magic. The Wagners do the Super great five runs of the rope and a
tumble dropkick Camel clutch spot INTO a La Tapitia with a garnish of Sammy
and the King bringing down the double axe handles. Sammy makes with
dropkicks to the face and Takaiwa hits another lariat. Sammy reverses
a Powerbomb into a DDT but Takaiwa gets out of the way of Sammy diving
headbutt to make the tag. Minoru comes in and does that coolass Missed
Spinkick to his feet to set up a Rolling Kneebar. Sammy does
forty three things to hit a Scorpiopn Deathdrop to allow Silver King and
Minoru TO JUST MOTHERFUCKING RIP IT UP.King starts with the double rope
Springboard Moonsault and THEN it becomes this super fucked up contest
of who can do the weirdest roll-up vs submission- as King goes straight
high-grade tricked out lucha matwork as Minoru counters with his own mutant
Lucha-cum-Shootstyle that he perfected in BattlARTS. King starts
with a Dos Caras Armbar Around the Back Combo Headscissors Into a Roll-up.
Minoru counters with a kick to the chest and Spin Around the Shoulders
Into A Cross-Armbreaker until Sammy makes the save. Doc and Koji
go all high impact, with Koji hitting a running Belly -to Belly into a
Piscada as Sammy CRUSHES Minoru with a tope and King hits the springboard
Plancha on Takaiawa. Koji does the cool ass counter out of the Wagner
Driver by slipping down into a Kneebar until Doc makes the rope.
Doc no-sells a Senton and hits a gnarley DDT. A Plancha for two and
Powerbomb for two that leads to Sammy hitting a toprope Scorpion Death
Drop. SilverKing hits the triple Moonsault. doc Wagner PLUNGES
down the DVDVR 500 by no-selling a Death Valley Bomb AND a Missile Dropkick.
He does succumb to a Falcon Arrow and Kanemoto moonsault. Great Spotfest,
shitty no-selling by Doc, the Minoru vs SilverKing stuff was motherfucking
GOLD.
Michiyoshi Ohara/Tatsusoshi Goto
vs. Brian Johnson/ SledgeHAMMER?!?!
I asked Rippa he said it was
SLEDGEHAMMER. He's looking at the list and everything : Jesus, for
this I'm missing reruns of MARRIED WITH CHILDREN? Johnson and Ohara take
it to the mat and then they start slapping each other. Johnson hits
a nice dropkick and feigns spitting. Sledgehammer looks like Ned
Beatty's bastard wrestling son. He and Goto start a knucklelock that
the Sledgehammer loses! Ohara...Goto...Sledgehammer.... Ohara...goto...Sledgehammer...
Goto.... Sledgehammer... Goto....Ohara.... Sledgehammer.... Oh sorry,
kinda fell into a shitty wrestling trance. GOTO AND SLEDGEHAMMER
TAKE IT TO THE MOTHERFUCKING MAT! AWWWWW YEAH! JOHNSON AND GOTO TAKE IT
TO THE MAT! OH FUCK YEAH, BUDDY! Johnson isn't actually isn't
bad at all when in with these guys. I dig the attempt. they
do some wrestling around the ring. Sledgehammer taps to Ohara.
New Japan will stick any shit on a PPV- I await a Miss New Japan contest.
Osamu Nishimura/Jyushin Thunder
Lyger vs. Shiro Koshinaka/Yutaka Yoshie:
HEEEEY! Yoshie got rid of the Skull
Starfish. He's off the list because now he has no redeeming value.
And we get to finally see who look more like Sam Waterston. Lyger
takes ASS TO THE FACE by Kosh. Lyger hits a motherfucking spear.
WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALL THE MOTHERFUCKING SPEARS? Yoshie sucks.
succcckkkks.....suckkkkksss...suuuuuuuuuuucksssssss.... suuuuuuucks...
suuuuuuuuuuucks.... Nishimura wrestles for both he and Yoshie and
the midget that Yoshiue has hiding in his singlet. Lyger can't bodyslam
his fat ass and when all the steroids in Japan that Lyger has ingested
can't get your fat ass off the ground, it's time for Deal-A-Meal, Shamu.
Nishimura takes an ASS TO THE FACE~! Nishimura punches Kosh in the face-
knowing that if he keeps punching in the face he will always know where
Kosh\ianaka's ass is. Lyger decides to hit Kosh with an ASS TO THE
FACE~! He sez, "PUT YOUR LIPS WHERE THE STEROIDS GO IN, OLD MAAAAN!"
