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We here at the Death Valley Driver Video Review are totally awash in truly weird or good or fricking GREAT tapes as of late and we are just too STUPEFIED by the whole experience and are stoked to be knee-deep in the Puroresu/Lucha/Joshi Excess of coolness. Please- attach your sweet love and join us for a slapdash foray into the land of our TRUE WRESTLING VEIWING, wrestling that you- our beloved gentle reader- SHOULD be made of aware of because YOU and I BOTH LOVE THE WRESTLING WHEN DONE RIGHT. And some of this is. Moisten your lips and be gently carressed by YOUR DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOY, RAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY...
#$#$#$#$#$#$# NEW JAPAN PRO
WRESTLING TV :
(REV RAY DUFFY!)
Shiro
Koshinaka/Tadao Yasuda vs. Stray Dogs :
This starts out with at the top of the
show with the Dogs challenging Lurch and Shiro to fight it out on the floor,
when they come back, there's a brawl. We go to credits and commercial,
when we come back, Ohara is ramming Shiro into the exposed corner buckle.
It should be noted that Ohara and Goto have gone blond. Don't worry,
they still stink. Shiro makes the hot tag to Yasuda who gets in his
sumo thrust/corner splash/ underhook suplex spot for a two.
He also get the drop kick into the corner from him. Yasuda hits the
tiger driver, but Goto breaks up the pin and hits his back drop suplex.
Goto tags in hits a lariat on Yasuda. They stuff powerbomb him and
Goto goes for him lariat for the pin, but only gets two. He goes
for another and Yasuda hits him with a palm strike. Goto and
Yasuda both tag. Koshinaka goes ass attack happy on Ohara.
Ohara kicks out of a powerbomb. Koshinaka runs the ropes and gets
hit from behind by Goto. The Dogs screw up a double team spot, but
Ohara hits two low kick and the the chokeslam for the win.
Brian Johnson/Kensuke Sasaki
vs. Yuji Nagata/Takayuki Iizuka :
This starts out with Nagata controlling
Sasaki with a Nagata lock and daring Johnson to make the save. Sasaki
gets the tag and brings in Johnson, Nagata kicks at him, but Johnston catches
his leg and punches him right in the face. Nagata is able to
tag to Iizuka. Brian takes over on him and goes for the cross armbreaker,
but Iizuka rope saves. Iizuka catches a Johnston knee and hits an
exploder suplex. Johnston tags Sasaki who gets an exploder and a
blizzard suplex for two. Nagata tagged back in Nagata hits a Northern
Lights suplex for two. He goes for another and Sasaki knees out of it and
hits a powerslam. Sasaki takes over, hits his corner whip/rebound
face crusher spot. He even busts out his old ipponzei spot.
Sasaki does his single leg powerbomb spot, but when he does it, he leaves
his arm open for Nagata to attempt a triangle scissors/cross arm breaker
move. Sasaki escapes but Nagata pounds him with kicks until Sasaki
drops him with a chop. Nagata tries to press his advantage but runs
into a lariat. Sasaki slaps on Strangle Hold Beta and gets the tap
out.
Mutoh/Kojima/Tenzan vs.
Chono/NWO Sting/Frye :
At the start, the NWO team is getting
heat on Chono. Chono takes elbow drops from Mutoh and Kojima
and a headbutt from Tenzan. Kojima gets in his somersault senton
and tags to Tenzan. Chono drops Tenzan with a headbutt and makes
the tag. Team 2000 keeps blowing double teams as they do the "You
hold 'em, I'll hit 'em spot" with Chono hitting Frye with the Yakuza kick
and Frye dropping Chono with a punch. Mutoh ends up in with Sting.
Sting misses the stinger splash, Mutoh hits the handspring elbow/face crusher,
a low drop kick and slaps on the figure four. While in the hold,
Frye runs in and mount punches Mutoh, but Tenzan diving headbutts Sting
while he's still in the hold. Kojima hits his lariat trifecta, then
his corner forearm into the top rope elbow. Everyone runs in and
the NWO team is tossed out. Kojima fights out of a triple team attempt,
but he's still outnumbered and Chono is able to take him down and slap
on the STF. Sting and Frye cut off Mutoh and Tenzan from makin the
save. The crowd is hot for Kojima, chanting his name and he holds
out for quite a bit, but eventually taps out. Chono takes the mic
and says some stuff and says "Start the music". On comes "Wild Thing"
and out comes Onita, smoking a cigarette... and on a school night
no less! I think Chono calls Onita "Mr. Puroresu". Onita does
a speech and the crowd seems pretty hot for it. Team 2000 has a new
member. Everyone leaves, but Onita sticks around and takes the mic
once again, prompting the ring to be pelted with drinks. Onita goes
through about 4 cigarettes in the course of this angle.
