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So here we are at #108: four years
in and twenty-five hundred Manami Toyota jokes later and suddenly- WE'RE
THE ONLY GAME IN TOWN. US wrestling does another line of coke and
sucks a big dick in fabulous primetime glory while internet bedwetting
wonks critique the production values of the shit as it pours out of your
screen. All you got left here in our god-forsaken native wrestling promotions
is twenty matches a year in ECW and the assorted WCWSN matches wrestled
in front of baffled rubes who got wrangled into going to a WCWSN taping.
SO FUCK ALL THAT, we're here with the REAL shit- the stuff that made you
a wrestling fan to begin with way back when. Fuck ALL of them and
their weak-ass shit- here is some of what you - the gentle reader- should
give a shit about seeing. That's right! Fuck'em all and WELCOME
TO SWEET SWEET MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.............
~+~
$%$%$%$%$%$%$ BIG JAPAN
BATTLESTATION- 6/20/1999
(DEAN RASMUSSEN)
God knows that we here at the Death Valley
Driver Video Review love us some big piping hot heaping helpings of Supersleazy
Japanese independent wrestling, but this one has the BEST death match I've
ever seen- and I think I've seen all of them of note. Anyways, Big
Japan ain't afraid to bring the choice wrestling before the shitty main
event- so imagine my elation when the Main Event was the best thing on
the card and- arguably THE MATCH OF THE YEAR. I partied and freaked
out. DIG IT.
Minoru Fujita vs. Tomoaki
Honma:
I guess this was to show you that Tomoaki
Honma is a good BattlARTS-approximated pseudo-shoot pro style wrestler
who can do a reglar match before serving up the fucking GREAT Yamakawa/Honma
Death Match of Death Matches. I guess this is Fujita's Big Japan
swan song as he is now TAKA's junior partner and overall it's quite a good
lil match- though Fujita ain't Hidaka so he never takes it to the mat to
the best extent you've ever seen and is SOOOOOOOO not stiff-working enough
to be BattlARTS 24-7 like his Ricky Morton-like partner the aforementioned
Hidaka. Fujita is a perfect fit for MP actually, as it seems the
Big Japan juniors are going all... fuck, how do describe it?... all IWA
Puerto Rico with it's combo Lucha/Death Match/ basic US pro style conglom
that doesn't leave much for an aspiring cutting edge highflyer/shootstyle
boy- unless ya wanna go the Honma route. Trust me, ya gotta want
it and Fujita is in a far better place for himself. Kinda pedestrian
in it's scope with Fujita going for lotsa kneebars with Honma getting in
the stiffer kicks but at least Honma does a residual bladejob as a simple
headlock by Fujita opens up his scar tissue. Yes. Honma is
right up there with the biggest bladefreaks you've ever seen.
Ever.
Fantastik vs. Sere Beluro:
This was as old school lucha as El Santo's
MG, as it was so not at all about ANYTHING but an attempt to be really
graceful. It didn't actually work that well in that respect, but
the real earnest attempt to be all beautiful and shit makes it total Laucha
Libre and thus work on a couple of levels. Beluro must be Fantastic's brother
of something because he is quite the Fobia to Fantastik's Psicosis.
Fantastik hits a bunch of un-lucha finishers and we called it "really clipped".
Chappinger/Shadow Winger
vs. Shunme Matsuzaki/Jun Kasai:
Hey! That guy Chappinger who was so mediocre
in the Michinoku Pro Mask Tourney 99 is actually.... wait for it.... MOTEGI!!!!!!!!!!!
YES! The Motegi In Every Junior Heavyweight Tournament On The Island
Of Japan LAW is STILL in full effect!! KICK ASS!
This is kinda a squash- as Matsuzaki and Kasai seem to be Motegi trainees-
but Winger and Motegi are actually a good little crappy indie tag team
as they hit some nice midgrade double team moves so this wasn't horrible
or anything. Kasai or Matsuzuki take a classic Stupid Japanese Indie
Bump but doesn't land on his shoulder wrong- so he doesn't actually get
the full Guiccione Indie Sleazeworld Award- but keep trying. HEY!
Shadow Winger with a totally presentable Dragon Suplex With a Bridge.
The boy keeps trying. Quite fine in the whole spectrum of things
considering.....
Shadow WX vs. Mike Samples:
I asked Tim Noel- while we were both on
the air live during the last episode of the year of Wrestling Powerline
99- "who the hell is Mike Samples?" and Tim- being the magnificent bastard
that he is- said, "He's this guy- from Kentucky I think- who started a
couple of garbage leagues in the states and who has been in Big Japan recently."
So there you go. He's kind of a big fat guy- but actually more like
a guy who played offensive line for Appalachian State in the Seventies
but who let himself go as he enters his forties- so there is that whole
"My frustrating youth is gone and I'm definately going to seed now" empathy
thing going for him. Samples definately knows his own cardiovascular
outlay as he is able to make this GIANT spew of blood come a-flying from
his head. This match was quite a blood-intensive rambling wreck that
didn't really go anywhere- as they wander through the crowd illogically
and randomly hitting each other in the head with crap as Samples does all
these comical faces in an attempt to convey "selling the spot". They
really do produce a wheelbarrow full of blood as they ramble through the
seedy Big Japan Yakuza-in-training crowd. This wasn't very uplifting
in a Deathmatch-As-Only-Tolerable-Performance-Art way or any other way;
it wasn't workrate-intensive or very good. It's Mike Samples vs Shadow
WX: you were expecting WHAT?
Dory Boy (Kojika) &
Terry Boy vs. Abdulah The Butcher & Abdulah Jr. Kobayashi:
Jesus, this was absolutely horrible.