Yoshie tries to look intense while procuring some kind kneebar. Kosh,
being an ACTUAL wresrtler, starts breaking Lygers leg across the ropes.
Lyger, being an ACTUAL wrestler, sells the knee. Yoshie does the
most listless Half Crab in the history of Crustacean Based Submission Holds.
Kosh, being an ACTUAL wrestler breaks Lyger's leg over the apron.
Yoshie does a Tenta-level Corner splash and hits his DEADLY shitty reverse
Figure Four. Lyger is tougher than Tenzan so he makes it to the ropes.
I can only wonder where Nishimura is. Kosh sez, "HAVE ANOTHER BIG OLE BATCH
OF MYYYY ASSS!!!" as he cascades off the toprope hitting Lyger with the
whole fruitbowl. Lyger gets in a shotay, Nishimura appears in the
match again after 53 minutes and hits a dropkick. And anothe dropkick and
a Missile Dropkick and hits Yoshie with a dropkick. Yoshie is astoundingly
ass-sucking as he does the sloppiest power slam and the sloppiest legdrop.
Nishimura gets a Sleeper and then gets an Octapus Hold but the motherfucker
doesn't submit. THEY KEEP WRESTLING. Yoshie and Lyger fight
for the Brainbuster as Lyger reaches DEEP into his body's Ico-Pro supply
and HITS THE BRAINBUSTER!! You get to see the whole groinular region
of Yoshie. Nishimura hits a nice German but Yoshie REFUSES TO GET
THE FUCK OFF MY TV. He does hit a truly hilarious kinda like a Lou
Thesz press which looked more like Ted Kennedy diving for a bottle of Scotch
which followed Nishimura with a SWANK German WITH A BRIDGE!
It kinda degenerates into Yoshie kinda making shit up. AND YOSHIE
BEATS NISHIMURA WITH THE REVERSE FIGURE FOUR. Yoshie is the worst
bloated sack of shit in wrestling today. I'm glad he's being pushed
by the shit-for-brains called Chosyu.
(RIPPA CALLS AND GIVES THE REST OF THE MATCHLIST! WOO-HOO!)
Manabu Nakanishi vs. Super J:
Nakanishi has the hair in this match that
makes him look like Donna's father in THAT 70s SHOW. he's also coming
to the ring in one of baseball jersey t-shirts that we would show our love
for Van Halen with in the late 70s. Super J is still having no trouble
getting his steroid needs met. Super J makes with the headlock as
we get to see if the Good heavyweight can carry the Feculent heavyweight
to ANYTHING watchable. NOPE so far as they do a horrendous
shoulderblock sequence. The knucklelock sequence starts well- as
it seems that Super J wants to try to keep the unstoppable Whirlwind of
Suck that IS Manabu Nakanishi from throughly shitting all over the ring
immediately from the bell. Super J gets him in a chinlock and Manabu
powers and and they start elbowing each other. Super J kicks him
in the stomach, hits a nice corner lariat and gets some that Heel Heat
before hitting a vertical suplex. I really like Super J and he is
containing Manabu better most anyone else I've ever seen Manapoo in with.
Manabu with a bodyslam and legdrop and then he works on the hamstring and
starts headbutting the knee of Super J. He then does that Malenko/
Toshie Yamada Leg Breaker thing. Super J hits a lowblow for TRANSITION~!
and starts kicking Manabu. Manabu is limber and he actually gets
hit in the face with his ovwn knee when Super J yanks on it. Super
J gets a kneebar and Manabu actually gets points with me by selling it
like he is fixin' to cry. Super j kicks knee some and Manabu reverse
a Lariat attempt into his Fallaway Slam thing but actually sells the knee
well when he can't get Super J up for the Argentine Backbreaker.
Super J with a NICE toprope lariat. The BIG KNEE but no WIGGLY ARMS
YET! Super J trumps him with his own SPEAR! Manbu procures the IRONCLAW!
The ARMS GET WIGGLY! The Argentine Backbreaker is procured.
Okay, Nakanishi is becoming a guilty pleasure. Super J is going up
the DVDVR 500. He is good good good. His powerstuff is dynamic,
he puts matches together well, he sells well for a NJ Heavyweight.
THE FINEST STING OF ALL!
Yuji Nagata/Iizuka vs. Masahito
Kakihara/Mitsuya Nagai:
Nagai and Kakihara are Team Strongs!
Iizuka and Nagata are the best male tagteam in the world currently.