Top of the Super J :
Shijiro Otani vs. Minoru
Tanaka :
Joined in progress, Tanaka and Ontani
are mixing it up by slapping leg bars on each other and countering out
of it. Tanaka rope saves and rolls out to the floor, Otani holds
the ropes open for him, but Tanaka doesn't take it. Tanaka comes
in and Otani jumps him and roughs him up in the corner with the foot scrapes.
Otani goes for an extra one, ducks a palm strike but eats a flying kick.
Tanaka tries to suplex him to the floor, but Otani lands on the apron and
slaps on a sleeper, Tanaka fights out and kicks him in the head a few times,
but Otani walks away from Tanaka's pescado attempt. Otani whips him
into the railing and throws him back in. Otani's springboard drop
kick misses and Tanaka hits the dragon suplex for two. He goes for
the cross armbreaker, but Otani counters into a kneebar. The crowd,
which has been pretty hot all night, chants "Mi-no-ru" as Tanaka rope saves.
Tanaka hits a corner whip but runs into a low drop kick by Otani who goes
right back to work witht he kneebar. Tanaka hits a drop kick off
the ropes, gets a two count and then slaps on the cross armbreaker immediately,
but Otani breaks free. Otani escapes a german suplex attempt and
hits a release dragon suplex of his own. Spring drop kick and a Lyger
bomb get him two. Otani bitches to Tiger Hattori about the count
as Tanaka plays dead. Otani moves in for a dragon suplex, Tanaka
hits him with a flying armbreaker takedown, which Otani rope saves out
of. They slap each other a bit, we go through some reversals for
suplexes, but Tanaka hits the lightning fast takedown into the cross armbreaker
and this time Otani taps. The crowd goes wild as Tanaka gets the
win. So far, two really good and contrasting matches from Otani in
this year's Top of the Super J. Maybe New Japan Jr's aren't totally
doomed.
Koji Kanemoto vs. Jushin
Lyger :
Joined in progress, Koji is taken out
to the floor by Lyger and gets hit with a pescado. Lyger whips him
into the railing and brainbusters him out on the floor. Koji gets
up on the apron, Lyger hits him with a palm strike and Koji no sells and
dares him to hit some more. Apparently, the brainbuster made him
think he was Takaiwa as he fights his way back into the ring.
Koji ducks a Lyger palm strike, takes Lyger down with a leg trip into a
standing ankle lock which Lyger struggles out of. Koji sets up for
the moonsault, but lands on his feet when Lyger rolls away. Lyger
hits a Lygerbomb for two. Koji counters an irish whip and hits the
overhead belly to belly and goes back to work on Lyger's ankle, including
a few bites on the foot while he's got the hold on. Lyger reverses
a corner whip and hits the corner palm strike. Lyger hits a brainbuster
and then follows it with a running Lygerbomb for two. They both headbutt
each other from their hands and knees, Lyger gets the advantage and goes
for a diving headbutt that misses. Koji hits a kick combo and then
hits the moonsault for two. Koji goes right to work on the leg again
with a sort of half crab/ankle lock type move which Lyger eventually rope
saves out of. Koji slaps Lyger around some and goes up for the moonsault
again. Lyger pops up, catches him up top and throws him with a release
german off the top that flips Koji face down into the ring. Lyger
slaps on a leg lock on Kanemoto who srugges his way to the ropes, but eventually
taps. Well,
the top rope german was cool. Koji's
selling prevented this from being totally kick ass, but it wasn't horrible.
~%~
%^%^%^%^%^IWA DUEL OF THE
WILDS COMM TAPE (1/8/95, Honjyo)
(PETE STEIN!)
At Dean's request I've gone back to sailing
the seas of sleaze this week, coming to you with the show featuring the
match that bestselling author Mick Foley described so vividly in his book.