MEN'S should just retire. Actually, I dunno. I mean, fuckin
A', put him in with other guys who can wrestle- as opposed to these two
fucking grampas. Jiminy Fuck, is it too much to ask just for MEN'S
Tieoh vs Abdulah Jr Kobayashi? That would be- you know- GOOD.
Meanwhile, this sucked the beefdart like a ten minutes of Nitro.
Ryuji Yamakawa vs. Tomoaki
Honma:
This match is motherfucking GREAT.
This is a big big FIVE on the Rusty bedsprings Bucket Of Blood sickness
scale and there is SOOO much more to this match to give it the number one
position in the annals of garbage matches. It was inevitable that
the too best garbage wrestlers of the modern era would finally get together
and see who is the sickest motherfucker alive (SURPRISE! IT'S A TIE!) and
this is quite the document of how much the Japanese bloodsucking freaks
are more hardcore than we will ever be. There is nothing you will
see in the US that compares to this match in sheer WILL and in sheer scope
of violence and personal disregard for fucking ANYTHING. When a Deathmatch
crosses over to the Better Place- a place where wrestling reinvents itself
as this horrible allegory about what a batch of fucking life is and then
it takes that horrendous despair and turns it upon itself, you get such
the PURE ESSENCE of pro wrestling- a desperate, violent, unbeautiful, hated,
hateful mongrel that cannot stop it's own excesses and THEN if its a GREAT
motherfucking Deathmatch, it willingly bathes and cleanses itself in its
own attempt at horror and permanent mutilation to finally reach a state
of horrendous catharsis and collapse of shame and terror and triumph and
what have you. Either way, this is definately a match every wrestling
fan should own so he can tell his non-wrestling fan friend, "welcome to
my motherfucking world. We not exactly alike there, pally."
The match-up itself has a strange dynamic going for it already- even before
the first time anyone goes back-first into the barbed-wire. Yamakawa
has gone from humble Kendo Nagasaki disciple to a much more exciting
and freaky persona- as he now has a potent combination of a Mishima-as-suicidal-homosexual-artist
rushing headlong into a kind of Occidental Joe Buck From Midnight Cowboy
quality that combines to cut this riveting, desperate figure that adds
as much danger to the match as any of the powerbombs onto broken glass.
he has created this weirdass synthesis of a homosexual charismatic cult
leader/rock star/ psycho-garbage-wrestling- bloodsucking- freak, kind of
a fucked up combination of Jim Jones, Shoji Nakamaki and Iggy Pop.
Combine the sexuality of Yamakawa's projected persona with the crazed bitch
called Honma. Honma is a great antithesis of Yamakawa in that he
is Testosterone Overload. Honma's persona is of a psychotic, Methed-up
fratboy ready to do ANYTHING to prove how little he gives a fuck about
himself or anyone else. He is as latent as Yamakawa is overt and Honma's
expressions of violence are a mask of his true-self- a fact that is in
complete dichotomy to Yamakawa's self-expression through hideous, horrible
violence. Yamakawa revels in the pain and violence and degradation-
while for Honma, it is his personal gauntlet that he must run to prove
his manliness in this totally fucked idea of manhood that he is trapped
in and must escape. Add it up with wads of quality brawling, a bunch
of barbed wire and flourescent lights, throw in a generous portion of ASTOUNDINGLY
insane garbage spots, a really good story, a real attempt at selling and
you've got you some quality professional wrestling on your hands.
The match itself is put together really well- with the first big spot (honma
flying backfirst through a barbed wire board. Keep in mind that Honma
is totally motherfucking insane- doing a legit state-of-the-art Japanese
garbage match wearing nothing but his kicker boots and his tiny UWFi-style
pants) by Yamakawa getting the advantage by using lots of kicks and
legdrops. Yamakawa uses the advantage of getting the first barbed-wire
board throw to set up the brawl to the concession stand for two more shots
to a table to facilitate one of the most obvious acts of blading ever captured
on video- as Honma stands against the board and puts his favorite buddy
against his forehead. After Honma is just blowing blood out of his
head, Yamakawa gives him a Tiger Driver on a stack of chairs for two after
they comically parody All Japan by doing the whole "Honma fights out of
the Powerbomb by going to a knee but Yamakawa hammers his back and struggles
to get his hands together to pull off the Tiger Driver". Details
are the key to the success of this match. Honma is fucking mess by
this point and they start the whole story of the match: first one to hit
the bed of nails loses. After two running baseball slides by Yamakawa with
Honma doing the cliff-hanging bit off the apron over the bed of nails,
Honma gets his first big offensive transition by hitting a springboard
dropkick to counter the third baseball slide- hitting Yamakawa in stride.
Things like that separate this match from other deathmatches. When
Nakamaki or even Cactus Jack have a deathmatch- the key is simple sickness
of the bumps without any actual wrestling skill or any physical wrestling
prowess. This match takes it one step further as they use actual
athletic wrestling moves to counter and execute some of the sickest bumps
in the history of wrestling- bumps which include the tres swank toprope
hurricanrana by Honma that puts Yamakawa through the barbed-wire board
propped up on two tables, which had the added FUCKING GREAT detail of Honma
covering Yamakawa with the barbed-wire covered board afterwards so that
the act of kicking out by Yamakawa is just as horrendously painful looking
as the bump through the table itself. This eye for detail also makes
this match the number one and the best. It also includes the amazingly
insane Jumping Tombstone off the apron onto the flourescent light board
which looked like it really sucked for everyone involved in more ways than
I can mention- but the keys were that Honma is wearing tiny pants but is
hitting the broken glass on his knees with all of his weight, MEANWHILE
Yamakawa is taking a jumping Tombstone Piledriver through a board
off the apron. It looked fucking spectacular. Either way,
I liked the fact that there were true transitions in this match.