Kakihara has these really long pants to further baffle me pantswise AS
THIS PPV CHALLENGES MY PRE-CONCEIVED NOTIONS ABOUT PANTSWEAR! It also has
really long words written in Japanese up the side- possible "Ass, Gas,
or grass- noone rides for free..." but I don't read Japanese. Iizuka-
whose resurgense is SOOO beyond wild- and Kakihara start it off by going
to the mat. HEY! Yamazaki is color commentating. I think he
said something about the "puppies" in the front row. Kakihara is
working for a kneebar but Iizuka has his wrist and is working for a Cross
ArmBreaker. Back to a vertical base, Nagata comes and they
start beating the fuck out of each other and I'm in love all over again
with the coolest thing in the world- the professional wrestling.
Nagai comes in and GOLLY! He'll kick ya right in the motherfucking face.
Yuji gets him in a kneebar. Nagai reverses it. Yuji gets to
his feet and makes the tag so Iizuka can get the cool ass Old School Toe
Hold that Nagai reverses into an ankle pick. Kakihara comes and goes
buck wild with the kicks to the hamstring to set up a Rear Naked Choke.
Nagai comes in and just starts kicking the holy LIVING FUCK out of Iizuka-
who gets out of it by getting Nagai into a Fujhiwara armbar that he turns
into a full Cross Armbreaker. Nagata comes in and doesn't get enough
hops on the German and almost paralyzes the former RINGS guy Nagai. Nagata
and Kakihara start beating the living fucking breathing hell out of each
other with Nagata hitting the SUPER dickhead knees to the face. Kakihara
thanks God for Iizuka and his gentle loving Exploider Suplex since he has
forgotten all the lyrics to Appetite For Destruction after Nagata's foray
into beating the holy living dogshit out of him. Iizuka and Nagai
take it to the mat, with Iizuka procuring a tenacious Chokehold that he
transforms into a sleeper. Nagai and Nagata start trading kicks
after Iizuka tags out and Kakihara and Nagata start slapping each other
until Nagata hits a FAT ASS Released German. Kakihara recovers with
a Rolling kneebar and it goes completely kicktastic until Kakihara sinks
in the Nagata Lock with dickish Nagata salute thrown in for good measure.
Nagai tags in and Nagata and Nagai kick the holy breathing living fucking
catpiss out of each other and YOU! you the reader are in total violent,
hateful bliss. Nagata is a MACHINE by this point kicking here, Suplexing
there, applying the Nagata Lock to Nagai as a thousand flashes respond
to his salute. Iizuka is tagged in and he makes with the stiff elbows
to set up his Capture Suplex to set up another Sleeper hold that Nagai
turns into a Buzzkiller. Iizuka makes the ropes but Nagai hits a
German for two and then starts pummeling Iizuka like only Nagai can pummel.
Iizuka snags Nagai's leg finally and goes from an Ankle pick into a Sleeper
for the tap out. I love these two tagteams and I loved this match.
Stiff as all fuck. Manly as all hell. The love, the beatings,
the submissions, the coolness, the TRUE GRIT. Oh yeah, I wanna rematch
already. Put the belt on BOTH of these teams already.
Kojima/Tenzan vs. Chosyu/Makabe:
I thought Riki retired? AHAHAAHAHHA.
I really love Kojima and Tenzan as a tagteam and they are both on a resurgence
as of late, as New Japan is revitalized by all this cross-promotional stuff.
I'm starting to dig Makabe as he has developed into a decent wrestler as
of late. Chosyu starts by choking Tenzan in the corner and berating
him. Maybe this is a SHOOTANGLE~! or not. Who gives a fuck?
Let's get the wrestling started already. Chosyu kinda slaps Tenzan
around for the first couple minutes. Tenzan goes low, Makabe hits
a SPEAR!!! and we're back to HEY! a Chosyu Lariat. Riki is working
for a Scorpion Deathlock. Makabe with ANOTHER SPEAR as Kojima tries
to make the save. Chosyu lariats Kojima and this match is REALLY
start to suck ass for the team of Tenzan and Kojima as it looks like the
booker is trying to teach them a lesson- HEY! That;s the story of the match!
Luckily, it turns out to be a lot cooler than just that- as Tenzan no-sells
Makabe's offense before hitting a nice Spin kick and it's Tony Atlas Time!
Kojima and Makabe start trading punches and it lasts a real long time.