Apparently the guy who sent me this tape ran it through chicken soup a
couple of times befofe sending it to me, but WTF...
CYNTHIA MORENO vs. ???:
You KNOW someone's obscure when *I* can't
even figure out what their name is. ;) Apparently Cynthia soaked
Mr. Asano for a deal where she gets paid by the minute as opposed to by
the match, so she takes her sweet time putting her greenhorn opponent away.
Cynthia hits a missile dropkick for the pin; your's truly leans on the
FF button for the match.
AGUILA NEGRA vs. DAISUKE
TAUE:
I'm guessing Aguila is from Panama or
the Dominican Republic, because no self-respecting Mexican would opt to
save his body and look like a total puss when the alternative would be
to kill yourself and get over like a GOD with the Japanese fans in the
process. How lame is he? This is the first time I've ever heard
a crowd BOO a wrestler for faking the dive through the ropes. The
Kageki boys laugh at this nerd. Aguila hits a splash for the pin
and
never darkens my VCR again.
ZIRAIYA vs. YOSHIHIRO TAJIRI:
This would be a REALLY cool match today...
back in 1995 it wasn't. Nope, not at all.
GRAN APACHE vs. TAKASHI
OKANO:
FINALLY, someone who remembered to bring
the goods with him... AAA machine Apache whistles for Aguila's attention
and totally schools him by babying the future Shadow Winger through a fine
little match. Nothing is out-of-this-world or truly death-intensive,
but Apache is rock-solid and gets the crowd involved for the first time
all night. Okano with a comical chokeslam followed with a frog splash
for the pin.
SCRAMBLE BUNKHOUSE DEATH
MATCH - TEXAS HANGMEN vs. HIROSHI ONO/ SHOJI NAKAMAKI:
Ono and Nakamaki sell and juice and juice
and sell, <insert beefy, mean American here> accidentally hits <insert
beefy, mean American's beefy, mean American partner here>, Ono hits a facebuster
onto the ladder and the Japanese team win. WOTTA FORMULA!
TRACY SMOTHERS vs. NOBUTAKA
ARAYA:
Tracy wastes no time bringing the Smokey
Mountain right to Araya with hiptosses, headlock work and the dreaded ROPE-ASSISTED
ABDOMINAL STRETCH OF INHUMAN AGONY. Araya comes back with lariats
but Tracy comes back with his enzuigiri and hits the Jaw-Jacker for a near-fall.
He gets 2 with a powerbomb but Araya rolls through on the second try for
a near-fall. Araya hits a German suplex but blows the bridge, so
he comes back with a powerbomb of his own, slams Tracy and hits the moonsault
for the pin. Reverse the roles, add Bob Caudle on play-by-play and
PRESTO! You've got your Freedom Hall main event for the Bluegrass
Brawl.
NO ROPE BARBED-WIRE SCRAMBLE
BUNKHOUSE DEATH MATCH- CACTUS JACK vs. TERRY FUNK:
Pre-match is a riot as Jack talks about
how Funk can't take his teeth or his ear, and can't take Jack's heart because
it's too big for him to carry. Danger is the love of my life!"
He then CUTS A PROMO on Onita wanting to retire rather than ruin
his own legend at Jack's expense. Funk has a couple of laughs hiding
behind Victor Quinones while Jack goes on a rampage tossing chairs around
in- ring, then seizes the advantage at the bell by tossing a chair of his
own at Jack while he's busy kibitzing with the throng of almost 200 people.
After a couple of teases the festivities immediately move to the floor
where Jack chairs Funk and chokes him out with the wire. Funk comes
back in-ring and goes for the spinning toehold but Jack hits him with an
international object du jour and works him over on the wire. Jack
heads out, comes back with the soon-to-be infamous flaming chair and hits
Terry with it on the floor. He sets it down (read the book to see
why this was an IMMENSELY stupid thing to do), but Funk takes over and
literally toasts Jack's shoulder by giving him a hiptoss onto the chair.
Jack gets a near-fall after hitting Funk with the chair again, but Funk
reverses a suplex and drapes Jack onto the wire. Funk whips Jack
to the wire; Jack attempts to hang himself in the wire but it doesn't hold
and he wipes out on the floor. Funk whips Jack into a table and there's
this creepy moment where the ref is whispering "You all right?" to Jack,
his hands leaking blood from the botched hangman as he crawls around looking
for Funk. His pleas are soon answered as Funk heads from the back
with a flaming branding iron and plants it directly on Jack's stomach.