When Honma went on offense, he hit his spots and Yamakawa sold each one
as the true Japanese Indie Horrorshow that it was, and Yamakawa had a logical
counter to go on the offense and Honma would sell it the same as Yamakawa
sold it for him. There wasn't the Sabu crap of quickly setting up
the next spot en leiu of selling the last bump with all of it slapped together
without rhyme or reason; this match was drenched in the mechanics of a
good wrestling match which is key for ANY match to work. The fact
that this match has win, place, and show for sickest garbage spots in the
history of wrestling simply puts it over the top but everything else they
brought to the match is what got them to the dance. I liked that
they actually beat the hell out of each other between spots- by either
brawling or wrestling. I hate Big Japan Deathmatches because
it's usually two over-the-hill nonwrestlers wandering around holding each
other's hair walking to the next contrived crappy spot. This match
thankfully kept that to a minimum- only succumbing to overly contrived
looking spots when they carefully place each other's foreheads on the bed
of nails which looked like it involved a lot of cooperation and looked
really bad- and when Honma finally hits the bed of nails off the apron
and afterwards Yamakawa basically helps him off of it, it's looks the same
way. I'm guessing that Honma was supposed to roll off of it, but
it's a freaking Bed of Nails and Tomoaki looks a little surprised about
the hurtiness of the situation. The fact that both of these guys
are actual accomplished pro style wrestlers that have had straight matches
in the last six months that I thought were notable (as opposed to Nakamaki
or Pogo or Mick Foley) add an element that they can't bring to a match,
the actual wrestling and that is all the difference in the world.
The finish is motherfucking great in its brutality and simplicity: Yamakawa
and Honma have been creating a layer of broken glass in the center of the
mat, Yamakawa has finally weakened Honma enough after Honma has just fucking
ravaged Yamakawa's body with every hideous garbage spot imaginable.
Yamakawa has finally put Honma on the bed of nails and has him in the middle
of the ring and they both are standing in the broken glass so Yamakawa
does an Underhook Facebuster for two and follows it up with a SPINNING
UNDERHOOK FACEBUSTER ONTO BROKEN GLASS to get the win. This match
was fucking harrowing. This match was absolutely GREAT and the best
deathmatch I've ever seen. YOU WANT AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL THIS.
#$#$#$#$#$# ALL JAPAN 1992
FAN APPRECIATION DAY COMM TAPE (4-18-92, Korakuen Hall)
(PETE STEIN)
Tape starts out with AJ's annual rummage
sale^H^H^H^H^fan auction as the ring announcer soaks some poor fan for
a green jacket that they probably glued "MISAWA" onto an hour ago.
DAN KROFFAT/DOUG FURNAS
vs. MASTER BLASTER/DAVID ISLEY:
Blaster is some LOD-looking guy minus
the facepaint while Isley kind of looks like Richard Slinger. JIP
with Furnas suplexing Blaster batty. He makes the room-temperature
tag to Isley who hits a cross-body onKroffat, but the Can-Ams take over
again. Kroffat hits the Sky-High Lariat with Isley on Furnas' shoulders,
but Furnas FUBAR's the jack- knife and Blaster makes the save. Furnas
takes out Blaster allowing Kroffat to hit the Kamikaze on Isley; Blaster
makes the save but Furnas ties him up again and Kroffat hits a reverse
DDT for the pin at17:31. What aired was short and uneventful.
MIGHTY INOUE vs. SATORU
ASAKO:
Asako's wearing green trunks and boots
that make him look like Robin Hood (RIP) flipped him for his top and won.
Inoue gives him some offense until Asako ducks off a whip and gets a Mighty
DDT for his troubles. Inoue hits a Mighty SomersaultDrop, but he
misses a second try and Asako connects with a fisherman suplex for 2.
He follows with a reverse cradle but Inoue reverses it and scores the Mighty
Pin at 13:21. OK while it lasted as Inoue was still Mighty Frisky
at this point.
GIANT BABA/MITSUO MOMOTA
vs. HARUKA EIGEN/MOTOSHI OKUMA:
I'm beginning to think I look at the AJ
comedy matches the way DVDVR looks at the various INDY SCUM groups... I
mean I'll lean on the FF button for Liger/Kanemoto, but Baba and his cronies
going to a 30-minute draw? Sign me up for that! Maybe it's
because there's something cool about these guys chopping each other's nipples
off between comedy spots, maybe because it's a neat little concept that
WCW will never attempt because that would mean losing all their main-eventers
to the midcard, maybe because I get a kick out of the entire ringside opening
up their newspapers as soon as Eigen's spit-take is imminent... maybe because
I'm nuts. Anyway, Baba pins Eigen with the Russian leg-sweepin 18:41
of blissfully uncut, perversely hilarious (in)action.
JUMBO TSURUTA/RUSHER KIMURA/MASA
FUCHI/ YOSHINORI OGAWA vs. MITSUHARU MISAWA/TOSHIAKI KAWADA/KENTA KOBASHI/
TSUYOSHI KIKUCHI - 4X4 Survival Tag Match:
Essentially this is AJ's take on the "Survivor
Series" concept. Match starts out as a straight tag match, and as
members are eliminated new ones take their place until one team is reduced
to one member. Grab a sammitch, folks... this one takes awhile.
KOBASHI/KIKUCHI vs. FUCHI/OGAWA:
Kikuchi totally carries this fall as he
allows his opponents to stretch the crap out of him in all sortsof hurty
ways. Fuchi in particular plays Grumpy Bastard to the hilt,bending
Kikuchi backwards over the turnbuckles with this look of "I love my work!"
on his face and swaggering around while Ogawa gives Kikuchi what-for on
the outside. Fuchi was too fun back in the early 90s before he got
downsized to the comedy matches. Kobashi finallygets the hot tag
but Fuchi immediately plants him with the backdrop.Kobashi comes back on
Fuchi and Ogawa and the match goes back and
forth until Ogawa sits down on Kikuchi's
sunset-flip try. Kobashi breaks it up but Fuchi takes him out, which
allows Ogawa to take Kikuchi's head and use it to DRILL FOR OIL with a
backdrop hold for the pin at 17:30.