Makabe hits a nice Locomotion German for two. Kojima ducks a cornercharge
and hits a nice Belly-To-Back. Kojima starts chopping the poop out
of Makabe until Makabe hits ANOTHER SPEAR! and makes the hot tag
to Chosyu, who is still pissed about something. He punches Kojima
in the head and slams his forehead into the uncovered turnbuckle.
I'''I'm thingking that maaaaybe.. nope, bloodless. Tenzan and Kojima
start beating on Makabe for a while and Kojima locks inthe Scorpion for
a second, as he seems to hate Chosyu and wants to piss him off even more.
It becomes a heat segment as they beat on Makabe at great length to hurt
Riki. Finally, Riki tags in and Kojima catches him with a Diamond
Cutter and a big Lariat. Tenzan comes in to exact his revenge.
Kojima pounds on Riki until Riki hits a very gnarley Dangerous Backdrop.
Kojima recovers and hits another Lariat and applies the Figure Four despite
Makabe really pounding on Kojima's head. Tenzan does the BEAUTIFUL
thing and stomps on Riki's face while he's in the Figure four and also
does the TRULY dicklike Toprope Diving headbutt on Chosyu while Riki is
still in the Figure Four. Makabe makes the save but Kojima JUST RIPS
HIS MOTHERFUCKING HEAD OFF WITH A LARIAT- I MEAN HE RIPS HIS MOTHERFUCKING
HEAD OFF WITH A LARIAT- and Makabe is done for a while. Tenzan and
Kojima continue to beat the hell out of Grampa Chosyu and the already dead
Makabe. Tenzan gets the pin with a Moonsault on Chosyu and GOLLY!
this was a whole lot better than I thought it would be. The Chosyu
hates Tenzan story spills over to Chosyu hate Kojima and the whole sacrifice
of the game Makabe and vicious dissection of the suddenly alone Chosyu
made for a good story and the execution was pretty stiff and vicious in
spots. I dug this. You would too. Makabe sells like he
dead from the lariat- as my fondness for him grows despite the endless
array of spears. Kojima and Tenzan are a fabulous tagteam. Maybe
they will pan out after all.
[Antonio Inoki is dressed like ONRYO and talks on the STICK~! for a while. I get to add stuff to the somehow BOSS Tenzan/ Kojima vs Makabe/ Chosyu match. Inoki swings a stick and his dream of being Big Josh gets one step closer to fruition.]
Don Frye vs. Chono:
Masahiro Chono looks supercool walking to
the ring. He has the Aristrist TEAM 2000 towel like the coolest possible
Ronnie Garvin. I missed the whole story as to why he is wrestling Don Frye.
Frye has the leatherpants and the Rick Rude moustache and they are talking
smack from the moment they enter the ring. Frye whips out the Bearhug.
But. luckily, he turns it into a nice suplex before I could get the Hercules
Hernandez joke out. Frye then punches Chono right in the face a bunch.
Frye then beats up Team 2000. Frye is trying to break Chono's ribs by punching
him over and over. Chono just takes a beating as Frye keeps kneeing
him in the ribs. ribs ribs ribs ribs. Finally Mr Balckjack rocks Frye's
testicals like a hurricane and we get a Chono flurry. Chono throws Frye
into Team 200 and they stomp him down for a while. Frye throws really great
punches and punches back to offense and sinks in a Camel Clutch before
going back to punching the poop out of Chono's ribs. The pinnacle
of the match is Frye getting Chono in another Bearhug and Chono getting
out of it by trying to rip Frye's nose off. Chono stomps him for
a while and the brawling begins. Frye punches back to offense.
Chono takes him down and applies the STF and the match kinda goes into
the Chono Pinning Ritual- the Yakuza kicks, etc. Oh wait! Frye drags
him out to the floor and punches him in face and it's suddenly kinda neat.
Frye then starts punching Team 2000 in the face all over again. Frye back
to punching the ribs. chono with a right cross for a two count.
Frye quickly gets a Rear Naked Choke. A Belly to Belly after Chono makes
the ropes and Frye reapplies it and puts Chono out. Postmatch he
starts pounding on the unconscious Chono unitl team 200 makes the save.
the problem with this match is that a.) Chono is REALLY immobile, b.) Frye's
offence is so limited in this because of (a) and c) it can't compare to
the thorough ass-beating of the Nagata/Iizuka vs Team Stongs match.
This was perfectly fine for what it was I guess, but we are reaching the
end of Chono being able to cover for his limited physical ability by craft
and psycholgy and guile, which is sad.