Jack gets a ton of near-falls until he goes for what looks like a reverse
atomic drop, which Funk reverses into a DDT for a flat pin at about the
20-minute mark. Post-match is morbidly funny as Jack and Funk crawl
towards each other and tease a happy ending, only for Jack to turn on him
and hit a piledriver on the floor.
Waitaminut... this show was taped in 1987?
;)
~+~
$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$#$ KAGEKI
PRO COMMERCIAL TAPE VOL 2- 10/99ish
(DEAN RASMUSSEN!)
Pete throws down the Gaunlet of Holy Grail
Of PuroSleaze with the scummarific IWA so I have to counter with the OTHER
Kageki Pro that Schneider got from Lynch. This was actually has the
superHOT Yagi vs J'd Judo Girl Yabushita so ya gotta love this one.
Plus Fukuda and Masaaki Mochizuki- but I'll get to that crap soon enough.
Masatomo Iba vs. Masahiko
Toyofuku:
I'm guessing these two are rookies and
I'm also guessing that they have wild delusions of grandeur already as
they try to go broadway UWFi style and- Hell- I could think of crappier
things to shoot for in this day and age, I guess. These two aren't
bad at feigning a shoot- but when you've seen a big heap of BattlARTS,
you kinda hate all worked shoot crap because what's the point? Head
to Pancrase and make honest men of yourself or learn to run the ropes and
punch up your stylings to an adequate pro-style medium if you wanna be
a MAN in my book. Eight minutes of some stuff on the ground.
Nobody shakes anybody's teeth loose or anything, but it doesn't make you
feel like they robbed you of a few minutes of your life or anything.
Oh yeah.
Hiromi Yagi vs. Megumi Yabushita:
HI! I'm a pig. Yagi is SOOOOOOO
hot! WOO-HOO! Okay, now that we've gotten past that phase of the ANALYSIS!
and we've all put on our frowny thinking faces, I'm gonna let loose
with the reviewing of the wrestling! ALLRIGHT! (TAKE TWO) Yagi is
this AMAZINGLY HOT former JWP gal that retired and came back. When
I first read the match list I FREAKED OUT AND PARTIED because I thought
it was Yagi vs YOSHIDA! Yoshida was this boring wrestler in AJW who
went freelance and became this MANCRUSHINGLY HOT MINKY VIXEN DELUXE in
ARSION- as she shed her stupid Kennedy-Era Pillbox hat and started sporting
this Spider outfit that made all men- real men who cannot fight their
pathetic urges to think of a life they would lead if everything in the
past had gone differently and they could end up in Japan dating hot Joshi
Puroresu underrated mat technicians- deeply finally believe that there
is a God and that this God can produce truly comely forms that also
can totally rip the ligaments off the shoulder bone like a normal wrestling
fan would tear up a spicy chicken wing at Popeye's. That match would
have been great, just because both have really found their niche outside
of their initial promotions as free-wheeling shootarific wild women.
Then I reread and it said "Yabushita" so actually, this was STILL a reason
to be stoked, though not quite as much as the reason originally thought.
Yabushita is the larger- and slightly lesser- of the Judo Girls in J'd.
Yabushita is a fine young worker- though she never achieved level of development
that Sakie achieved- what with Sakie immersing herself in the stylings
of Fukuoka (who was incredibly, amazingly, heart-stoppingly hot) to augment
her fun, fun Judo stuff. Speaking of Judo, Yabushita uses the Power
Of Judo to get the early advantage and they then take turns getting each
other in the Camel Clutch and making funny faces to the delight of the
baffled Kegeki crowd. Yabushita looks great in this match actually,
as she uses lowgrade highflying and JUDO! to keep the elder Yagi off balance.
Yagi is all about the cool trend of using a LUCHA CONDUIT to get to the
EFFED-UP SUBMISSION. They never get to a point where either has any
kind of advantage until they run around outside the ring and Yagi goes
shoulder first into the wall- looking all adorable as she sells the arm
like an Occidental Audrey Hepburn. Yagi recovers and starts working
on Yabushita's leg and it kinda goes on like that till the bell rings.