MISAWA/KOBASHI vs. FUCHI/OGAWA:
Misawa proceeds to get medieval on Fuchi
and Ogawa's collective ass. Ogawa can get in all the token offense
he wants... the outcome is never really in doubt here as Misawa and Kobashi
work over his back throughout the fall. Kobashieventually catches
Ogawa coming off the top, turns it into a powerslam and hits the moonsault
for the pin at 10:11.
MISAWA/KOBASHI vs. FUCHI/JUMBO:
Jumbo gives Kobashi the bum's rush at
the bell while his mini slaps a facelock on Misawa. Fuchi and Jumbo
proceed to squash Misawa for almost 10 minutes until Kobashi finally tags
in for the first time. Fuchi takes some abuse until he cuts off Kobashi
with a kneecap dropkick and sends him into the crowd on the floor.
Now it's Kobashi's turn to get abused as the Grumpy Bastards go berzerk
on his knee, and Jumbo looks to have the match won with a crab until Misawa
saves to some MOJO heel heat. Misawa tags in, gets a brief flurry
and tags Kobashi back in. Kobashi hits the infernal rolling cradle
on Fuchi, who thankfully kicks out at 2. Misawa tags back in, hits
the Frog Splash and slaps on a facelock to finallyeliminate Fuchi at 17:12
(almost 45 minutes total) while Kobashi ties up Jumbo.
MISAWA/KOBASHI vs. JUMBO/RUSHER:
And suddenly Jumbo becomes the greenhorn
on the team. What, was Taue hurt? Was Rusher actually
the better worker of the two? Whatever the situation,
this is the second "lame-duck" fall as Kobashi eventually falls to a pair
of Jumbo backdrops at 10:52 (over 55 minutes total for young Kenta).
MISAWA/KAWADA vs. JUMBO/RUSHER:
Rusher starts off and tries to use his
headbutts on Kawada, but Yellow Boots says "This is the NINETIES,Gramps!"
and blitzes the Rushing Link with some kicks until he makes the quick tag
to Jumbo. Kawada stays in and deals with both codgers until Misawa
freshens up and tags in at the "60 minutes gone" call. Kawada tags back
in and decides to humor his elders by allowing Rusher to get in his comical
headbutts and chop away at Kawada in the corner to a big "Kimura" chant,
then for Rusher to hit the Bulldogging Headlock for a near-fall.
Misawa saves Kawada from a Rusher single-leg (more solar heat) and Rusher
takes him out, but this allows Kawada to get his wits back and kick Rusher
in his face while still on his back. Kawada goes for the powerbomb;
Jumbo saves but Kawada makes his own save, tossing out Jumbo and slapping
a rear choke on Rusher untilJumbo comes back in and saves Rusher again.
Misawa holds off Jumbo and Kawada re-applies the choke, but Rusher gets
to the ropes. Rusher blocks a lariat try and goes back to the headbutts,
but Kawada lands a successful lariat. Misawa heads back in to stave
off Jumbo whileKawada hits a Bombs Away off the top, but Jumbo breaks free
and saves Rusher. Kawada comes back with the Stretch Plum on Rusher,
and since it's Chipped Beef night at the old wrestlers' home Rusher finally
taps at 10:55 for the match while Misawa has the facelock on Jumbo.
TRT:a whopping 66:40, and Kikuchi's already showered and dressed by the
time he comes out to celebrate with his teammates.
Basically a one-match show, but that match was quite a doozy. The comedy match as fun too as long as you don't go in expecting it to be good or anything.
%^%^%^%^%^%^% Big Japan on
Samurai TV 9/6/99 (Taped 8-10 Osaka)
(PHIL SCHNEIDER)
They held this card in what looked like
the parking lot of the Osaka Dome. There was probably a New Japan
show going on inside. If I was there I would be in the parking lot
watching the Big Japan. “You go inside and watch the epic Kensuke
Sasaki / Tenzan struggle, I’ll stay here and watch Ryuji Yamakawa get a
florescent lightbulb busted over his head.”
Kyoko Ichiki/ Andromeda/
Yoshiko Tamura vs. Chihara Nakano/ Marcela/ Tanny Mouse:
When it’s women’s wrestling, and it’s
not J’D, GAEA, JWP or ARSION, buckle up your in for a rocky ride. This
actually didn’t suck as much as I was expecting it to. Nakano is all kicky
and shit, and actually worked a nice series or two with Tamura, who was
all about the rolling kneebars. The Luchadoras (Marcela and Andromeda)
stink like poop and Tanny Mouse is an embarrassment, but the rest of the
match went along at a nice clip and didn’t make me sick.
Spiderman vs. City Monkey:
Oh man, this is why you get tapes from
foreign countries. Spiderman is an anonymous Luchadore (possibly a lost
Power Ranger or member of the X-Men) in a cheap Spider Man Halloween costume
while City Monkey is a guy in a Monkey Suit with a florecent pink ass.
A PINK ASS I tells ya! Spiderman is actually quite the good little worker,
as he busts out a bunch of intricate lucha headscissors and an Asai moonsault.
City Monkey’s offense mainly consisted of monkey flips… CAUSE HE’S A MONKEY!