Keiji Mutoh vs. Murakami:
Murakami RULES. Mutoh looks like G Gordon
Liddy now! This match sucked. Murakami looks evil as
ever coming to the ring- a sort of Prince Namor with more expressive eyebrows.
Mutoh is accompanied by Don Frye (ah that;'s right. The Chono match
is clear to me now.) and Tea Kieoh. Murakami starts off by
punching Mutoh in the face and kicking him a whole bunch until Mutoh hits
the floor. Mutoh comes back in and takes Murakiami to the mat and.... does
NOTHING. A guy in a white mask comes to ringside and it's OMINOUS.
Murakami kicks Mutoh to the mat and Mutoh does.... NOTHING.
Mutoh gets in a legwhip and tries for a Figure Four but Murakami reverses
it into a choke. The guy in the white mask jumps on the apron and
Murakami goes after him. Mutoh dropkicks Murakami's knee and does
two knees to Murakami's face and gets the pin. BOY! THIS REALLY SUCKED
DICK. I was waiting for Mutoh to win with a Schoolboy but it wasn't
even that good. Possibly the shitteist match I have ever seen to
have the name New Japan attached to it. I would like to welcome back
the Worthless Mutoh. Kneeless or not, this is inexcusable.
Chono is THOROUGHLY crippled and he would have had a ten thousand times
better match- just because he actually gives a shit his fucking craft.
Fuck Mutoh. Go retire already, you worthless sack of shit.
The white mask guy was Shinzaki it is revealed.
Kensuki Sasaki vs. Shinjiro Ohtani:
Ohtani has red hair now and he is up for a
title shot? on PPV? I dunno. We'll see. Sasaki is wrestling at the highest
level of his career as a singles wrestler as of late so who knows.
Ohtani flies out the blocks kicking Sasaki in the head before he can ever
get the belt off. Shinjiro starts working Kensuke's arm, tenaciously kicking
it and wrenching it over the middle rope. Shinjiro switches to a
couple armbar variations and then takes it back into the corner to work
on the arm more. Kensuke finally gets in a knee to the stomach and
starts kicking Shinjiro in the corner, but sells the arm so he can't hit
a Lariat. Shinjiro ducks three lariat attemopts and gets back on
the offense of relentlessly wiorking on Sasaki's lariat arm, going so far
as to hit a beautiful Springboard Dropkick onto his arm. Shijiro
sinks in the Cross Armbreaker doesn't let go at the ropes. Sasaki
smacks Ohtani in the head with his good arm and starts kneeing Ohtani because
his arm is crushed. Sasaki hits a high Vertical Suplex but his arsenal
is so limited by the ruined right arm that he can't even get a clean cover.
Ohtani hits a spin kick and starts pumphandling Sasaki's arm and throws
him back into the corner for more work on the arm. Kensuke Sasaki
powers out of the corner and runs across the ring and hits a picture perfect
dropkick right on Ohtani's chin. he then hits a Powerslam.
He tries for a Lariat but Ohtani dropkicks his arm before Sasaki can get
off the ropes. they trade chops with Ohtani lasting longer than he
ever would because of how limited Sasaki is now. Ohtani kicks him
in the face and starts to go to the toprope but Sasaki charges him and
ohtani flies into the Guardrail. Kensuke doesn't follow him to the
floor, instead he tries to get his arm to work. Ohtani Missile Drokicks
Sasaki twice to the arm to reenter the ring and then slaps on a Cobra Clutch,
keeping Sasaki in the middle of the ring until Sasaki can finally roll
to the ropes. Sasaki fights out of the second Cobra Clutch and hits
a Running Judo throw and two Lariats for two. Sasaki goes for a Northern
Lights Bomb and Ohtani counters it into a second Cobra Clutch. Sasaki
makes the ropes and they trade chops until Sasaki hits a Lariat that further
aggravates his ruined arm. Sasaki powers Ohtani into a Gutwrench
Suplex to set up the Northern Lights Bomb for the win. Sasaki sold
like a KING in this. I've seen this same match three different times
now- Muta and Nishimura during Sasaki's first title run- where the knee
replaced the lariat arm- and now this one- and this one is the best
of the three, and I really liked the Mutoh/Sasaki match. The match
made Ohtani look credible though the outcome was never in doubt- and it
made Sasaki look resourceful by having to vary his offense (hitting the
dropkick, kneeing his way out of the corner). sasaki is actually
pretty deep in his selling in this match, as his arm is sold more as he
uses it which is a depth of selling I wouldn't expect from Sasaki.