HEY! BROADWAY! Sure, why not. Yagi rules the world so anything
is okay. I must reexamine Yabushita's progress now to see if she
is secretly realy good or if Yagi is some kind of Joshi Puroresu SUPERGODDESS.
Hiroyoshi Kotsubo vs. Keiichi
Kawano:
Kotsubo is as indie as a Tom brandi gimmicks
table- having plied his Cueball Carmicheal-esque "I own the ring"ness
of inexplicable indie bookings all over the lower realms of the big sewer
called Japan Indie World. Kawano is the Fourth best guy from Bukoh
Dojo- and let the fact that Masaaki Mochizuki was the only thing to crawl
out of Bukoh Dojo to ever amount to anything substantial AND the fact that
the second best Bukoh Boy- Taru- is quite deeply mediocre but is so amazingly
head and shoulders above everyone else below him from Bukoh Dojo- key you
in to the fact that Kawano will have you wishing for the smooth and credible
shoot-style grandeur of Okamura (who sucks). This was one of those
matches that if it were a US indie, it would have been two fat guys giving
each other a bunch of clotheslines. The equivalent of that match
in the festeringly fabulous Japan Indie World is THIS: two sloppy shootstyle
guys who work real loose and sell cross-armbreakers for three minutes.
This actually had good parts, but the sloppiness and lack of true will
and intent to dish out or accept a man-sized beating made this quite the
match you don't want to ever see. Kotsubo with a half-crab, a semi-mullet,
and a singlet that Mike Enos said was too boring. One is supposing
that they had to put Kawano in this to get Mochizuki.
Masakazu Fukuda vs. Daiyu
Kawauchi:
This sucked. I was stoked about
seeing and reveiwing non-New Japan Super J Fukuda and they have him in
a rookie Discipline and Instruction match were Fukuda no-sells everything
by the rookie and then the rookie shows his fighting spirit and shit and
it sucks and I hate it.
Basara / Tadahiro Fujisaki
vs. Masaaki Mochizuki / Guerrero Diablo:
Basara has the mask with the old man beard
and mustache and Fujisaki has this temporary rhinoceros mask that he should
wear- but he doesn't. And Basara isn't very good. Guerrero
Diablo has a really cool mask and he isn't very good either. This
match wasn't horrendous or anything and it was kinda competent at all times-
funny at other times because it becomes such a Bad-Sections-Of- ECWish
clusterfuck with nobody really knowing what was going on and the unforgiving
camera and editing room keeping it all in. Fujisaki isn't afraid
to take a pint-size ass-kicking from Mochizuki and that's fun. Guerrero
Diablo fucks up a LigerBomb and twists Basara's neck into an impossible
direction- so you have the mystery of if Basara will ever move again (he
does!). The outside Brawling by everyone involved is hilariously
inept, but the actual wrestling supplements the goodness to make the badness
funny as opposed to irritating. The motherfucking BOSSNESS of Basara's
mask gets it over the hump to the realm of a Match You Don't Want To See
But You Wouldn't Vomit Directly At The Ground If You Saw It.
Shinobi / Azteca vs. Mokoto
Saito / Cosmic Soldier:
Cosmic Soldier is wearing Cosmically Tiny
Pants. That and the fact that they blow a lot of spots early on and
Vampire Boy Saito doesn't kick the hell out of anyone is about all that
is memorable about this match.
I dunno. Get this tape if you are
a Yagi completist or the rare Mochizuki completist. Otherwise, keep
a-rollin'.
~+~
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THE INFERNAL CUT-OUT BIN!$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
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$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
ABBY
JR KOBAYASHI vs MEN'S TEIOH- BIG JAPAN- 5/30/99- (DEAN
RASMUSSEN):
I remember bitching at length about how
they should have cut out the grampas in the MEN'S/Kojika vs Abby/Abby Jr
match from the last wad of Big Japan I reviewed and thus make the thing
watchable- well, little did I know that on the same tape that I had gotten
from Schneider had another installment of Big Japan with THIS on it - so
I was kinda stoked (in a Abby Jr Kobayashi vs Men's Teioh kinda way). Either
way, Men's actually sucks at this point and Abby Jr works circles around
him, bumps for him, sells for Men's sorry faux Funk 1975 offense,
does the only cool things in the match (take any bumps, a swanky flying
headbutt) and then puts the lazy sack of shit that used to be swank
Men's Teioh over. The brawling section was pathetic, the wrestling sections
were pathetic because of the useless Teioh and Teioh's selling ranges from
random to nonsensical to non-existent. Change my earlier request
to- "Why can't they get rid of the pieces of shit in this match and give
us Honma vs Abby Jr Kobayashi?" YEESH!