Spiderman gets the win in a short match, with a Tiger Bomb. A Million Billion
Stars. I can’t wait for the big Ape Virgon v. City Monkey feud “You sold
out City Monkey… You left your brothers in the jungle for the bright lights
of the big city…WELL APE VIRGON IS GOING TO WHOOP YOUR ASS JUNGLE STYLE…
DADDY!!”
Winger vs. Black Bear:
The cavalcade of comical outfits continues
as mid-grade Big Japan junior heavyweight / garbage wrestler Winger (not
the 80’s glam band who’s poster Scott Keith had above his bed) takes on
a guy in a Bear suit. Winger spends most of the match wishing he didn’t
goose Mrs. Kojika when he was drunk. Not much of a match as the guy in
the bear suit isn’t as good a worker as the guy in the monkey suit or the
guy in the Spiderman outfit. He did hit a big plancha which was kind of
ominous looking and would make me hand over my pikinik basket. Winger wins
with a German Suplex proving they are just as afraid of you as you are
of them.
Ryuji Ito vs. Sekimoto:
This was the lost WCW Worldwide rookies
match. Ryuji Ito was sort of in the Elix Skipper Skinny young
guy role , while Sekimoto was in the John Hugger role. Good little match,
which starts with a nice series of amateur reversals. Sekimoto hit a couple
of nice Greco Roman looking suplexes, and a good spear. Ito was all dropkick
intensive, and busted out some nice martial arts kicks too. Ito gets the
win with a rear naked choke, and a fine five minutes of wrestling was viewed
by all.
Abdullah the Butcher / Daikokubo
Benkei / Masayoshi Motegi / Shunme Matsuzaki vs. Men’s Teiho / Tomoaki
Honma / Kamikaze / Mike Samples:
Big Japan style clusterfuck which was
actually kind of entertaining even with the talent level of some of the
participants. Surprisingly even in a match with Mike Samples and
Benkei, the biggest load in this match was the normally mediocre Motegi.
He was dangerously sloppy on his suplexes, refused to catch both Honma
and Kamikaze on their highspots, and was a general piece of crap throughout
the match. Honma hit his usual Tommy Rich in Puerto Rico level blade job
and was the best overall worker in this match. Men’s Teiho has really degenerated
in Big Japan as he has turned his Terry Funk obsession to less of an homage
and more of an imitation, and he is now basically Gillberg with a fur coat.
Abdullah did his thing, Mike Samples is quite the poor man’s UWF-era Bubba
Rogers, Matsuzaki is mediocre in the best sense of the word, Benkei is
slightly better version of Koji Kitoa, while
Kamakazi continues to be the world’s greatest
fatass highflyer, with a super moonsault and amazing TAKAesque twisting
top rope quebrada. Not great, but
not that bad.
Shadow WX vs. Ryuji Yamakawa:
There are some wrestlers in Big Japan
who could work anywhere in Japan. Tomokai Honma would fit in perfectly
in BattlArts and could work New Japan Junior’s style as well. Men’s Teiho
has already proven his worth in the bigger leagues and Kamikaze has had
some All Japan try-outs. Yamakawa and Shadow WX however are BIG JAPAN 4
LIFE. Both these guys belong with blood oozing out of arm gashes,
and with pieces of lightbulb imbedded in their
arms. Sure Yamakawa made an attempt
to wrestle for about 6 months, he didn’t work Death Matches, he stopped
off in BattlArts, but it just didn’t take. He is the Japanese Tommy
Dreamer, he can feign competent wrestling, but he only shines while
in the act of death (Tommy Dreamer is his stylistic equivalent, Yamakawa
is both infinitely better and infinitely cooler than Tommy Dreamer.) WX
however has no where left to go, WX is sort of the ontological argument
for the existence of Johnny Grunge, he is the greatest Johnny Grunge there
could ever be, his existence validates Johnny (and Axl Rotten and Balls
Mahoney), as he takes the fat tub of lard who will bleed and die to unseen
heights (I don’t count Mick Foley in this category, while Foley in both
a big fat tub, and a wrestler who bases his career around hot white death,
he is much too solid a worker to fall in the whole WaXis.) This match was
not the apex of the style the way Yamakawa v. Honma was, but it was a nice
little death match. This was no-ropes-barbed-wire, florescent lightbulb,
fire death match, and both guys do their share of dying. Yamakawa does
the really cool entrance starting on top of a trailer, and then getting
into a sports car. WX takes the best fire bump, but Yamakawa bleeds more,
as he gets finished with a running Liger bomb on a handful of florescent
tubing creating quite the blood splotch. Quality bloodletting, and another
in a string of above-average Big Japan main events.
~%~
@#@#@#@#@#@#@# Michinoku
Pro "How About It?" Commercial Tape - PART TWO
(PHIL RIPPA)
Way back in DVDR #98, I reviewed the first
half of this goofy ass tape. Various matches from a six month span in 1994.
Most of them clipped to shit. Here's the rest of the matches.
TAKA Michinoku vs. Monkey
Magic (3/4/94):
Because when you think quality wrestling
you think Monkey Magic. Pretty much a glorified squash with Monkey
getting a couple of elaborate arm-drags in. Some comedic high-jinks
ensue and TAKA wins. Yippee!
Wellington Wilkins Jr. vs.
Yone Genjin (4/29/94):
I'm glad that Yone is really popular with
the crowd because he certainly doesn't bring all that much wrestling. Wilkins
has the smeared peacock tights on which make my eyes hurt. Big boring brawl
breaks out. If there can be such a thing as Sid level Kendo stick shots,
they delivered them. They stumble back into the ring which allows Wilkins
to no-sell a bunch of clotheslines. The general thinking is that when all
else fails, do some crappy brawling. They end up outside and Yone is throw
off a bridge into water. Relax, it was just a foot bridge. More brawling
outside and in and up into the balcony. I have no idea what the official
decision was. I wasn't going back to find out.