I dunno. Sasaki is at a weird level right now. I don't know
how long he can sustain it before he falls back on bad habits but he has
completely erased the bad memories of his first title run by amking this
one such a good one.
Overall, get someone to tape the good matches
for you. The rest is HIDEOUS.
12:27- night-night.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!There's no turning
back now- I'm under attack now- I see the skies are open
And I hear the word spoken-
SINGLES GOING STEADY You only perceive
what you believe- You need only
believe to believe- What do you know?- What do you know?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
World's Greatest (or Goofiest)
Battle Royal - WCW Pro - Sometime in 1995 (Rippa)
This was on the Pro, which means that none
of you have seen it. On that Syndie level food chain, it was always - Sat
Night, Worldwide, Main Event, Pro. WCW always used to bust out the battle
royals on the syndicated shows to hype the turd that was World War 3. Because
if you like hot 10 man action, wait for 60 man action. Honestly, they should
have have been using this idea more during their 215 person roster days.
They had the random lucha battle royal. They could have done the Power
Plant Battle Royal, the European Battle Royal, the third tier tag team
Battle Royal, the friends of Hulk Hogan Battle Royal, the discrimination
law suit Battle Royal, etc. This one is populated by the following:
Dave Sullivan, Fidel Sierra, Ricky Santana, Nasty Ned, Disco Inferno, Cobra,
Mark Starr, Frankie Lancaster, the State Patrol (Buddy Lee Parker, James
Earl). Place your bets now on who wins this. Here is a hint - Disco is
doing the whole run from any contact and protects his hair. I had no recollection
of Nasty Ned but Dean remembered his receeding hair line. The Thumper Frankie
Lancaster is the first one dumped which was fairly obvious because it was
either going to be him or Mark Starr. (Well, look at this logically - Disco
was getting the push. Dave Sullivan and Cobra were the "name". The State
Patrol and the Barrio Brothers were tag teams which meant they got to hang
around long enough to eliminate someone. Nasty Ned was the "tall guy" who
was going to have the advantage over everyone. That left Lancaster and
Starr.) The State Patrol get the big push as they are Disco's enforcers,
dumping people left and right (somewhere in the ball park of dumping half
the field) and protecting Disco from elimination. Parker and Earl turn
on Disco and then turn on each other, which means that Disco dumps them
both and gets the win. God, what was Disco doing back then to deserve the
early push? I guess it was better than letting Sullivan and his pet rabbit
get the win.
Maverick Wilde vs. Anarachist
Doug Williams - New England Championship Wrestling (9/16/00)
(Rippa)
Dan had hooked me up with two NECW shows and
since he reviewed the other one in the now defunct? disbanned? disbarred?
dismembered? Sambo Review, I agreed that I would review the 9/16 show.
Well after the midget match - a midget match with a ref bump - and the
fat guys who looked like they were stepped straight off the motorcycles
and the pages of the Guiness Book of World's Records, I said FUCK IT and
I am just reviewing the match I cared about. (Thought Jason Knight wasn't
afraid to be the best working Buff Bagwell around.) Welcome to America,
Mr. Williams. I see that you have had no problems "working on your upper
body." Despite looking huge now - Williams looks MOTHERFUCKING great in
this match as he brings all the British non-gay matwork and leads Maverick
Wilde by the head to a very good match. Williams is not afraid to break
out the greatest reversals into leg locks but I really dug his German Suplex
WITH A BRIDGE out of a roll-up attempt. The most improved area of Williams'
game is his selling as he sells the leg that Wilde had been working on
constantly - including selling it while running the ropes which is a HUGE
plus. Fuck, Dougie also does a great sell of a head scissors and he gives
the illusion that his skull might be popped off like the head of a dandelion.
Wilde impressed me in some spurts (like this funky facebuster out of an
armdrag) but he looked awfully inexperienced at times - the worst crimes
being that he manages to land on his own head TWICE including once blowing
a backflip out of a backdrop. And whoever taught him that the Rolling Thunder
headbutt to the groin spot was a good idea needs to be shot (I am assuming
that Killer Kolwoski didn't teach him that move.) Wilde gets what I guess
could be considered the upset win but considering that I doubt that many
in the crowd had any idea of the background of Williams, it just came off
as the young guy with tiny green pants won.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEXT TIME: WHO THE FUCK KNOWS! WE ARE ALL
ABOUT THE 500 RIGHT NOW!
********************************
THE DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOYS.
Seven fists in the face of wrestling
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^