~*~
YOJI
ANJO vs. IRON SHEIK (UWFi, 10/23/92 Budokan)- (POGO
PETE STEIN!):
"Y'ever wonder what would happen if an
ultra-serious shoot-style group wanted to run a comedy match? I think
it would go something... like this." Apparently Yoji "Mr. Mouth"
Anjo beefed off to the wrong person about something, so as penance he gets
stuck attempting to find the needle in the Iron Sheik, the walking haystack
of suck. Actually, this might've been a really cool match 20 years
ago when Sheik was the original Suplex Machine, but as it stands I don't
know who I want to punch first: a) Sheik for mugging to the crowd
like a bulbous, shoot-style Haruka Eigen, or b) Anjo for wearing the H*I*D*E*O*U*S
zebra pants/boots combo. Anjo soon gets tired of Sheiky Green and
lays in some BRUTAL kicks to Sheik's ample midsection, then beckons for
Sheik to come in and rassle. Sheik finally throws a half-assed German
suplex on Anjo, but Anjo comes back and slaps on a leglock for the merciful
tap at 4:54. Say, maybe Maeda was booking UWFi on the side back in
'92 and Anjo finally saw his chance for revenge and...
~!~
MITSUHARA
MISAWA vs TAKAYAMA- ALL JAPAN CHAMPION CARNIVAL 1999- (DEAN RASMUSSEN):
I see now why Misawa likes having Takayama
around- Takayama palely approximates the same stuff that Misawa worked
off of when in with the great Jumbo Tsuruta- sort of like how Scott Norton
palely approximates Steve Williams- the diminishing returns gives you a
crappy but stable comfort zone for your veiwer. They kinda go, "Oh
yeah, that's kinda like Jumbo Tsuruta- but about a hundredth as good- but
I've seen where this is going ." Takayama does lotsa high-knees and
big kicks and low-grade suplexes. I'm guessing if Misawa wants to
continue wrestling outside of the comedy match circuit, he's gonna push
for the crappy version of BattlARTS that this match became- a sort of really
stiff pro style replacing the skull-crushing with flashy submissions.
The difference here is that Takayma would be laughed out of BattlARTS because
he is such a clumsy, spot-blowing lummox. Misawa does know how to
make it all compelling though, as he bumps and sells for Takayama's kicks
to make them look all deadly and stuff. The big build-up to the finish
was screwed up by Takayama blowing some stuff, but it was all exciting
until Misawa Pins Him In The Order Of Finishers That He Has Pinned Everybody
For The Last Eight Years. This was the best Takayama match you'll
see, and if looks like it would be worth All Japan's while to keep the
big galoot around if he can be a 1986 Luger to Misawa/Kawada/Taue/ Maybe
Kobashi-but-who-the-fuck-knows-this-week's 1986 Ric Flair. But don't
push Akiyama WHATEVER you do.....
SHADOW WX vs. RYUJI YAMAKAWA-
BIG JAPAN- 5/30/1999- (DEAN RASMUSSEN) :
Hey, we've done all the other Yamakawa
death matches from the middle of the year, why not this one? This
is the match before the match that Schneider reviewed in DVDVR #108 and-
while this is better than that match, it still pretty much sucks because
HEY! Shadow WX isn't... like... GOOD or anything. The match itself
involves a lot of wandering around and involves a big truck, a flame-thrower,
a casket and a lot of fire- and as one who watches WAAAAY too many death
matches and as someone who has seen enough to know: the more stupid
gimmicks, the less of a chance for your death match to be worth a shit,
and this one almost falls into the worthless category. They spend
way too much time setting up spots that just don't look that cool or horrifying.