SATO/Shiryu/Kendo vs. Delfin/Naniwa/Rams
(4/29/94):
I have checked two different match lists
and they both identify this guy as Rams or La Rams. Here's why - he is
a big fat guy dressed in a St. Louis Rams jersey right down to a mask that
is a helmet. He even wears #12. The following people have been rumored
to have been under the mask: Jackie Slater, Vince Ferrigomo, Eric Dickerson,
Merlin Olsen, Deacon Jones, Lamar Lundy, Rosie Grier, Flipper Anderson,
Norm Van Brocklin, Chuck Knox, FredDryer, Kevin Greene, Isaac Bruce, Tony
Zendejas, Roman Gabriel, John Robinson, Crazy Legs Hirsch, Curt Warner,
Tony Banks. Rams MOVE SET consists of the following - sub Duggan
level shoulder blocks, chanting "MEXICO!MEXICO!" Big, big comedy match.
If you have seen Delfin and Naniwa's act before then you can watch most
of this match in fast forward.
Terry Boy vs. Shinzaki (9/15/94):
Hey, now Mr. Lazy drags this baby down
in a hurray. They two brawl around the crowd . They end up in the game
room and Terry Boy piledrives Shinzaki on a Ping Pong table which was neat.
Problem is that the match last at leastanother 5 minutes after this. Terry
Boy takes his Terry Funk homage one stepfurther by doing a big fat blade
job for no apparent reason. They brawl up to the balcony. Shinzaki does
the walk along the balcony railing which draws a favorable reaction from
the crowd. Terry Boy teases a fall from the balcony. More brawling
and again no clear cut victor.
Great Sasuke vs. Shinjiro
Ohtani (9/15/94):
I don't know if this match was reviewed
before but if it was, oh well. This match is pretty choice and is consisted
in two distinct acts. Act One is downright BattleARTSian. Otani works on
Sasuke's arm with various armbreakers. Sasuke sells like a champ. Sasuke
parries with his legs and even manages to lock in a few knee bars of his
own. Kind of a neat little change from these two. Act Two is a full fledge
New Japan Juniors match. Each man hits all the big moves and everyone kicks
out of every finisher. Asia Moonsault, Tope Con Hilo, slingshot dropkick,
powerbomb, German suplex, straightjacket suplex andsplash mountain all
make an appearance. Real fun to watch even if the first
half of the match was abandoned for highspots.
The tape finishes up with a weird MPRO
Miserlou segment. Watch as Gran Naniwa Meanie and Super Delfin Richards
crack some jokes.
~*~
@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@#@# ATHENA
: The spirits of ladies sports
(REV RAY DUFFY)
The show opens with hype for the 7/10/99
& 7/11/99 shows featuring the
Mita/Shimoda v. ZAP I& T and Kyoko
v. Hotta.
Highlights of WWWA Super Light Tournament.
Kayo Noumi vs. Acute Sai
:
Hey, Kayo is really tall and cute.
Yup. And throws a lot of drops. And that's all I have to say
about that. Sai shows a bit more more variety in offense as the clips
have her doing some doublestomps, a few ipponozeis and some drop kicks.
However, Noumi ends upwinning with with a double wrist armsault.
Chaparita ASARI vs. Momoe
Nakanishi :
This one's clips are high spots aplenty
with a bunch of dives from both girls. Momoe counters ASARI's onedive
with a drop kick. It seems like Momoe is in control of a lot of thematch
and scores some near falls with a german and dragon suplex, but ASARIkicks
out. ASARI drops Momoe with a release german and hits the Skytwisterand
her new finisher, the Lyger bomb for the win. Here's a surprise,
it doesn't look like she killed herself or her opponent with the Skytwister...for
a change.
Sumie Sakai vs. Kayo Noumi
:
Not really too much of this is shown.
Kayo hits her drop kicks and the double wrist armsault, but Sakai seems
to have more offense and generally controls Kayo before putting her away
with atiger suplex in about 9 minutes.
Commando Bolshoi vs. Chaparita
ASARI :
This looked to be pretty back andforth.
ASARI starts with some drop kicks, but Bolshoi kicks up after eachone and
challenges her to throw another. Bolshoi gets in her rope walk andthey
both do quebradas to the floor on each other. Bolshoi hits two of
her tope rope chokeslam/uranage moves. She avoids a skytwister and
hits ashotay for a near fall. She hits another for another near fall.
ASARIcomes back and hits a Lygerbomb for two before Bolshoi reverses the
pin.ASARI comes back with another Lygerbomb that looks like Bolshoi lands
at a rude angle for the win.
Finals : Sakai vs.
ASARI :
It should be noted that Sakai's whole
neck and back look like they're taped on. Some back and forth action
with both Sakai and ASARI not able to get an advatage. Sakai gets
in control and hits an in ring quebrada for a two and a rolling back drop
suplex for another near fall. They go out to the floor and Sakai
does a dive off the stage of thebuilding they're in (MPro has done spot
shows at this place too... hell, TedTanabe is the ref for this).
ASARI gets in control and hits a dive off thepost. In ring again,
Sakai hits a sweet top rope rana for a two. Sakaihits a moonsault
and something that I think was supposed to be a rotationkick that
Hikari used to use. Sakai goes for the Northern Lights Bomb, but
ASARI flips out o fit and hits one of her own. A skytwister press
whichends with ASARI landing with her head on Sakai's head finishes the
match. I know the Skytwister is cool and all, but in just about every
match I've seenwith ASARI, she either lands wrong and hurts herself or
her opponent withthe damn thing.I'm bummed this was all clipified.
I think I would have liked ASARI v.Bolshoi because in Commando mode, she's
worked her way off my shit list as awork from those early and annoying
days I first saw of her.
More match clips :
The Bloody v. Miyuki Fujii is pretty quick
an uneventful. The Bloody wins with a senton.
Tanny Mouse v. ZAP T : hey, it's
Tanny. Even in clips of a 4 minute match she ain't good. Not enough
mouse killing for myself.
Yumiko Hotta vs. Kaoru Itoh
:
Hey, that Itoh character sort of wrestling
like that ZAP I character... Itoh controls early with hip attacks
and then the double stomp train starts. Watch them from ever imaginable
place. In the ring, off the post, off a chair on top of one of the
lower platforms ofKoroken Hall. Itoh and Hotta start hitting each
other real hard in the facefollowed by headbutts. They trade mounted
slaps. Itoh gets in two doublestomps from the post to the floor on
Hotta and a top rope one in ring for atwo fall. She double stomps
Hotta's bad leg and goes fro a leg submission,but Hotta rope saves.
Hotta avoids yet another diving foot stomp and hits her wheel kick, but
can't follow up because she's hurt. Itoh presses and runs into another
and gets the Pyramid driver for a two. When Itoh kicksout, she's
put in the cross armbreaker. As the time limit is running, Itoh hits
another diving foot stomp, but the time limit expires before she can get
a full count. Post match, both have seemingly kind words for each
other and they shake hands.
Miho Wakizawa/Nanae Takahashi
vs. Kumiko Maekawa/Manami Toyota :
Hey, my current favorite kicker and one
of my least favorite wrestlers on the same team. To Manami's credit
though, she is better than Shark... even if she sells like her sometimes.
After taking an early beating, Wakizawa seems to get some offense in on
Maekawa, including her rolling leg sleeper. Nanae seems to have pissed
off Maekawa during the course of this and gets punted and good for it.
The young gals throw Toyota around by her hair a bunch. Hey, Miho
yells as much as Toyota... this isn't a good thing. Toyota fights
off a boston crab attempt by Miho until Manae runs in, puts the boots to
her and helps roll her over. Of course, play time is eventually over
and Toyota starts tossing Miho around by her hair and putting the boots
to her. Miho gets in her body scissors pin move to counter another
move. Miho gets dragged away from her corner before she can tag and
Maekawa punts her a few times and puts on a leg submission. Toyota
gets some more revenge stomps in. Nanae tags in a gets dropped with
a thrust kick. Toyota exacts her revenge on Nanae with much
glee as Maekawa holds Nanae in a camel clutch for Toyota to round house
kick and then they switch places. Nanae tries to set up the figure
four/top rope splash spot with Miho, but Maekawa wisely slips out.
They trade bites with all parties involved. The youngsters go for
the figure four splash spot on Toyota, but she escapes it one, but not
a second time. They switch places and Takahashi gets to do the splash
one. Miho ends up splashing Toyota's feet and falls victim to a moonsault
right on her face by Toyota. Miho and Toyota get in dives.
Miho takes a double diving headbutt but avoids an ax kick attempt and hits
a near cradle. She's sporting a bloody lip from the moonsault (I
believe). Nanae and Miho hit a near fall with with a superplex/top
rope splash combo, but Maekawaeventually catches Miho with the ax kick
for the put away. Good to OK match.
Hey, Fuji TV has Scissors League. Move over Iron Chef. Now we have IRON BARBER!
Miho and Momoe go to visit Kayo. Kayo has a thing for Pandas, including making clay pandas so they segment where they all make ceramic pandas. Hey, it's still better than Russo-vision. Learn a craft. During the break they have a commercial for all the tapes. Hey, the Pirates have a video too...and the cover shows both their racks and not their faces.... SERIOUSLY.
Clips from the 5/5 Neo Ladies show are shown.
Misae Genki fights Miho Wakizawa and beats
her with the G-Driver.
Crusher Maedomori/Neo Ladies
Ring Announcer vs. Yuka Nakamura/Tanny Mouse :
This is your Worst Bull Dyke In Prison
Angle Ever angle. Shark runs in and teams with Crusher at some point
and lay to waste Mouse and Yuka. Hey, let's blade Yuka and NOT TANNY
MOUSE. Fuck you Neo Ladies. Post match, Kana Mizaki saves ring
announcer who is still being bullied by the Useless Twins and sets up her
angle with Shark... WHY!
Saya Endo vs. Kumiko Maekawa:
It looks like Fang and The Bloody have
hooked up with Endo, and they interfere a bit but Maekawa still prevails.
It seems like Genki and Tamura issue a challenge for her white belt during
this.
Acute Sai/Tsubasa Kuragaki
vs. Momoe Nakanishi/Kayo Noumi :
This seemed like it was a pretty balanced
match from the clips, Momoe hits a german on Sai for the win.
Azumi Hyuga vs. Yoshiko
Tamura :
Chopped up quite a bit. Azumi
hits a Toyota-esque plancha to the floor, except she doesn't slip like
Manami tends to lately. Tamura hits a near follow following a top
rope Double WristArmsault followed by a regular one. Azumi keeps
up the heat though, hits a spider german and a Michinoku Driver for the
win in about 18 minutes.
A recap of the history of the Double Inoues
leading up to :
Takako Inoue vs. Kyoko Inoue
:
Takako's taking her theme music "She's
a Knock Out" seriously as she's now sporting boxing type gloves in her
matches. Kyoko dominates early and puts the boots to Takako until
she crawls in the corner and grabs her stun gun. Kyoko gets zapped
setting off the largest grease fire in the histroy of japan... just kidding.