The best parts are when theyjust go into the crownd and beat the shit out
of each other with chairs, but there is a paltry amount of that, but more
endless wandering than you'll ever want to see. The ending kinda
saves it as Shadow WX and Yamakawa figure out that the match has sucked
major ass and decide to bump enough to facilitate a geyser flying out of
Yamakawa's head- after WX powerbombs him into a board of Flourescent lights
shredding Yamakawa's back into one of those hideous sites that you become
numb to at this point in the game. WX pulls his substantial weight
by taking two bumps into the burning barbed wire, going into the wire off
the apron and taking the two hurtiest spills I've ever seen him take in
his whole mediocre career. Shadow pusses out on the facebuster, putting
his knees up because.. shit I dunno. He went facefirst into fire
and barbed-wire but he can't land straight on his stomach to get the finish
over? Okay, maybe this did just suck. Yamakawa is always compelling
and will go the extra mile for your pathetic blood-lusting pleasure, but
he's got nothing to work with here and the set up isn't helping him any
either as it plays into the hand of stinkiness that makes up the usual
shitty Big Japan death match. And there was no great weirdo, homoerotic
speech on top of the Truck by Yamakawa to make it great in a weird way.
Yeah, this sucked.
~+~
*************************************************************
YOUR WRESTLER OF THE WEEK........
JUSHIN THUNDER LYGER
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
POGO PETE: So here I was, all set to review
the Liger-Dick Togo match from Skydiving J... Liger in "cranky disciplinarian"
mode, Togo the young upstart, red-hot crowd at Budokan, my tape rewinder
eats the tape- AH CRAP! Well, IMSMR Togo was real spunky, Liger killed
his surfabilly ass deader than my tape (Skydiving J AND J*Crown back-to-back)
with a powerbomb on the floor, the crowd was screaming for the upset but
it was not to be. Umm, would anyone out there be interested in trading
me another copy of it? =/
Jushin Lyger vs. Hayabusa
: Super J Cup '94- (REV RAY DUFFY) :
I remember this being one ofmy favorite
matches from the J Cup. Ezaki wasn't a total scarred up freak and
hadn't had his ass exploded yet. Hayabusa jumps right at the bell
and knocks Lyger to the floor and hits a somersault dive to the floor in
his ring jacket. He controls early with some wear down holds until
he misses a knee drop and Lyger takes over and goes right after his leg
with a low drop kick and a figure four. Lyger hits his palm
thrust flurry and then a powerbomb for two before going for an indian death
lock. Lyger follows it with a lariat and an leg lock which Hayabusa
kicks out of, but Lyger keeps the pressure on with a back suplex, a corner
koppou kick and a superplex off the top rope. Busa gets on the offense
with a jumping back kick and a drop kick. He hits a leg lariat and
a rolling senton for two. He follows it up with a top rope leg lariat
for another two. A moonsault gets him another two. Hayabusa tries
to do Lyger's swinging frankensteiner from the top, but it doesn't connect
that well. He then sets up Lyger for his own signature move, as I
believe for the first time ever, someone tries to use the Shooting Star
Press against him. There's only one problem... he plants him to close
to the corner and over shoots him and pretty much kills himself. Lyger
follows it up with a Lygerbomb for two. Lyger goes for a superplex,
but Haybusa fights him off. He goes for another diving rana only
to have Lyger catch him and powerbomb the fudge out of him. Lyger
picks up the corpse of Hayabusa and plants him with a fishermanbuster for
the winner. Look on as a young Masato Tanaka and Koji Nakagawa act
as seconds help Hayabusa to the back. It was a fun little match.
Hayabusa would develop into a much better wrestler in the future, but it
was neat to see this match up. Lyger kills him pretty good and Hayabusa
was going for things that were over his head at this point in his career,
but it was neat to see him go for some of Lyger's old signature moves.
Jushin Lyger vs. The Cheetah
Kid- (PHIL RIPPA!):
Another of those hidden matches that came
from Dean via Rob Vincent (I think). It’s the hoodie under A HOOD. The
Cheetah Kid is Flyboy Rocco Rock before he got saddled with the albatrosses
of ECW, Johnny Grunge and the buffet table. On a side note, I don’t know
if the mask that Rocco is wearing is the permanent mask or not but it is
boarding on atrocious. (As a rule, green and brown mixed together look
a lot like shit.) Entertaining match but nothing spectacular. Liger dumbs
everything down as not to completely baffle Cheetah. Liger, in fact, gets
downright Van Damian as he adds fruity emblishments to a bunch of moves
(Hey, I have a GREAT idea. I’ll do 2 cartwheels and a somersault and that
will make this leg drop look REALLY credible) and also does the standing
moonsault. Kid stays on the mat, only blows one spot and even does a crazy
out of control plancha that saw both guys catching more ring barrier than
anything. Probably about 10 minutes in length and fun to watch.
Jushin Thunder Lyger vs
Franz Schumann- 12/19/92 - CWA Euro-Catch Festival- Bremen, Germany-
(DEAN
RASMUSSEN):
Franz Shumann does the same match by numbers
every time, according to one of my favorite Irish Ass-kickers as related
to the recently departed and best referee that ever lived. I'm guessing
that match changes when said ass-kicker decides to beat the living breathing
bejesus out of him in an Irish Streetfight in Austria- a match that goes
down in my book as one of the best matches I've ever seen. One wonders
how the great JAPANESE Ass-kicker Keichi Yamada- donning the child-friendly
Lyger Gimmick- fares in a similar situation. Would he allow Shumann
into his hackneyed comfort zone? Would Yamada stretch and pummel
the maligned German? Would it be good? Would it suck? This
was 1992 and I'm guessing this was part of the deal to get Tenzan and Kanemoto
into CWA to have them trained in the Ways Of The Snakepit and to show them
that sometimes ya gotta wrestle in front of two hundred and seventeen people.
Either way, this is a GREAT fricking match. They use the round system
in the world of the Rhein Fire, Frankfurt Galaxy and Berlin Thunder and
here they use it to the utmost. The first three rounds are kind of
a way to showcase what the basis of the match will be- as the first round
is Lyger doing his TigerMask Sayama impersonation with all the flippy,
jumpy arm stuff and Schumann feigning KIDness. The second round takes
it to the mat Euro-style and stays there. The third round was all
dropkicks and headscissors. Thus the first three rounds equals a
high-quality CMLL first caida. From there, you get into the meat
of the match- which is a beautiful mishmash of submissions, highflying
and suplexes- all perfectly in place and perfectly sold. The best
thing about the match is that they utilize an eight count after lariats
and big suplexes so the crowd pops for the moves and then you can sell
it for an eight count as opposed to kicking out at two- so you get that
whole cool-ass BattlARTS extended selling that adds big wads of depth to
the match. The other advantage to this match is that since there
are three minute rounds, they can work for the submission and by the time
you PROCURE it the round is over, thus they have all these little stories
inside stories until the later rounds where they just start trying to kill
each other with 80's suplexs- your Vertical, Your Brainbuster, Your Running
Belly-to-Belly, the good stuff of all the old stuff. They go all
Carny with the submissions after the initial wave of big finishers- as
the un-CRASH TV-affected-thus-not-moronocized German Crowd pops big for
a standing half-crab/armbar combo and pop big when Lyger escapes and counters
with the same hold. They build up to the Liger two-handed Tope Con
Hilo so that it has- you know- impact and stuff. Schumann counters
with Lariat from the apron to the floor after another sufficient set-up
to give the move- you know- IMPACT and stuff. As they get back into
the finishing segments of the match, the eight count becomes more important
to the match as Shumann survives the Diving Headbutt at eight and then
Lyger survives the Superplex at eight. The finish is a just regular
moonsault by Lyger and it rocks like a hurricane. God knows I love
a toprope Fisherman Buster as much as the next guy, but it was good to
know that Lyger was in matches that were basically Mid-Atlantic in it's
straight psychology but with a few big highspots thrown in. I'm just
trying to figure out why he doesn't show this match to his boys and try
to pound into their heads that SELLING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF WRESTLING.
The selling in this match is what got it over and what got the crowd to
pop like freaks. I'm guessing these kind of matches are what makes
Lyger the greatest and what makes Takaiwa a bloated sack of shit.
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK: GAEA! TORYUMON!
A WRESTLER OF THE WEEEK!!!! THE NEW THEME MATCH SECTION! WOO-HOO!
************************************************************
THE DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOYS.
six fists in the face of
wrestling
*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^
With a smile on my face
I wished you well, dear,
with the happiness at last
you say you found
but if you knew how I toss
and I tumble
then you'd know what a liar
I am.
-Buck Motherfucking Owens
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