With Kyoko stunned. Takako has her way with her for a long time,
putting the boots to her and generally being evil. At one point,
Kyoko is face down on the mat, Takako sits on her and flips the crowd or
camera man the bird. Kyoko plays dazed for a real long time getting
in a few spots when Takako makes a mistake, but can't really capitalize
on anything or follow up for a pin. Takako punches her a bunch, drops her
with some back kicks, the problem isshe has to pick her up each time she
knocks her down and that's bound to wear her out. Kyoko rallies with
slaps, Takako goes for the stun gun again, but this time Kyoko cuts her
off and the ref confiscates the weapon. Takako picks the largest
target on Kyoko and hits her repeatedly in the stomach with body blows.
Takako drops Kyoko on a table with her high back suplex, but itdoesn't
break, she then follows it with one on the floor. She fills the ring
with chairs and knocks out the ref and gives Kyoko a few chokeslams onto
the chairs. Kyoko counters with a back suplex on the chairs.
Kyokotries to go up top, but Takako catches her off the top with an arm
drag.Takako starts delivering Destiny Hammers like it's a 4 for 1 sale
at
Penny's this week, but can't get a pin
from it. Takako ducks a lariat and hits an uraken. She takes
off her gloves and drops Kyoko with a cross that only gets her a two.
Destiny Hammer gets no sold and Kyoko hits a german suplex for two, a lariat
for two and then the Niagra Driver for the win. Kind of a lame thing.
She sells the entire match and then just no sells at the end. Kyoko
picked up a few cuts on her arm and back during the course of the
match. After this it's over, Hotta comes out and has some words for
Kyoko.
Not a bad show. Would have liked
to have seen the finals of the WWWA Super Light Tournament since it was
the finals and all, but I guess you takes what you can get.
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
* IMSMR = "If memory serves me right"-
got the first DVDVR Iron Chef reference in! YES! =)
(Ray made the first Iron Chef reference
in DVDVR history this issue but Pete didn't know it at the time,
so humor young Mr Stein. He is quite an adorable good egg. Think
about it, won't you? thank you - dean.)
Ultimo Dragon vs. El Felino-
10/6/94- EMLL- (DEAN RASMUSSEN):
While AAA was doing fifty highspots a
match and shaping the lucha perception of a whole generation of wrestling
fans as they all went on to high profile misery (for the most part) in
WCW, Ultimo was in EMLL having EMLL matches in EMLL with EMLL Godhead El
Felino and this was quite the strong suit of Ultimo's Lucha existence-
since Asai was THE best in the world ever from the standpoint of getting
over ANYWHERE he ever wrestled- first bigtime in Mexico, then bigtime in
Japan and- finally- bigtime in the US. Of course his US timing was
pretty perfect because God knows what the shitheads who run WCW would try
to do to him now. This match was basically a meeting ground for UD
and Felino. UD - who is actually a more Puroresu-styled wrestler
though his influence and innovation are felt throughout the Lucha world-
actually probably moreso today as he is now a promoter on two continents-
goes more Puroresu than he was wont to do in Mexico. And El
Felino- who was just starting to show signs of the Lucharesu leanings that
would make him one of the best wrestlers in the world by the late nineties
before falling off the face of the earth (or jumping to AAA, take your
pick.) Anyway, this starts on the mat, as Felino goes with a Luchafied
Fujiwara Armbar that UD reverses into standing position where he starts
in with the Ultimo kicks- suitably toned down for the Lucha Libre level
of stiffness. He hits a Springboard Elbow, a Brainbuster and a LigerBomb
for the first fall- so the Puroresu vs Lucha backdrop is established.
The second Caida is almost a mirror of the first Caida as Ultimo starts
with advantage on the mat, but he stays on the mat with Felino longer as
Felino counters out of the Japanese Junior Heavyweight Headscissors Mat
Spot by getting UD into a leglock. Ud escapes and counters it into
a halfcrab as UD and Felino say "Hey! How bout some matwork there, Sparky?"
Felino counters out, hits a elbow drop and body slam and a Moonsault
to set up a submission that cracked a 4.6 on the Dr Cerebro Preposterous
Lucha Submissions Scale- a kind of Bow and Arrow Backbreaker With a grapevined
leg to Key Ultimo Dragon's Arm. BAFFLING! The third Caida is
kind of an extended finishing sequence-as they trade spinning kicks to
the face after Felino misses his second Moonsault attempt, they botch a
La Tapitia completely and then trade a bunch of suplexes. UD counters
a Belly-to-Back Suplex by Felino into a pinning predicament and they go
all Lucha roll-up hogwild. UD catches Felino in a Full Nelson for
a beautiful Dragon Suplex with a bridge for the win. Juventud, Rey
and Psicosis do the right when they try to emulate Ultimo for about every
reason. This match was pretty much a solid effort by a Luchadore who was
two years away from breaking out and a Puroresu legend who usually left
his REAL "A" game in Japan. Ultimo was always at least great wherever
he wrestled and I'm glad he is still bringing his quality brand of wrestling
to me through his students. When you think about a major cog that holds
together giant sections of wrestling worth giving a shit about, you have
got to think Ultimo Dragon and his influential career and his massive and
varied body of work- whether through his work with WAR, EMLL, WCW, AAA
or the whole 94-97 Liger's Junior Japan Vision- and the vast array of wrestlers
he influenced. Nobody else so aggressively keeps producing cool wrestling
at such a pace as Asai- and YOU AND I better thank our lucky stars that
he came around and is still around.
~*~
&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK: GAEA! OZ ACADEMY!
TORYUMON! SINGLES GOING STEADY RETURNS! SOME KIND OF A WRESTLER OF THE
WEEEK!!!!
***********************************************************
THE DEATH VALLEY PLAYBOYS.
six fists in the face of
wrestling
*******************************************************
Who can sleep in this heat-
tonight....
-ROXY MUSIC. BOTH ENDS BURNING.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
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